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Everything posted by Syrinx

  1. Putting yourself down is a very common feature of depression. Lots of people give themselves a mental health day once per month regardless of circumstances. I once had a mental breakdown and checked myself into hospital. I was there for 3 weeks. Didn't give my workplace any advance warning at all. But taking a break from the stress was exactly what I needed and I was in much better shape when I went back.
  2. Wow that's so totally how I feel sometimes. I've spent 25 years in the corporate rat race and I'm kind of fed up and want to have fun like a kid again. I mean, I still take care of adult stuff like paying bills and fixing my cars and all that stuff, but I just don't want to fight and struggle with bureaucracy any more. I want to play Animal Crossing with my step daughter and have my Totoro plushies and go out walking instead. Unfortunately, I have a lot of working years left in me and I'm not wealthy enough to retire yet.
  3. Congratulations on getting it done. It takes guts to not just give up. I guess it was a good step forward to narrow down what your physical issues are.
  4. I find coffee actually relaxes me. It's somehow comforting. I drink maybe 2 cups in a day. I have to take a whiz soon after, so I don't drink any before a long hike or bike ride.
  5. So how have things been going? Maybe it's a little late, but I came up with some ideas you've maybe thought of already. Sorry if I have some info wrong. Can you live with someone else? Jaz or Angie's family? As a short term solution at least. Do you have any other sympathetic relatives? Maine is cold in winter but very pleasant in summer. Your school guidance counselor should be of some help. Thats his job. Make a printout of your post here and show it or email it to him/her. If you really feel like you're going to hurt yourself go to a hospital E.R. Bring a printout of your post. After they have you safe and stable ask to talk to a social worker.
  6. Couple theories: 1. Some of y'all are travelling in lousy social circles, so you're meeting a lot of sucky people. 2. You're committing a lot of cognitive distortions and misinterpreting what people are doing or saying. Oh and stop watching the TV news.
  7. It sucks when you don't get the acceptance and support you'd like to get from the people who are closest to you. My dad never made an issue of my depression. He just accepted it. He was probably grateful that I was a good son in general. My mom was a lot more critical but that was her general nature. Her attitude was that I had nothing to be depressed about. I learned to appreciate people for whatever good qualities they had. Some friends I could talk with about depression but most I couldn't, or didn't try to. The ones that just didn't understand, I still valued them for whatever we did have in common, and that was fine.
  8. Yeah I think it does. But I have to take it every day or my mood really drops.
  9. Parnate causes me a little sexual dysfunction. It depends on my dose. If I'm taking 80mg/day I get some erectile dysfunction, but it's a lot less if I'm taking 60 mg/day. I'm on Parnate because modern SSRIs and SNRIs just don't seem to work on me.
  10. I've used an MAOI called Parnate. Its pretty good. Very little side effects and isn't sedating. No problems with the food restrictions. I still eat fresh cheeses and meats. I tried a tricyclic, Anafranil I think it was and it gave me nasty constipation. So yes there are definitely good antidepressants available that aren't SSRIs.
  11. Consult with your doctor (hopefully a psychiatrist) about lowering your dose, or switching to an antidepressant that doesn't cause as much sexual dysfunction. Try a medication to treat the erectile dysfunction. I've had great experience with Cialis. If you experienced any sexual dysfunction before the depression set in or before you started the antidepressant, well there's other medical conditions that can cause sexual problems that your doctor can look for. And pardon my French but your wife's being an insensitive, selfish, unsupportive Biotch. I mean is this woman for real? Sorry for opening a separate can of worms here but how happy was this relationship before the sexual problem came along?
  12. My opinions: I think you did the right thing. Doesn't sound like she's playing with a full deck. Don't allow her drama to poison your days. She chose the new/old boyfriend instead of you and that's the end of it. Don't let her exploit your residual feelings for her. I know, it's easier said than done. And I wouldn't be surprised if she held onto your posessions, so don't expect them back, but that's OK. Material posessions can be replaced. And you don't have to replace her with a new girlfriend right away. That will happen eventually on its own.
  13. Depression thrives on isolation. If you like this church you found then by all means, incorporate it into your lifestyles. Healthy social contact helps your mood. Can she do some chores on the farm? Any sort of exercise including physical labour usually helps elevate mood.
  14. From my experience, now that I'm over 40 and seen a lot of stuff, I've had better luck/success meeting people/women and finding dates/girlfriends from my regular outdoor activity and athletic and social clubs, rather than from stuff specifically targetting singles, like bars or parties or online dating or speed dating. You name it, I've tried it. I've never met anyone who's had any measure of success from speed dating. It's a cute idea but just doesn't work. I have two female friends that found their husbands from online dating. However I don't recommend online dating for people who are highly sensitive or in an emotionally vulnerable period. It takes a lot of work and a long time and getting rejected a lot before you learn to craft a profile and messages that are actually good and different from the others. Find some activities that you like or things you think you'd like to try and join clubs that do that stuff and get out there and get exposure. Meetup clubs are a great place to start. Start with walking and hiking clubs. Almost everyone can walk. All you need are comfortable and durable shoes and clothes and you're good to go. Move on to bike riding, movie discussions, depression support groups, indoor rock climbing, yoga, ANYthing. Don't try to "pick up" women. Get out there and participate as much as possible and let people see you're an active guy and can contribute to a conversation and like to try out stuff and help others and show some creativity and lead activities. The exercise and socializing WILL help you feel better and women WILL notice you and get comfortable with you. Most won't be fantasy swimsuit models but you will be expanding your social skills and social circle. Which is probably better for you than sitting at your monitor for hours eating Doritos wondering why meeting women is so hard.
  15. Dear shawnl, I normally don't like to directly tell anyone what to do, buuuuuuut........you can pretty much see where this is going. Most posters here are pointing in the right direction. Your hopefully soon-to-be EX wife doesn't seem to GET IT at all how harmful her words and actions are, nor does she seem to give a damn. I understand the human heart doesn't change directions quickly or easily. Maybe you still feel affection for the woman you once thought she was. It's natural. You seem to be increasing your level of awareness through working with your therapist. Keep up the good work. Please forgive my arrogance, but, go to where you stored your testicles six years ago, retrieve them, and reattach them. Metaphorically speaking. Spend some time finding a divorce attorney who you feel really understands your situation and wants to guide you through things, and definitely have your wife served with the paperwork that you ARE divorcing her. Once she gets hit with THAT brick, THEN she'll start to take you seriously. IF (and that's a mighty big IF) there's any chance of saving this marriage, she'll then start to cooperate with counselling or whatever. Meanwhile, the only person who's health and feelings you need to care about is YOU.
  16. I was on as much as 80mg/day Parnate, but was on 60mg/day most of the time. Even though I took half doses in the morning and late afternoon, it gave me some insomnia, but I still got enough sleep. When I took a half dose I got a bit of a rush, like after taking a caffeine pill. It unfortunately gave me orthostatic hypotension, but I never actually stumbled or fell. It also gave me sudden strong urges to urinate. Not more frequently, just less predictably, if that makes any sense. I think I had better ability to concentrate and more motivation to exercise. No sexual dysfunction either. Basically I liked it better than the tricyclic I'm on right now.
  17. Prozac is usually more energizing than other antidepressants. I called it an energy and confidence boost. Most people take it in the morning. Initial side effects for the first two weeks are usually increased anxiety and insomnia, but these "should" fade. You might also lose about 5 pounds when you go on it. It's notoriously slow to kick in, like 4 to 8 weeks before you really feel better. Your Doctor might be employing a strategy of having you on as few meds as possible, which is usually a good thing because it reduces the guessing about which medication is doing what to you. Prozac has been around a looooong time and has helped a lot of people.
  18. You can look for a peer support group in your town. Often the people in support groups can give a lot of good advice because they've already gone through a lot of what you're going through.
  19. Wow. I was able to taper quickly off Parnate in October of 2012 no problem. I once stopped Celexa cold turkey. For about 10 days I was a little headachy, a little nauseous, and had a weird visual disturbance where it was very irritating to rotate my eyeballs. And anytime I turned my head to look at something different, it took my brain about a second to catch up with whatever my eyes were looking at. The worst experience I had was stopping Zoloft cold turkey. For two months I was dizzy, anxious, couldn't think, couldn't do much of anything. I was just zonked. Good thing I was unemployed at the time. But after two months it was all over.
  20. I was on Parnate in 2012. After Prozac pooped out on me after many years of use, and other SSRIs and SNRIs didn't seem to help, I started Parnate. It seemed to help my depression, but because it has such a short half-life, I had to take the dose twice a day. I was also on 80 mg/day, and the pills came only in 10 mg dosages. Anyway, the improvement came gradually. For a couple of hours after a dose, I got that amphetamine-like juiced up feeling, but it always faded. It also gave me orthostatic hypotension, fancy name for getting dizzy when you stand up, but it wasn't too bad. I never fainted. It also made me urinate more frequently, but even that wasn't a big deal. It didn't make my anxiety worse. When I'm on an antidepressant that works and my mood gets better, I find my anxiety gets better too. My psychiatrist says this is typical. Parnate didn't elevate my mood or boost my confidence as much as Prozac used to though. The good news is that Parnate didn't give me any sexual side effects. My psychiatrist told me to take it in the morning and afternoon, never in the evening or near bedtime. I drank bottled bier, red whine, chain store pizza with cheese and pepperoni, bacon, coffee, supermarket packaged havarti and mozzarella cheese, and never had a problem or hypertensive crisis. I didn't try any stong pungent aged cheeses, soy sauce, or sauerkraut.
  21. Well, after 13 days, I stopped the nortriptyline. I was up to 75 mg/day. No improvement in mood of course, not just 13 days with it. The agitiation just seemed too much. Other side effects included constipation, and feeling headachy. But it didn't cause any sexual dysfunction I'm happy to say. Anyway, last Monday, I had a psych appointment and we looked at my whole medical history, and the meds that helped the most were ones that in theory at least, increased serotonin levels, whereas nortriptyline is mostly an NRI. I'm normally a high energy high functioning person, when I'm not depressed that is. So by my understanding, better to boost my serotonin than norepinephrine. So my psychiatrist and I chose clomipramine/Anafranil to replace the nortriptyline. I stopped the nortriptyline cold turkey and started the clomipramine immediately. I also take 1mg to 1.5mg/day lorazepam, which I'm unfortunately dependent on. So I guess I'll start my clomipramine thread next.
  22. Well, you've already done one good thing by writing a post here about your situation. There's help out there for you. Can you talk to your parents about your worries? If not, then go to your doctor and tell him what you've told us. Make a printout and read it to him if you want to. He can refer you to a psychiatrist who would be able to make a professional diagnosis. Don't worry, it's not scary to talk to a psychiatrist. Do you have a counsellor of some sort at school? That's another potential source of support. You can also look for a support group for people with mood disorders in your area and attend a meeting and see if anyone there can give you some good advice. Keep reaching out for help. Don't think you have to be brave and keep it all inside. You're not weak or defective.
  23. 7 days on Nortriptyline so far. 5 days on 25mg and 2 days on 50mg. The only thing that's changed so far is a bit of constipation. I just feel like I don't care about anything. Even though I'm very depressed, I've hardly cried in a couple of months. It's like I'm too numb and unmotivated and emotionless to cry. I guess I'm anxious and agitated over some real life issues. I just feel like my life has stalled and I'm stuck and this is all I'll ever have. Seeing my psychiatrist in another week. I wonder if this med is right for me, since it (supposedly) increases noradrenaline far more than serotonin, and I believe I need a serotonin increase far more than noradrenaline. Even though Parnate didn't lift me up to 100%, it lifted me to maybe 70%, which is a damn sight better than the 20% I'm at right now. If I go back to it, I hope it doesn't fizzle like often happens when you go back to a med you were on before.
  24. I need to be on an antidepressant. Most don't help me but a few definitely have. As far as lifestyle goes, I try not to be a hermit. I go out and get exercise with a few clubs I'm in, I attend a few support groups, and I spend time with friends as much as possible. My depression wants to isolate me, but I try to resist it.
  25. Actually the CNS Response analysis of my EEG did list 5 Tricyclic meds. It categorized two of them as first choices and three as second choices. The first choices were nortriptyline and desipramine. Anyway this evening I'll take my third dose of 25mg. On the fifth day I'm supposed to go to 50 mg. So far so good I guess. No big side effects that I noticed. I'm trying to minimize my use of benzos, and get outside and get some exercise too. Still don't like my new job but trying to hold onto it anyway.
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