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Frangipani_

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  1. Hi all I am back. Just a little update and venting tbh. i ended up sending a happy birthday message to my ex. No response. My birthday came and went and nothing. In May I found out that his dog passed away. This is the dog that I had looked after for a while and he knew how much I loved her. I was devastated. I sent him a lovely message and discovered that he had blocked me on his phone so I am guessing that was when I sent him the happy birthday message. I ended up sending another message a couple of days later via Facebook messenger. An hour later I get a phone call from him, which I missed. I tried calling him back and sent him a text but I was still blocked. I sent him another message via Facebook apologising that I had missed his call and to call me when he wanted to. I didn’t hear back from him. I think my anger just built from there. At no time during the break up was I angry at him. Even all the hurt he did towards me, I was understanding and more so then I think many others would have been. I sent him a message that was very assertive and pretty much telling him that I didn’t know what I did to him for him to hate me and that the most hurtful thing he had done was that he thought I was completely insignificant in the dogs life that he didn’t tell me that she had passed away. This may have been a little bit OTT but she became a part of my family. Even when we were friends prior to the relationship, if he went away or had a family emergency, it would be me that would look after his dog. He responded and said that he can’t explain his behaviour and that he apologises. He explained what happened to the dog. He also apologised again and said that he had also come off his medication and was working hard to maintain that. i feel like he was blaming him coming off his medication for all the hurtful stuff he did to me. How about just explaining why he was being a d**k towards me when I never deserved it. I’ve come off anti-depressants as well and can understand how hard it is. Anyway, I responded. I ended up creating a folder and sending him a link to all the photos I had of his dog. Needless to say, he has put me back on filter on messenger and hasn’t responded.
  2. Just an update. I sent a birthday wish via text on his birthday a couple of days ago. No response. Oh well, at least I tried. I have realised that I am the better person in all of this. I have realised that I am a forgiving, caring, kind, loving person. I just have to remind myself of that when this gets me down. He has to live with his decisions. He lost someone that was a great, supportive girlfriend to him and would have been a good friend to him.
  3. Definitely block him. You have feelings for him and that might get in the way of a friendship. Don’t become his backup plan. Let him be and heal and don’t look back. What a disappointment though. Being strung along for 2 years. You deserve better!
  4. If he doesn’t get help or want help, I would break contact with him, mainly for the sake of your daughter. My mums partner is an alcoholic. I watched her for years getting upset when he always chose drinking over her. So many arguments. He cheated on her once when he was heavily drunk. It only changed over the last 10 years when he stopped hanging around the enablers. as for the dog, ask him to find someone else to look after it. I looked after one of my ex’s dogs for 6 months (5 of those were while we were together. 1 month after we broke up and it didn’t occur to him on the day we broke up to take his dog with him.....still puzzles me). I felt completely taken advantage of when he dropped off the radar after picking her up. It was like breaking up all over again. Put yourself and your daughter first.
  5. Thank you Ruby. I really do still care about him. I also know that he could probably do with support and he told me after we broke up that he was scared of where his headspace takes him and having someone like me as a friend really helps.
  6. And I just realised this is an old post 🤦‍♀️
  7. Since he needs to focus on simplifying his life, that’s probably what he is doing. I’d step right back and allow him to do that. If he is depressed, he probably won’t initiate much or anything. Liking a social media post is so easy compared to having actual conversations with a person. I stayed in contact with my ex when he went through depression but it made it worse for me. It’s hard. You need to do some self-care and look after yourself. Go and enjoy the things you love. Give him the space he probably needs right now.
  8. Stay silent. i have been in a similar position 6 months ago. It’s really hard. It was one of the hardest things I’ve been through. Trying to back off while knowing they are struggling. A previous poster mentioned about it being contagious. It was for me. I ended up with depression and anxiety myself. Still getting over it. I have no contact with my ex now. Just don’t push her. She’ll just distance herself further. Look after yourself.
  9. Yeah, it is a bit of a tough one. What makes it harder was that he was a bit erratic after our break up. He lashed out at one mutual friend and has now burnt that bridge. Discarded a good friend of his who was oblivious to any problems within their friendship. He also wanted to come off his meds. the last couple of times I saw him, he told me that his doctor said that he didn’t agree on him coming off his meds and he will find another doctor that will help him. The doctor also said that my ex’s moods are either “down here or up here.”. I wish I had asked more about that.
  10. He did unblock me on Facebook sometime before mid November. I deactivated my account so I could keep focusing on myself. I am not reading too much into the unblock as it could have just been curiosity.
  11. Yeah, that’s something I have thought about as well. Despite me doing nothing wrong and not turning into the crazy ex, he has his own reasons not to want contact with me, and I might never know why. A lot of people have told me that it was probably best that it ended, including mutual friends. I have to agree with them now. I think a lot of his problems would have been too much for me to have handled. He has a lot of personal development to do.
  12. Thanks Rattler. I am thinking of baby steps as well. And boundaries are important too. Enough time has now passed that I won’t be mentioning our relationship and I think that starting fresh is the way to go. Before our relationship, i was one of only a few people that knew and he has opened up to about his mental health battle so I feel blessed that he trusted me with that.
  13. Thank you so much. I have probably been overanalysing it because of our previous relationship and his actions afterwards. I believe that he probably would feel guilty. As much as it hurt me at the time, I have been able to learn a bit more about mental health and that’s helped me move on and understand.
  14. Hi! I had someone in my life that meant a lot to me and was a really good friend for a year when we decided to give a relationship a go. We were only together for 5 months but we loved each other and had met each other’s families. He spiralled into depression and we broke up. We moved way to fast and it triggered his anxiety and depression. Our break up was amicable. We tried to be friends afterwards, which I found difficult. After a couple of months, he started to cut contact by blocking me on social media. At first I was upset by it but it has been a blessing as I have been able to concentrate on myself and heal. I sent a text in November and he answered straight away. This was the only text I have sent since September. We haven’t had a proper conversation since The beginning of September. I ended up sending him an email in November as my closure, which I had a couple of people read, who said that it was mature and amazing. I didn’t get a response but I wasn’t expecting one. Unfortunately he has suffered from depression and anxiety for a few years. He self-medicated with alcohol during this time. He had a relationship that ended as his ex didn’t understand and she cheated on him. No doubt the alcohol abuse had something to do with it too. He only got help in 2017 when he started to have suicidal thoughts. This is when I met him. I miss him a lot. He is a great person. I have no idea how he is going. I would like to reach out to him in a couple of months time. I am not looking at trying to rekindle a relationship as I don’t think I could go through that again with him. Plus he has a lot of demons that I don’t think he is facing. Any recommendations on how to reestablish a friendship with someone that has previously cut contact with you?
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