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About MargotMontage

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  1. MargotMontage

    Damnable December

    Christmas sucks for people with family issues. I personally 'celebrate' it from a religious perspective, but even that's hard, since I feel so unwelcome in church. I suppose that if you're not particularly religious, you could always consider Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol as a thoughtful reflection on the Christmas spirit. Retailers and corporations promote it, but are very Scroogelike in the execution of their ideas.
  2. MargotMontage

    Confused and hurting

    That's a heavy realisation, but it's important. I was really upset when I realised I felt the same way about myself. What's important is moving forward from here. I understand the feeling of 'making excuses', because I often think I do that. Just remember that depression is an illness with symptoms, and these may make you procrastinate. Try and be kind to yourself.
  3. MargotMontage

    A Beginning, A Detour, Another End

    I guess the big problem is, while going somewhere else would be the ideal solution, one needs saved and incoming money to do so. Is it possible for you to stick out the job for a year or so and seek something better elsewhere?
  4. MargotMontage

    Yesterday Was OK

    I managed to have an ok-ish day. I had my chronic pain return in the morning, so that sucked, but in the afternoon I was productive. Then I went for a walk and managed to enjoy the scenery, watching the people walk by and the dogs and birds. Then I went to the movies, which was nice, since I rarely overcome my anxiety enough to do it. My chronic pain was back in force by evening, but good days are so rare it's worth mentioning it.
  5. The junkfood analogy above is a good one, but I suppose it can also be seen (for some people) as something less urgent, like the urge for a chess enthusiast to enjoy a game of chess, whereas people who aren't into chess don't want to so much. Or it could be more urgent: a non-aesexual person's want to have a relationship with certain people could be as strong (although more controllable and less necessary) as the need for water when thirsty. (Obviously, unlike being very thirsty, they won't die if they don't get the physical relationship.) I hope this makes sense. I'm not aesexual but I have a different outlook on relationships to the majority of people, so I can sort of answer. You'll probably get better answers from other people of the same orientation as yourself, though, but I hope this helps a little.
  6. MargotMontage

    A quick question

    Yeah, I think a lot of us relate to that. I do. I think you'll have to let it go and try to move forward. You can do it, though! Find someone who is right for you within the circumstances you are currently facing.
  7. MargotMontage

    Lost in Self with Life

    I relate to this. I hate seeing another birthday and having nothing to show for it. What's worse is, I feel the same about my memory. One day, I just woke up and realised that all the things I used to know about my past life weren't clear any more; memories that I recalled perfectly seemed hazy and far away. It was weird, and sad, and I also felt like I had lost part of myself. I know that many other people also have this experience, so you're not alone! Why is homelessness a possible problem? Does your family not want you in the house anymore? Or is it just to hard to live with them?
  8. MargotMontage

    I think I'm done with people ...

    Facebook isn't a good place to go for serious issues. Most people there seem to be either image-obsessed, unwilling to tackle really hard topics, or are trolls. I would definitely say that Depression Forums and this sort of forum would be a better place. Like Stand_alone says, even when friends are close and do care, they generally won't or can't really fix anything. They'll be good sounding boards, but a therapist is a better choice. I hope this helps a little. I wish you all the best. You can message me if you need an ear!
  9. MargotMontage

    Outlook at Life

    I understand what you mean about your job. I have been through something somewhat similar, (but not entirely.) I want to congratulate you for starting therapy, and for getting rid of the 'friend' who was treating you so badly. You're absolutely right that friendships need two-way communication and care. You deserve better than a troll who makes you cry!
  10. MargotMontage

    No Job , No Friends

    It might pay to give a Protestant (or even 'Protestant') church a go. They do tend to have a different approach to life to Catholic churches, and they are more varied in tone and practice. You may still not find what you're looking for. (I tried many churches and did not find what I was looking for, so I can attest to that.) However, it's worth a shot. It sucks about your job. I have been in a similar situation recently. I got a job, was really happy about it, but did wonder why they hired someone outside the field ... then found out it's because the company had a history of using and discarding workers. I was majorly ticked off. I stayed a few months and got some money, then left before they could fire me and start acting like it was my fault. I think I only just made it out the door in time. And sadly, money doesn't last for long, no matter how well you try to save. The job search is a real drag, because there are all those little coded details that tell me I'm not what they want. Online friendships can be like that. I had a group of friends once, but when our geographic locations changed, we slowly fell out because nobody else was making the effort in the relationship, and I only have three now, all of whom are online. I think online friendships are definitely real friendships, but it's harder to keep in touch that way. I'm also lonely, but don't have the energy to pursue new relationships, so we're probably not quite the same in that respect. I still know how lonely things can be, though.
  11. I'm not convinced. I don't have a diagnosis of BPD, but I don't relate to other people in a 'normal' sort of way, and the doctors have always treated this as abnormal. For some reason, they keep touting a trusting romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex as the beginning of a cure to my major depressive disorder, which I find confusing and a little offensive, especially as they see me as abnormal for not wanting what they think I should. It may not be an 'allergy' to trust, so much as just being wired differently in general. But I'm not an expert.
  12. Buhduh: I understand where you're coming from! There's a high chance you are self-medicating, but I think that if you are doing that, it might work better to take an SSRI instead, since they are designed to treat depression. I definitely think you'd be making the right decision. Antidepressants may not work for everyone, but there's no point not trying them instead of depressing your system with too many drinks. I'm not sure if this will help, but I hope you can find a solution.
  13. MargotMontage

    I feel .. off

    When my panic disorder started, I felt like that. Except it wasn't just the panic disorder. In my case, I developed a bunch of autoimmune disorders at once. So what I'm trying to say is, it could be anxiety, or it could be anxiety and something you need checked by a doctor as well. Even if it's just anxiety, if it's hurting badly, you should see a doctor. I hope you feel better soon!
  14. It did mess with my anxiety, and I started on a much lower dose (50mg) in the first three weeks. I'd definitely ask if there's another option before you've taken it long enough for withdrawal to be an issue. I would like to say it goes away, but I think it varies from person to person. For me, I actually thought I might be bipolar and it triggered a mania (but with added anxiety), only it wasn't. I was just very riled-up. For some people, it's a sedating med. So you really have to consider what works for you, and not let the doctor bully you into staying on it if it's not working. All the best! I hope you find the right meds for you!