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About Depressedgurl007

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  1. Depressedgurl007


    Thanks for all your replies. Now that I think about it, “all suffering is good” is not really biblical. Like what @Haunted Rain said, it’s probably just my own way of philosophy I made up in the name of positivity and optimism. Because like @Ratvan said, it’s listed in other faith’s holy texts. Suffering is always there, problems are always there. “Dissatisfaction and unease are inherent in human nature and Buddha concludes they are necessary components to creating consistent happiness in humans.” For me, I’m a Muslim. (I didn’t mention that earlier cos I don’t wanna bring up differences in our faith, I only wanna bring up similarities.) And I chose to see that all suffering is good cos it’s my way to think well of God. If He is powerful and have created everything, He has the power to give us good and protect us from evil. And if He loves us and if we ask from Him, He will give us good, even if it takes in the form of us having to endure pain. I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong. I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve. I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brains to work. I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome. I asked for patience and God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait. I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help. I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities. I received nothing I wanted, I received everything I needed. Job’s suffering wasn’t for his benefit, but it was for the benefit of the future people to come to read and know of the strength of his faith in God. I suppose life after death is where our holy texts differ. I was taught this world is temporary and is a testing ground for us. Tests, trials and tribulations come in different forms, and He knows best the pain that we all need to grow. Yes, there are many who are suffering around us in this world, and the test is on those not suffering to help them out for all to come out of suffering. This is a broken world, after all. Suffering will always be there. Those who help others are those who will be given merit in their after life. It’s just something I was taught, not easy to understand I know. @mmoose - I’m sorry I won’t be taking up your offer to challenge what I was taught. Yes my believes are my ideas and they can be changed when I learn something new, but so far, the things I’ve learnt in my religion have all been true. Our ideas are linked and they hold true as much as a person’s mind can accept it or feel it. I can see why people have certain ideas cos of the different experiences in their lives. Whether the ideas are really true or not, who knows till we die? Was science just a concept planted by the devil itself to lead us to hell? I don’t want to dwell on these issues. I was born in a very religious family and my faith can’t be shaken that far. But things like agriculture and geography and electronics and mental illness are not taught in detail in our holy texts, that’s why we need to learn them from others and that’s how we help each other to live another day in this world. @schizotype - I was reffering to God. I just use “He” cos I’m used to it, but I’ve learnt that God has no gender and so that’s not a relevant question to ask Thanks again for all your replies. Sorry turned out to be a Long post and sorry if it’s difficult to understand. Kinda cracked my head to reply to all cos it’s kinda deep.
  2. Depressedgurl007

    How Do You Feel Right Now #10

    Exhausted, lost and stupid, even though I should be happy cos of so many reasons. Work was madness, in office I was just trying to let the words of others slide past me and not take it in. And still I keep thinking I said the wrong thing to my colleague and yet I’m afraid to approach her to let her know. I hate that “typing” status on chats cos I feel so anxious like I know I did something wrong n I’m so gonna get scolded for it. But I’m not perfect it’s ok to make mistakes and there’s still much to learn but still.. sigh.. just feeling lost cos my future in my field is a bit uncertain. I volunteered to help out with my colleague’s work and yet I didn’t manage to complete it today. And tomorrow is my birthday, a reminder of how old I’m getting. It’s exhausting. Be happy please.
  3. Depressedgurl007

    "What Was The Last Movie(S) You Saw, And What Did You Think Of It?" #3

    How to train your dragon. Yea it’s a childish cartoon but I’m letting the child in me be happy so I watched it alone in the cinema and it was beautiful and sweet. Typical plot line but still I enjoyed it.
  4. Depressedgurl007


    I’m sorry if I’m not clear which side I am on. I come from a religious pious family, and we have been taught our purpose of life on this earth. I’m just saying sometimes I do struggle with the understanding of life and suffering and pain, even though I know they have to be there. I’m sorry if I sounded like all atheists and all agnostics have no sense of purpose. Even for those who are religious, there are many who are still lost, cos life is not meant to be easy. And I’m sorry if I was generalising when all I’m giving is my own believe and my own point of view. I posted this cos after reading some posts on this site, I can’t really connect with them.. maybe because I haven’t gone through what they have, but I see people here who are 50 or 60 and they see life as nothing, they wake up and do the necessities, go through problems, find ways to fix problems, then sleep and wake up again and just walk through life with no end in mind. For me, I was taught that life is more than that. I was taught on life after death. I was taught on the reason we have to struggle. And the reason we cannot commit suicide is different from those with no religion. Yes ur right, it’s mentally challenging to believe that every suffering we receive is good. But then again it’s up to us what we want to make of it right? We can learn from the experience and see the silver lining or we can complain and see all the negativity and blame the situation and the people around us and refuse to take responsibility on what we have experienced, just because we have tried and it didn’t get us anywhere. I was taught on the bigger picture, that everyone is connected and every small action affects many people without us realising it. I’m not a priest or religious head who claims to know everything about God. But one thing I do know is God is with me and watching me. I can’t always feel him, but he is there whether I like it or not. And combine that with my mental illness, that is what I, from a religious family, struggle with and like I said in my first post, I don’t know why I’m here on this forum. I don’t need to be here but I am cos life is painful and I struggle to find relieve. And I definitely agree with you that it’s not about what happens in life, it’s about our perspective and it’s up to us to deal with it, manage life and see what happens. And that’s part of the reason I’m here on this site I guess.
  5. Depressedgurl007

    Life in a psychiatric hospital

    Wow those are detailed info and photos. I do wonder what will I do if I ever need to get warded in a psychiatric hospital. And now I know.. though my area might be a bit different.. Learned something new today thanks. It does feel much better when there’s no daily life stress to deal with right?
  6. Depressedgurl007

    I feel like therapy is BS.

    I wish I have a therapist like that. I’ve never had luck with Therapists either and have left so many I just get tired of looking. What @Atra said might be helpful but it’s difficult, it seriously takes a LOT of effort to do that cos there is really almost nothing in my life that has ever made me feel that way, and even if there are they were like short seconds of my life which even though the Therapists have gone through them, I still feel her deductions on why they happened are totally wrong. And my self-esteem improved maybe for a short while but that’s it, i still go back to square one. 2 steps forward 2 steps back. But yea, maybe it’s still worth a try. Maybe I’m exaggerating, maybe I’m being way too negative, but I guess I’m just saying don’t wake my word for it.
  7. Depressedgurl007

    Fear of the Next Day

    Same for me I love to fall asleep it’s the only escape I have after the end of a tiring day, but I’ll end up waking Super early and just lay in bed for hours not able to get up but wide awake just dreading the day. It doesn’t matter that I need to work, I can still wake up early and stay wide awake but in bed.
  8. Depressedgurl007

    The world as i experience it

    I’m so sorry for what u r going through, I have no experience in that area, yet I feel for u Keep posting to let it out, don’t keep it inside. It’s natural to want to be left alone when ur depressed. And sadly, it’s natural for people to leave us. I have to agree that we are all alone. I try to not let my feelings get too attached to anyone. Not every single person who touch us will still be here, but this forum and community as a whole will always be here to lend it’s listening ear, so when u have grieved enough, come back out to a new you. Memories will still be there, but we can always start a new day differently from yesterday. It’s ok to take your time to grief.
  9. Depressedgurl007

    Silver Linings

    My first blog post. I’ll just type out everything on my mind, since I’m not so good at writing. I’m gonna try to look at silver linings in my life. I have this bad habit of just staring into space and hating myself and hating everything about this world and end up wasting a lot of time just being unproductive. So what’s my silver lining for today? Watching SAO. Always makes my Sunday. Going to my religious class, even though I can’t remember what I learned there. And.. borrowing The Travelling Cat Chronicles from the library yesterday. Cos cats are so cute. My Husband has a cat, but I don’t like picking up her shit or vomit. Well that’s me. I don’t know how to get used to doing those chores. And yea it’s a Sunday morning here, gonna try to get out of bed now.
  10. Depressedgurl007


    Just to put my thoughts out there.. Why do I hurt those whom I love? Because I’m hurt, I want them to feel how hurt I am. Because I’m selfish and I want to feel better, so I hurt them and it feels good to see they are hurting as much as I am. Because I’m hurt and it’s not fair if they feel better than me, so I hurt them so they will never ever feel better than me. Then after years of me hurting my love and my love hurting me back, I hate myself and withdraw from society cos I believe everyone is like me. Everyone is selfish and have their own needs to fulfill which are never universal, so why go out there. And that’s how my depression sinks in. Of course, those are just my thoughts. A thought is just a thought. The world is not like that. I know. But I’m human. Just like everyone around me. We are all humans. We do things for ourselves. Just the two cents for the story of my life Since we are humans, we are able to learn from experience, and we know feeling hurt is not a nice feeling, so keep learning my dear. Learn, experience and be a better person than those who hurt us.
  11. That is the scary thing about humans. We are capable of so many things as long as our mind is brainwashed into it, to the extent of hurting another human being. I am very sorry for all that you have gone through and yes you are brave to have taken that move to leave it. It’ll be a huge step for the next few years so take your time and just follow your heart and this year will be better I’m sure. Be careful to not believe everything we see or hear because it can always mislead us. Keep posting if u ever need a listening ear we are always here.
  12. Depressedgurl007


    Thanks for all your replies. That’s the thing when trying to understand God. We have the views of God where people preach to us, which is so difficult to understand. I too have those feelings where I feel it’s my fault cos I did not believe and pray enough. Those feelings where I feel if I had prayed more, all these things wouldn’t be happening to me. I sometimes wonder if what I’m going through is a punishment to me for all the wrong that I have done. And that’s a painful thing to believe in. It’s something I wish to remove from my train of thoughts. I’m still trying to train myself to think well of the things He gave to me, both good and bad. Because if I believe that He cannot change people, then it just means He is not powerful at all, which is not what I was taught. So I tell my mind to go down the route that He can change people but that He gave humans free will, so He will not interfere in things that will help us humans grow. My Husband always tells me to thank God for opening up my husband’s heart to love me, for opening up the heart of my Mother-in-law to love me, for opening up the hearts of my friends and colleagues to accept me, cos He gives us what we need to grow. I like how @JessiesMom point out that our depression comes from the brokenness of the world. It’s still hard figuring out what was caused by humans having free will. Thanks for this reminder. It’s something that I need constant reminding to stop beating myself up and to go back to Him.
  13. Depressedgurl007


    Actually I’m kinda hesitant to be on this site cos I’m kinda afraid if being around depressed people will make me feel worse. But at the same time, I feel no one around me understands me so I’m in desperate need of having someone to just agree with what I’m feeling. I mean I have everything I need, and there is nothing missing in my life, so why am I here? Is that ironic. I try, I do try to get out of this nightmare. To look for the positives. Like how my husband might not have the same love language as me but I know he shows his love in his own way even though I can’t see it. Same goes for my Mother-in-law. And how I do have a good job with nice colleagues. So why do I still feel so down? When I have all the necessities I need? Just because I’m tired I get all grumpy? Just because I have to do house chores I get all mad? Just because I can’t do the things I want to do I get all depressed? The doors of happiness are always open, it’s just sometimes I can’t see it until I force myself to look for it. Guess im just rambling on..sorry about that..
  14. Depressedgurl007


    Thanks for the warm welcome. I suppose I just don’t want to get independent on pills. I’m not well-to-do and frankly I never really go to the doctor when I’m physically sick. I just try to use home remedies and rest at home, cos Doctors here are all money sucking and I can’t afford to be dependent on them. I did try to see a psychiatrist and therapy but I feel they do not understand the main issue and just keep going round and round at things that are not helping. Thanks again for the warm welcome.
  15. Welcome Kimmi. I’m also new here. Just try to remember you are not alone. People out there might not understand us just cause they are different. Keep talking to us and posting cos it does helps me to let it out. Ur not lazy, ur doing your best despite what you have gone through and that makes you amazing.