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Depressedgurl007

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  1. I don’t really get anxiety. But I get irritated when people question where I’m going cos I feel they r judging me. Like why am I going to my parents place to relax when he needs help to tend to his mum who is wheelchair bound n can’t move her left arm. I guess I also feel guilty for leaving him alone with her but I need to get out. He hasn’t gotten out for a very long time though, so I do feel guilty.
  2. Thank u, I also don’t know what to say a lot of the times. And I keep blaming myself, I should be more assertive, I should go for what I want, I should learn to talk properly so people will understand me better. And there’s not much that others can do to help me anw, except give me a listening ear to vent. Thanks
  3. I actually agree with u. I am quite often ignored here. I left n came back many times, I’ve been here since 2010 actually. But guess I have no where to go. I treat this place as the only place I can let out all my darkest thoughts without judgement, because I need an outlet. I learned to stop expecting any replies. Your existence matters to the people around you. The words u say have made someone think twice n feel heard n not alone. U make a difference to those who read your posts, but I know what u mean it’s hard ((huggs))
  4. I’m sorry. That must have been very painful to lose someone close to you. It’s better not to care, I think. Some say if we have feelings like anger or sadness or pain, means we care about the issue that’s why we have those feelings. So means if we don’t care, we won’t have any feelings about the issue at all. But I do hope time will heal your wound. Talk to someone close to them regarding their passing away, if it helps u feel better. Wish I can help more.
  5. Some days I lie to my husband on where I’m going cos I don’t want him to ask questions. Like today I told him I’m going to work but I actually went to my parents place. And he called me asking where I am, lied over the phone of course. I was thinking of going my parents place again tomorrow. Think I shall just tell him my plan tomorrow. I doubt he will get angry but he might ask questions. That’s ok. I just fear communication sometimes.
  6. I love this. Thinking of printing and pasting up this quote on my wall. Thank u.
  7. Memory isn’t perfect. When we remember something in a certain way, our brain really believes it so it’s really hard to all of a sudden let that go. Everyone’s recollection of something can be different, so take the eagle eye of it and say “my memory was this happened but who knows what happened? I could be wrong, I could not be wrong. This is my memory, this is my truth of what happened.” When different people look at the different sides of the same box, everyone has a different truth, no one has the same exact experience of interactions.
  8. How do I tell him that I respect his mum but I don’t love her. He told me his mum loves me and he wants me to love her just as much because she did sacrifice many things for me in the past. But love can’t just be created just like that if he expects me to love her. Fake it till I make it??? I hate having to always explain myself to him for something that he totally does not understand, and I blame my communication skills for that all the time. I wish it’s easier for people to understand each other without talking but that’s a fantasy.
  9. I’m sorry. That’s a horrible experience to go through
  10. In bed trying to sleep but just feeling sad overall about my situation again. Sigh. Btw I finally went to the eye specialist regarding my sudden many eye floaters and n she said I have a retina hole and they did a laser procedure to patch it up, but doesn’t mean it won’t happen again cos my myopia is quite high at 900 degrees. Sigh. I guess I should find some ways to fall asleep. Good night asians
  11. I’m stressed over small little things like how I can’t cook. I quit my job but got back together with my husband. Can’t leave him nope. Who leaves a husband whose mum got a stroke n lost her left arm and left leg. I would be the bad person if I left him. But I was assertive so I hope it lasts. Things will get better between me and him I hope.
  12. I have no solutions on boundaries with in laws because I live with one. And we can offend one even without saying anything like getting up and leaving. In laws are like a separate bunch of people whom we are forced to respect, and cannot really apply normal human interactions with them because our husband is their parents. Its ok for them to offend me but I cannot offend them. But to save our sanity, we will definitely offend them in one way or another, I am always the one who is too sensitive and overreacting. But that is their opinion! We are humans too with feelings and so are they, we want to protect ourselves and so do they. It’s ok if they think we are sensitive or overreacting, but I don’t think you are, it’s just a matter of them having a totally different set of values, characters and personalities and there will be many differences between us and them, so somehow gotto respect them as the aliens they are, yet respect ourselves for saying the things we say. I still have not yet done the “I would not like to talk about this” to them because usually my heart would be too boiling to say that sentence in a civil way. Control ourself and be assertive in front of them (which u did a fabulous job) but always find a way to release it when away from them. I hope others can give you better advice.
  13. For me, work-wise, I realise my self-esteem is very low the longer I stay at a job, the more I see the people around me younger than me rise up and take initiatives and do projects that I always thought I should be doing as a senior staff. I would admire how others around me can do things that I can’t do which I keep thinking I should be doing. Anw I had quit my job but I can see my self-loathing still continue even after having no job. I can’t figure out my own strengths and how my uniqueness, no matter how small, is a good quality that brings different aspects and viewpoints into the people around me. It’s very easy to say “you have your own strengths within you, you just need to find it and believe in it”. And probably we do have that unique part of us that’s a strength that other people can see, but it’s so very difficult to believe in them. And even if we do, it’s only one hour at a time, before our negativity push back all that. I hate my brain. I don’t like reading on how to improve my self esteem cos I know all the theory, but why is it so hard to put into practice. Anyway, that’s me talking about myself. Sorry I needed to let it out I just hope we both get out of our self-loathing.
  14. Mother in law still in hospital after operation at her neck’s main artery to remove the clogged parts…but still having fever from the operation… What a year… I don’t celebrate New Years but looking at the date and time, I can just feel the weariness of the year ending and another 365 days of unknown to come. Or maybe I should reframe my thoughts and say 365 days of opportunities to come
  15. Hope you get to spend the New Years at home. Glad you’re doing better. Life is too unpredictable and unstable. Any sickness can happen nowadays…
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