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About George11211

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    Junior Member

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  • Location
    Northwest Mountains
  • Interests
    I'm an outdoors guy. I love to hike, camp, fish and I love to run

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  1. God loves you so much the way you are. But he loves you far too much to leave you that way. I'm not sure who's quote that was but that hit me in church one day and its helped me so much in my hard life. Life is a test and we have our agency and with that comes whatever consequences. God can't take our agency away and with that neither can he take the consequences. He weeps with us and doesn't enjoy watching us suffer in the smallest way imaginable. Even those who inherently deserve it from their actions God does not like watching them suffer. He loves us perfectly and is perfect. These are my beliefs. I used to think it was my grand mission in life to save everyone and watch over everyone. But now its been dawning on me over time that I need to let people save me and thats part of the purpose, in order to help yourself you need to help others and vise versa. George
  2. I know this is a very old post but it stood out to me. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time with your experiences with people. I can relate. I know how it is to be shamed for who you are. It happens to everybody. For a long time I've been implied to as just plain wrong, period. I'm a dumb sub human who's opinion doesn't matter. I'm just a tall, awkward frail man who everyone is allowed to push around and make fun of. I haven't fully wrapped my head around this yet but its finally starting to dawn on me that people really do see what they don't like about themselves, in you. Your eyes and ears receive information from what's in front of you and your brain has a chance to internalize it. You don't have to receive other people's crap. YOu have the power to prohibit their nasty opinion from entering your mind. They must not like themselves anyway if they're treating a complete stranger like that. Also, hurt people hurt people. This is easier said then done and its hard to really internalize it when you're in pain but remember this and remember if someone is that cruel then they're not worth a breath of your time anyway.
  3. I'm sorry to hear this. Insomnia sucks. I have to take a lot of powerful herbs in order to be able to sleep and even then sometimes I can't. There are great herbal remedies that are safe that help you sleep but be sure to research any side effects or ill effects with other medications, etc. The other night I was too tired to sleep. I didn't think it was possible but I laid down and fell asleep for a minute at a time and kept waking up, feeling weird, almost as if I'd been paralyzed. Then my whole body got restless and I couldn't stop moving and when I fell asleep I'd wake up feeling panicked and claustrophobic. Not a good night. Too tired to even want to watch tv but I couldn't stay asleep. I don't know what was going on that night. Magnesium, kava, lavender, etc are good mild medicines for sleep. Also, cherry tart extract promotes meletonin but it takes that one a few weeks to work.
  4. First, off hello everyone. I haven't been here in awhile. This year has been an ongoing conveyer belt of problems and bullshit. When one thing gets resolved another cluster of problems falls into my lap. Is it just me or does bad always come after good? For instance, you have a really great year and every thing falls into place, and then the next year the universe says, '**** you,' and throws an earthquake into your personal life that just ruins everything? Its almost like a big sick April fools joke. Life is great for awhile and then it gets so much harder later. Its just like telling someone they won the million dollar lottery and then the next day, after its really set in, after they've gotten a chance to really digest and process what's happened, you tell them it was a joke and then take it all back, plus give them a bill for the 'joke.' That's exactly whats happening in my life constantly. Life gives me something, then takes it away and then takes something else from me as well. Hence why I have actually been getting depressed when 'good' things happen to me, because it doesn't seem real anymore... I don't know how this ended up in the wrong category. My computer is glitchy so its hard to get it to work right in this forum. Sorry for any mistakes.
  5. Side effects of anxiety medications can cause as much anxiety as they're supposed to treat. I won't say what I'm on but here are my side effects, very, very dry skin, low libido, weight loss, appetite loss, etc. Sometimes appetite loss is good for me though because I love to eat too much.
  6. Hey all just checking back in. Its been a while, almost two months. Things have gotten better for me. I've found that I really don't need more then 5 hours a night so theres no point in fighting for more. I've noticed if I sleep more then 6 hours in a night I feel really tired the next day, like I've overslept. That's good and well because I don't much like sleeping. My health has improved. I'm not tired all the time anymore and I don't feel like I"ve gotten hit by a train. Man those were hard days. LIfe isn't easy by any means but it feels good to get my head above the water for once and catch my breath.
  7. Sorry I’m late getting back. Thanks a million for all your support. Seriously every one has been hugely helpful. I’m doing better now and will try to keep it that way. I hope all of you have a great day!
  8. Well here goes. It’s 5:00 in the morning and I slept maybe an hour and a half at most. I’m super agitated and the last goddamn thing I want is sleep but I know I desperately need it. I’m going to feel like utter shit today. Yay. I’m looking forward to it. Seriously after the hellish day I just endured now I’m going to be sleep deprived
  9. I woke up and felt great and had a pretty good morning. It'd been a great week and a good work day. Then I was slammed with pieces of bad life changing news. Hell has taken a heaping shit into my soul. My parents and I had a major fight and we'd been getting along for quite awhile except a few little differences along the way and I guess one major fight. My best friend and I had a fight and he punched me in the nose and said he swore he never wanted to see me again, due to some stupid petty crap. I had an utterly humiliating experience out in public that will probably scar me forever to be honest. and to top it all off, later I got slammed with pieces of bad news that will drastically change my life. I don't cry much and I'm a 26 year old man. I usually can have it together somewhat. I'm crying right now. I'm just in utter ruins. How could such a great time turn so badly? I feel like such a terrible person because life never cuts me a ****ing break. I honestly do not know how much more of this drastic changing I can take before I ******. Maybe all hope needs to fade for me to finally do it and stop going through the vicious cycles of false joy and torment. I mean I am dismantled and in pieces right now. I finally figured out how I can feel better physically but that doesn't matter now. I have nobody else to turn to but the forum. Nobody else gives a crap. Nobody else understands. I wish people would leave me alone and let me live my life and quit being so judgmental. I've been off my normal meds for about a week, or eight days, to take a little break to enhance the effectiveness. Things were fine until life blew up in my face like dynamite. I don't want to take my meds. I need a bottle of ever clear or the strongest whisky I can find. Sorry to be blatant but I'm just really fed up right now. Please I am reaching out. I need somebody to talk to me.
  10. The life-giving blood of your soul and self-worth. Its what drives us every day, what keeps us alive mentally/emotionally/spiritually. It takes a much deeper meaning then pride.
  11. Man I wake up like this every day. Today it was bad especially. I think its a side effect of one of my medications but I'm trying to figure things out. I have to peel my body out of bed every morning. Coffee gets me through the first 1-2 hours of my day. Then I feel very tired again. Its that kind of serious tired where you know you can't get anything done with no amount of caffeine or willpower. Usually by evening, after eating a few meals throughout the day I feel OK. Then at night the games begin. Try to fall asleep, dead tired but keep waking up and don't actually fall asleep for good until around 4-6 AM and wake up shattered around 10:30-11 every morning. The other afternoon I sunk into a deep bout of lethargic depression. It took a lot for me to go on a walk, let alone run, like I normally try to. Running usually helps me feel much better after, but its hard for me to get myself to do it. I'm a long time runner but I'm not competitive or anything. Been trying different vitamin supplements, healthier foods, less coffee, but nothing seems to help with my exhaustion. I've had bouts like this before and got over it. I'm usually pretty strong willed inside and its always my mind having to conquer the body. Lately that just hasn't been the case.
  12. Thanks everyone. I'm doing a little better now. I'm trying to give you all thanks or likes but of course, my stupid mac keeps glitching and doing dumb and weird things. Sometimes I swear they built these things to make them do this kind of crap on purpose just to get on your nerves. I feel so, so crappy physically too. I can barely get anything done. My body just wants to sleep. I have weak supple muscles that stiffen when I try to run. I haven't felt truly good in a long time, physically speaking. I feel like I've fallen off a cliff. Interacting with people is so hard and takes a lot of energy. I find myself ignoring phone calls because its just a lot. I miss the days when I could just go out for a run without warming up, hike, and when I was made of rubber.
  13. Thanks everyone. I'm doing a little better now. I'm trying to give you all thanks or likes but of course, my stupid mac keeps glitching and doing dumb and weird things. Sometimes I swear they built these things to make them do this kind of crap on purpose just to get on your nerves.
  14. I haven't been here in awhile. My life is a hell. Nothing ever goes right for me. I'm sick of people taking advantage of me. I'm tired of hearing my sister saying she wants me to go away. I'm tired of people gossiping about me when I'm not there. I'm sick of never feeling welcome every time I walk into a public place, a room, or even a parking lot. I'm tired of my parents judging me all the time. I'm sick of people ignoring me. I'm tired of feeling like crap all the time, in spite of eating healthy and doing the right thing. I'm sick of being everyone's least favorite person, or that person that its a chore to talk to. For one I think I might have something physically wrong with me. I feel very very tired and rundown all the time. It feels like I got hit and run over by a semi truck. Tired, weak achy muscles, always famished, a little confused, skin rash, etc, unable to think straight. For another, a lot of little tiny things in life never going right and making my life much harder and more complex. Enough little petty annoyances really start to get to you over time. Every moment of every day something is trying to piss me off. For instance, I open a can of food but somehow it falls out of my hand and spills all over the place, or I walk up the stairs and I pull my knee and it hurts like hell after. Things like that. I really don't know how much more I can take. I feel like my life is just meant to be torment and misery. I'm sick of people not understanding me and I sick of feeling like I can't ever do anything right. Everything in my life seems to have a negative consequence to it so as a result I've become increasingly paranoid. I over think everything. I know I need sleep desperately because I haven't gotten more then maybe 3 hours a night for the last six to eight months. I can't though. I keep waking up or I can't fall asleep, no matter how tired I am. I'm afraid to open up to people because I'm afraid I'll just annoy them. Above all, I'm tired of feeling like no matter what I do its never good enough for anybody. Thanks for reading and take care everyone
  15. Reading your post makes my heart ache. I definitely know your pain. Thanks for your heartwarming reply. I am completely isolated. I work from home because I can stand working with most ppl and they couldn’t stand me. I’m just wired differently and it’s not my fault. I’m so grateful for the freedom to be isolated. I have my family and that’s all I need. Everyone else ends up mad at me for something I can’t control. Kudos for your volunteer work. Im sorry about all your struggles and hardships. I hope it gets better for you. I mean that. People like you and me deserve better. Hang in there and message me if you need to talk. Take care friend
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