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Posts posted by Tearz

  1. Hello, @xwaxpoeticx and welcome to these forums. Someone else said it eloquently, this is the correct place to be a mess. We all have reasons to be messes, although our reasons are different, but the result remains the same. I am for one so glad you have found this refuge to shelter in place from the brutal world. Please return often and mill around, you will happen upon lots of good advice and camraderie here from those who truly understand. Peace, new friend. 🕊👍✌️

  2. Well to tell the truth, things aren't terrible right now. Got a new car, so that was a good place to start to lift my spirits. 🙂 She's shiny and new and she smells nice, so driving doesn't suck as much! I'm on my way to another meeting. Getting back on the horse, as it were. Hmmm. We shall see. Got a text from my son so he's still alive. So there's that. Work is whatever. I could complain...but I won't. 👍

  3. Hello, @OtherKin and welcome! You certainly have much to get out, and we are so glad you have found a safe place to unload your complex thoughts and observations. I can only speak simply, but my one thought on your grandmother is this; she was severely mentally ill and cruelly sadistic. I grew up also in a similar circumstances, equating abuse with love. It has taken me years to put that in its rightful place and move forward, and sometimes it does have a way of oozing out and tainting my current life. Forgiveness is tough, and not for everyone. But just giving it a name, for me, was a good place to start healing. Anyway, we are so glad you are here. ✌️🌷

  4. Hello Delta Heavy, welcome to DF! I am so sorry you are suffering. We care very deeply for your plight because by varying degrees, you represent us all. Your honesty is so courageous; putting all your troubles here is a very brave and cleansing first step. Go easy on yourself, as you are already overcoming things I couldn't imagine dealing with. Your "friends" who tell you that you are a waste of space should be flogged in the public square. Those types of people suck the life out of everything around them like vampires. If you can and are able, sever all contact with them, or at least greatly reduce your contact with those types. Positive self-talk is another good place to start, as there are lots of decent videos on YouTube in this category. Please return here often, as your continued perseverence brings hope to us and to yourself, whether you realize it or not. Peace, new friend. 🕊🦋🌷 

  5. Your lyrics are well-received, NI. I intimately know that stinging tears feeling. Recently I have taken to using initials to address people here instead of their user names because well, I would feel awful calling anyone 'nobody important.' Each life is important, just as yours is. You have a gift for poetry. Please continue to visit. We are so glad you found this place to unload your troubles. Peace. 🕊✌️

  6. Hi FJ and welcome to the forums. I am sorry you are so distraught over these things. I cannot tell you that things will get better. What I can say is you can learn to see things a different way. When I get very low, I say the serenity prayer from Al-Anon: "God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." If you believe in any higher power, you can just say your name for your higher power in place of God. My therapist tells me flat out, do NOT watch the news. Talk about sht you can't change!! My other advice is get off Facebook. It's a time-sucking, gigantic spy. I left years ago because I hate the drama and Zuckerberg is a d**k. 🙂 Take my advice with a teaspoon of salt, as these are things that work for me, but may not be for everyone. Hope this helps!!! Peace. 🕊✌️

  7. Hi @Maxx55, I care. I care a lot. Bearing your soul on these forums takes tremendous courage and you never have to apologize to us for your feelings. 

    You want to be an officer to help people, but at your job AND on these boards, you ARE helping people. The security officer at my building is a foul-mouthed creep who does nothing but spew curse words and hit on the ladies. Always asking for "a hug" from the ladies because he's a lech! (I told him "No, why don't you go ask my boss for a hug." He knows not to *$&% with me anymore.) I bet anything you are the type of security officer who takes his job seriously and actually makes people feel safe. What you do is vital!! Take pride that you are the type of person everyone would want in a dark parking lot to assure our safety. I am so grateful you are here with us. ✌️🕊

  8. I'm starting to resent my job as I continue to get blamed for sht I have not had a hand in, while simultaneously being overlooked on nearly every all-staff email that goes out so I have no idea about what everyone else knows. It is beginning to affect my life in a negative way. And really pissing me off. 

  9. I hope things are going better for you, DG007. As others have mentioned, it is day to day for most of us who carry this illness. Sometimes even the smallest thing can feel overwhelming so remember to give yourself high praise for anything you do no matter how trivial it may seem. I am pulling for you. 🕊💐🌼

  10. @SP_E3ZY219 , much of what MarkintheDark says is accurate; except for siblings, our stories, yours and mine, are quite similar. I am so sorry you are struggling with abandonment and existential crises. However I was also encouraged by your ability to keep your accomplishments in the forefront. Great on you for what you have - and will! - achieve. There are lots of folks here who will relate to you and give support and encouragement. Please peruse the boards and, if/when you're feeling up to it, post when you find things that interest you. I am glad you found this place of refuge to work through that which troubles you. Peace. ✌️🕊

  11. Hello Smallbike. Welcome to DF! I am sorry you have been a long-time sufferer and that you are going through a tough spot right now. I hope that you will continue to post on any forums here that strike your interest or amusement. This is a safe place to come and mingle with others who understand, I think that you will find it a place of comfort, as I have. Peace new friend. 🕊

  12. @Rattler6 That impulsive, aggravated feeling has got to be part of long-term depression...? When I'm not completely shut down, I am aggravated over the littlest things. Throwing sht is my thing when I am in this place. Cannot tell you how many  dishes/phones/keychains/keys/hairbrushes I have chunked across the room in my lifetime. I blogged about doing this to my iPad. One time I punched a mirror. I am even aggravated right now that I could not quote only that part of your response! Since I paid a lot of money for this new phone, I can and will restrain myself, but the temptation still exists. I also do not share myself this candidly anywhere but here.

    God, why is this my life, a ping-pong of anger/sadness/anger/sadness, with tiny pockets of normal shoved between? Even as I write this, angry stinging tears brim under the surface. My head hurts, my neck and shoulders hurt. FCK I hate this way of being. I just want to cry on someone's neck and be held and fall asleep and wake up in the safety and comfort of one human who won't disappoint me or hurt me or use me. 

    But there is nobody. Nobody. 


  13. Hello Lis and welcome to the forums! I am so sorry for all the things which are overwhelming you right now. Trust me, I have walked those miles. You have arrived at a safe place to get things off your chest and gather support from many who understand. While I cannot give you specific advice on each step, one thing I might suggest is a school counselor? You might look and see if such a resource exists, as many schools offer assistance programs. If not, a local government resource such as a county or city health agency, and sometimes certain non-profits may offer resources and assistance. Please do not give up hope, the very fact that you are cognizant of these issues and reached out here is a tremendously courageous step in the right direction. Peace, young friend. 🕊

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