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ItsNeverEnough

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  1. ItsNeverEnough

    Fear

    If the worse-case scenario happened, we lost everything. Would you still be there with me? I believe I've identified one of my biggest fears, the reason for my little stint with anxiety the past couple days, and it is a pretty common one. The fear of failure. There is a huge responsibility that I carry. I have a family to provide for. Whenever there is the slightest possibility that something could disrupt the foundation I've built, I become uneasy. To release the weight I feel on my shoulders, I have to remove any attachment to the things that do not have importance in my life. The non-essential stuff. Only then I can feel content no matter where life takes me. I don't want to be failure to my family. In the worst-case scenario, I need to know that no matter what happens we'll always be there for each other. If I have that, there is nothing left to fear.
  2. Dr. Strange After catching up on Marvel movies except for what's in theaters (i.e. Endgame), I had to go back and watch this, as I was waiting to watch it with someone. I liked the movie. It definitely leaves you feeling like there should have been more. Hopefully there is a sequel. Because Dr. Strange doesn't feel complete as a character here. You have a fulfilling origin, just not enough as the sorcerer supreme. Dr. Strange is one of favorite Marvel characters (if not my favorite). Up until this movie, everything in the MCU had to be explained by some kind of science. This movie is just like, bam, here's magic.... and I love it. I don't need everything to be explained. It's fantasy universe after all. That's what I love about Dr. Strange. He is just human who mastered the dark arts. I love the visual styles on the spells. It reminds me of alchemic circles. And that short battle featuring him in Infinity War --- was pretty freaking awesome.
  3. @c4n4ry Hi and welcome to the forums! So sorry to be seeing this post so late. I believe there must of been a notification issue. I believe you are right about feeling it quickly, I felt the same way in the beginning. I'm a tad jealous it worked so well for you, save for the negatives. For me, the positive (if any) were barely noticeable. Seeing as it is months later, if you see this post, let us know how you are doing now -- if you are still taking it or not. I've stopped taking mine sometime in early May. In the beginning of taking it, it did feel like it was doing something, but just not enough. Then I kept getting bumped up in mgs, but nothing ever changed or felt different. I believe what I did feel in the beginning was actually just the distancing of previous anxiety caused by medications prior. I didn't have any issues with sexual function, I did have the nausea though. To summarize for me, it wasn't worth it to suffer through nausea everyday (taking naps in the middle of the day, or being short with my wife or kids) for something that doesn't appear to be working well. And since my recent trails with anti-depressants have gone so poorly, I've just given up on them all together. So I haven't take any medications since I quit Trintillex. I was afraid to quit, because I read horror stories where people were basically stuck on it due to withdraw symptoms. Fortunately through some luck, I did not suffer from withdraws (probably because, well, it wasn't working for me).
  4. In continuation of my last blog post, but more derivative... Anxiety. Depression seems like a life long battle, but when anxiety rears its ugly head it really cripples me. Everything stops. In fact, it was anxiety that led me to the doctor; therefore prescriptions, in the past. Yesterday, I felt a bit of anxiety for the first time since I was going through the medication dance earlier this year. It concerns me. Sometimes the reasoning for anxiety is out of my reach. It lies somewhere in the subconscious I suppose. Other times, I know the trigger but no amount logic and reason can calm it. The root cause could even disappear but the anxiety remains. This morning it was still there, at noon not so much, and now as I write this it seems to be fading away. As fishy as it seems, maybe I can finally work through this. It just feels a lot bigger than me sometimes. Again, if I do pursue therapy, it may also help me here.
  5. So in May, after being on Trintillex for a while, I decided to quit anti-depressants. After some pretty-intense anxiety started springing up; and the Sertraline (Zoloft) I was taking for years wasn't cutting it anymore, I went through a pretty disruptive trail and error of medications and anti-depressants with my doctor. But when Trintillex wasn't working well for me, I decided enough was enough and I was going to fight through this some other way. As risky as it was to let things just ride out and return to fighting with depression, things have worked out. I am now the most productive I've been since last July. Both with work and my personal life. I feel healthier, thoughtful, and more present in everyday things. I actually feel about the same as I did when I was steady with Setraline. This leads me to believe that it may not have been helping me or effectively making much of difference those years. I still have recurring depressive thoughts, but I am able to pull myself out of them. It is as if this journey has made me more familiar with my thoughts and given me the power to confront them. I don't know for sure if another big bout of depression will come on, but I think I can work through it... and maybe I don't have to do it alone. I've been considering therapy. If it isn't a chemical imbalance medication can fix, maybe there something that can be addressed from my past, my fears, or my behavior.
  6. Teen Mom Series So much cringe, so little sense, and MTV believes these "celebrities" should give out advice (enough that it warrants its own segment). 🤮
  7. Welcome @AKGrown! Thanks for sharing your experience with it. My doctor seemed to believe it would also help me with my cognitive function in regards to focusing. Lately, I am starting to notice nausea sometimes shortly after taking the medication. It is bearable but hard to ignore. 2 times however it was much worse, and napping was the only thing that helped. I don't have an idea of what's different day to day, but taking it after a solid meal and limiting caffeine seems to help. While I didn't see any interactions with caffeine in the paper work, I've noticed an increased sensitivity to caffeine now. Drinking coffee will worsen the nausea when I get it, and do exactly the opposite of what it normally does, destroying my focus. I haven't had any loss in appetite (I wish). I seem to eat more and give into cravings easier. I've read around that doctor's will sometimes prescribe Zofran along with it to control vomiting, but if you feel its not for you, it might not be worth pursuing. For me, if the nausea gets worse, or this doesn't work out, I am considering dropping anti-depressants all together and just fighting through the old way.
  8. Sorry to hear that. It is a shame when the effectiveness of a medication fades. Sometimes I wonder if a medication is doing anything for me except serving as a placebo. I would have stayed on Sertraline if it weren't for the issues I was having focusing.
  9. I have another update on this. Still taking 10mg. Anxiety has been gone for sometime and my focus returned shortly after my last update. I feel normal except my mood has been horrible. I don't think Trintellix is completely helping me with my depression like Sertraline was. I am now being bumped up to 20mg. I haven't had any side-effects, and I'm hoping an increase doesn't show any new ones. @supergirl How is it going so far, are you still taking Trintellix?
  10. Yes. We'd be friends, but then never keep up with the relationship.
  11. Welcome! I can tell by your writing that you are very intelligent. I have felt many similar feelings as you in regards to humanity, life, and the world we share. As someone with deeper thoughts and feelings, your observations do not meet your expectations -- even your self-image falls short. I'm so sorry you going through this. I hope you find your mental state of this existence where you can feel content in acceptance. You are special and you have friends here.
  12. Hi Saliency, So the Bupropion did exactly as you said. I had anxiety worse than I ever had, it was like before Zoloft but worse..... and it didn't stop immediately, in fact; 4-5 days after stopping Bupropion I still had anxiety. After I mentioned it to the doctor I was prescribed Trintellix. I am fighting through focusing issues in hopes that within a few weeks (2 weeks in) it will help.
  13. So I've been taking it for almost 2 weeks now. No side effects yet. I've done some research that suggests increased cognitive function after 8 weeks or so, but slightly flawed as to whether it is any different from any other anti-depressant relieving the impairment caused by the disease itself. That is appealing to me, as the main reason I visited the doctor recently was due to my lack of focus, but it appears he tends to focus on my depression and anxiety symptoms (and maybe he had the above mind? probably not, anxiety which only reappeared upon taking new medications). Focus has become the most important thing for me to treat because I can see it literally making my life fall-apart (and I can't imagine how that wouldn't trigger depression). I know that concentration and motivation issues are symptoms of depression, but if treatment is working shouldn't those symptoms go away? Why would they get worse? Have either of you noticed any increase in concentration and focus on it? As for the cost, I signed up for a saver program (not the coupon as that is only temporary) on their website that may be worth looking into. With it, you pay only $10. I had to work with my pharmacist to get the discount to work (they ended up making phone calls).
  14. I missed this! Hope you are feeling even better than before. I'm having pretty bad aniexty today. Almost tempted to try anything to stop it, so alcohol comes to mind. Not an addict but I'm trying to avoid it. So the fight continues. Just started another medication. Couldn't get fast enough, who knows how long it will take, days, weeks, months, who knows. Feeling really bitter towards people. I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots and I'm snapping. Don't want to jeopardize anything, but anger provides some relief albeit temporary. I go from stable to unstable too quickly it feels. Praying for some help.
  15. I use a CPAP machine. When I had to get a new mask I had to pay $100 out-of-pocket (I believe that to be the retail price, so no coverage). There seems to be so many restrictions on what and how often they will cover medical supplies. That being said, I haven't had any issues getting the supplies. I am using a company called Medigy and using Res-med products. So far my costs with this thing has been around $700 out of pocket, when I pay close to twice that in month for insurance. 🤷‍♂️
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