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  1. regularpal thanks for your input and insight I really do appreciate it. Problem is at this point we're pretty much only seeing one another once or twice a week and barely texting during the day. Anytime I try and argue or talk to her she just says this is the way it is and I'm pushing her further away by bringing it up. So it's either I accept things the way she wants it or I should call it quits. She's even said she's lost boyfriends in the past due to her depression so she's of the mindset of take it or leave it. What I really don't understand is why she doesn't just end things. It's the only thing that's making me even care is that she hasn't ended the relationship yet. Is she just being cowardly or does she not even want to bother putting forth the effort to end things? She's an extremely headstrong woman and has always told me don't worry I'll be honest and tell you what I'm feeling so I still want to believe she'd end it if she didn't want to be with me but even that I'm starting to doubt now. Honestly at this point I'm giving up on the relationship. I can only handle so much and I've really tried for the past 3 months to be there for her but if she can't manage to put forth even the smallest effort at all then what's the point? Depression or no depression at some point it becomes either hostile or just lazy to treat somebody the way she's treating me. Like I said I'm going to give her a large amount of space and see what happens by the end of the month. I love her but I have to think about myself at the end of the day and my mental health. In my head the relationship is already over from her side and she's just waiting for me to get fed up enough and break up with her so I can be the bad guy I guess :shrug: I really don't know what to think anymore. I come back to this thread everyday and I can't tell you how much I truly appreciate everyone taking time out of their day and posting their experiences and insights for me. You didn't have to and I really appreciate it because it's really helped me to have others input. I'll keep you all updated and let you know what happens as this month progresses! I hope everybody is having a wonderful Christmas / Holidays so far!
  2. Jayni Yeah that's what I'm starting to feel as well. It's a shame people take that as a weakness instead of that person really caring and wanting to be there for them but what can you do. It actually takes a lot of strength to keep trying even though I'm feeling like shit. I don't like the way she talked to me either and her behavior is becoming more and more distant so I'm just going to have to pull back and leave her alone. I'm planning on giving her until the end of Christmas for something to change but if not I'm going to have to end things because I'm reaching my breaking point honestly. Only reason I keep trying is because she keeps telling me she loves me, tells me if she didn't want to be with me she'd tell me and all around tries to assure me she's still in it but I'm just not feeling it anymore. Thank you for your honesty I really appreciate it and I have to agree with you because it's what I've been thinking. Just feels shitty because it feels like I'm abandoning somebody I love and care about because of a mental illness they can't control.
  3. Thank you Mark for responding with your insight as well I really appreciate it. She's told me she feels like a loser and irresponsible person since she isn't able to meet her financial obligations so there is definitely that going on. And I honestly didn't think of the Facebook posts as "safe" interactions so thank you for sharing that possibility. This is the first time I've been with somebody who has depression and I'm just not used to all of this. Honestly haven't done anything for me in the past few months, it's just been about her so I'm thinking I need to distance myself a little and start thinking about myself.
  4. Thank you for responding I really appreciate it. She's going to see her doctor tomorrow actually and is trying to get help for her depression. She never told me why she stopped taking her medication before but it seems like without a "trigger" her depression doesn't bother her. As for her not feeling the same that's something I am concerned about and what I'm trying to figure out. She says she still loves me and feels the same and that it's her depression that's causing her to push me away and be distant. But like I said she still seems pretty active on Facebook and has energy and time to spend on other people just not me it seems like. I guess that's what I'm really trying to figure out. I don't doubt her having a serious depression episodes but what I'm trying to understand is if her behavior is what you'd expect from a depressed person or if it's something else entirely. Is it normal to treat those closest to you like they don't exist and push them away while acting totally normal around other people and even putting more energy and effort into those interactions than those close to you? For example just last night we went out to dinner at a local bar. Two cops got up from their table and went running outside. I brought it to her attention and asked what do you think happened. She replied with I don't know and I mind my own business when it comes to police pretty much letting me know she doesn't care and doesn't want to talk about it. But just a few seconds later an older gentlemen right next to us commented to us that the Police Officers had just gotten there food and it's a shame that they couldn't eat but the bar will hold it for them. She turned to him and laughed about it and told him good looking out. So when I tried to talk to her about the incident I was shut down and received the cold shoulder but this random stranger talks about it and she's all ears, doesn't shut him down and acts very nice and sweet to him. I don't get the obvious difference in reactions and treatment between me and this random older man and she doesn't seem to notice it either when I asked her about it. Plus of course I get you're not helping my depression and making it worse whenever I try to talk to her about it.
  5. First time poster and I apologize if this isn't the right forum I'm just lost and looking for help. Like the title says my partner has depression and lately our relationship has been suffering as a result. I've been reading up on depression and trying to be as understanding and supportive as possible but I'm starting to feel alone and isolated by my partner. Everything was fine for the first few months, actually better than fine things were almost perfect but something happened to her living arrangements and this caused her to go into a full blown depression spiral. Now I hardly hear from her during the day, she's very cold and distant from me and everything I do seems to annoy her. I'm extremely supportive, buy her little presents to make her feel loved, help pay her bills when she's short on money, bring over dinner so she doesn't have to cook and give her space but despite all of this she just keeps pushing me further away and our communication isn't there at all. I know depression can cause you to push people away but she's still posting on Facebook to other people and pretty much treating other people like she normally would, it's just me she seems to not have time for or any energy to try. It really hurts that she puts energy and effort into these friends who she hardly sees on Facebook but can't bother to put any energy or time into me. I'm just really at a loss and don't know if this is really depression symptoms or what is going on. I was wondering if anybody on here has any sort of insight or experience because she says she still loves me but told me this is how it is right now and if I don't want to stick around she'd understand. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any advice or insights you can offer I really appreciate it because I'm truly lost and don't know what to do. I love this woman very much and don't want to give up on the relationship but I'm starting to feel like I don't have any choice if she can't put forth any effort with me like she does with everyone else. Am I wrong for feeling this way, am I being selfish, what can or should I do to be more understanding and supportive? Any comments or insights will be appreciated greatly.
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