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Haunted Rain

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Everything posted by Haunted Rain

  1. It may not be the most encouraging idea, but i have to believe it's not an issue of men needing to approach first, at least not entirely. I come from a background where 'men must lead' is often still actively taught, yet it's been women to approach and initiate with me first. If i had to guess this is what i would suggest. When it comes to romance, men are more gracious to women with such issues, than women are to men. Guys are always willing to help out the female. If a guy needs help, too bad. So if a woman seems to be at a disadvantage, men want to be the hero. If a man seems to be at a disadvantage it's perceived as weakness. Note i didn't say it IS a disadvantage, but rather how it could be perceived. Also depending on the symptoms, some women may view the symptoms as a dangerous sign. I once worked with a guy who had asperger's, nice guy. A then gf i had at the time saw him in a store (not knowing i knew him) and became so creeped out by him she left the store (he was talking to himself). She had no idea he had asperger's, just assumed the worst. So from what i've witnessed, these are the kinds of things i'd assume are bigger issues for men with asperger's getting relationships. The guys i've met with asperger's have all been single and not dated. Or dated very little. I don't believe i've met a woman with it so far so i can't comment on that side of it.
  2. It's always so funny how people can have such drastically different experiences when making the same choice. I, too, left the Christian faith after 30 years. I'm not agnostic or atheist, though. But i won't get into that. Not everyone knows about my decision, such as family. Primarily it's my dad that i worry about finding out. Anyways what i've learned is, whether Christian or not, don't decide for other people how the will respond to you. Let them decide for themselves. Some Christians may criticize you (I've certainly had my share that did so). Others will not let that stand in their way of getting to know you. And the same is true of others. Some people are just jerks, regardless of their belief system. Some people will be wonderful regardless of their belief system. It's all trial and error based off the individual. I have one friend who knew me for years as a Christian, also a Christian themselves. When i shared my decision it changed nothing between us. So, really, just meet people. This isolation you find yourself in is self imposed. In reality nothing has been done to push you into this. You've put yourself there. And you can get yourself out. Go meet some real life people. Some will like you, some won't. Even if most don't accept you, you'll find those who will, and it will make you appreciate them all the more. And chances are they'll feel the same about you.
  3. Yeah, not true. Look around, 90% of the couples i see are made up of, at best, average looking people, and still a Lot of what, to me, are unattractive people. Shoot, i don't consider myself much to look at but i've dated... even some women way out of my league haha. The people who are so focused on looks are not the kind of people you want to be with anyways. The people worth being with appreciate you, not your looks. And those people absolutely do exist.
  4. While misguided it usually seems to come from a sincere place of wanting to do things right. I've learned that many times people that get super awkward or uncomfortable about health issues simply don't know what to say or do, but want to do things right. But, really, most people don't get a lot of chances to learn how to deal with such things. Add that people vary, some people with health issues may want to avoid talking about it while others don't mind discussing it freely. So it leaves a pretty vast opening that people have to guess their way through. When people act super awkward with me, about anything, i downplay their awkwardness, especially when they get apologetic. I don't spend a lot of time trying to make them feel better. The more you downplay it and move on, the quicker they learn. And i usually tell them straight out how i feel about whatever the subject is, how comfortable i am discussing it, etc... So usually most of the awkwardness goes away after the first time.
  5. Sorry to hear that Wax. Two such radical opposites has to create a set of problems all their own, on top of what you're already dealing with. But we're all doing our best, yourself included, to deal with the problems we face. That's all we can expect of ourselves and we can't let others expectations interfere with that. Don't let those not living with it inside to dictate things for you. Keep pushing on and you'll grow and get stronger.
  6. We think the grass is always greener on the other side. It's often just a 'farty dirty patch'. Sometimes we want the best of both worlds, and if we don't commit ourselves fully to one we just get torn apart and lose all of it. Likely one of these apply. If there are things you can do, still within his boundaries, why not take it upon yourself to go with it. It could help lessen your feelings and respark his. Seems worth a try.
  7. I get this. I've done ok making friends, but keeping friends? Though i do go through phases where making friends even seems impossible. As i take a look at myself 20+ years ago, how i thought, felt, what i believed, how i responded, etc... i was not really giving people as much goodness to hold on to as i believed. At the time i don't think i had it to give, but not because i was such a bad person. More that i was hurting too much. So being around me wasn't always pleasant. And i loved to make people laugh but that still wasn't enough. So what i learned is that who we think we're being is often not a clear picture of what we present to others. I had to hear a lot of hard truths from others, for years, before i learned to alter how i dealt with people. Especially as someone with depression or similar issues. Socializing can often be so complicated. We often want to feel 'normal' and that includes having 'normal' friendships, but we also find it hard to be as easy going. Our minds tend to run on deeper and darker things. Lots of introspective thinking. The kinds of stuff that doesn't mesh well with 'normal' friendships often. So having conversations where we're complaining, or letting others complain, doesn't allow for a more casual tone, thus making things always more deep, emotional, personal and possibly painful. So this notion gets applied to us. And it's difficult to be anything else. Spending less time 'being there' or 'needing to get' and letting things be more casual and fun can help prevent us from being perceived as always serious and our only worth is when those things arise in others. It's not easy to do, but it's necessary. And it's worth it because it helps solid friendships develop more naturally.
  8. I, too, have depression (with anxiety) and physical health issues. I have had a little trouble with what you're saying. Mostly, though, i speak pretty openly and early about it. If a person feels awkward but sticks around, that's ok. I don't mind guiding them to feel comfortable about it or around me. If they respond really negatively, i kick them to the curb glad i found out what they're really like early on. It seems trying to hide things often makes things weirder when it does finally come out. Some people won't care, others will. Find out early and the ones that care, you're better off without them. If it's a problem with people not so easily gotten rid of, perhaps change the way You talk about it. Sometimes we can be the reason people are uncomfortable. The way we talk about things may make people feel awkward. So being more reserved may ease things. And those that can handle it are the ones you're more open with.
  9. As others have said, these thoughts alone are not wrong. It's pretty deep stuff and things people have long asked (and mostly don't have answers to). But if they are obsessive then that is a problem. Any thought, good or bad, that becomes obsessive reflects a problem. OCD was also a thought i considered. I would not attempt to take action on anything until you can get an official diagnosis, though. No one here can give you any sort of accurate diagnosis and therefore not wisely or knowledgeably advise you on what to do. Merely guide you to possibilities to have looked into under the right conditions by the right people.
  10. Have you considered using less of an 'all or nothing' thinking and instead learning to be wise and discerning in who you give so much to? Don't give more than you're willing to give without expecting something in return until one proves themselves to be able to reciprocate. But always try to give a little more than you get, because if we all held back to make it even, then we would have none of the giving people, such as yourself, to offer anything of value and the entire world would become entirely cold and closed off. And when you meet those people that do the same it's never an issue of how much you give to them. You can give extra of yourself without giving away all of yourself. Compassion without wisdom sets you up to be ran dry.
  11. Sounds to me like you saw a consistent view among everyone and offered an option. Nothing major there. Nothing on the surface, at least. Only you can know your true motives and see for yourself, but nothing really stands out to me as being bad. Now had you pushed to have your way, that would have been a problem. In a group like that with a predetermined sequence pushing to skip things would likely have some negative overtones, but as it stands the way you shared it, you're fine. I do have a history of manipulation, and sometimes i do the same thing you're doing, checking myself and my motives. It's a good thing to do, but not get hung up on if you can't really see anything.
  12. Psycroptic - Cold Apparently I've had this album a while and never paid attention to it. Mistaaaaaaake.
  13. I'm curious about the notion that all suffering is good. Biblically speaking that is Never taught, but rather is a philosophy made up in the name of positivity. If we look at Job his suffering wasn't for his benefit, not in the least. He was, in fact, not much more than a game piece in a cosmic wager. There may be moments where suffering is for our benefit, as Paul shows in reference to the 'thorn in his side' that God gave him to keep him humble. But suffering, as a whole, is not for our benefit, rather it is a part of a fallen world. God actually speaks about taking the bad things that happen in our lives and working it out for good.
  14. Screens emit a spectrum of light. Blue light, being one, can adversely affect sleep. This is one reason having tv's on while sleeping can make sleeping harder. Some phones may have them pre-installed, such as my Galaxy S7. But if not there are plenty to choose from in the Stores for each phone. Or for PC's you can install f.lux. Just make sure you find one that actually filters blue light and doesn't just add orange tint.
  15. When i was young i had some trouble expressing my issues with depression, but now i don't hesitate. I try not to dwell on the subject unless the person asks questions. I share that i deal with it and move on. That way it's out there, they know it, but i don't come across as if i'm seeking attention or pity or any such thing. Nor are they left feeling awkward if it's a subject they are uncomfortable with. Then again if you have a job that is more of a career i can see where such things may not be as easily mentioned. But if you're well respected in your community it could also be viewed as an opportunity to educate. Of course you'd have to weigh any potential risks, but it could be a great platform.
  16. My sleep is so scattered. I have a natural tendency to be a night owl, but not working it leaves my sleep up to so many variables i'm lucky if i can have a consistent sleep pattern for more than a week or two. Knowing that a regular sleep schedule is so important to mental health it often causes me to wonder if it's making things worse for me. Times where i have been able to sleep more consistently i could tell i felt better. As far as the OP a few tips I've learned... Try to go to sleep and wake up around the same time every day, even on days off. Don't lounge around where you sleep. Let where you sleep be only for sleep and not for tv watching, etc... Turn off the tv or other screens. If you're like me and have trouble sleeping without them then try A) using something with a smaller screen and B) using a blue screen filter. Have a pre-bed routine. Having a routine before bed helps to alert your mind/body that you are approaching sleep and helps your body to begin moving towards slowing down. One friend i knew would take a shower then have a couple cookies with tea each night before bed and they crashed pretty easily most nights. And, of course, avoid sugar and caffeine a couple hours ahead of time.
  17. The issue is people who have depression often lack the will to get help, regardless of financial abilities. This is why we have wealthy people **** themselves. Look at people such as Luke Wilson or Kurt Cobain just to name a few. They had the money to afford getting help, yet all that money did nothing for them. I'm not suggesting there's not Some truth to your statement, but to suggest that having money means you will be able to get better isn't a default fact. It's just a greater possibility.
  18. I can't see that God is really punishing people now for their sin or lack of faith. Particularly those that follow him. It's quite contrary to the nature of God. If that were the case then that is to suggest the earning of salvation and mercy. The bible (if that's the concept of God you're speaking of) speaks against this idea of doing good to earn good. In fact it says not a single person deserves salvation or mercy, yet it's given to those who ask. Grace. And it's true, He will not override free will to force one to conform. Praying for change in another is simply asking that God work on moving them to a place where they can be open to choosing such change and not that God will zap them and change them. Even then not everyone will comply. Some peoples hearts are simply too hardened to be capable of change. As far as what's caused by human free will... all of it. When the human heart is corrupted, then given free will, the world around us is the result. Often times those that feel the most responsible are the least of offenders. The real plague is those that feel they hold no responsibility because where there is no sense of ownership of action there is no change.
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