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About George11211

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  • Location
    Northwest Mountains
  • Interests
    I'm an outdoors guy. I love to hike, camp, fish and I love to run

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  1. My day hasn't been to bad other then a sprained foot. How's everyone else doing?
  2. At the same time I'm always on my toes and never intend to let my guard down
  3. I feel so, so much better today I almost can't believe it. This has been a really rough winter, gotten sick a few times, severe, severe depression, suicidal thoughts loss of two pets, and moving states. I've gotten a few really big major pieces of good news that have turned things around. I'm feeling very peaceful, content and happy right now and its overwhelming because I haven't really felt this way in a long, long time. I'm not putting myself on a pedestal but I just wanted to let everyone know things are ok right now. Its like the peaceful spring after a long ice age of a winter, the calm after the hurricane, etc. I feel like a prisoner who's been let out of prison tasting freedom for the first time in 20 years.
  4. In elementary school I was always a happy enthusiastic kid. I didn't care what anyone thought until having a few mortifyingly embarrassing things happened. That didn't exactly start it. In junior high I had all kinds of hideous rumors passed around about me and got bullied, told I'm weird, ugly, nobody cares, etc. The teachers themselves were bullies too. By high school I was scarred. I didn't get it as bad in high school. I had a guidance councilor who was very caring at the time and was always willing to listen. Going into the adult world and getting jobs was hard. It was like junior high all over again. The bosses and supervisors bullied me. Other staff workers bullied and berated me and tried to get me fired all the time and every job at I got my reputation ruined just because I'm different. People would always make private jokes about me when I was around and I'd get singled out. Now I'm even more scarred then I was in high school. Former friends betrayed me, unfriended me on Facebook. A few months ago I said hi to my old high school guidance councilor, who was also my track and cross country coach, and he unfriended and blocked me and it was one of the only three times I talked to him since high school. He was always so nice but I guess true colors shown when he decided to block me. That really hurt my ability to trust others because he let me share some deep personal things with him. The girls always thought I was weird, gross, scary and a freak. The boys took my lunch, lunch money, put gum on my things, etc. I also get bullied at the gym and sadly by some of the old childhood bullies who still live in town. Some teenagers tried to throw basketballs at me when I was running. So Share your stories and experiences.
  5. I hope you can get through this and find joy and peace during this hard time. That sounds all sounds awful. If you're having suicidal thoughts that means you're really suffering. Our bodies are programmed for survival at all costs. Depression and any emotional crises can really wear and tare you down and apart. I hope you can get help and in the mean time feel loved from your fellow forum members. I'm grateful that I found this forum as its been the most supportive so far. I too am going through a very difficult time in my life with lots of different things, medication problems, 17 year old cat dying, moving, paralyzing social anxiety and already having a base of severe depression to start with before the plethora of events began. ITs like a midlife crisis, only in my twenties, a 1/4 crisis if you will. Don't sweat on getting a husband too soon. Take your time on that. Make sure you're happy first and do what's right for you. I understand what's like to be pushed so far you have suicidal thoughts. I honestly am afraid I don't trust myself much anymore because I'm already always a 9/10 on the stress level and an eight or a nine is the lowest I can go these days. Honestly its hard to believe but the best medications are natural, ones you don't buy. Be true to yourself and don't live for others. I don't mean be selfish but you owe yourself to be top on your priority list. Daily exercise helps me a lot. I think if we hang in there it'll pay off. I've been through some really tough years as a teenager too, I'm now 26, and I thought my life would never be the same. Things really got better for awhile and it was worth it. I try to enjoy the simplest things I can in life because at this point I have to, to survive. Hang in there it will get better eventually.
  6. I also hate artificial sweeteners. byuck
  7. I argue with myself but there's usually never two sides, its three, me myself and I.
  8. I'm not crazy about vinegary foods or condiments, like ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, blue cheese, etc. BBQ sauces is excellent the smoke flavor just barely hides the vinegar and makes it tasty.
  9. I pretty much love it all, American food, Italian, Indian, Mexican, Chinese, on and on. I like all sweets. I don't prefer chocolate or vanilla I like em both. The only foods I don't like are cold cuts, subs, and certain condiments.
  10. Don't be ashamed to cry. That's just a toxic trait society wants you to believe. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain. Be yourself, find yourself, love yourself.
  11. I'm nervous of what the doctors will find wrong with me. I already have so much that's gone wrong in my life. Going to the doctor would just mean another chain added to the cluster of chains captivating me.
  12. Some songs I've listened to recently, Stand, REM Rush, fly by night. Rush, limelight Wild thing, Troggs. (=
  13. I did some dumb things when I was a kid and I had a few major head injuries between ages 2-5. I took a metal shop class in junior high and made boxes, pretend coins, and silverware, out of brass and iron. I ate soup and cereal with this brass spoon I made. I know nasty right? From a filthy piece of sheet metal that had been sitting in a shop for who knows how long. I thought washing it was enough but I realize now I probably got my symptoms from that.
  14. When I was fifteen an explosion of anxiety and depression started. I had a anxiety/panic attack that lasted 8-10 hours. I felt a hot sick feeling in my stomach. It was harder to breath. I was sweating and felt hot and cold at the same time and I was sobbing. It was horrible. I couldn't get through to anyone. I wasn't the same after. I spiraled into severe OCD and had more anxiety attacks. I couldn't walk on certain tiles in my house, couldn't go into certain rooms, eat certain foods, etc. I was a wreck. I was afraid of just about everything. Later that year after refusing to eat, my parents threatened to put me in a mental hospital. We went to the doctor and found out I had a pretty severe copper and mercury buildup in my blood. Apparently heavy metal buildup can cause mood swings, depression, suicidal thoughts and all sorts of other havocs. We treated it with an assortment of herbs and it went away in a few months. I had began to taste copper metal constantly. Everything tasted like copper, the food I ate, water I drank and I had a constant copper flavor in my mouth and I had to chew gum to get rid of it. I've been trying to figure out to this day what caused it. I never ate metal or anything too iffy. I have began to experience the same symptoms over the last few months but without the copper taste. I'm terrified to go into my doctor's.
  15. At the end of the day they can do what they want. Being affected by other's decisions is just part of life and I'll need to employ some new coping mechanisms and get into seeing a therapist.
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