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samak12

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  1. Thanks. No, he hasn't been completely awful. I just think someone else my be better for my current situation. I would recommend him to anyone. I suppose I should be honest with him about what I just said the next time I see him. And as you said, someone else might be better, or worse. Either way it's a learning experience. But aren't you only supposed to use one at a time? Thanks
  2. Hi, Well, the good news is that I quit drinking a few years ago and found a good therapist. I feel like I can trust the guy and he's really helped in a lot of ways - he is very perceptive. But no one is right all the time and I'm having relationship problems. I don't feel like he's the best person to talk to about this. He doesn't do couples counseling and he himself is divorced. He gave me some advice about what to do about someone I was chatting with that turned out to be very, very wrong. I don't blame him for that, and that's not the point, but I'm wondering if it's time to see someone else. I've been going to this guy for almost 6 years. I realize the decision is ultimately mine, but I was wondering if a fresh start would be helpful. Someone who does specialize in couples but is still a therapist. On the other hand, finding someone you can talk to is really, really hard, so I'm not sure I should. Thoughts?
  3. Thanks. I appreciated hearing from you two. It's good to hear someone understands. I try to be a good person but seem to be doing a bad job of it. This is hard to read when it's right in black in white like this. I always thought I was open minded when I was younger but like a lot of younger people I was actually pretty intolerant of people who made bad choices. It's weird when you find yourself doing something you know is a bad idea and doing it anyway. But, like Aislynn said, we sometimes do those little things to feel better. Already talked about feeling neglected by my wife. I have my own issues with that. I don't even know if my dad is alive or dead and my mom was never really there for me emotionally - working all the time. The issues at home had been there for years and suddenly here is someone who is actually interested in me. (Her own marriage is failing.) It feels good but the guilt is unbearable because my wife isn't a bad person and I love my kids. And it's dishonest and a bunch of other things that are wrong. At least my kids still love me which is amazing since they're teenagers. Forgive myself - I don't know why this is so hard for me to do and I know I must. I can forgive almost anything in other people but sometimes feel guilty about things I've done to people I don't even like. It occurred to me that subconsciously maybe I think people will love me if I excel and have admiration. I don't really know. Still in therapy. The substance use isn't bad right now but I know it's a symptom. Quitting drinking was really hard. I'm not actually drinking again but I have been doing N2O (whip its) like crazy since I'm on vacation right now. That's not addictive but not helpful. I look at all the empty chargers and think, "Crap. Did I do that?" My therapist says I like to take risks and then back out when things are about to get really bad. Maybe he's right because it was really hard to quit drinking a few years back and that hasn't tempted me at all. Haven't had a drink in 6 years. Reading some of the other threads in here my problems pale in comparison but that doesn't make it any easier. Anyway, it was good to know that at least someone understands. I never would have believed I would write something like this. My doctor recently doubled my Duloxetine dosage. Doesn't solve the problem but it's a start. Well, once again, thanks for reading. I didn't plan on writing much but I guess I have a lot to unload.
  4. Hi everyone, I joined here over ten years ago. My old account is still working but I wanted something more anonymous. In the meantime I got into therapy, got sober, got in very good shape, lost a lot of weight. Been having marital problems last few years. Started using again a few months ago after years of being sober. It's not much but given my history, not healthy. Found out that my daughter might be bipolar. She seems okay for now but I was hoping my depression would stop with me and not get passed on. Started having an emotional affair 6 months ago and the guilt is eating me from inside but so far no one knows. I've told my online partner recently that I can't go on with this. That of course didn't go over well and now I'm back where I was but with a mountain of guilt on top of it all. Not sure I want to stay, either. Honestly, I'd love to run away to some unknown part of the world. Things could be worse. I have a job, I'm healthy, but I'm miserable. My wife has been stressed out from work and family and always seems too busy for me - but not too busy for Facebook. This has been going on for years. I feel so neglected and have been filling that with unhealthy quick fixes. (See above.) Yes, I've tried talking to her. Fortunately, I haven't done anything life altering but I feel stuck. Not sure why I'm airing my dirty laundry here. Taking a risk I could be doxed, but I know that's unlikely. I suppose I just want to vent. Please, if you want to judge me, that is your right, but I don't need any reminders about how bad my choices have been. I guarantee you couldn't have a lower opinion of me right right now than I do. Actually was having a good day today until I started thinking about everything a couple of hours ago. Just feeling down and don't have anyone to talk to. I have one good friend I've talked to about this stuff but he can't relate as his life situation is different. I doubt any of my other friends would be very sympathetic. If you met me you'd think I was very upbeat with a perfect family, etc. I don't have any good reason to feel like I do. Suppose I'm just ungrateful for the good things in my life and this is my just deserts. Life is funny. You really don't know how it will turn out. Well, that's it. Probably should stop writing before this gets too long.
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