MollieMcdoodlesMom

And this too... https://youtu.be/ChcR2gKt5WM

Josh Groban “ You Are Loved” https://youtu.be/EGLSk3AVcUU

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and relate how things can be different. I’ve read the following posts about being unloved and feeling like nobody would want us. This might be true but then again, it might be the opposite. Here’s our story. My husband has had a very difficult upbringing. His parents divorce before he was 6 yrs old. His dad apparently was a violent person, but my husband never talks badly about him. His mom had a muscle disease which was passed on to my husband, Bob. He was bullied in school which caused him to get into fights and turn to drugs in order to cope. Years later he cleaned up his life and made some changes. One of my friends told me about this guy that worked on their cars. He wanted to date and asked if she had any friends from her hometown that he might be able to get to know. I was totally against talking to a guy I’ve never met in person. For me, I thought I must be pretty pathetic if someone is trying to set me up with some guy in another state. I didn’t want to date, all the guys I knew were and are still complete jerks. To get her off my back, I consented to one letter. In it he told me about himself a little. I felt obligated to reply and that was the beginning of a four month correspondence between us. We ran up our phone bills to over $500 and he sent me videos of his place, his dogs, and his town. I hadn’t even seen his picture, but sent him one of myself. During our conversations I explained that I’m not interested in dating as a social outlet. I was almost 30 yrs old and I was dating with the eventual outcome of marriage. I had my heart stomped on before and I’m not willing to let it happen again. We agreed to continue speaking on the phone. I had an unexpected opportunity to travel back to his town with my friend. I was frightened about actually meeting him face to face but I asked his opinion on it and there was a long pause...I thought, he really doesn’t want to meet me after all. I was really scared that I was going to look foolish or it would be so awkward. When he said yes, then I really got nervous because I didn’t know what to expect. Most things in life are based on appearances - I’ve been judged by my looks, clothes, lack of popularity, etc - that all came rushing back on me. On the way there, my friend starts to tell me that Bob has deformed hands and feet. She didn’t really tell me anything about him but kept saying he’s a great guy and helps so many people. Everybody loves him she kept saying. We finally arrive at my friend’s house and his car is already there. He’s waiting in the kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest... he’s ready to defend himself from any hurt or rejection. All I can see is his beautiful blue eyes, the kind that can pierce your heart and make a person stop in their tracks. I instantly hugged him like I’d known him for years. It was amazing! We were both so nervous but the rest of the evening was good. We talked and he showed me around the area. I still didn’t know anything really about his muscle disease until after we had been married. His disease is called “Charcot Marie Tooth” . His family hardly talked about it and I had to pry information from him. On January 12, 2019 we will be married for 23 years. We have a 20 year old daughter. Bob has been one of the best gifts I have. He taught me to speak up and how to be more compassionate. It’s a work in progress when two people are in poor health. We get annoyed with each other of course, but we are sticking together. I didn’t share this to sound like a saint or anything like that. We both have frailties. People have told me they never expected him to get married and have a kid. Others have asked me why I wanted to be married to a guy like that, or that he must make pretty good money because he had nothing else to offer. Actually, I feel sorry for people who have that viewpoint because they limit themselves in their love for others. He’s had to take care of me during surgeries and other health crisis. He’s been unemployed most of our married life as his disability progresses. I help him get dressed and his in a wheelchair now, he’s lost his hearing and is cranky often. It doesn’t matter in the long run... I hope that you each find a person who values you as an individual. We all have worth and our lives are too precious to just give to anyone. I’m not saying it’s easy by any means, just please don’t think it’s impossible. BTW - my daughter is going thru something right now too. I see her pain... Sorry for the long post

Love your generous attitude @Epictetus in helping those less fortunate. May you have peace my friend Frances

I just want to comment on my observance regarding the holiday and feelings of depression. I think your feelings are probably normal because of the way we are made to feel this time of year. Society tells us that we should be happy and that having every thing just so will make our lives better. So many commercials and movies portray a happy family sitting down to eat and open gifts with joy. That’s not always the case for many persons. Perhaps they don’t have family or can’t afford gifts. There is pressure to measure up to an idea of happiness and contentment that is out of reach. Also, for persons with ongoing health issues, it takes much effort to prepare ourselves for anything that will drain us of emotional or physical energy. Even though I don’t celebrate any holidays, just the idea of expending what little strength I have is exhausting. My daughter just said something similar on the way home from a graduation party last night. She said it is so tiring to be social when she has anxiety and depression. The crowd, the noise of people talking and loud music, the lights - everything there was about all she could handle. I think you will find others are dreading the holidays too. Plus, you might be facing the change in season as you mentioned and being affected by it. Whatever is causing you to feel this way, I hope you will find peace of mind and beauty in each day. Warm Regards, Frances

Hello @Twirls Welcome to the forum! I’m not familiar with the medicines or condition you described. I am very sorry you are undergoing these challenges right now. I’ve found that this forum is a great resource for information and I hope you find the details you need. May you be well... Sincerely, Frances

@Rattler6 This we have in common, I’m not one to simply accept something unless it can be proven to my satisfaction. I have to do my own research so that I can grasp something - especially something from the Bible. I understand that proof must be balanced with faith, but not blind faith. I agree that authority has been abused in mankind’s history. That Scripture you quoted from in Romans 13:1, 2 made it clear that human authority is allowed by God so that we can live a somewhat peaceful life, free of chaos. The Roman government was the ruling power in the First Century when this part of the Bible was written. Jesus had taught his followers to return to Caesar, or the governmental authorities, what was respectfully due them such as paying taxes. (Matthew 22:17-21) Those taxes paid for things similar to what we also pay our taxes for today. But as you pointed out, ruthless persons will advocate wicked deeds by claiming the Bible gives them divine authority to do so. The events you mentioned are truly heartbreaking. Your comments are very thought provoking and I so enjoy having a meaningful conversation. Sincerely, Frances

@JessiesMom Thank you and may the time you have with your family and loved ones be filled with love and cherished memories.

Dear @JessiesMom Hello! I wanted to tell you that I’ve found a therapy light that I think will work well for our family. It also has negative ion therapy which I’m excited about about as my husband hates having fresh air. I open the windows every chance I get but he’s more concerned about heat loss. I showed it to my daughter and we will get one for our anniversary next month. She is apparently interested in trying it too. Thanks for the info, it’s much appreciated! Hope all is well with you and your loved ones. Frances

Hey Everyone 😃 I wanted to add a few thoughts to this thread as it is very interesting and as well as eye opening as to why we do or do not celebrate the holidays. @MargotMontage I appreciate that you want to observe Christmas from a religious perspective as this time of year many persons feel the desire to be connected with others spiritually. With all due respect, many religions follow the traditional nativity story but it’s not correct according to the Holy Writings. After examining the Scriptures, I’ve reached the conclusion that celebrating this holiday bothers me and therefore I reframe from observing it. It doesn’t mean that I’m against others who celebrate it, but in good conscience I just don’t. Also, I do believe in Jesus as the means by which we can have a relationship with our Creator. If you would like to know more about what the Bible says regarding Jesus and his birth, let me know and I’d be more than happy to share the Scriptural references with you. I am sorry you have been made to feel unwelcome in your place of worship. @Rattler6 Thank you for your honesty. I must admit I had to look up what pragmatism means. May I ask please what convinces you about God or Jesus if not from the strength/validity of the Bible? The creation around us gives much proof of a Supreme Designer. I’d love to get your thoughts on this as I don’t always have an opportunity to speak with others on this subject. I really value your input. Like you, I cherish quality time with family and friends. We have been trying to have various ones over every other month for a simple meal and association. It wears me out but worth it in the long run. @Stand_alone I’m sorry you were embarassed by your mother at a gathering. I also hate that feeling when it comes to any gatherings and have at times declined an invite due to lack of funds for a gift, such as a graduation or bridal shower. What helps in our case is to give a random “Just Because Gift” during the year. We have friends that might need some encouragement from time to time. My daughter and I recently made up some little gifts for friends that consisted of lip balm, hand sanitizer, pocket Kleenex, face wipes, and scented sachets. It was for no particular reason, but we found these items super cheap and decided to share with our friends. That small token made us all happy - it was totally unexpected but appreciated very much. I love your reminder that it’s up to us to decide how much time we can spend at a gathering - we shouldn’t feel guilty if we leave early because of anxiety. @sober4life The point you made about everyone else getting gifts if it’s suppose to be Jesus birthday is a valid one. Here’s something else that’s very interesting I read on the subject... ”The Bible does not say exactly when Jesus was born. “The day of Christ’s birth cannot be ascertained from the N[ew] T[estament] or, indeed, from any other source,” states McClintock and Strong’s Cyclopedia. Surely, if Jesus wanted his followers to celebrate his birthday, he would have made certain that they knew the date of his birth.” I’m not even sure when the custom of giving gifts to others began. That’s a research project for me on one of these cold days. @20YearsandCounting I am so sorry that you’ve felt you were alone in these feelings regarding the holidays. Probably many people feel similar but don’t want to “ruin” the festivities for others. You mentioned that this holiday in particular makes you feel like a total failure because it highlights what you are not able to do. Obviously I don’t know if you are referring to lack of strength, finances, or opportunity to be with others. That disappointment, I genuinely understand from my experience. My own health prevents me from doing so much, I get annoyed. Aside from that is the attitude and selfishness displayed by others. I have horror stories of working in retail and the way people clawed their way to products. I agree too, in that many persons do not act like the kind of person who appreciates what Jesus taught regarding loving our neighbor. Warm Regards, Frances

Thank you @Floor2017 I try to make sure my words don’t sound callous or insensitive.

I agree, medicine certainly does wonders for persons and I wouldn’t want to prevent persons with a real need to have access to them. I just am cautious because of what we have personally experienced. I hope I didn’t sound as if it was out of the question.

@JessiesMom You hit the nail on the head on several points. For my husband, I believe it’s the shorter days too. We live in Central Illinois and because he has a disability, he doesn’t always get out on dark, cold, or wet days. He relies on his wheelchair and prefers to stay indoors during bad weather. I can’t blame him. He does manage to get to our garage thru a breezeway and he can work in short spurts before coming back inside for warmth. He is accustomed to being more active from Spring- Fall. And logically, his disability causes frustration which no doubt contributes to his depression. Thank you for the info about the lamp! I’ve wondered how effective they really are. I try to encourage him to get as much sunlight as possible, but he doesn’t always appreciate how important it is along with providing Vitamin D. I will definitely look into it . On the therapist for my daughter...because she doesn’t have to allow us access to her medical history, I don’t exactly know how well the therapist connected to her. I do know that our family doctor is very much aware that we want to make sure she’s getting adequate mental health care. The therapist invited her back anytime she felt overwhelmed. Maybe part of this is because she finally accepted that she can’t do more for her friends then their doctors. She has been on a low dose of Sertraline for several months now. I have to admit it was hard for me to accept that she really needed medication. I thought because she had so much contact with these friends that she maybe thought it was easier than trying to understand her emotions. We live in a culture of “ here’s a pill for everything under the sun” . I also didn’t want any doctor to use her as means to profit off prescriptions. But she openly tells people that it helps her and I have to trust her judgement on this because typically she hates going to the doctor for anything. Thank you for sharing your experiences about your sons. The things you mentioned are the same things we do. I feel that was when we turned the corner on our relationship. Some kids despise their parents when it comes to personal or sensitive subjects. After Mollie began her prescription, she was less angry with me and opened up more. Like your younger son, we listen to similar music. It does test my patience sometimes but she is willing to share that bit of herself with me and I’ll gladly take it. The same with your older son. Because much of our attention is on my husband or our work, we take time for a “girls day” every once in while. We meander to a destination and have a meal or just window shop. There is no arguing and it’s relaxing for both of us. We laugh more and she converses with me instead of just tolerating my presence. I’m sorry your sons have had various traumatic events in their lives. Losing a loved one is very hard on adults, let alone young persons. My mom lived with us for 6 months before passing away. I know this made Mollie upset as it meant a change in our rountine and living arrangements. She felt guilty that she wasn’t as close to my mom than I was, but I never blamed her for feeling that way. Again, thank you for your words of wisdom regarding the therapist and for giving me some feedback. Never worry about a wall of text. I like reading the posts more than once. And look, mine is probably just as long 😝 🤗☺️

I’m going to comment from a different perspective. I personally don’t celebrate any holidays but I don’t try to prevent others if they chose to do so. What moves me to tears during this time of year is that many persons will be reminded of the loss of family members or friends who have passed away. The holiday season emphasizes family togetherness. What if a person has no family? What if a family is dysfunctional and separated? The tension in families run high and so is depression and anxiety during these next two months. Retailers want to promote the idea during Christmas and New Years that people can attain happiness. People long for happiness and acceptance from others. They spend more than they make and gifts are given to unappreciative recipients. Where is the happiness in that? People need love and feelings of worthiness every single day, not just a day set aside for retailers to profit. When I worked in retail, I actually felt sorry for my coworkers. They did their best in most cases, but they wouldn’t get to spend much of their time with their own families. How frustrating and disappointing. I know it sounds like I’m simply rehashing what was already said by the posts prior to this. It is just that I want to acknowledge and agree with most of your words. I’ve found that I can be truly happy, even in spite of what life throws my way and I don’t have to feel obligated to follow traditions and rituals to achieve it. I mean no offense to anyone but there is more to life than this. May you feel loved and supported today. Frances

Dear @ChrissyNoelle What you described I saw my daughter go thru. She felt so lonely even though she did have a handful of friends - but not many genuine friends. Can I share with you what helped her? It is just for reference but she still puts it into practice. In an effort to gain friends, she would go out of her way to make them small gifts or trinkets. Most people she wanted to become friends with ignored her efforts or thought they were silly. This was heart breaking as a mom. I could see all the wonderful qualities she has and thought they was missing an opportunity to cultivate a friendship that would last a lifetime. Oh well, their loss. But then I realized that she should widen her circle of friends and not just stick with people her age. She needed to consider that friends can be of different backgrounds, cultures, and age groups. She felt too comfortable with the same people and if they didn’t have time for her, she became lonely. This also lead to her being depressed and feeling anxious - that her happiness depended on these other people being in her life. I think it finally occurred to her that she would be okay if she made new friends. She made plans to talk with people she met thru our faith that lived farther away. She began to volunteer and explored learning new skills. The beautiful thing is, these gave her nice topics for conversation with others she met or share with her loyal friends. She was able to teach others what she learned so that gave them a platform to interact. She also learned an important lesson. We all have the possibility of disappointing each other. The less friends we have, the more intense our discouragement becomes if they draw away from us. If we can have real genuine friends, it helps buffer the times we get hurt by others or feel left out. Some of the things I’ve mentioned are actually in a book designed for young persons. It has helpful advice on a variety of different subjects. It has benefited my daughter and I want to extend an invitation for a free copy for you. You can contact me privately for the link if you would like. Thank you for being so candid and honest about how you feel . I hope you will accept the offer. Sincerely, Frances