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Everything posted by cagetheelephant88

  1. To me, it sounds like both of you took part in the breakup and that it was very drawn out. I don’t think that there’s anybody to specifically blame, but to me it sounds like there were definitely root problems in your relationship. Drawn out breakups with continuous fighting and getting back together are messy and hard. I’m sorry you had to go through that. And I’m sorry that you’re heartbroken now, it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. If I have learned anything, it’s that you need to stop and take a break from an ex right after a breakup. Contacting them again will just rehash things and make the situation worse. Both of you need to time away to see clearly and to move on. I would delete the photos of you guys, their number, and your old texts. It will help you move on. To be blunt, from what your girlfriend said I think that she sounds kind of self-centered. I don’t know your relationship, but I think that the comment she made about your depression is really insensitive and just uncaring. If you really love someone, you’ll be there for them through the bad times. She clearly isn’t there to do that for you. I had a similar situation to you, my boyfriend broke up with me because he told me that being around me made him sad. At the time, I was going though a lot and I was super depressed and anxious. It broke my heart but later I realized that I dodged a bullet there. He couldn’t be there for me through my sadness, and our fighting was just making me feel even worse. Time alone helped me to get better and now I can focus on finding someone who will be there for me. You should do the same. Time will heal everything, just give it time. I promise it will get better.
  2. Thank you so much for the advice. What you said is very true, I will be sure to do that. Things definitely feel less bad when I am surrounded by positive people.
  3. Thank you. It’s nice to talk to someone who understands. I guess I just feel a lot of guilt for not loving the family that I’ve got and wishing for more. But you made me feel way better about it because as my family is now it’s not good for me to be around. I hope that once I move out I will be able to see things more clearly and will be happier. And you’re right, I can always change my decisions or try other things. I guess I just try and decide everything at once when I don’t actually have to.. which just makes me more stressed out lol your comment meant a lot to me thank you
  4. Thank you so much for the help :) you made me feel way better about the situation. I do try to solve everything at once and i think that’s why I get so overwhelmed. Taking it one decision at a time will make it a lot more manageable. And it’s good to hear that there are English jobs out there and that I have possible options in that field.. thank you again, it’s nice to talk so someone who gets it
  5. Thank you so much for responding to me. You made me feel so much better, you have no idea. And your job working with cats sounds amazing, I hope someday I will be as happy with my job as you are with yours. I just feel kind of stuck in this whole career thing. On one hand, the health major I applied into involves working with people with disabilities, which I know that I enjoy doing. I love working with and helping people, but it’s the medical schooling that scares me. I’m really bad at the kind of stuff and it’s never been what I’ve been passionate about. On the other hand, I love art and writing, and I’m in AP English and AP art right now and am super passionate about it. If I had my choice about college, I would study one of those. But i know that it’s more difficult to get a job with those subjects, and I don’t want to waste my time and money going to college for them. Also, my mom guilts me all the time about how much college costs and it makes me feel really bad. She flat out refuses to help me pay for art school, which would mean that I would have to put myself through it, and I am currently working but I’m pretty broke as it is. Then, if it didn’t work out, I wouldn’t have a way to support myself. Then there’s the part of me that doesn’t even want to go to college at all or do anything after high school. I don’t even know where I would go or what I would do, and I don’t have enough money to move out of my house, but I can’t stay here anymore. I love my mom but she’s not well mentally and it’s really bad for me to be around her all the time. Also, I’m bisexual and my parents don’t know it but they would definitely not be supportive..so I’ve been waiting to move out so that I can finally be myself. I’ve been counting down the days until I can move out for a long time, so I don’t know why I feel so sad and anxious about it now. I just feel so stuck in this situation. I could go into this health degree which I could maybe like but also could hate (and it also feels like my mom is controlling my future). Or I could follow what I’m passionate about and have to somehow put myself through college and be in debt forever. Or I could skip college and do god knows what. I just don’t know. It just feels like I don’t really have much control over my future and there’s so much pressure to make the right decision and I’m here only 17 trying to figure out my entire life. So sorry for the essay I didn’t mean to write so much lol
  6. I’m probably just writing this and feeling like this because I got no sleep last night and that makes my emotions go nuts but, either way, I feel really sad and frustrated. I feel like I was doing all well over holiday break, and I got a much needed break from school to get better, but now I have to go back tomorrow. Honestly, I feel like I just can’t do it. There’s no reason for it, either, because I know once I get there it won’t be that bad, but I don’t know, sometimes I just get in this headspace where I can’t deal with life. Going back to school, at this moment, sounds like too much. Even just everyday things feel too much for me. And it’s awful because I know that I should be thankful for what I have. I have a great family whom I love very much, but it’s kind of a difficult situation that I’m in because, to put it lightly, my mom is a little bit nuts. Her emotions just switch at the drop of a hat and I never know which mom I’m going to get, and sometimes when she has mental breakdowns she is very emotionally abusive, to the point where I have to lock myself in the bathroom to get away from her screaming at me. When she’s happy and stable I love her, though. It’s just that her and my dad detest eachother, yet they still stay married. And we sit at dinner every night and eat in awkward silence and I can just feel the hatred between them and I can’t help but think that this isn’t how a family should be. And all dinner I just want to scream. I just want to stand up and get on the table and yell at the top of my lungs for hours and never stop. I feel like that a lot in school, too. Nothing feels right. It makes me feel really guilty, though, because a lot of the time I wish that I was in my best friend’s family. And I hate that I wish that because I feel like it’s so wrong. It’s just that my best friend’s parents are the kindest and most loving people I’ve ever met. So I feel like I leach onto my best friends life and that makes me clingy and annoying and then I feel more awful about myself. And then on top of all this I can’t stop thinking about life after high school. I’m a senior right now, and I’ve already applied to colleges and gotten in with a health degree, so on the outside I have nothing to worry about but, the thing is, I don’t think I want to even go into health. My mom pushed me into it because basically I’m a pushover and she told me that, with my actual dreams, like being an artist or a writer, I would starve. So I threw the only things I’m passionate about in the garbage to be able to support myself when I’m older. But I can’t see myself working in a hospital. And I can’t help but think that it’s too late now but I threw away my dreams to have a conventional life: a house, get married, have a family. Except that all just sounds like bullshit to me. My parents have all that and they are so unhappy. I can’t help but that that everyone around me is unhappy with their lives and I’m just falling right into that path. Sometimes I think it would just be easier if life just ended after high school. It would be nice if it just stopped and I wouldn’t have to worry so much anymore. When I go to college I won’t have friends or family anymore and so I won’t have a support system. When I get anxious or depressed I won’t have anybody to go to and nobody will be able to get me out of it. I’m worried about what’s going to happen to me when I get like that. I also just don’t think I’m going to fit in in college or make any friends. It’s very hard for me to make good friendships. And I don’t party or do any of that, I’m basically just a loser.. I won’t fit into college life. I just wish that I could disappear.
  7. Hi, i am so sorry that you’re feeling this way. I don’t have the solution, but I just wanted to say that I get it. And I hope that you feel better soon. The one thing I will say is that, I know it’s hard but, try not to beat yourself up for feeling unhappy. A lot of times there’s not a reason for feelings, you just feel them. Although that can be frustrating, it doesn’t make your feelings invalid. You can’t control them. I used to get really frustrated when I felt depressed or anxious because it didn’t make any sense. When I told my therapist that, she told me to think of it like I had a cold. When you wake up with a cold, you don’t wonder why you’re feeling that way, you just accept it. Mental health is the same way. Also, i know it’s a hard habit to break, but beating yourself up for feeling unhappy when you have a “perfect” life will just make yourself feel worse. Here’s the way I think of it: everybody is dealt a hand in life, and some are worse than others for sure..but no matter what hand you’re dealt, there’s going to be hardships. Nobody’s hardships lesson anybody else’s hardships. Hardships just suck, and that’s okay. I think you would really benefit from getting a therapist and talking about this. From your post, it sounds like your family would be totally supportive if you talked to them about this. I hope things get better soon for you
  8. Thank you :)) just this one comment made me feel so much better, I am so happy that I signed up here. Thank you again!!
  9. Thank you so much. Your reply means a lot to me and you made me feel a lot better about this whole thing. I’m not taking any medication currently, just doing talk therapy. It’s kind of complicated, but I’m not 18 yet and I have a difficult family situation. Basically I would have to go through my parents to be put on medication, which I think could possibly help me a lot..but my mom is very wary of medication. It was even difficult to have her agree to me going to therapy, and she constantly complains about how it’s too expensive. She has no idea that I am depressed, and has a very minimal understanding of my anxiety, so I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t understand me considering meds. She’s also extremely controlling and paranoid (and definitely struggling with mental health issues of her own), which is why I haven’t tried to talk to her about this stuff. I guess I could wait until I turn 18, which will be soonish.. but I’m not even sure that meds are the answer for me
  10. Just a warning, this might be somewhat long.. but thank you for reading to those of you who do I just feel stuck in all aspects of life. Whether that be in school, mentally, in my family, with my friends, and just in the world in general.. I have been struggling with anxiety since middle school (I am a senior in high school now), and I just got a therapist this summer. I don’t really understand why, but it was very difficult for me to get help and start seeing a therapist. I keep a lot of stuff inside, and it was one of the most terrifying events of my life to actually talk to someone about my innermost thoughts. For the first couple of months, I would get really anxious before every appointment and would almost convince myself not to go. But then I would make myself go anyways. Ok so, flash forward half a school year and now I finally feel comfortable with my therapist. But the problem is, I’m not sure if it’s helping me. I’ve been going through a real rough patch lately, and I feel like I sit there and tell my therapist about it and she doesn’t give me any ways to make it better. Sometimes she is helpful, but usually I feel like she doesn’t understand how BAD it really is, and I feel like she just brushes past the situation. lately I’ve just been feeling really depressed and anxious, too. Some days I feel completely fine and happy. But some days I wake up and just feel this heaviness in my chest, this sadness and I can’t get it out no matter how much I try. I just wake up and cry for hours, but there’s no reason for me crying. I just sit on the bathroom floor for hours and can’t do anything. On days like that, I don’t get fulfillment out of anything. I just want to sleep forever, or stare at a blank wall. And I’m not suicidal, I more just wish that I didn’t exist at all, like I wish I could just fade into nothing. Sometimes dying does sound kind of nice to me, but I would never actually do it..I just feel like I don’t really have hope for my future. And there’s not much benefit to me being around. These feelings make me hate myself, I don’t understand why my friends or family love me, and I think sometimes that I am a burden to them because I’m not much fun to be around. See, and I go and tell my therapist that, and she’s just like “well let’s remember that you feel happy sometimes.” But it’s not helpful. But I don’t want to get a whole new therapist because it will give me anxiety all over again, and currently just going to school gives me panic attacks. To be fair, I don’t tell her the parts about me wishing to not exist. I’m pretty ashamed of that, I don’t tell anybody about that. But I don’t know how to stop feeling this way, but opening up to a whole new therapist feels like too much when it’s just hard for me to get out of bed in the morning and make myself go to school. But my best friend tells me that I’m not working hard enough to feel better..and that makes me want to work harder, but it’s easier to just give up sometimes and stay stuck where you are..I don’t know how to get out of this
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