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Pete2019

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  1. You think a lot. Too much. Introspection is great, but over-analysis is going to make you see a lot that isn't there. Exercise intensely for at least an hour a day, get into a regular sleep schedule, and consider getting an SSRI (either a prescription or buy some St. John's Wort over the counter). Fear is fear. You're afraid of forming new attachments. That's fine. It doesn't help to know why you're afraid. It doesn't even necessarily help pushing your boundaries out a bit to expand your comfort zone. Things happen naturally, and old wounds heal whether you analyze the circumstances that led to them or not. Say "I don't want to think about that" and then throw yourself into something. A long run, maybe, or a book. I used to think that I had to consciously pay attention to all my feelings, but the truth is... you can leave them alone. Sit back and watch your thoughts go by, and then let them go instead of chasing after each one. Resist the urge to cling to melancholy just because it's better to feel something than nothing. You'd be surprised at how mentally and emotionally healthy it can be to just avoid your thoughts and feelings. They come out on their own after a while. You work through them in dreams, by random associations with things going on in your life, etc. Basically... live for right now. What happened doesn't exist anymore, and what will happen doesn't exist yet. All there is to focus on is right now. Get out and do something fun. Stop taking life so seriously. Everything will be fine.
  2. Are you in your teens or early 20s? Just get a real strong vibe that you're in your teens and I'm curious. You created an escape fantasy to cope with your reality, sounds to me. Suicidal ideation could lead to suicidality, but it could also just go on for years and then disappear permanently. It did for me. Never acted on it. I planned. I fantasized. But I never felt a real, genuine urge to take action and do it. If you start feeling an urge to take action, go check into a mental hospital or in the very least, talk to family or good friends. It isn't worth it.
  3. I took some psych in college, but far from a psychologist. It sounds like fantasy as a coping mechanism. It's easier to deal with feelings when you project them onto other people and witness their feelings second-hand (even if the feelings are intense due to empathy). It's what we do in dreams sometimes. Rather than dealing with our emotions, thoughts, and desires directly, we create a dream character who has those emotions, thoughts, and desires. Then we either judge that character, or we empathize and grow to incorporate those aspects of our self into our self image. Like I said, not a psychologist. But I'd do like Jung suggested. Take a good hard look at what you're perceiving in others that bothers you or catches your interest. You may learn more about yourself than you'd ever hope to learn.
  4. Hello all. My name is Pete. I turn 30 years old tomorrow (Feb 22nd). My situation is pretty good. I make $40,000 a year in an area that is very low-income, I have a girlfriend who loves me, my parents are both alive and fairly well. My family stays in my house. Parents are approaching 70 and have some mobility issues, sister is profoundly intellectually disabled, brother had a stroke and is fully dependent. Everyone is here. I've been mostly happy (I thought) but I guess the last year and a half or so, I stopped having energy to exercise, lost my abs and my great cardiovascular conditioning, take naps after work just to get through the rest of the day. And the last couple of months, I've been developing a greater and greater affinity to alcohol. If I drink a few beers or have a shot or two of vodka, I have energy. I feel good. I don't feel tired or like I'm dying. So, I've been drinking (in moderation) on those days when I wake up with no energy. It's strange. When I drink, my thoughts come easily. I'm inspired to write (I haven't written in YEARS). I have energy to do housework, etc. I don't mind going for a walk. I don't just want to sleep. Does anyone know what this means in the context of mental health? I always was an emotional guy growing up. In my mid-20s, I got sick of the emotional roller-coaster. Started working out. Got into martial arts and long-distance running. Felt happy and stable for the first time since adolescence. Now, since shortly after I turned 28, I don't perceive my emotions as being terribly labile but I'm exhausted all the time. I wonder if maybe I suffer from anxiety or depression (or both), and simply suppress the emotional experience and am only feeling the physical manifestations. I'm on Paxil. 30mg daily for migraine prophylaxis. I would think that would take care of it. Can anyone advise me? I don't want to become an alcoholic but damn life feels so much better when I have a few beers in me and my brain seems to "turn on" like it hasn't done in a long while. Any input would be appreciated. -Pete
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