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  1. Thanks for your reply Keemkeem. These are great observations. It was hard, but I was focused on raising and being there for my family. They were my whole life. Didn't have too many friends, heck the only friends really were from work and once work ended so did that. I didn't socialize outside of the family and the extended family on the rare holiday or special event occasions. Now they are all grown its pretty much the same and they have their own life. So as you allured to I must find some new things to occupy all the new extra time I now have. Thanks again.
  2. Don't feel too bad, I can relate same here. I am just now trying to change my ways somewhat, won't be too easy since it is a serious family trait. I will take your advice on the older male therapist to heart also. Thanks!
  3. Maybe that's part of the problem? You bottled everything up for so long, forcing yourself to be stoic while ignoring your emotional needs and now your psyche has reached the limit. What you describe very much sounds like depression. This disease manifests itself in different ways, not everybody curls up in bed and cries non-stop. Oftentimes it just results in anhedonia, lacking motivation and energy, not seeing a point in life. I would strongly encourage you to seek professional help if things have gotten so bad that you have contemplated suicide. A good therapist can help you figure out what's going on. I would also urge you to see a doctor to check for possible physical causes such as changing hormone levels, thyroid issues, sleep apnea, a lot of things can lead to depression so make sure you rule them out before trying any psychotropic medications. Since my situation is very different from yours I don't really have any solid advice to offer but I am sure some other members will. Thanks for the response lonelyforeigner! I never really put much thought to bottling things up. In the past when something happened like most people I get upset, a little or a lot, and move on. As far as motivation, I did go back and get my degree a few years back after being tired of the industry I was in for several decades, it wasn't easy but I did enjoy it very much. I do agree though right now one something happens after planning it out and it goes way of track I do find myself asking what's the point in life. I am still cautiously contemplating the therapist issue though, on the forum we can divulge just enough to get some feedback and support, with a therapist it gets a lot personal I believe and I would have to find the right one so as to not feel myself being judged somewhat. I may be off base, but that's how I feel somewhat. I hope you much luck on your battles and again thanks!
  4. Hello everyone, I go by Tron. First time ever on any public site, so bear with me if my intro is not too clear or jumps around. I was directed here after looking up why people contemplate suicide in google. It was one of 3 sites recommended for more support. I am going on 50, married with 4 children of whom I love more than life itself. I have done all that I possibly can and more and continuing to do so. I have never considered myself suffering from any form of depression. I had a so childhood and so life with its ups and downs I guess like everyone else. There are times I am not satisfied with my life as far as my accomplishments not being significant enough. My wife sometime states I should be happy with what I have done, it seems I am never happy with what we have done, such as opening and running a small business since 2006, purchased a home sold it and upgraded to a better home, and most importantly helped raise our kids of which 3 are college grads while the 4th still finding himself. Very recently a personal family issue has pushed me into a situation I find myself struggling to deal with. I am raised Catholic, but since becoming an adult I have never been a practicing one for longer than a few years at a time, mainly because of our kids. Anyhow recently I have been doing more soul searching and have begun praying more for help with my issues, after a couple of weeks things took a turn for the better. I was able to sleep through the night and gradually my appetite was returning plus I the knot feeling in my stomach went away. I though all was well until the past weekend when another incident involving same issue ignited again and things went back to worse quickly. I don’t quite understand why at 50 I am not able to control my emotions let alone understand, since I have always been able to do so before. Anyhow not to make the intro to long, there is much more to be said of course, but the forum did advise against, I do not know where to go from here. I simply want to be at peace and grateful for the life I have which if looking outside would say is a great one but being the one inside does not feel so. Technically I feel I have seen enough if I am never going to get more than an inch worth of peace at a time. I would rather not have to go another 10 20 or more years of this. I feel as one grows older things should plateau a bit and become easier, but the opposite seems to be happening for me. And that makes me feel bad at times mainly for my family because I am supposed to be the rock for them but instead the negative energy I must be emitting towards them cannot possibly good for their emotional state now or in the long run. I don’t know I thought maybe others have been through this and could share their experience and prove that I am not crazy! Sorry if I seem to be rambling.
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