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Depressedgurl007

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Everything posted by Depressedgurl007

  1. Someone on this forum just messaged me a very triggering message. I don’t have to announce my departure but I’m leaving this forums for awhile. This world is full of inconsiderate people.
  2. I’m having lotsa regrets again today. How would things have been if I had or had not done certain things. Maybe my life would have been so much better. Or should I believe that my life would have been much worse. I might have met people who hurt me more or I might have had worse bosses than now or worse colleagues than now or not met that particular person at that phase of my life or become influenced to do the wrong things in life which might cause me to get into a life crippling accident I don’t know. What to do to distract myself from such thoughts.
  3. So I’ve decided I should just switch off my phone while doing house chores cos I’ve become a phone addict again. Yesterday was quite a bad day but today I feel much better. Hope today will be a good day.
  4. So exciting congratulations! Another milestone reached I would say
  5. Ah news can be quite interesting too. And I guess at least it’s better than having the mind wondering n worrying with insomnia. Sleep habits r a bit hard to change cos it needs to be done consistently to change it, but it can be done, but it’ll take time for sure.
  6. I read your post too and I feel your sadness and misery. I do hope things change for you and you find something to push you out to start making friends again but I kinda know the emotions that come up when you see couples and I know it’s something that can’t really be overcome in a few years. Hope you make some single friends so you don’t have to have that envious and emotional feelings. Or find a hobby of some sort. Have you thought of leaving her a type of freedom where you can re-start your life to find out what else you’re interested in and do anything and everything you want without asking anyone. But it ain’t easy I know. Take it slow ((Hugggs))
  7. This. The fact that you can’t accept not changing and dealing with it. You tried and it didn’t work, so rest if you must, and try a different method another day when you’re ready. I can’t give much advice cos it takes a really big conscious effort to stop dwelling on the negatives. I mentioned an old blog post to make peace with your demons, something I got from Mark Manson. Not easy, but every failure is a lesson learnt. I struggle with this too. You’re not alone
  8. Had an ok day. A bit tired though cos I have a lot of regrets running through my head and the constant fear of mil being upset with my breathing. Still have to on my laptop to do some work cos I procrastinate a lot
  9. Wow that must be a very good and interesting book to keep you up all night
  10. I’m not a Christian and I don’t read the bible but I do believe in a God. I guess there are many people like that since we live in a multi-religious society, it’s hard not to compare. One thing I believe in God is his kindness and mercy and love and that He can see the hearts of everyone, so I believe as long as we do our best to do good, He sees that and His kindness, mercy and love will put us in a better place after death. Our family also believe it’s wrong to say that that person will go to hell. Cos God’s love is above all that and as long as our heart is pure and good and we have serious desire to change, He will forgive us. There are of course debates about God’s love but each person have to come up with their own understanding based on their life experiences I guess. That’s my belief anyway, because I still believe there’s a reason for everything that happens, and that belief helps keep me going. Hell is there like how prisons and rules and regulations and laws exist on this earth, so that people will know that there are consequences to their actions. Anyway, there are different beliefs about God. And I can’t say anyone is wrong about it cos I haven’t died to see what really happens after death. I hope you do find a belief that you are comfortable with to help keep you going.
  11. Depressedgurl007

    Sick

    Thanks for your replies. You guys really are one of the reasons I’m still here on this earth. I would have gone a long time ago if you don’t exist. If u all r around n still up and fighting, I guess I should be doing it too.
  12. Thank you. I should learn to be kinder to myself too.
  13. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but there is something wrong with me and I can’t do anything about it because I’m so pathetic. I’m only here cos I have nowhere else to go.
  14. That’s the problem, I don’t see it as depression, when people tell me this, my head will just say, yes I know all this n yet I still feel this way. It’s ok I don’t need the hug. I’m an idiot anw. Sorry my fault again for not seeing it as depression. No one can help me if I can’t help myself. But thanks for trying.
  15. Same old hate myself, hate my job, hate my life, hate everyone around me, I’m pathetic I can’t improve myself at all. But thanks for the hugs and thanks for caring. I actually fell sick after coming back from the zoo. I have a bad habit of hate taking showers so I actually didn’t take a shower after coming back n my dad scolded me n tell me it’s my fault for not taking a shower after I come back from the zoo n so it’s my fault I fell sick. So yea, I’m always doing stupid things that makes my life worse.
  16. Depressedgurl007

    Sick

    Hating myself a lot these days. Wish I can just die but I know I can’t. Feeling like everything sucks. I shouldn’t be pushing myself. I know I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be doing things for others all the time. I should be taking care of myself. I should take a break. I should go to the doctor when I’m sick. But everything feels so difficult to do. Expectations. Timelines. I’m getting older. Why is life so difficult. I feel like if I stop doing one thing, everything will fall apart, so I have to keep going cos if I were to stop, I might as well just die. Catastrophizing again I know. Again I feel like giving up on this marriage. No one understands me. I might as well live alone so that no one have any expectations from a single. I feel like quitting my job so that I can just stop people from asking me things. I don’t know how to cope with this. I don’t want to keep going. I guess some might ask me why am I still in this marriage that makes me unhappy. And I feel stupid for asking myself this. I’m so tired of trying. And the worse is he still wants a child of his own. This is gonna sound like a stupid problem to some here and I should just give up on this but I’ve been trying to conceive for 9 years with no luck. Have an adopted daughter but he still wants a kid of his own. He had mentioned before he will marry another person just to have his own kid. And I should just let him do that! Why am I still in this stupid marriage. Why am I such an idiot. I hate myself. It’s like 9:23am here and waking up to go to work with this kind of feeling on top of being sick with fever and flu. It’s a horrible horrible way to start my day. And happened this time I ran away from mil’s place without a change of clothes n I don’t really have spare clothes here cos I don’t have that many clothes in the first place, so I’m stinking and smelly and haven’t showered and I don’t even feel like showering and it’s my fault everything is just my fault. And I’m having a bit of headache I can’t even make sense of anything right now nor have any rational thoughts in my head. Yet I still have to get up and go. Look on the bright side. I have so many things to be grateful for. I can cry later but not now. I hate my life but I make myself this way and this is the consequences of my actions. Life. Be grateful. Best part of yesterday is having nice colleagues who help me do some work, having a nice mum and dad and sister who never forces me to do house chores, and having nephews who smile and shout my name like I’m the light of their life.
  17. I manage to hang in there so far. I’m actually down with fever and flu and left mil’s house to stay with mum, because they don’t care whether I’m sick. All they want is for me to make sure the house is clean, the laundry is done, the floor is sparkling. I’m lucky I have another roof to stay under while I’m physically sick.
  18. My therapist had suggested for us to create good better memories with mil so that we can try to slowly remove all the old bad memories we had. So. Today the four of us are going to the zoo. God knows what will happen cos family field trips have had their worst moments too. Hope everyone has a good today, or at least a bit better than yesterday.
  19. I know exactly how u feel. This happened to me too and laundry arguments n irritation is still happening.
  20. I’m sorry ur going through this. The fact of life is not that you’re not important. No one is. Everyone only cares for themselves and prioritise their own lives. I always end up having to take care of my own self. I’m not brave enough to seek help now, but when I do, I have the same mindset as you, cos Im afraid of being let down, I tell myself I’m not important. I’m not really helping you I think… just saying I kinda know how u feel I guess. Learning to FLY is hard. First Love Yourself. Hope u get the help u need eventually. Hang in there!
  21. I’m feeling ok this morning. Had a very bad day yesterday, but today is a new day. It might end badly though, judging from how pathetic I am in handling my work n communicating with others n with the voices in my head. Preparing myself to have a bad day on a good morning. Why do I do this. Sigh.
  22. Depressedgurl007

    Waiting

    Was feeling very very down and anxiety was starting to build up too. Scrolling through IG cos dunno what else to do. Then came this chibird post. “This too shall pass. It can be hard to see anything but the sadness when things are tough, but the sadness will pass in time, as it always does.” So I guess now instead of feeling down and afraid, I’m just waiting for time to pass till this is over. Someone else also reminded me to practice mindfulness. Don’t deny or fight or hate the negative thoughts, because that sucks the strength out of us, and the more I fight them, the more powerful they get. Instead, calmly pay attention to the thoughts and let go of believing they have all the answers. Experiences come and go - restful or chaotic, enjoyable or disappointing experiences. Practice being a non-judgmental observer of my thoughts so I can easily let them go instead of getting caught up in mental drama. We can’t stop those fearful irrational thoughts. We can only be conscious of the fact that we are having them, and just work to replace them with rational thoughts.
  23. I don’t think there’s any treatment for me and I don’t even have the money to go for treatments. I’m just preparing myself to live with this for the next half a century…omg typing that down sounds scary…perhaps im not suffering as bad as you. I’m just tired of trying to find a way so I’m just in a cycle of going out there, then hiding again when things happen, then stay in my hole till I dunno when I can get out again. I hope u do find the treatment you need!
  24. Thank you. They probably expect me to pity her or something, which is so typical of them. But ok fine I’ll have to try to be more understanding. I have my own weaknesses which I need to improve on too sigh. Life is hard.
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