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Depressedgurl007

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About Depressedgurl007

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  1. There is a Pokemon Go Safari event happening at my country and I just spent quite a lot of money to purchase a ticket for this Sunday. Joined a MeetUp group for this, which actually have only 6 people going, so I’ll be going with strangers, if they even turn up. This will be my first MeetUp event. Funny how I really just want to quit Pokemon Go. The only reason I still play is that it’s very useful to avoid people when I’m walking with my colleagues. So my colleagues think I’m a fan of Pokemon, but I’m not, I don’t like getting addicted to something. Yet here I am going for a once in a lifetime Pokemon event, since it won’t come back to this country for years to come. To show my colleagues that I’m really a fan when I’m not? I still don’t know why I do what I do. It’s a chore really. I wanna spend Sunday at home, but I’d be wasting my money if I don’t go. Ugh and of course this leads to me hating myself cos I’m always doing things that I don’t want to do. Ugh being positive is hard!
  2. I can’t stand people either. I wish I can quit my job, but I need to pay my bills.. two more weeks to endure!
  3. Me. Is there really a need to clean? If there is no need, then why bother? If you need the motivation, my counsellor suggested the reward system, a reward before cleaning and after cleaning, like a chocolate before and a second chocolate only after cleaning is done. The other thing to consider is setting a timer and giving yourself just 15 minutes to do it. And the other way is to remove all distractions to actually get the cleaning done. Those are just some ideas. For me personally, I only clean if I need to, if there is no need, my house is a total mess.
  4. So I got a super long lecture from someone. Getting it to my face feels just makes me realised that lecturing does not work. Why did anyone think that lecturing actually works? Yes it came from someone who cared about me, but it doesn’t work! I would try to do something about this if I actually want to. So do I want to? What do I want out of life? Wrong question. What pain do I want in my life? What am I willing to struggle for? Thinking..still thinking of the answer.. 😞
  5. Depressedgurl007

    Can’t sleep

    Cos I hate myself. Cos I came back. Cos I can’t change. It’s not that hard to change right? I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. I just want this feeling to go away. I want to be happy when I wake up in the morning. I want someone to talk to who can understand me. But I’m a terrible person who can’t talk to anyone and don’t understand anyone. I hate myself. Why am I alive? Why am I here? What’s the point of being here? Why am I like this? I actually went overseas last month for a week. I was happy for one month I was happy. But after one month of being back, why did I return back to my old state? I can change if I want to. I know I can. I’ve done it before. I can do it again. And now I just need to focus on maintaining it. It’s easy if I tell myself it’s easy. If I tell my brain cells to be happy, tell my brain cells to be positive. I can do this cos I want to love myself again. I gotto tell myself I’m a good person, ignore them and know that I’m doing my very best already. I’ll be okay. I gotto tell myself I’ll be okay. I’m okay.
  6. I’m still having the same old thoughts running around my head. I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself. Then I try to immediately say, I love and forgive myself for everything that I have done. Sigh. I think I’m gonna take a break from people. There’s only so much I can take. I can’t handle the words that come out of your mouth. So I’m gonna ignore everyone.
  7. Depressedgurl007

    Really?

    Some say I’m doing good, keep going at it. But am I, really? Do you think I want to keep going at it as if it’s something fun? I do want to leave this forsaken world, you know. I’m only here cos I DON’T have a CHOICE. Or maybe I’m here cos somewhere deep down inside me there is still that small tiny hope that things will get better. But come on, it WON’T. Life is an endless series of problem. The solution of one problem is merely the creation of the next one. People who can actually die are so much more blessed. It’s the people still alive who are suffering. Hope or wish as much as we want for a life without problems but it will NEVER happen. There’s no such thing. Do you wanna say I’m in denial? I’m having the victim mentality? Or that I care too much? Why do I care so much? Why do I want to be accepted so much? Why do I want to be heard so much? Why do I want to be part of something? They are all people anyway. People I loathe because they do things that irritate and annoy me. And they are EVERYWHERE. People who are not understanding, who are biased, racist, not kind, not accepting, and who only care about themselves. But yet I still care to be heard, I still want people, my colleagues, my friends, my family who is suppose to love, I still want them to understand me, and it’s eating me alive, making me feel betrayed and a failure. I hate it. I hate being sick. Have I not tried? Oh they don’t care. Of course they don’t care. They only care about themselves. Then I’ll do whatever I want. Why should I care if they don’t. And that’s why I hate myself. Cos now it’s as if I’m ENTITLED to be heard and to be pitied. I’m a terrible human being 😞
  8. Df is funny like that. I’ve been wanting to quit for a long time but I keep coming back.. maybe it’s the people here.. I dunno.. keep pushing and keep fighting.. we r fighting for nothing.. but just take it one day at a time.. it’s not easy.. nothing is easy.. its 6.30am where I am. Getting up to go to work. Why. What’s the point? There is no point. But still, I have to fight.
  9. Too many feelings inside me. But I guess mostly it’s the anger and hatred towards i me and myself. Really, why do I even bother. So many other things I could have done instead. Then there is next week to think about too. Why is it so hard to talk to people. Why do I feel like I’m lying, when I could have said the truth, but cos I didn’t want her to misunderstand, I just said I don’t know. Cos I really don’t know! I hate people who have this bias against someone, like can u stop judging just cos of one incident???? Why can’t u be more understanding????!!! Ugh
  10. Please don’t end things.. it is never a solution. I’m sure there are people who still need you and who want you around. By being here, you help us know we are not alone and we are going through this together. Spend some time outside with a family to keep your mind occupied with constructive thoughts. I know that feeling of hopelessness after trying so many things but nothing is working and everything is just repeating itself and all we wanna do is just end it all cos there is no point in continueing. I hope I can help more. Keep posting and hang in there.
  11. I wish I can help more. I wish the world would be a better place. I wish people would take responsibility for their actions. I wish everyone work on being a kinder person than they were yesterday. I wish I can accept this life and I wish I am happy with my life.
  12. I can only reply through my experience.. Has he seen a counsellor/psychiatrist? For me, I wouldn’t want to impose my depression on others, but I do not mind hearing my loved one’s voice, even if it’s just a sentence to say they wanna catch up and see how I’m doing just once a week. Just let them know ur there if u need them and u appreciate their feelings and believe in them doing what they are doing, like Hearing people say I’m amazing even when I had a horrible day is something I need on some days. I seldom talk about myself to a depressed Friend. We have a lot of silence between each other, so it’s more of activities that we do together once a week, like just a five minute walk around the park, or cycling or sitting at the beach at night, then we talk about the activity that we r doing, but not much else, and whenever they wanna talk about themselves, I let them talk, and if there are some things I can relate to, I’ll talk about it, if not I’ll see the atmosphere but I mostly keep quiet. Have u tried presenting him with a book on improving mental health? There r many books out there with suggestions inside which u two can work on together. But maybe u will need to be closer to him first to be able to understand his situation and if he is able to take it, cos we don’t want to pressure him even more. Generally, it takes a very long time for them to open up, but during this time, just show that we r there, and when they do open up, it’s important to give them all the support we can. Hope u get more replies and help from others with more experience!
  13. Saw someone reading this book, The anxiety cure by klaus bernhardt, and decided to borrow it. Has anyone read it yet..? I’m not much of a reader, so I haven’t read much, but will read it soon and hoping it’ll help me.
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