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About MargotMontage

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  1. I've got a real problem with anger management stemming from my mental illnesses. And now, with my chronic pain problem flaring up, it's out of control again. I tried working through it with therapists, but most of them seem too busy obsessing over things like me not wanting relationships/children/Instagram as being abnormal somehow, or putting me down, so they make it worse. I found one who was competent, but she has no secretary service so getting an appointment is impossible once you've had to cancel a session, and that makes it worse, too. I'm scared because I don't want to hurt people, but I do, and it's not the people who should be getting hurt half the time. Instead of the woman who made my last job a living hell and knew exactly what she was doing, I take it out on my mother. Instead of the abusive family member, I take it out on friends. (the few I actually have, because apparently professionals think that not having a larger group also denotes a Personality Disorder, when, really, if they're looking for an excuse for a diagnosis, I would have thought anger management was a much more rewarding scapegoat.) It's not good. It's calculated to hurt; I'm becoming the abuser that contributed to me being like this. But there's no way to work through this. And I hate myself even more.
  2. While my experience like this was not with Wellbutrin, my past with medications has taught me that if you start out like this, it's likely you're going to have trouble with insomnia and not feeling well in the long-run. Perhaps your doctor would consider something else? (It may subside, of course, but if it doesn't and it isn't making you feel better, don't let anyone tell you you're imagining it. You have to be on the right thing for you.)
  3. I get what you mean. These sorts of memories really affect me badly, because when I just want to try and calm myself down by remembering times where I was happy, related, unhappy memories zip in and ruin it and make me feel worse than I did before. I can't give you any advice about how to fight them, but if it helps you to know, I struggle as well.
  4. Congratulations on your courage! This would have been very hard for you, and I admire that you were honest with him. It's sad that he is worried he can't help you, but it's good he's being honest. He seems like a really great therapist. (Many just keep taking money and not helping, rather than being honest, so this is good.) I think he definitely wants the best for you, now that I've been hearing about him for a while. I hope you can move forward positively.
  5. I should definitely remember that if anyone else asks, since it looks like experienced places must definitely be safer! I'm sorry it happened to you but it's good you warned everyone!
  6. Yeah, I reckon if it was any other procedure, they'd have been kicked out by now.
  7. It's good that you're sharing! I don't mind at all. After all, it's important to know, and this would be the first time I've ever heard of anasthesiologist errors and how they affect this treatment. I'm glad you shared!
  8. Hi, I know this post is old, but I was concerned because nobody has answered you, so I hope this isn't too late to help. risperidone isn't useless, but it's odd that this is the first thing they tried. Usually, they try talk therapy first! I really hope you have sought out talk therapy. I think it would be really great for you! You need to be able to say when something isn't helping, and you need a doctor who will respect this. Good luck! I hope you're doing ok now.
  9. This is an old topic, so you might not answer, but I was sort of curious: what, about being a woman, is 'magical'? I'm not saying you're wrong, it's just a weird choice of word to use without a qualifier.There are many things you could be talking about, of course; the ability to have children, the ability to wear cute dresses and shoes, the ability to be able to show emotion without being put down (mostly). But I don't know that everyone would agree with that. Again, not criticizing. Just very curious about your point of view.
  10. So, I've never had it, but this is what I've heard from good sources: 1. Can be a life-changing treatment for most people, but what they may not tell you is it doesn't necessarily work for everyone. 2. You will probably see an improvement, but to maintain it, you will need 'maintenance' sessions, possibly for the rest of your life. 3. Memory and headache side-effects happen a lot. In some people, they are less severe or wear off. In others, they are big and permanent. The medical community downplays this element, so if you are very attached to or rely on your memory for most of your daily living, work requirements and hobbies, I would give it a lot of thought. 4. The actual session is not scary at all. It's very high-tech now, and you won't feel anything, except maybe the headache afterwards, and drowsiness that day from the anesthetic. Also, you will almost-definitely get some memory loss for the periods surrounding the treatment. I hope this helps you make a decision!
  11. Well, I'd say that if you're having an adverse reaction to your smoking habits, it will most likely fade in time. However, I hear you about the issue with the paranoia. Sometimes, when people get paranoid, it isn't actually a symptom. Like, some of what you're worried about could be true TO AN EXTENT, but the drug and the conspiracy theories blew it out of proportion. I think the things you're worried about might actually be more true for high-profile people, but if you're an average person, there's no need to worry too much. There's nothing wrong with buying organic or alternative products! Some things actually have a lot of chemical components now. They're generally safe, and not everyone has trouble processing them, but hey; if you feel better without them, why not change? The job frustration is something I also understand. I don't think it's premeditated class warfare, though. Human nature is too chaotic, and there isn't so much of a class system these days. I think it's more to do with the way humans enact the 'survival of the fittest' philosophy without really being conscious of it. Employers will pay the least possible wage for the most possible hours 95% of the time, but it isn't about supremacy. It's just bog--standard greed and expediency. There's also nothing wrong with buying an out-of-city house if that makes you comfortable. There are cameras everywhere now, it's true, but what it comes down to is really; what interest do you hold to anyone who might be watching? Unless you're important on a national or international scale, the only possible people who would care are probably not part of worldwide, secret organisations. When you think about it, there are billions of people on the planet. You'd have to do something very noteworthy (in others' eyes) to get the time of day from a camera hack, or it would be wasting their time. A lot of what you do and write online is monitored. That's a known fact, not even a conspiracy. There are ways to minimise this, as it is almost all for the sake of advertising, (unless, of course, you do something noteworthy on a global scale.) I can give you a link to some helpful ideas if you like. As for conspiracy theories, I find they're a waste of time. If you have fears, there's usually a more factual way to look at the probabilities that doesn't involve either a conspiracy theorist or a government-approved publication. I understand your fear of seeing a therapist. It might pay to see if you feel any better first, since diagnosing that sort of thing is difficult to begin with, and it would be a nuisance for you to end up with a diagnosis and medications you don't need. I don't know if this makes you feel any better, (and if it doesn't, that's ok! Your brain is your brain, after all, and you know how you feel.) But I hope you'll be ok.
  12. It sounds like he wouldn't have been healthy for you. You need to practice self-care, and I think it may have been harder in this relationship. I know it sucks and feels awful, but I think you should hold out for someone who is better for you.
  13. I'm glad that your doctors have treated you with respect. I'm sorry other people react badly, though. :(
  14. Well done for going to your new job! That must have been hard to do, so I'm glad they made you feel welcome. It also feels nice to think you might be able to find some new opportunities. The empty desks aren't a nice sight, and I know what you mean. In the past, if a company was too demanding and had unrealistic expectations, I usually stayed as long as I could then left on my own, so that they couldn't say they fired me. (I'm a hard worker and I don't like people trying to claim otherwise because they're too fond of money.) It's a pain that you are loosing the therapist and acupuncturist you know. I hope you get good new ones. Acupuncture can definitely be very helpful with depression and pain.
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