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Depressedgurl007

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  1. I felt that way before I got married. I felt that way when I was trying for 6 years to get a child and yet I still feel that way after marriage and after having a child. I now know what I was missing but the pain in life is still the same. I guess one way to turn the heart off is to know that things don’t really get better. People may show their happiness on stage but backstage there’s so many things that are hidden. I wish I have better words to help you..
  2. I’ll just write out my feelings cos I have so much self hatred right now. I woke up and spent an hour in bed and I hate myself. That old woman is awake thus reason I do not want to get up and yet I never go back to sleep cos I drank some coffee when I woke up then when she walks around the house I just go back into bed cos I hate her face. Someone told me to create positive thoughts and energy within myself but I find it so hard. As usual I’m avoiding her cos of how she is always so sensitive about my face. Then I’d again wish she is dead.. then I’d again hate myself for it Here is the only place I can safely say how I feel. I actually told my husband before that I wish she is dead and of course a fight broke out. I can’t become positive it’s hard. Yesterday we argued and he said I want him to die faster cos I always bring his blood pressure up. But I’m the one who wish I can die faster. If only one can die easily just by having the blood pressure go up. Life is not worth living. Ugh I’ve got to stop this. I’m a strong, kind, important, loved, hardworking and bright person. Life sucks, hit myself as much as I want but yet I still got to get up and go. Sigh I just left the house at 6.30 am cos I’m really drowning myself and can’t take it anymore. Of course she would assume stupid things cos I don’t usually leave so early and of course by leaving early I’m creating more tension in the house. Why do I do this. Still feeling so many feelings and to add one more: I’m a lousy wife leaving my responsibilities like this. My husband is going to face a ton of stress at work while I’m going to de-stress at my parents place. I’m really a lousy wife I hate myself. If we appreciate someone more if that person is dead, isn’t it better to die faster so we can appreciate that person? Please go away negative thoughts, your thoughts are really not helping.
  3. Feeling really down right now with self-hatred 😞
  4. It can really make me feel life is short. Yet that’s what I want. I don’t want a long life. Yet leaving this world would impact a many people. Feeling so lost.
  5. I’m so sorry. This is heartbreaking but at least he is at peace now. I’ve always admired Mark for his strength and he had an impact in my daily life. A great soul has been lost. Thank you @adamrparr for being his friend, though you might be feeling lost now, I hope he has given you the strength to keep going. Life can seem so short sometimes
  6. We all want to be liked by others. In the past when I think that someone doesn’t like me and hates my guts, I feel like giving up on living cos I don’t know if I can go on if people around me hates me. It took years for me to understand that it’s impossible to please everyone. We can’t control how others think and whether they want to validate us or not. What’s mentioned by @mmoose is also important..trust them to appreciate you no matter what you had done. It’s hard to swallow that we won’t get on with everyone for everything we do. Expect your share of disapproval. Even close friends or relatives don’t approve of every single thing you do all of the time and that’s ok everyone have their own ideas. There is only one person whose approval you really need, and that’s you. Other people’s expectations are not your concern. You didn’t create them, and you don’t own them. If others don’t like what you do that’s their problem, not yours. And then there’s the inner demon/inner critic that stomps on our self-esteem and makes all our efforts seem worthless. I still can’t get rid of that part of my head that tells me my future is worthless and that I’m living a meaningless life. Why am I thinking those thoughts? Where is it taking me? Does it help me in any way? I’m still struggling and it takes a lot of effort to bring myself to change my thoughts and ask myself what’s the thought that’s most helpful for my life. I read somewhere that we need to embrace the dark parts of ourselves and own them. You can’t strive to achieve great success if you aren’t also paranoid about failure. You can’t desire wonderful relationships if you aren’t also terrified of those losses. The fact that you have those thoughts show your desire to learn and become better. Accept that they are there. Don’t be afraid of your negative thoughts that stops you from enjoying your show: just know them for what they are – not the truth, just negative thoughts, false ideas, false concepts. Forgive yourself for having those thoughts if you need. We all need a break away from life and there’s nothing wrong with that. I hope you get to enjoy your weekly shows again. I myself hold on to my shows online to give me slight happiness in life.
  7. Someone told me we should just go through life expecting to be disappointed. Sigh. Good advice, so I don’t care if this year is good or bad. Expecting it to be bad so I won’t be disappointed. I’m afraid of looking up. Cos once the good things start coming, that’s when the bad hits me hard.
  8. You’re not a failure. Nobody’s perfect. We make mistakes. We say wrong things. We do wrong things. We need time off. We fall. We get up. We learn. We fall again but we have people here to fall together
  9. Things are getting bit better. I still say I hate my life sometimes cos looking at silver linings is something I need to consciously do and can be a strain sometimes. Just taking it one step at a time.
  10. feeling unworthy i got no friends irl. no one i can talk to to let out what i really feel. meeting people are just shallow exchanges of how r we doing n nothing deeper than that. but then again it’s my fault cos i worry about how others judge me so i keep to myself a lot. then i end up hating myself. ah back to square one 😞
  11. growing old is really depressing in general i think. there is a lot of things to regret over so many years and there’s nothing we can do about it..focusing on appreciating the present might be better.. she is very blessed to have such a responsible daughter like you in her life. but dealing with depressed people is hard..it’s like constant fishing when a big fish is hooked, we need to let the fish run wild so the line doesn’t snap n reel it in slowly n when the line is about to snap, we gotto let it run wild again..but at which second do we reel it back in without the line snapping is hard to tell.. your happiness is much more important cos u live with yourself for the rest of your life..we can give up a bit of ourselves to help others but don’t give our whole happiness to someone else cos we will be left with nothing.. i’m not sure if i helped..but I do hope you find a way to take care of her this year..
  12. The reason is the usual same reason which is my mil. She ran away n did not come back on new years days and everyone’s worried but i’m secretly hoping she’s dead. Yea i’m a terrible person. Turns out she’s still alive n slept at her other son’s place and we were never on good relations with her other son so that son did not inform anyone. Sigh. It’s sad my life revolves around her. How i’m so afraid of doing anything in this house cos i’m afraid of offending her which i did. i don’t want to be the downer cos i know my hubby had to absorb many things that night they found her and she was venting non stop to him till late into the night. And now i need to vent at how irritated i am to my hubby but i know i should let him cool off at least one day.. god i seriously do not want to grow old since growing old means we grow crazy. i think i’m already going crazy cos of her. it’s seriously irritating i don’t have..a house of my own? what do i want? happiness? ahahah. what rubbish. no such thing exist. life is always full of problems to solve. but what if i don’t want to. i cannot. do i have a choice. no. n it hurts. all i can do is cry.
  13. haha it’s ok thanks for your kind words but i totally understand your outbursts i’m just sad i can’t help you more but here’s to a better year next year happy new year in advance (:
  14. Yea the programs our parents build into us can be such poor and difficult life programs to live by. For gifts I think it’s just different people have different love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch..and for some people, gifts are just not their way of love/appreciation ..that’s what I choose to believe I guess.
  15. Thank you. Maybe I’ll do that when things are less busy for her..actually I’m just imagining she is busy I really have no idea..communication is just difficult..
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