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About rsk

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  1. Thank you so so much for your kind words and advice. i’ll check out this therapy you told me since I have yet to find s psychiatrist I feel comforable with. Keep me in your prayers
  2. Hey everyone, My post can now be seen, I think it had to be moderated because of some links i posted that are now blocked by the site bit you can read my update. Thank you so much for your interest! You are all very sweet. Stay sane, safe and happy RSK
  3. I have not yet found a psychiatrist I like and feel comfortable talking with. I’m not really sure what we are allowed to say either since I’m pretty new to the DF, but I really appreciate your interest, you’re very sweet
  4. It was quite scary as it was the my first time ever skiing. However I’m a bit of an adrenaline junkie so I assure you I’ll be trying it again soon. It’s like flying
  5. Thank you so much! The doctor said it’s just pretty busted but nothing broken! I just have to take it slow for the next couple of days and if the swelling gets bad just pit ice and maybe have an ibuprofen. But I’ll get better soon hopefully. I truly thought I was dying, I completely lost control of the skiis!! Miraculously I’m fine. Thank you for asking!!
  6. It’s okay, just bruised thank God. I thought it was broken but the doctors scanned it and said it’s just a really bad bump. So I’ll get better soon hopefully. Thank you for asking! I had never gone skiing until today; it was my first time and the instructor got a little bit overexcited because I have good balance since I skate for fun and made me go down a very very steep mountain that I definitely wasn’t ready to go down from.I wasn’t able to turn upwards as I put my feet in the triangle possition to slow down but since I couldn’t turn I just keept on gaining more and more speed and went out flying. It’s a miracle I didn’t break anything, I love helmets. A least now I know I’ll have to take it a tad slower next time haha
  7. Thank God it’s getting better. I nearly died today in a skiing accident, I lost control of the skiis and went out flying. Nearly truly dying (ok, maybe no reeeeeally close to dying but at that moment I thought I was a gonner) made me realize how much I DON’T want to die. So in the end I finish this day with a busted knee but with high hopes
  8. Hi guys, I posted an update yesterday but I don’t know why it automatically stays hidden, it appears with a red background. I created a blog called “La Vie en Rose (lets get there)” where I posted my update and will keep on posting about my situation and, hopefully, my full recovery. Thank you so much for caring! Stay sane, safe and happy, RSK
  9. Thank you for writing and welcome to tje forums! I hope to feel better soon. You are right, it can get really really dark sometimes
  10. Hi, thank you for writing! They might say I embarass them not as often as the way they look at me. The face of disappointment, I can tell. I have fel treally hopeless before, but not really often. It started getting worse a couple of months ago. Thank you for your interest and kind words
  11. It breaks my heart to read your post, I can understand what you are going trough. I am so sorry for you; trusting no one can be really isolating and exhausting as well since you feel like you can never let your guard down. You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. But let me tell you something. I can’t pretend to know your story because I don’t, but what I do know is that everyone feels like the world hates them once in a while, so please know that you are not alone. I’ll leave you some advice here, you can take it or leave it. Each and every person is unique and has a purpose. Nothing happens by accident, and if we are here in this world it is because we are ment to be here and transform it into a better place. No one can do what you do, no one can do your mission because only you with your uniqueness have the power to do it. The more yourself you are able to be, the more purpose you will see in your life. Know your talents and your characteristics, they will help you reach your goals. Maybe your mission is to inspire others showing them how it is possible to thrive in spite of having all of the odds against you. The mere fact that you are willing to change your life and get help is already more inspiring than you can even imagine. I know right now you might be feeling disappointed and upset that things are not turning out the way you want them to, but remember that after every single storm the sun shines again. You just have to hold on until it does and I asure you that when it does shine again (because it will, it’s basic nature) you will appreciate it’s warmth more than anyone because you can only know and appreciate light if you have seen darkness. Sending hugs and prayers your way
  12. I’m so happy for you. I really hope that someday I can go “back to basics” as you said. Stay safe!
  13. TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE- STRONG LANGUAGE ———————————————————————— This will be a veeeeeery long post, just telling yah ———————————————————————— Hi everyone and welcome to my blog. I joined the DF yesterday because for the first time in my life I thought about comiting suicide and it made me really afraid to have those kind of thoughts so I decided to reach out. In future entries I will be telling you about myself and sharing bits of my life. I hope I can serve as a crutch for those who are struggling with depressive thoughts just like me. This is what I posted yesterday (you can find it in the forum under the name “I want to end my life”): ” Hi everyone, Today, for the first time in my life I seriously considered suicide. I had never done so before, sometimes I just joked around saying things like “oh shoot me” or “just end me now”, but it’s only now that I realise that it’s been no longer a joke for a while. My sister said today that I only “make her miserable and ruin her life”, my brother said that I’m a “bad sister” and my parents think I’m an embarassment to this family. And honestly? They are right. You might read this and think I’m an exaggerated idiot, but this episode is only what pushed me over the edge. My family loves me, I have great friends, good health and I’m financially stable. So why do I want to **** myself? I don’t want to die because I hate life, I LOVE life, I love what I’m studying and I’m full of projects and dreams to make come true. But the thing is, what’s the point in doing anything of all of this if it brings pain and sadness to my family? I know they love me and I know they would mourn me and be sad for a while, but I’m sure they would heal, move on with their lives and in the end be thankful to me for making their lives easier by disappearing once and for all. I’m really really scared. I never had such dark thoughts before; I even traced out different plans on how to end my life!!! And I can’t talk about this with anyone I know because I would jut make them feel even worse with all my depressing nonsense than I already am by being alive. Sorry for this buzzkill post, but I needed to share this with someone, even if it’s random people on the interntet. “ Pretty sad uh? Depression is a monster that comes out of ****ing nowhere and kocks you right in your ass. But all trough the day I recieved beautiful answers and great advice from strangers who were kind enough to reach out and help me navigate through this difficult times. I don’t know why my update automaticaly puts itself as “hidden” but I wanted to share my update with you guys and hopfuly the kind souls that wrote me back might bump into this and recieve their more than owed answer. This is what I wrote today: ”UPDATE! Hi everyone, It’s been a very very intense, emotionaly draining day and I want nothing more than going to bed but I feel like I owe you an update on my situation since I already threw all of my sadness your way, might as well now give you some good news. Thank you so so so so much for all of your kind words, encouragement and advice. I took this day for myself and called the number of the hotline you gave me but it told me it’s only for people from Australia. Notwithstanding, it inspired me to look for my country’s own suicide hotline(which I didn’t know existed in my country) and had a great talk with one of the professionals that volunteer there that lasted for like two hours. They helped me realize that although my pain is very valid, ending my life would be a cowardly move, the easy way out, and I might be a lot of things but I for sure ain’t a coward. I need to face my problems head on. Ending my life it’s just a way from running from troubble, and it won’t actually solve everything; it would only lesve behind sorrow and unresolved problems for the rest of eternity. After that enlightning chat I just layed in bed for a while listening to music and googling songs that matched my gloomy/reflective mood. During that time I found a Tim McGraw song called “**** myself” (I know that when I post this the name will seem very odd because of the dots that will appear instead of the word), and I thought it perfectly matched my mood. As I listened to the lyrics something clicked. The song didn’t talk about him actually physicaly commiting suicide but of getting rid of his old self, his worst version and to become a more worthwhile human being. And this is what I want to do with my life. I’ll try my damn hardest to be the best version of myself and to bring more light into the world because God knows I can’t do that if I’m dead; I can’t help people if I’m dead, I can’t contribute to society if I’m dead, I can’t be there for my family and friends if I’m dead and I can’t follow my dreams if I’m dead. Another thing I listened to today was a beautiful poem about suicide that it honestly made me cry. I never heard a poem so strong, inspiring and beautiful before. It really helped me and I’m sure it will be useful for anyone going through what I’m going through. One of you guys told me that I should work on finding something to do, something to look foward to and someone to love. I found this advice truly helpful and I’m really trying to do it. I even wrote a list with several items under each category. I wouldn’t have made this progress today without your help and your kind words, you have no idea how much they mean to me. Honestly, the most inspiring and uplifting thing that happened today was not getting your lovely answers to my post but just the mere fact of learning that there are more people out there in the same situation as I am or that where in the same situation who are willing to take some time of their day in order to help strangers facing the same struggles they are facing or used to face. Of course that the progress I made today doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly happy and purposeful, I know that I still have a long way to go until I heal, that I have a lot of pending conversations to have with those closest to me (eventhough they’ll suck) and some many more tears to shed until I can get this ugly demon that is depression out of my heart and head. It will be hard. I know that. But eventhough the road ahead I see right now might not be very smooth and sunny, at least now I can see a road to follow. An ugly path is better than no path at all. I’m sure the sun will shine for me again. After each storm the sun always returns, so why would it be any different for me? It’s only natural for the sun to return once the storm passes. I just have to hold on until it does.” ———————————————————————— Well, this is all for today. I’m absolutely exhausted. I’ll be posting more soon. Stay sane, safe and happy! RSK
  14. I feel tired. Today was very emotionaly draining as well as enlightening. I called the hotline that helps people who are not at their very best with dealing with depressing thoughts. Had a very long conversation that made me find a new road to walk upon. I’m kinda gloomy but sort of hopeful, something I haven’t felt in a while. So overal it was a pretty good day (even if it was exhausting to feel so much).
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