Hi, I'm new here. I'm 27 trying to start my life over again. Due to longstanding paranoia and distrust of doctors/pharmaceuticals I stopped taking medication when I was 20, and since then my life has gone downhill, and I now realise my paranoia has done nothing to help me except alienate me from my family and what few friends I used to have. I ended up in psych ward this month after a complete breakdown and psychosis and attempt at ******* myself. Nearly lost my job. My diagnosis was schizoaffective disorder. Not the manic kind though.
I'm trying to stabilise just on an SSRI (Zoloft) which used to help when I was 20. The psychiatrists wanted me on an antipsychotic as well but I was too afraid and declined them. I've also been prescribed antipsychotics in the past but always gave up on them after a few days and lied to my doctors because I was afraid the antipsychotics would only harm me and were created only to harm patients. But really I think I need to give medication another shot to help control my paranoia and psychosis, which I still get daily. I've lived alone for the past 5+ years and rarely go out apart from attending work. My time in the psych ward kind of brought me down to earth and made me see how my seclusion is actually doing more harm than good. So I'm quite open to taking an antipsychotic now and don't mind the side effects since my body already feels screwed up anyway.
I'm most interested in going on Seroquel because I have insomnia and Seroquel apparently takes effect quickly and puts you to sleep within the hour. Which is what I want, as I want to pop the pill and go to bed around 7-8pm every day. My personality is already zombified and anhedonia even without medication, so I'm not really afraid of the side effects of Seroquel. But I am worried over fatigue since I'm already always tired and can't afford to be made even more tired during the day after taking it. I work fulltime as I'm trying to pay off a massive gambling debt. I can't afford to be any more tired during the day than I already am, and have heard Seroquel can do this to some people.
Abilify is one I've been on before and I don't think I'm compatible with it, plus it's probably going to keep me awake, not put me to sleep early 7-8pm like how I want.
Risperdal is another one like Seroquel but I haven't looked into it as much. Seroquel seems to be more popular. But again, I can't be taking anything at night if it's going to make me drowsy all the next day during work, as I have to operate machinery and invoicing software on computers.
I can't be doing with extended meetings with my pdoc, I just want advice on what's the best antipsychotic that would suit me and just ask the pdoc for it. They'll jump at the chance, since they are always so insistent on me being on an antipsychotic.