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xXxXEntranceScardenXxXx

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About xXxXEntranceScardenXxXx

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Texas
  • Interests
    Sonic Franchise, History, Music

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  1. Tired of living in this stupid f###ing world.
  2. I'm starting to not feel any hope whatsoever. About anything in my life. I'm starting to be mad at an increasingly constant duration of time. The only thing I think when something goes wrong is, 'figures...' I saw the titles of some of the threads in this subforum, and I'm not even sure if I should bother reading the threads just to be disappointed later and turn bitter again. Can someone PM me? I started this thread because I'm wondering if I'm right to not bother avoiding anhedonia caused by bitterness, but maybe someone can give me advice if they think it's worth giving. I don't want anyone who only wants to make people feel this way read this, is why I'm asking for PMs. I don't want them causing the same problems in innocent people's lives.
  3. I feel this way all the ####ing time. I feel the same way about phones, but mostly my reasons are that my culture isn't tolerated at all, and I wish I could go back to 2007. 2007 in particular because my favorite video was deleted from YouTube that year. I want to watch it again. People say that the 2010s were more tolerant towards gay people, but if you have non-traditional standards of beauty when it comes to guys, like I do, it just isn't true. De facto, I cannot have a relationship because so few Emo guys are around anymore that wear it on their sleeves. Growing up, during all of the 'fights' that me and my older brother had, he beat the absolute s### out of me even though every single one of them was his fault. I'm not going to be attracted to guys with any huge, visible muscle.
  4. Full of disbelief. Nobody attractive is around me, and it makes me wonder if I should ask a doctor to get me chemically castrated. Because there are times I'll go hungry for hours just wishing I could find someone I like.
  5. If I ever consider just moving away from this hell-hole just to find someone to casually date that is attractive to me, taking a break from college, I hit a brick wall because I need to take care of my Mom, who's disabled. Since her condition worsens with time, we as a family know that eventually she will have to move into a nursing home, but we don't really know when that will be. I need to clarify something. I don't actually wish for this to happen, and that's because she's the only person in my family who I actually love. I always lie to my dad when I tell him I love him back. My brother's awful, and my dad is an idiot for saying I have conflicts with him simply because he's 'different' than me. He's also stupid enough to actually think I value family at an inherent level because he goes on saying, 'when me and your Mom are gone, he's the only family you've got.' ... Like I care. He's the type of person who I would go to the funeral of just to punch the crap out of their corpse's face. My dad, that is. My brother? I would get dragged away from the funeral, I wouldn't be able to stop punching him. But back to the topic proper, I don't think I'll have the chance to find anyone attractive to me. Because when years pass, and my Mom does move into such a place, I'm starting to wonder if I will be able to get a date with anyone else in their 20s, even if I move to somewhere like LA with more diversity, because I have no contact with people of my same counterculture offline, and these inbred idiots on any dating site I've tried said stupid crap such as 'lol you're still emo? grow up', the bloody morons. And in case you want to twist my words, my dating profiles never hate people because they aren't emo, I just plainly state I'm only attracted to other emos, so if some guy isn't but messages me anyway, I automatically will reject him. The aesthetic of emohood actually seen in real life is nowhere as interesting as it was in the mid-2000s, and I bet it will get worse. I remember seeing a forum post not too long ago (posted 2011 or briefly after, but I read it in 2017) where some member of inthe00s.com proudly stated he and his coworkers beat up anyone in the workplace in the early 2000s just for listening to a particular band on their mp3 player, WITHOUT blaring it around to where anyone could hear it. Crap is so hard to believe. Anyone I see around me doesn't get to a 1 on my 0 to 10 scale, and I think I will die a virgin. If I don't, I'll probably only ever get laid with some ugly as purgatory (in my mind) dude. Really anything sympathetic or providing a solution will help, the former because I don't think there is a solution to my problem.
  6. Funny thing happened. I was planning to live with my mother for a short while before renting a room of my own once I found a suitable room not too far away, but without me knowing, my Mom told my father I quit school and got a full-time job as a janitor. That's when he realized I was trying to find work. He ended up calling me to say that if looking for a position I could apply for took as long as an amount of time it did every day and therefore distracted me from studying, I didn't really need to. Therefore, I decided to finish my first week of work just to get money for whatever I'd choose to do with later, then sign up for my fall semester. I will be living with him once again, and he may have even removed a reason from my mind for me to hate him.
  7. Just a short while ago, I made a post about my situation of living with my brother due to living with my dad. I can see that, in all likelihood, that is no longer going to be a problem. Here is exactly what happened. I'm going to list every detail of my stupid dad's 'lecture' and the 'reasons' behind it just to give you an idea of what an unreasonable idiot I'm dealing with. I planned on not taking classes during the summer so that I could look for work. HE had other plans, so obviously, and logically, I took a class just to get him to shut up. Some time into the course, I packed my bags at my Mom's just to head over to my dad's, late in the day due to studying all day, but still having a need to head back over to make it LOOK like I didn't already hate him. Well, I got back at 11 pm, when my dad was already at work, and lord firgive me for passing out, right? Because he woke me up and acted like I was utterly lazy by saying, "Get a job! I'm serious![...] Don't 'yeah', DO it! You're laying in bed, almost ASLEEP. You're 20 years old, you should be able to get a part-time job working 10 to 15 hours a week!" making sure to put emphasis on the last sentence like *I* was the idiot. Well, with all due respect (none), BULLCRAP. I almost do absolutely nothing but apply for work when I'm not studying, and he claims to not be able to read the pictures I send him of emails saying "sorry, we moved on to other applicants". I used to think that there was some mysterious reason behind intelligent and talented people being failed into having to accept manual labor jobs in the United States of America, but now I can see that there are several reasons and that I face only a couple of crippling ones. Because I was in the top 10 percent of my graduating class, took all AP my senior year, and was in Gifted and Talented all throughout grade school, yet in all likelihood, I'm going to have to quit school for the forseeable future, JUST to open my schedule to any job at all, and probably end up being a janitor for the rest of my life because I'm autistic and suck at faking not being so. My actual question is, how can I make sure I'm not going to 'crawl back' to my dad once I move away from him? I'm generally unfamiliar with handling taxes, insurance, and such for the time being.
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