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Everything posted by Varga

  1. That makes sense. Still makes me sad tho because goodness she was perfect well evidently not but ya know. Also- thanks! I have low key always been in vintage kind of stuff but now it's just my whole life lol
  2. Hey yall- hope everything is going great ❤ So last time I got on here I was having huge issues with this one guy who was my CO for years, right? (that guy was matt smith btw lol) I ended up getting over that fairly well in all things considering and now he's just more of a fashion inspo at this point but I have another problem that has cropped up since then and i dont really know how to handle it tbh. It's like my giant obsession for Matt Smith eventually formed into smaller and tinier obsessions with LOTS of celebrities. And even worse they are all dead. Like Cab Calloway and Rita Hayworth. Dear god in heaven I love cab calloway. Which is really odd because for y e a r s there I only liked one guy and now I'm obsessing over tons of people left and right and I'm convinced the ONLY reason why these obsessions aren't nearly as bad is because literally every single one of them died before I was even born. I always thought once I got over the one co this was never gonna happen again but I guess not??? Because literally not even a month after I decided that Matt is just kinda eh to me I began to cycle back but in a very very different way?? And even more strange is that this time around I don't have a problem with it. Like when I had the one co I had so many issues with him and myself and now I'm not even phased by the fact that most of my CO's did heroin. So I guess I'm just really confused rn. Like what happened? Why am I suddenly so in love with tons of people and am... really happy with it? I'm afraid that these obsessions are going to become bad like the last one and I really really dont want that to happen because atm I am very happy with them. But I'm also paranoid and I have no idea how this is going to turn out. When I found out about Marlene Dietrich's relationship with her daughter- I didn't talk for 3 days because of just how distraught I was with her. Like- idk I just really don't want these to go bad. Tbh I was HOPING this would never happen again but oops. Aight I'm done ranting now yall I'm so sorry I just dont understand my brain. Like why am I like this.
  3. Hey my dudes this is completely random and has nothing to do w/ the previous conversation above but turns out I know someone who is also having problems with his CO. And I kind of want to help him out but at the same time he’s, not to put too fine a point on it, a terrible human being. Like okay i’m sure this is the same in all areas of the world but where I’m from, CO and CWS and all that good stuff just never gets talked about. In all honesty I prolly know dozens of people suffering the same but I managed to find out this guy specifically has CO problems because his ex was talking about it to me while we were both absolutely wasted. And she was making fun of him the whole time and talking about how creepy and how wierd it was and I was, naturally, extremely insulted. Mainly because she knew that I too had that problem and was doing MANY of the same things her ex was doing! But that aside, i don’t really want to get into detail about him as a person because it’s not the greatest story, but I kind of want to help him. Idk if he knows that there are so many people just like him- including me- and i guess i just want to tell him that at the least. But i still don’t know tho because i honest to god can’t stand the man. all of that being said, what are ya’lls inputs?
  4. @BlueStarr oh yeah i forgot to mention: I am going to not see anything about him for a while just in case because I am still constantly dreaming about him. It is prolly for the best I don’t see him. But should the occasion rise where I unexpectedly see him on a poster or something- i think I’ll handle it better again, tysm. If anybody on this discussion ever wants to talk, I’m free.
  5. @BlueStarr sorry it took so long for me to type back. After I read what you sent I took a few days thinking about it. Ngl, that kind of hit me like a hammer and thank you for that. You’re absolutely right- that was exactly what i was doing. And now I feel ridiculous for that but hey: it is what it is. I think my problem was (putting this in past tense because I’m hopeful) that I really didn’t understand how I got there in the first place. And after you sent that back I got to thinking about it. Long story short, my parents were going through a divorce when I first saw him and I was quite young(er) when all of this happened so I think I ended up obsessing over him because he’s quite a happy fellow? And for a few years there, no one else around me was. I got to thinking about it a little further and when you mentioned forgiveness and all of that stuff- the things he did really weren’t all t h a t b a d. You’re right, he just did stuff literally every guy on the planet does. But in all honesty, I think i did a trick on myself! I started looking back and around the time I started getting mad at him for the dumbest things ever was around the same time he wasn’t as happy as he usually was. Idk if I’m making sense rn but i think I subconsciously got angry at him for not being happy. Which is strange in hindsight 20/20- but I think that’s exactly what happened. And for the past few years, my “getting over the ex” is just me realizing that he- like every other human being- has other emotions besides being happy and makes mistakes. And it was just me not wanting to confront that fact because for a while there I was convinced he was invincible. I think that now since I know what happened in me psychologically for all of this to have taken place, I’ll be able to progress and hopefully fix myself. I know I prolly should have given myself longer than a year because these things do take time but in all reality, these past few weeks have been more progress than I think I’ve ever made before. Still hard, though, still crying 24/7. Fortunately, my mother noticed me acting different and I am now on medication and gonna start seeing a counselor soon! (a lot has happened since I last wrote if you couldn’t tell lol) so yeah. I think I got this. It’ll take time but I think I’m getting somewhere. Of course, only time will tell but i think with this knowledge in mind I can handle the whole situation better. I know that was prolly a lot to take in- like I said, past month has been ROUGH- but thank you. I don’t really know how to describe how much you’ve helped me out.
  6. Oh thank the lord I found this! I had a mental breakdown a few hours ago and I did a quick google search and found this so sorry in advance that I don’t really know anything about this site... or discussions. I don’t really know if people are still on here but I really hope so! Okay. So I’ve read through what other people have posted on here and I would just like to say that I am so happy that people are actually talking about this sort of thing. For the last 5 or 7 years (I don’t remember now!), I’ve always been too scared to see if there were group-like discussions about this and I’ve always been too scared to start one because people might try to make fun of me. So I’d just like to say hi! I’ve been going crazy over a british actor for like 5-7 years!! And my life since then has not been the greatest. See, throughout all of my middle school years I was like in love with this dude and thought that he couldn’t hurt a soul and was just perfect in every way. But during my 8th grade year, I found out some horrible things about him and my love-like obsession quickly turned to me being obsessed with hating him. Around my 10th grade year, I realized that just because I hated him didn’t mean I thought about him any less than I did before (because I really didn’t) so I tried doing what I noticed many people on here mentioned: trying to cut them out from your life. But that in itself presented a whole new problem for me. It’s so strange and I have no idea how to handle it. Last New Years marked I believe an entire year since I had seen his face or anything much about him. I’m at my sisters house and she decides to turn on said TV show. I was too scared to object because I didn’t want to say why, so I let her. I thought “well it’s been a year! Surely I’m over him by now!” And I didn’t even see him. I heard his voice and I had the longest panic attack I have ever had in my life. I’ve had quite a few during the years too and this one still scares me to think about. So after that spill, I noticed something: Even during the time I kept cut off from him- I was still thinking about him 8 days a week. So why hearing his voice tripped me up? I have no idea, frankly. After that, I’ve been doing exposure therapy to see if I can curve the panic attacks (three other incidents have happened since then. Two at Barnes and Nobles funnily enough but I love that store too much!) but the only problem with the exposure therapy is that I’m starting the cycle all over again with liking him! Even though i remember good and well what he did, it seems I’m right back at square one! But I’m afraid if I don’t look at him over a period of time I’ll get panic attacks again! I know this is a lot but I seriously need help because I’ve never been able to talk about this before and I just don’t know what to do. If anyone on here has any advice please please please let me know!!
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