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Depressedgurl007

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  1. Thanks for all your replies. Things have calmed down a bit after that day when she exploded. She always explodes when she is tired and when she explode, I will too. On weekends is a bit better cos not so tired from work. I really don’t know how to talk to her. I can’t really talk cos she nags a lot if I try. So it ends up being a one side conversation and when she is done, I lose the energy to tell her what I really want to say.
  2. Nothing changed. It’s still the same. I’m still the unconfident person who is afraid and always stepping around egg shells n broken glass.. I have nowhere to go.. I have nothing.. when can I stop breathing..
  3. I’m such a disappointment to everyone. Can I die I just want to die I’m tired of living up to people’s expectations, I can’t be a role-model for my child. I’m tired.
  4. My story which nobody cares about. But I guess I just need somewhere to let this out. I have been married for almost 6 years and living with my Mother In Law, having no children of my own. Living with my Mother In Law has been hell for me. So many times I’ve wanted to just separate from my husband. So many arguments in the house with me running away and sleeping on the streets. So many times I went to the court to file for divorce but the law here says we have to go for marriage counselling before we can actually divorce, so end up things felt a little bit better and I end up getting back together with my husband and still living with my MIL, reason being my husband does not want to leave her and feels she has nowhere else to go. Anyway, my husband has longed for a child of his own and for me it’s unexplained infertility, so we decided to go for adoption (I think I said this story before using my old username on this forum). And.. finally after a few years of waiting, we managed to pass the first round of interviews and I’m now able to bring home a baby girl that was placed for adoption. She is born on 1 Aug, just 14 days old, a cute bundle of joy. But as usual my MIL takes over everything to take care of her and I’m like her assistant who does everything wrongly and she has to constantly nag at how I don’t use my brain. Yesterday I couldn’t take her nagging I was tired n hungry after work so I took my things and slammed the door to get out of her house and constant nagging cos there’s too much hatred building up inside me. And now here I am, back in the house cos I have nowhere else to go. I’m hating myself. So so many reasons to hate myself. I don’t know how I came to this situation. I don’t know why I’m here. All I know is I have very deep hatred towards my MIL. They can live and take care of the baby without me. It’s me who have nowhere to go. I can’t **** myself either. But how much I wish I can.
  5. Bought myself chicken rice for lunch and ate less than half before I lost my appetite 😞 I hate wasting food but I guess what I hate more is people seeing me wasting food cos of what they might think of me. My mind thinks way too much 😞
  6. They can do that!? Kick homeless people out of a homeless shelter?!
  7. I’m leaving a place that has been my comfort zone, my sanctuary, the one place I can breathe and be myself with no one watching over my shoulder, the only place I feel happy. I can’t exactly say goodbye to the place, so I guess I’ll just state it here to ease my heart. Goodbye to my room, which have given me such happy memories. I will miss my room. But such is life. I’ve gotto pack my stuff and move on. Happiness is a choice. I gotto force myself to be happy.
  8. Having mixed feelings today. I used to enjoy my Instagram cos I have no friends or family on there, except for animals, then even animals start to post about El Paso and I feel irritated coz of some comments that talk so big but hello are u doing anything about it? Did u try to stop to spread the hate? Because these things start small and people only start talking when it becomes big. Those are unfortunate events that even I feel guilty for not doing enough to stop it. Life is just too painful. But then I should stop feeling hatred cos nothing good comes out of it. Best to get off Instagram for now.
  9. Man, that’s terrible. Rent utilities work is normal depressive things I go through and it sucks but that massive payment to your ex is just unfair. Why must separation be so messy and so one sided. Makes me regret to even bother getting married sometimes. Our lives just revolve around money that we seem to owe so many and we never get for ourselves. This system is the worst. Life seems so unfair with you having to endure so much pain. I hope things get better for you and for your cats too. All you can do is hug them tight. I know it sounds impossible but I hope we can take our mind off all these money issues, there’s nothing good that comes out of it. We are here for you to talk to ((Hugs))
  10. Just woke up and trying to find the motivation to get through this day..
  11. Don’t put any of them in your will. Just donate it all to charity.
  12. I want to change my name and number and face and move to the dark side of the moon where not a single soul can contact me and I can just rot there and die like the pathetic human that I am. Since I can’t do that, I’ll just block everyone from my phone and just hate myself for doing that. I’m so good at running away. Everything is a mess and all I can do is run away. Wish I can run away from my job but i need to pay my rent. Can someone just **** me.
  13. Hmm it really depends on what is it that you fear, and I guess its also linked to our level of our confidence and how much we want it, and how we can stop worrying about it. I’m afraid of a lot of things cos there’s just so many things to fear, but I’m also very good at running away from them. Running is sadly, my way to remove my fear until I know I can’t run anymore, then I need to do something about what I’m fearing. Then I’ll become stressed and hate myself and the depression sinks in and it becomes another cycle.. ok I just realise I’m not helping never mind..
  14. Wow you’ve grown so much, and things are slowly improving. Its true it’s the fight with ourselves that drag us down. But once we know that, we can do something about it, and that’s a great leap forward. I like reading your post it gives me motivation. Hope you find something good for you to do on the side.
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