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About Depressedgurl007

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  1. Depressedgurl007

    Running away

    from problems. Sometimes I find myself saying I hate myself I don't want to live anymore. On better days, I would reply those thoughts with, I hate these problems in life I don't want to face all these problems in life. But what choice do I have. None. Zero. Zilch. Gotto force myself. But still, I have to fight. As tired as I am, as tiring as this world gets, but still, I have to fight. I'm gonna take a three months break from here, like the many breaks I have taken over my 10 years here. Gotto focus on other areas of my life. I have a baby now, a responsibility to earn money to feed the child. Where will I be in June, that's anyone's guess. Happiness is a choice. I am the only one who can make me happy. I am as happy as I choose to be.
  2. Don’t want to face the world. Been making too many mistakes. I’m never good enough. But I gotta still try 😞
  3. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. Life can be such a pain and what is the point really. I hope u find the reason to keep trying and I hope there’s some light at the end of your tunnel even if it’s small. Hang in there.
  4. oh is it your birthday too? Happy birthday! Lol birthday twins. Wishing life gets better for u this year.
  5. Thank you so much ur not lecturing I really do need help with my marriage sometimes. It’s been a very tough 7 years for me. I’ll try to keep your words in mind.
  6. Happy birthday! Sorry to ask but why do u have to invite people into your house. Your birthday should be a day for u to just relax and be yourself.
  7. I think I know what you mean. I know if I do get it, the suffering will be very painful but sad to say, if it happens just let it. I don’t mind if it wants to infect me and take me away from this world, it’s one way out of this crazed place. I’m way too healthy to fall sick sadly. No offence to those avoiding the virus I’m just putting my nonsense thoughts out here..
  8. I’m sorry insomnia can be a terrible thing I’m lucky I don’t suffer from it. My country is Asian and on the equator so no issue of time change. Just a suggestion but it might not work for everyone, but have you tried those sleeping apps like Calm or Moodpath or some meditation app? I’m not saying they work for me but I used to listen to music to try to sleep, and I don’t have this issue so I hope others here can give you a better suggestion that works for them!
  9. Today is a very bad day and the day still haven’t end yet 😞 I really hate myself.
  10. Can u tell me what’s your secret to looking at marriage in such a beautiful way. What is this “reward” of your hard work, which I can’t seem to get in mine. My “partner” is not really my friend. He says my words are always too negative for him. Maybe its just me then. Maybe I’m not suited for marriage. I’m sorry I get envious of people with a beautiful marriage. You’re lucky your hard work is rewarding. Or maybe I’m the one not putting in enough effort.
  11. This morning, hubby left baby on bed and expected me who is half asleep to take care of her. I stupidly fell back asleep and woke up to a very loud crash and baby wailing like a siren on the floor. Mil rushed into the room and took baby away. Hubby was shaking his head at me in disappointment. What else can i do but cry. Afraid of people’s judgement, i just left the house and now the whole scene keeps repeating in my head over my stupidity and fear if baby is ok or is there a bump on her head and i do not know anything right now. I guess i’m typing this out to vent cos im so angry and disappointed in myself and theres nothing i can do about it. Hubby is out with his friends cos he said he already promised meeting his friends and no way am i going back to face mil so i’ll be alone the next few hours. Maybe this will blow away, maybe baby needs to be sent to the doctor. I dont know. Today is a very bad day for me. I used to go to the beach when I’m down. But nowadays the beach is crowded with groups of people having fun, especially at those places with shelter. The sprain on my foot have not healed so I can’t move much. I got the sprain when I jogged for half an hour after months of not jogging. Stupid things keep happening to me. I have nowhere to go. I have no one to turn to. Everyone is against me. I kind of started an argument with a group of people cos I wanted some personal space at a bench I was sitting. Ha. Maybe I should have walked away but this place is crowded and if I had walked away I might not get another seat. Everywhere I go I’m looked down at. The difference is maybe I won’t meet these people again ever hopefully. If I go back, I’d be constantly seeing mil 24/7 till the day I die. So I choose to be among the public who do not know me even though they don’t like me. I am full of envy, jealousy and hatred in my heart. Was I wrong to ask them to move away a bit cos I needed my personal space even though this is a public place. I sat first so I should be able to say that right? Then a couple in front of me who was at another seat in front of me actually left and told the group they can sit there instead. I was irritated cos its as if they are siding the bigger group. But then I shouldn’t feel that way. I did get the personal space I was asking for. I have to admit the songs they are blasting are quite good too. At least my headache has gone down a bit. Maybe cos I managed to sleep before the big group came. Which is good cos I can’t take it if my headache is here. I hate myself for always running away. I’m not even using my phone cos it died so I can’t do much. I’m really running low on cash since I haven’t gotten any income in four months, so I can’t really buy books that I enjoy. I’ll just read some books on Kobo for now. I’m using my hubby’s phone. He was still nice to lend it to me. Phone is at 33% now. I left my portable charger at my sister’s place sigh. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now except watch the percentage. When will I be able to leave this world I hate so much.
  12. I’ve pretty much given up on people. I’m always running away and always alone cos of what you just described. My main enemy nowadays is my thoughts. I’m a wreck really.
  13. I’m sorry you’re having a very bad day. Keep talking to us and hanging on. Stay strong, there’s good and bad to this craziness in this world, look for things to be grateful for. It’s hard but hopefully slowly you can do it. You’re a worthy person, so keep talking to us ya.
  14. Useless, worthless, pathetic..what’s wrong with me..i thought things can change i can improve but then it always goes back and i don’t even know why i still try 😞
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