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Jacaroo

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  1. I agree with Beyond Weary that maybe even thought the holidays are over with--- we are still coming out of them. It could take some time for your life to get back in the swing of things. I think you still have the basic problem of being lonely and now it's the new year. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? Someone who can help you make some positive goals and how to stop thinking one way and retrain your mind to positive? It's not just going through the motions of a gym, meeting with friends, etc. It can take some effort and working with someone to retrain your thinking. Usually what we think about affects our life--- thinking that we are lonely because (X, Y, Z) usually makes us act in such a way that X, Y, Z things happen in our life and it only reaffirms what we already thought was true. We are looking for the evidence that what we thought is true. It's depressing! I've struggled with suicidal thoughts and I've had family that have struggled. I think we all have a couple of choices. Give up on life or find purpose in life. Purpose, peace, joy can take some time to find. It's almost like a treasure hunt for those of us who are not so easily entertained with the glitter or distraction of this world. It seems like you have GREAT reasons to not give up. I'm not saying this as a mamby pamby answer. I'm genuinely asking you to pray and seek out why you are here. Fight for your life. Do whatever it takes to LIVE. Go see counselors and doctors because maybe something is going on physically that can be improved. You seem like you are already trying to push through the darkness by might, so find out what might be going on chemically and mentally. There are aspects to life that does stink and when you aren't in a mentally healthy state then it seems like joy can't be found anywhere. Alternatively, when you are in healthy mentally and spiritually, then it seems like finding joy in the simplest things can be easy. The answer to hang in there and wait for better days is not one we want to hear. But, that is the simple truth of it. Wait. There are days ahead for you that are fun and enjoyable--- mundane things---- simplicity of life things. As a person who has struggled with not wanting to live and family members who have struggled, I search for peace and a joy in what the world is not offering. I'm a woman of faith and I know that the only answer is found in being at peace with God. Finding my purpose and hanging on during the really dark times because there is joy to be had---- is worth it. Fight the good fight! For YOU! You are worth it! I'm going to link to some articles that I find helpful. Looking up from the stubborn darkness. https://bit.ly/2hcTFzT
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