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Everything posted by Ratvan

  1. Found myself a new house to live in, move it on the 27th for a fresh start for 2021
  2. For me i have better luck by not saying sorry, thank them for everything that made you happy. Wish them well and be honest with them and yourself. Your feelings are natural
  3. So this week I have been actively doing things that make me happy, get me out the house and get me interacting with people, I dont seem to be getting a lot of help when I ask for it so again it seems that i have to pick myself up and get on with life after picking up and cheering up others. Its fine, I can do this I just need to put more things in place for myself so that I can try to be happy again
  4. The most hurtful thing I have been told is that my Mother will never get to meet my wife or kids
  5. I'm doing okay I think, myself and the Ex have had a number of conversations now about what we both want out of life and our relationship. Personally as much as I want this to work I just dont feel that it will. I keep self sabotaging and making things difficult for myself, this thing is hard enough already and I would really like to stop making it harder
  6. I would love to be able to buy my own place, flat, house doesnt matter just need a safe place to start again from
  7. Thanks Sue, next milestone is three years which is on 23.12.2020 so 90ish days
  8. I am doing well, celebrating a massive achievement for me tomorrow Tomorrow will be 1000 days sober
  9. Here's the thing, I'm doing well and trying hard for me. I think I need to just let go and learn how to live as me by myself. If things work out fantastic, if not I'm still in a better place than I was. I love her, am in love with her we just don't have anything in common anymore. Literally we will sit in silence until one of us decides its time to sleep with the laptop on and me with my head in a book. We used to read to each other but now she has no interest in that Plus the whole "I love you but don't know how to live with you, and I'm terrified of being on my own" just goes round and round my head like the Bohemian Rhapsody video
  10. Thanks I am very proud I have got this far. Just need to keep doing what I've done previously and take it how it comes. I'll admit I did want to go get blackout drunk for all of 15 minutes but that passed fairly quickly. I signed the divorce papers early on in lockdown. I think March 23rd ish. Not really soon. I don't think anyway. Well we all (me, the ex, and her mum) live together currently until we can sort some housing for her mum. We know where the pets are going if neither of us can afford or find somewhere to rent. She wants to give things another shot, she says she can see me really trying again now. While that's all I have wanted for the past 6 months I don't think I can. I love her so much and want us to be happy but I don't think I am ready for that yet and after 12 years I can't ask for more time
  11. Well today is day 996 sober and I'm really being tested. Been to the doctors again to have a look at a mole on my back that my tattooist recommended that I get seen too. Been told today that it is either stage 3 (grown into a nerve) or stage 4 (grown into bone) which is lovely. So I need to now wait for an operation date knowing I need to self isolate for 14 days before hand. Also the chat with the ex, wow that was upsetting. She's also been texting about the appointment today so not sure how I'm going to break that to her
  12. Having "a chat" with the ex tonight so that'll be interesting
  13. Been working back through Avatar the Last Airbender, love the show and how much i notice different stuff each time
  14. I am with you on the not to hot part, Leeds is getting to a lovely 23C today. An Indian Summer for us again
  15. I've not had fresh water in a number of years, but i do remember they're omnivores. So if they ran out or didn't like the algae they would likely go for a weak, old or injured fish. what did you keep in with them?
  16. Thankfully i took most of them home so i have not lost any. However i am getting very close to putting a brick through the tank at the moment. It is not playing ball
  17. I have spent the last week or so slowly cleaning out my Office Fish tank after Covid had killed it for nearly 5 months, I think another week or so it should be ready for me to restart it again
  18. Advocado on toast, coddled eggs and bacon
  19. I've had to slow down my exercise lately due to health reasons, but I have made some changes. I no longer drive to work, it takes the same amount of time and so much less stress if i take the train into town and then walk to the office. All in all it is a 5 mile round trip each day so i am getting my daily gentle excercise, I have a few more pounds (4) to put back on before i want to start to work out a bit harder. I have also reached out to a couple of the Gyms and Dojo's that I frequented and they are back more or less fully open and are starting to do full contact sparring again in the next few weeks which is exciting, just need to get the stamina back up and I feel like I can start to work off the frustrations of these last 6 months
  20. At the end of the day you are in charge of your own happiness (mostly), so do you want to change who you are? If you want to change for you, do it. If it's for others I think you should stay true to yourself
  21. I managed to implement one of my CBT tools this morning, usually i would have flown off the handle and my mood would be down for hours. Happy to report was only slightly irritated and it passed very quickly
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