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Depressedgurl007

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Everything posted by Depressedgurl007

  1. I wish I can cope with stress better. I’m out of cash again. How am I gonna survive the next two weeks. Hospital bills a bit high this month and insurance money wont be coming anytime soon
  2. Kinda overwhelmed again. One thing after another and no time to rest. Feel frozen and don’t want to face the world, I’m too tired of everything, just want everything to end
  3. I’m sorry for all u went through in the past Ur really blessed to find an angel. Love is interesting, it changes someone and not everyone can receive it and nobody really understands it. U have a wonderful wife, keeping things in won’t help u, but I’m also sure u will slowly learn what to say to her and when to say it. Believe in her, and believe in yourself. Hope your therapist helps u.
  4. And u did that because u want to. U did not force yourself to do it because others tell u to. That’s what I was trying to say If we really want to get out of depression for ourselves, we will find a way no matter how many times we fall. It’s definitely not easy, and that’s why I gave up many times, cos on very bad days, I just can’t be positive. And that’s ok and it’s not my fault. Thanks for sharing!
  5. U will figure it out, u will find it somewhere. Even if u can’t find hope right now, we will be here for u until u do.
  6. I’d rather not do it, but well I live with a mother in law and a husband, so social expectations are drowning me Learning to live with it. Don’t do it if u don’t have to!
  7. My goals are simple but I still struggle with them: Get out of bed Eat breakfast Sweep the house (4x a week) Mop the house (once a week) Write my reflection and review diary Manage my time better Get through the day
  8. Depressedgurl007

    Getting there

    I am a beautiful disaster, and I accept myself as such. Someone mentioned that if we are negative, we should not force ourselves to be positive, n just accept it because when we stay negative long enough, one day naturally we want to be positive in our own way, and we will find that way ourselves. If we keep forcing ourselves to be positive, hating and comparing ourselves on why others have it easier than us to be happy, we will feel more upset on why we can’t be positive. So we don’t have to do anything unless we want to. I am feeling this way cos I want to and I’ll only get up when I can. Never force ourselves. Another thing I’ve learnt is to not deny ourselves of feeling sad or disappointed or angry or frustrated or exasperated or afraid, it’s only natural to have all these feelings. We are allowed to feel angry or afraid. Things happen and people hurt us. Things happen out of our control. Trudge through those feelings and some day, one day, whichever day that is, we will get through them, even if we currently feel like we can’t. I realise I’ve learned a lot about patience. And only experience could have gotten me here. Is the world a better place? No and never will it be. I’ve just grown a bit more and learned what to do when things happen to me. Do things still happen to me? Yes they do and that’s why I’m still here on this forum cos I can’t go through this alone.
  9. I’ve also been trying to diet but living with another person in the house (my husband) who keeps buying junk food is not helping me either. Then he says I should learn to control myself. Right.
  10. One of those nights when I can’t sleep, it’s way past my bedtime, and I have to wake up earlier for work tomorrow, and I don’t know how to sort out the feelings inside me…and also because I had no motivation to do my work today and caffeine was my only motivation today and this is the result I am so dead tomorrow…thank u, my mind, for worrying so much…sigh…
  11. Depressedgurl007

    Random Thoughts

    Anything on my mind. Sigh. Should I just type out all my negative thoughts. Should I type out about my day. Hate towards myself. Cos I hate my mother in law even though she is not all bad and she does have some good qualities but our relationship is just not there and our personalities crash. But she does take care of my daughter, who I think loves her more than me. I’m still not sure what I’m doing with my life. I still have strong cravings for coffee, which I’ve been trying to cut down since I dunno when. I hate my husband’s cigarette smell and yet he is still smoking right now. I’m sleepy but I need to sweep the house. Still wishing the same old things like giving up and dying, knowing I can’t do either one. And in the end I just have to let myself be sad, then get up and go, cos that’s life. Ugh and don’t even get me started about work. Sigh.
  12. My heart is so heavy. Dragging my feet. Same old, nothing new. Tolerating everything. Enduring everything. Keeping everything inside. What else can I say except repeat myself. Knowing why I’m alive, knowing why I do what I do, but it’s still hard. Every minute, every second, with a heavy heart.
  13. Its the time of the month when I shout and scream at everyone and my husband still doesn’t understand that I’m a woman with hormones different from him. I hate this time of the month. But like @Nightjar said, I will persevere. Until the day I can’t persevere anymore.
  14. Sense of humour…good one…I tend to laugh too when I’m feeling exasperated or frustrated…then the people around me will think I’m weird or have no feelings and avoid me or reprimand me for laughing when I really just feel like dying…
  15. Today is a public holiday here and my mother in law’s house is having visitors and I’m holed up in “my” room cos I don’t want to socialise with them at all. Thus feeling like everyone hates me. Well. I guess that’s better than having to entertain people who I don’t know how to talk to and staring into space while they talk. Sigh.
  16. Thanks for your reply. I’ve been trying to get rid of depression in different ways but seems it always come back so I guess I just have to learn to live with it. Thanks for hug. I really needed it! ((Hugs back))
  17. I don’t know why I’m still in this marriage. I’m so alone. He obviously doesn’t love me anymore. I’m still living in his mum’s house, and she obviously hates me. For my daughter? Is it worth it? Do I still love him or is it all an act? I’m so hurt whenever he says he don’t love me. Do I not appreciate everything he has done for me? I feel I can’t go on anymore; I don’t want to go on anymore. I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate saving money for a house that is not build yet. Yet I still have to keep going. I hate God. I’m raised to believe in Him, supposedly everything that happens is good for me. I hate myself. How to love myself. I can’t yet I have to keep going I’m supposed to be grateful. But I hate myself.
  18. I haven’t come here in 6 months, cos I thought I wanted a break from online social platforms and online social media. Now that I’m back, I don’t feel any different or better. Life is still the same old people around me that makes my life not worth living. Sigh.
  19. Depressedgurl007

    Break

    Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living. Heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful. -LR Knost I need another 6 month break from here. I’m taking a 6 month break from IG too. Hopefully reducing all the stimulation helps me focus on what really matters, helps me accept and helps me cry and helps me move on. Today is a horrible day, but I can cope without going online I know I can. Like I mentioned in another post, in learning how to raise my one daughter, I’m learning how important it is to be able to let them experience emotions and struggles so they know that things can get bad and it’ll intensify and it’ll reach a peak before things will get better and to get them to understand it’s a cycle. What’s important is to guide them to be able to bounce. When things happen and we feel really rotten and everything is awful and nothing is going right and we worry that it’ll keep going and it’ll never end but it can end, and that’s a part of the cycle of life. It’s the human experience to feel a whole range of difficult emotions, to go through periods of difficulty and giving up and hopelessness and yet still keep breathing and surviving. Most of us didn’t grow up understanding that cycle of life and we didn’t get that imprint. By Mark Manson: “We must address the emotional problem the compulsion is trying to numb or cover up. You compulsively eat tubs of ice cream each week. Why? Well, eating—especially sugary, unhealthy food—is a form of numbing. It brings the body comfort. It’s sometimes known as “emotional eating” and the same way an alcoholic drinks to escape her demons, the overeater eats to escape his. So, what are those demons? What is that shame? Find it. Address it. And most importantly: accept it. Find that deep, dark ugly part of yourself. Confront it, head on, allowing yourself to feel all the awful, icky emotions that come with it. Then accept that this is a part of you and it’s never going away. And that’s fine. You can work with this, rather than against it.” Ok, I will go now and maybe I won’t even come back 6 months later, we shall see, many things can happen in 6 months. I hope I can grow. And I hope, I really hope I can feel good to wake up tomorrow. Start with gratitude. Acceptance of the demons.
  20. Nope I’m at my parents place and I still feel overwhelmed. Just shows I’m the problem and not my mil causing the problem. I was Overwhelmed with work, housing, emails, people, just everything. I’m a bit better now but still afraid of what tomorrow will bring, always afraid. I hope u do get the help u need NJ. Not all counselling is helpful. Sometime we just need to be around people who say the right things to help us cope
  21. I’m sorry Juno about your Dad Just wanna say apart from your dad, what u wrote is almost exactly what I feel. I just want to escape, every single minute of the day when my mind starts wondering, I just want to escape from what i am forced to do (which is live) n the consequences is what u mentioned..u just put into words what’s always on my mind.. I think I should start accepting my reality sucks and just cry then maybe I won’t have the desire to escape so much.. I dunno..
  22. I am very very overwhelmed. Social media and phone affects me a lot plus all the things happening in my life, but my self control is bad and my self esteem is getting worse. I have bad things n also opportunities happening to me but I’m so overwhelmed I’m falling apart
  23. Tonight is one of the nights I wish I will never ever wake up to see the morning but I know I will.. sigh.. Will tomorrow be a better day? Hopefully? Goodnight everyone. Have a good night rest.
  24. I don’t know if I’m being kicked when I’m down, or if I’m just the person who breaks down at every small obstacle in life (and obstacles r there every single day), or I just want to run away from being responsible for myself and my family. Can I dig a hole and stay there for the rest of my life
  25. It does actually. It’s gets better. Then it gets worse. Then it gets better again. Then it gets worse again. And it’s a cycle and I wonder when I can leave this cycle. But yea, I’m feeling meh ok. Just got to keep searching for solutions to my problems. But at this moment, the good does outweigh the bad.
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