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Jamark8

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  1. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from AloneGuy for a blog entry, CBD Oil in Vaping   
    I've been using CBD Oil in my Vape. I've noticed that when I go up in the milligrams, it works better and quicker. I began with 200mg. Then 300mg. Now I'm at 500mg and I noticed a huge difference.

    A difference in my physical pain level. It's helping the pain to not be as intense.
    A difference in anxiety. I feel more confident to be able to go out of the house because the anxiety has decreased with the use of CBD Oil.
    Even depression isn't as severe.

    I hope they keep doing research into the use of CBD Oil. I hope it improves even more. I'm in Kentucky, so that means no legal marijuana. They are so backwards here that I bet KY will be the last to ever legalize it. I don't mean to complain, but they do it behind closed doors... then don't want it legalized. KY is well known for being the Bible Belt State of Hypocrisy.

    I hate it here. Though there's no place like home, I still hate the location... I hate the hypocrisy... it's disgusting.

    Forgive my rant. I don't mean to. It's just very annoying being stuck in Purgatory like this.
  2. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from Devlinkyla for a blog entry, My absence; More LOA studies; Vision Boards;   
    My absence;
    I do not remember the last time I came on here. And I didn't mean to be absent here. I love talking to you guys on this forum.

    I had been very sick back in March and went to ER and they kept me in the hospital for 4 days, pumping antibiotics (pennacillin, spelling?) in my IV, giving me nausea med in IV that made me get worse sick at my stomach at first.. so they'd then just put in the pain meds first, then the nausea med.

    So anyway, I've been taking some time off the computer just to rest and clear my mind and heal my body.

    I thought about you guys a lot and wanted to come back sooner, but I didn't feel exactly good enough. So I'm glad I took time off to rest. :)
     
    More LOA studies;
    I've been looking into the Law of Attraction for a while now; still having the synchronicities which is so reassuring and comforting. I want to tell you more about it, but explaining it simply is difficult. All I know is that I understand more and more as I research it, and I enjoy learning about it. There's so many branches of books, hobbies and more that I have interest in, but maybe one day when I feel better I'll type up what I researched and share it here. :)
     
    Vision Boards;
    If any of you saw my collages that I posted here, you'll know what a Vision Board is, for those who don't know. So I'm making a new one after I finished about 5-6 of them, but I couldn't find the right words or pictures to add to it. I bought several old magazines to collect pictures and words that I believe fit me and that I need to see everyday. When I finish it, I'll take a pic of it and post it here.
    Not only are they helpful to look at everyday, but they were so much fun to make. I'd like to make 2 vision boards, then make other collages later. I'm excited. I have a lot to do, but it helps to keep my mind off problems and off myself.
    .

     
  3. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from Depressedgurl007 for a blog entry, My absence; More LOA studies; Vision Boards;   
    My absence;
    I do not remember the last time I came on here. And I didn't mean to be absent here. I love talking to you guys on this forum.

    I had been very sick back in March and went to ER and they kept me in the hospital for 4 days, pumping antibiotics (pennacillin, spelling?) in my IV, giving me nausea med in IV that made me get worse sick at my stomach at first.. so they'd then just put in the pain meds first, then the nausea med.

    So anyway, I've been taking some time off the computer just to rest and clear my mind and heal my body.

    I thought about you guys a lot and wanted to come back sooner, but I didn't feel exactly good enough. So I'm glad I took time off to rest. :)
     
    More LOA studies;
    I've been looking into the Law of Attraction for a while now; still having the synchronicities which is so reassuring and comforting. I want to tell you more about it, but explaining it simply is difficult. All I know is that I understand more and more as I research it, and I enjoy learning about it. There's so many branches of books, hobbies and more that I have interest in, but maybe one day when I feel better I'll type up what I researched and share it here. :)
     
    Vision Boards;
    If any of you saw my collages that I posted here, you'll know what a Vision Board is, for those who don't know. So I'm making a new one after I finished about 5-6 of them, but I couldn't find the right words or pictures to add to it. I bought several old magazines to collect pictures and words that I believe fit me and that I need to see everyday. When I finish it, I'll take a pic of it and post it here.
    Not only are they helpful to look at everyday, but they were so much fun to make. I'd like to make 2 vision boards, then make other collages later. I'm excited. I have a lot to do, but it helps to keep my mind off problems and off myself.
    .

     
  4. Thanks
    Jamark8 reacted to Soarsie18 for a blog entry, I don't know how this helps anyone   
    I've said this before. I take things to the extreme. 
    I've always been very hard on myself. Unless I'm pushed to my limits I don't feel accomplished, and I very rarely feel content with myself.
    I have the ability to home all my focus into just one thing, and end up neglecting everything else around me. 
    That got me into a lot of trouble last year,
    and I guess because of that, I'm in even more trouble right now. 
    ---
    I remember the feeling I had then. I felt like I was hanging on to a cliff edge.
    never able to relax,
    constantly at risk,
    just barely holding on to life.
    I wasn't depressed because I still had hope,
    and I knew that it would all come to an end someday.
    And I knew that I had something to look forwards to afterwards. 
    And I was willing to make myself physically and mentally ill to get there.
    --
    But then it all fell to pieces. I had no hope. I had no future. I was back to square one. 
    And even worse, I was now damaged on the inside. 
    I don't know how I've made it to this point now.
    But for some reason, I'm ready to try again. 
    I wouldn't say I'm motivated in the same way as last year.
    I am far more accepting now. I guess I've come to accept that I have no control over what other people decide is right for me. I have no control over whether I get an offer or not, therefore no control over whether I get to move out next year, and make friends. 
    I  can only hope that I do, but after so much disappointment I've lost hope in everything good. 
    Instead this time I'm focused on the things I can control. It's quite empowering.
    I'm not going to let myself get into the same state as last year. But at the same time I'm not going down without a fight. 
    It's my lifeline, my ticket out of here. And although I have no hope, no motivation,  I'm not ready to keel over and to never know how it could have turned out differently if I'd tried. 
    ---
    A few months ago, I had no hope that I'd regain this kind of resilience.
    I'm still extremely depressed at the moment, but I guess that's something to be thankful for, that I'm at least giving myself a chance now.
     
  5. Like
    Jamark8 reacted to GSpolar for a blog entry, Does it matter?   
    What we do matters.  
    They are real souls, the 10 people who are watching DF, who are so scared of the stigma, imprisoned at 'home' to such a degree, or hurting so deeply.....
    10 are watching at any given moment for every 1 who dared to even sign up anonymously.
    If you read this, you probably have encouraged at least one person anonymously, with nothing to gain, just out of love.  
    And for every 1, there were really 10, check out 'Activity/All Users' to see for yourself.  
    How terrible is a disease that 10 are afraid to admit it for every 1 who does.....
    How valuable is even one note of encouragement, 1 genuine hug.  Multiply your hugs by 10........You're changing outcomes of life, you really are
  6. Thanks
    Jamark8 reacted to 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Setback, sort of....   
    I wound up having to call in sick to work today, so I can't do my walk like I had wanted to. I'm fairly sure I'll be up and around in time to do it tomorrow, though. 
    Meanwhile, Here's Deadpool......

     
  7. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from Bulgakov for a blog entry, A Big Sleep; Universe Enlightens me; Siddhartha; Books; Dreams and Memory   
    I slept all day yesterday! Missed everything. Even missed getting a package, so we had to go to the ups store and get it. I got a book. I was collecting books by this author this month.
    I feel like the Universe is making up for lost time with me. I turned on my xbox to watch youtube. Watching vids by Edge of Wonder. They were talking about Prophecy and Messiah. Then the next video that came on was about Enlightenment. I was like... wow! They even mentioned Siddhartha... a book I actually got several months ago... er, last year sometime rather, and it's about Buddha, I believe. I got out the book again because I've not read it, but I was looking for another book that was like The Alchemist. So that might be my next story to read. I like to read a STORY book and read another book similar to it at the same time... so the new book I got today would be perfect because it talks about choosing a path in life and what to expect on a more magical path. Enlightening path. Ya know?

    I had some pretty weird dreams last night and yesterday. None I can remember enough to put into words though. I hate when it's like that, because I have great dreams to talk about, just my memory isn't good enough on the details. I got some Ginko Biloba. Maybe I should take it for a while and see if that don't improve. 🙂
  8. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from Lindsay for a blog entry, A test   
    I'm testing to see if my background picture will show up.
  9. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from JD4010 for a blog entry, 2 latest collages   
    I made these two tonight. These are fun to make. Gets my mind off depression. It's better than sitting there staring at the wall, doing nothing.

    I hope you guys like them :)
     


  10. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from JD4010 for a blog entry, Gratitude; Mantra; Confidence Vs. Arrogance   
    I am thankful for you guys. And this website. You guys have been a great encouragement to me, and this site has been a great resource. Coming here when I've been depressed has helped me tremendously. The caring hearts and kind words that live here are inspiring. I feel very thankful to have met you guys, and found this website.

    Lately there have been certain words pop up in my life:

    Courage
    Confidence
    Humility
    Focus
    Trust
    Perspective
    Responsibility
    Fear Vs. Love
    Action
    These words I will use during meditation. I will use Courage as my first Mantra.
    I'm learning a form of Yoga, but only by myself for now. When I feel more comfortable, I will search for others to do yoga with, or find a class.

    But for now I will do on my own what I can. I have a new DVD called Mantra Girl, and it shows in the video how 4 ladies do kundalini yoga. Interesting!

    What's the difference between Confidence and Arrogance?
    Confidence: You trust yourself, secure in abilities, prove to yourself.
    Confidence: the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. the state of feeling certain about the truth of something, a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
    Arrogance: You gotta prove something to people, a lot of resistance, insecure in abilities.
    Arrogant: having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities.
     
    Just making notes. 🙂
     
    What we must do: Lose our minds, and come to our senses.
  11. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from Bulgakov for a blog entry, Gratitude; Mantra; Confidence Vs. Arrogance   
    I am thankful for you guys. And this website. You guys have been a great encouragement to me, and this site has been a great resource. Coming here when I've been depressed has helped me tremendously. The caring hearts and kind words that live here are inspiring. I feel very thankful to have met you guys, and found this website.

    Lately there have been certain words pop up in my life:

    Courage
    Confidence
    Humility
    Focus
    Trust
    Perspective
    Responsibility
    Fear Vs. Love
    Action
    These words I will use during meditation. I will use Courage as my first Mantra.
    I'm learning a form of Yoga, but only by myself for now. When I feel more comfortable, I will search for others to do yoga with, or find a class.

    But for now I will do on my own what I can. I have a new DVD called Mantra Girl, and it shows in the video how 4 ladies do kundalini yoga. Interesting!

    What's the difference between Confidence and Arrogance?
    Confidence: You trust yourself, secure in abilities, prove to yourself.
    Confidence: the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. the state of feeling certain about the truth of something, a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
    Arrogance: You gotta prove something to people, a lot of resistance, insecure in abilities.
    Arrogant: having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities.
     
    Just making notes. 🙂
     
    What we must do: Lose our minds, and come to our senses.
  12. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from LonelyHiker for a blog entry, 2 latest collages   
    I made these two tonight. These are fun to make. Gets my mind off depression. It's better than sitting there staring at the wall, doing nothing.

    I hope you guys like them :)
     


  13. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from Jumping for a blog entry, 2 latest collages   
    I made these two tonight. These are fun to make. Gets my mind off depression. It's better than sitting there staring at the wall, doing nothing.

    I hope you guys like them :)
     


  14. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from Bulgakov for a blog entry, Notes taken from a Tony Robbins motivational speech   
    My Notes From a video called "The 3 Steps to a Breakthrough | Tony Robbins"
    Having courage is that while you are still afraid, you are still facing your fears.
    And fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.
    1. The future as my mind tells me it is, is FEAR.
    2. Ghosts are FEAR.
    3. The Dark is FEAR.
    (Those are my fears. You may replace mine with yours, but every fear IS FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real).
    Get out of your comfort zone and do something that even you are astonished by.
    It’s not about being alone. Build something with someone with the same or similar vision.
    Loving being in an environment that people can support you, to help you become your greatest version.
    The body Is the subconscious mind. You have to pay attention to what you’re doing with your body, because that reveals the secrets of your mind and all our problems start within the mind, and manifests into our physical reality.
    We disobey our emotions which is the energy in motion (our inner guidance system.)
    Confidence = “to trust”. Do thinks that satisfy every cell in your body.
    Once you obey your true inner emotions, you form a greater coherency between the body, mind and heart.
    Once you are not in alignment with your emotions, with a true feeling, how can you be confident? How can you TRUST yourself?
    ((( My key words: intuition, focus, trust, confidence, courage, responsibility, humility, perspective. )))
    Therefore, how can you trust anybody else?
    Professionals have practiced, yet are still learning. How do we learn? Through the bad times. Through rough, tough hard times. Through tests and challenges.
    Don’t rest on your laurels. You do something write, you say “I did it”… then you hear a voice “do it again” (Practice).
    We learn through repetition too. Highly confident people can always do it again, because it’s within them…
    Are you living from the inside out or outside in?
    Practicing everyday forms the muscle memory and it allows us to cultivate (aquire or develop, prepare and use) that trust within ourselves. (Universe inside you, trust universe).
    Lack of self love… looking in the mirror and you don’t like what you see? You lose trust.
    You lose trust when you rely on what others think of you. Lose trust when you allow another go give you value.
    Anything that keeps you in separation – break programming of it.
    Separation is related to fear. Low self esteem = feeling that we don’t have anything to contribute to the world. Or to ourselves. So we lose value. We wait for the approval of others.
    Love yourself when you go to the place of your greatest power. Meditation, deep rest.
    Externalizing your power “someone else is the cause of my problems”.
    This will change when you take 100% responsibility for your actions. Your own emotion. Power is within you. You are the guru. I can’t do what others do and they can’t do what I do because we’re in a different time in space. Move out of competition with everyone around you. Take back power to not be afraid of delving into the shadowland. True confidence from within, not how big your house is or how beautiful your car is.
    Inner knowing.
    We live our lives based on other’s value systems. Internal process.
    Punishment and reward.
    We are programmed so punishment and reward are learned behaviors. Dare to trust yourself! Reprogramming subconscious mind. Have the wonder, happiness and joy of a child. We all have a different purpose, follow, honor and be true to it.
    Lifestyle – bad, low vibrational foods = panic attacks.
    Self worth, the source of our own happiness = good foods, vegan even.
    Stop comparing yourself to others. Be inspired by them, but don’t try to BE them.
    Share your journey. Do what you resonate with. The greatest enemy and friend lies within ourselves.
    Taking risks = secret to confidence.
    The secret of confidence = taking risks = confidence of trusting yourself.
    All about versatility (ability to adapt or be adapted to many different functions or activities).
    You’ve done it this way for a long time. Now try something new.
    Become dynamic in your behavious  (dynamic = of a process or system, characterized by constant change, activity or progress.
    Have confidence you’re living from the inside out.
    Keyword: Coherency = the quality of being logical and consistent… the quality of forming a unified whole.
    The power is within you. Take radical action.
    Allow yourself to FEEL emotions as they come. Don’t hide or deny what you’re feeling. Sit with yourself through these feelings. They will not stay forever.
    Balance. Strive for it.
    Positive and negative are both necessary (think batteries)
    But it’s ONE Source… of energy.
    Emotions is energy in motion. Whatever you hide is still a part of you. Expose yourself. Tell everything that’s bad about it yourself (flaws) so your enemy / opponent can’t use it against you.
    People are more inspired by your struggles than your perfections.
    Dark things in dictionaries are always negative. Light = pure / good.
    That is programming and causes depression. (There are no races, border, money – this stuff is in your mind, and attacks it if you allow it).
    Embrace your shadow side, the darkness.
    In our darkest moments, we become illuminated.
    In the dark times, you learned your greatest lesson ever. Love the darkness and the light. Be Balanced.
    Stop doubting yourself and the universe when feeling the depression.
    There will be dark, challenging and hard times. We need to learn not to run away from them.
    Don’t run away from problems. Face them. Don’t be delusional.
    Be honest to yourself and admit you’re going through a hard time right now. Accept things for what they actually are.
    Forget 24/7 positive person. It just won’t happen like that.
    You came here to be real, not perfect.
    Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes.
    What you think of yourself is the only thing that matters, not other’s opinions of you.
    Fear paralyzes action.
    There’s nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear is separation.
    Suppress your thoughts and you increase your misery.
    Equilibrium.
    Overthinking? Move into radical action.
    Thinking? You’re not being PRESENT.
    Lack of self love is the root of suffering.
    True wisdom is the knowledge and information applied. A true wise being knows how much they don’t know.
    The greatest relationship you can have is with yourself.
     
     
    __

    Later if I can remember to, I’ll type out all the messages I got from listening to the Tony Robbins motivational speech.
  15. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Collages; I wish I could touch you and you know what I know now   
    I've been pretty depressed, so I got busy, keeping myself busy with something so the depression wouldn't be felt as terribly, and to keep my mind active through it; active on something else.
    I made two collages. I've got about 3-4 more posterboards I can use to do more. And I'm still cutting out of magazines now.
    I'll post the pictures. I hope you all will like them. It's mostly words, but a few pictures that mean something to me.
    I wish I could touch you all, and you would then know what I know now. I don't feel like typing it all out right now, but I watched quite a few of my Spirit Life Coach's videos on YouTube today. I took sooo many notes! I also listened to a motivational speech by Tony Robbins. I took notes on that. It helped me and my mom. :)

    I have a small goal to eventually type it all out, the notes I mean. Such powerful stuff. Many synchronicities all day today,  I was very excited. I'm so thankful when I receive them, because I then know that I'm in alignment with my true purpose. However, I wish the signs were easier to recognize. Some of them anyway.

    So anyway, here's my collages. I'll be making more soon.


  16. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, 4 Videos on Confidence and Breakthroughs   
    I hope you guys can see these o.k.

    I'm sorry I've posted 4 of them, but they were extremely helpful and full of wisdom, and helped me get out of my blue slump today. I hope it helps you too.

    Take notes!!
     
     
     
     
     
     
  17. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Notes from the videos I posted earlier   
    Notes from Infinite Waters videos
    Keywords: Confidence and Courage
    Confidence is moving out of your comfort zone.
    Having courage is that while you are still afraid, you are still facing your fears.
    And fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.
    1. The future as my mind tells me it is, is FEAR.
    2. Ghosts are FEAR.
    3. The Dark is FEAR.
    (Those are my fears. You may replace mine with yours, but every fear IS FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real).
    Get out of your comfort zone and do something that even you are astonished by.
    It’s not about being alone. Build something with someone with the same or similar vision.
    Loving being in an environment that people can support you, to help you become your greatest version.
    The body Is the subconscious mind. You have to pay attention to what you’re doing with your body, because that reveals the secrets of your mind and all our problems start within the mind, and manifests into our physical reality.
    We disobey our emotions which is the energy in motion (our inner guidance system.)
    Confidence = “to trust”. Do thinks that satisfy every cell in your body.
    Once you obey your true inner emotions, you form a greater coherency between the body, mind and heart.
    Once you are not in alignment with your emotions, with a true feeling, how can you be confident? How can you TRUST yourself?
    ((( My key words: intuition, focus, trust, confidence, courage, responsibility, humility, perspective. )))
    Therefore, how can you trust anybody else?
    Professionals have practiced, yet are still learning. How do we learn? Through the bad times. Through rough, tough hard times. Through tests and challenges.
    Don’t rest on your laurels. You do something write, you say “I did it”… then you hear a voice “do it again” (Practice).
    We learn through repetition too. Highly confident people can always do it again, because it’s within them…
    Are you living from the inside out or outside in?
    Practicing everyday forms the muscle memory and it allows us to cultivate (aquire or develop, prepare and use) that trust within ourselves. (Universe inside you, trust universe).
    Lack of self love… looking in the mirror and you don’t like what you see? You lose trust.
    You lose trust when you rely on what others think of you. Lose trust when you allow another go give you value.
    Anything that keeps you in separation – break programming of it.
    Separation is related to fear. Low self esteem = feeling that we don’t have anything to contribute to the world. Or to ourselves. So we lose value. We wait for the approval of others.
    Love yourself when you go to the place of your greatest power. Meditation, deep rest.
    Externalizing your power “someone else is the cause of my problems”.
    This will change when you take 100% responsibility for your actions. Your own emotion. Power is within you. You are the guru. I can’t do what others do and they can’t do what I do because we’re in a different time in space. Move out of competition with everyone around you. Take back power to not be afraid of delving into the shadowland. True confidence from within, not how big your house is or how beautiful your car is.
    Inner knowing.
    We live our lives based on other’s value systems. Internal process.
    Punishment and reward.
    We are programmed so punishment and reward are learned behaviors. Dare to trust yourself! Reprogramming subconscious mind. Have the wonder, happiness and joy of a child. We all have a different purpose, follow, honor and be true to it.
    Lifestyle – bad, low vibrational foods = panic attacks.
    Self worth, the source of our own happiness = good foods, vegan even.
    Stop comparing yourself to others. Be inspired by them, but don’t try to BE them.
    Share your journey. Do what you resonate with. The greatest enemy and friend lies within ourselves.
    Taking risks = secret to confidence.
    The secret of confidence = taking risks = confidence of trusting yourself.
    All about versatility (ability to adapt or be adapted to many different functions or activities).
    You’ve done it this way for a long time. Now try something new.
    Become dynamic in your behavious  (dynamic = of a process or system, characterized by constant change, activity or progress.
    Have confidence you’re living from the inside out.
    Keyword: Coherency = the quality of being logical and consistent… the quality of forming a unified whole.
    The power is within you. Take radical action.
    Allow yourself to FEEL emotions as they come. Don’t hide or deny what you’re feeling. Sit with yourself through these feelings. They will not stay forever.
    Balance. Strive for it.
    Positive and negative are both necessary (think batteries)
    But it’s ONE Source… of energy.
    Emotions is energy in motion. Whatever you hide is still a part of you. Expose yourself. Tell everything that’s bad about it yourself (flaws) so your enemy / opponent can’t use it against you.
    People are more inspired by your struggles than your perfections.
    Dark things in dictionaries are always negative. Light = pure / good.
    That is programming and causes depression. (There are no races, border, money – this stuff is in your mind, and attacks it if you allow it).
    Embrace your shadow side, the darkness.
    In our darkest moments, we become illuminated.
    In the dark times, you learned your greatest lesson ever. Love the darkness and the light. Be Balanced.
    Stop doubting yourself and the universe when feeling the depression.
    There will be dark, challenging and hard times. We need to learn not to run away from them.
    Don’t run away from problems. Face them. Don’t be delusional.
    Be honest to yourself and admit you’re going through a hard time right now. Accept things for what they actually are.
    Forget 24/7 positive person. It just won’t happen like that.
    You came here to be real, not perfect.
    Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes.
    What you think of yourself is the only thing that matters, not other’s opinions of you.
    Fear paralyzes action.
    There’s nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear is separation.
    Suppress your thoughts and you increase your misery.
    Equilibrium.
    Overthinking? Move into radical action.
    Thinking? You’re not being PRESENT.
    Lack of self love is the root of suffering.
    True wisdom is the knowledge and information applied. A true wise being knows how much they don’t know.
    The greatest relationship you can have is with yourself.
     
     
    __

    Later if I can remember to, I’ll type out all the messages I got from listening to the Tony Robbins motivational speech.
  18. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, A test   
    I'm testing to see if my background picture will show up.
  19. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, Notes taken from a Tony Robbins motivational speech   
    My Notes From a video called "The 3 Steps to a Breakthrough | Tony Robbins"
    Having courage is that while you are still afraid, you are still facing your fears.
    And fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.
    1. The future as my mind tells me it is, is FEAR.
    2. Ghosts are FEAR.
    3. The Dark is FEAR.
    (Those are my fears. You may replace mine with yours, but every fear IS FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real).
    Get out of your comfort zone and do something that even you are astonished by.
    It’s not about being alone. Build something with someone with the same or similar vision.
    Loving being in an environment that people can support you, to help you become your greatest version.
    The body Is the subconscious mind. You have to pay attention to what you’re doing with your body, because that reveals the secrets of your mind and all our problems start within the mind, and manifests into our physical reality.
    We disobey our emotions which is the energy in motion (our inner guidance system.)
    Confidence = “to trust”. Do thinks that satisfy every cell in your body.
    Once you obey your true inner emotions, you form a greater coherency between the body, mind and heart.
    Once you are not in alignment with your emotions, with a true feeling, how can you be confident? How can you TRUST yourself?
    ((( My key words: intuition, focus, trust, confidence, courage, responsibility, humility, perspective. )))
    Therefore, how can you trust anybody else?
    Professionals have practiced, yet are still learning. How do we learn? Through the bad times. Through rough, tough hard times. Through tests and challenges.
    Don’t rest on your laurels. You do something write, you say “I did it”… then you hear a voice “do it again” (Practice).
    We learn through repetition too. Highly confident people can always do it again, because it’s within them…
    Are you living from the inside out or outside in?
    Practicing everyday forms the muscle memory and it allows us to cultivate (aquire or develop, prepare and use) that trust within ourselves. (Universe inside you, trust universe).
    Lack of self love… looking in the mirror and you don’t like what you see? You lose trust.
    You lose trust when you rely on what others think of you. Lose trust when you allow another go give you value.
    Anything that keeps you in separation – break programming of it.
    Separation is related to fear. Low self esteem = feeling that we don’t have anything to contribute to the world. Or to ourselves. So we lose value. We wait for the approval of others.
    Love yourself when you go to the place of your greatest power. Meditation, deep rest.
    Externalizing your power “someone else is the cause of my problems”.
    This will change when you take 100% responsibility for your actions. Your own emotion. Power is within you. You are the guru. I can’t do what others do and they can’t do what I do because we’re in a different time in space. Move out of competition with everyone around you. Take back power to not be afraid of delving into the shadowland. True confidence from within, not how big your house is or how beautiful your car is.
    Inner knowing.
    We live our lives based on other’s value systems. Internal process.
    Punishment and reward.
    We are programmed so punishment and reward are learned behaviors. Dare to trust yourself! Reprogramming subconscious mind. Have the wonder, happiness and joy of a child. We all have a different purpose, follow, honor and be true to it.
    Lifestyle – bad, low vibrational foods = panic attacks.
    Self worth, the source of our own happiness = good foods, vegan even.
    Stop comparing yourself to others. Be inspired by them, but don’t try to BE them.
    Share your journey. Do what you resonate with. The greatest enemy and friend lies within ourselves.
    Taking risks = secret to confidence.
    The secret of confidence = taking risks = confidence of trusting yourself.
    All about versatility (ability to adapt or be adapted to many different functions or activities).
    You’ve done it this way for a long time. Now try something new.
    Become dynamic in your behavious  (dynamic = of a process or system, characterized by constant change, activity or progress.
    Have confidence you’re living from the inside out.
    Keyword: Coherency = the quality of being logical and consistent… the quality of forming a unified whole.
    The power is within you. Take radical action.
    Allow yourself to FEEL emotions as they come. Don’t hide or deny what you’re feeling. Sit with yourself through these feelings. They will not stay forever.
    Balance. Strive for it.
    Positive and negative are both necessary (think batteries)
    But it’s ONE Source… of energy.
    Emotions is energy in motion. Whatever you hide is still a part of you. Expose yourself. Tell everything that’s bad about it yourself (flaws) so your enemy / opponent can’t use it against you.
    People are more inspired by your struggles than your perfections.
    Dark things in dictionaries are always negative. Light = pure / good.
    That is programming and causes depression. (There are no races, border, money – this stuff is in your mind, and attacks it if you allow it).
    Embrace your shadow side, the darkness.
    In our darkest moments, we become illuminated.
    In the dark times, you learned your greatest lesson ever. Love the darkness and the light. Be Balanced.
    Stop doubting yourself and the universe when feeling the depression.
    There will be dark, challenging and hard times. We need to learn not to run away from them.
    Don’t run away from problems. Face them. Don’t be delusional.
    Be honest to yourself and admit you’re going through a hard time right now. Accept things for what they actually are.
    Forget 24/7 positive person. It just won’t happen like that.
    You came here to be real, not perfect.
    Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes.
    What you think of yourself is the only thing that matters, not other’s opinions of you.
    Fear paralyzes action.
    There’s nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear is separation.
    Suppress your thoughts and you increase your misery.
    Equilibrium.
    Overthinking? Move into radical action.
    Thinking? You’re not being PRESENT.
    Lack of self love is the root of suffering.
    True wisdom is the knowledge and information applied. A true wise being knows how much they don’t know.
    The greatest relationship you can have is with yourself.
     
     
    __

    Later if I can remember to, I’ll type out all the messages I got from listening to the Tony Robbins motivational speech.
  20. Sad
    Jamark8 reacted to 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, The Anxiety Treadmill.....   
    Anxiety is back.....
    I love my mind (read with heavy sarcasm)....   I love how it takes one little mistake and blows it up to Atlantean proportions. (no I haven't see Aquaman, I just thought it sounded good to say it that way) What should be a small little fire burning in the hearth is now blowing half of Mt. St. Helen's off the face of the earth.
    Apparently I made a mistake at work last week.    I never even realized I made the mistake until my boss pointed it out Monday. Then we went on New Year's holiday. (small yay that I work in a place that allows that) So I haven't been able to resolve the mistake, and due to circumstances, I may not be able to do anything about it until tomorrow.  I barely slept last night. I think if it wasn't for my anti-anxiety (I'm on Atarax), I would be having near-biblical proportion panic attacks almost 24/7. 
    The last time I spent the weekend having near panic attacks was about November of 2016, and it was due to work events then, too.  Back in 2016, I finally had a big one before work that Monday morning, and it honestly felt like a heart attack. We were on the way in to the hospital in the next town (I don't like the one in our town) early that morning when the symptoms started to abate. That's when I realized it was panic and not a heart attack.
    This morning, I feel pretty sick from lack of sleep. My body cannot seem to handle lack of sleep anymore. As I type this, I'm having trouble breathing, my chest feels heavy, I feel weak - I'm waiting for the Atarax to kick in. When it kicks in, it dulls the anxiety down a couple of notches. So I go from a four out of five to a two out of five.  The anxiety is still there, but it is at a more 'realistic' and manageable level.  I really hope I start feeling better once it kicks in, because it is just me and the part-timer today. (my boss and co-worker are off for other reasons today.)  So I cannot take off work and take care of myself.  I never can.  I rarely even consider it anymore.  Usually when I need to take off it ends up being during times when I have no choice but to be there anyway. 
    I have been repeating to myself 'this is not the only thing in the world'.  Because right now, it's literally the only thing my mind can seem to focus on. And that mantra - 'this is not the only thing in the world' - seems to be helping me much more than what I was trying last night, which was 'I don't really have to work'.  Yeah, right, I didn't believe that either.  Until hubby is old enough to retire, I'm the primary income. No work, no food, no heat, no internet.... I'm stopping there before I trigger myself again.
     All this panic and anxiety because I made a mistake.  Ironically enough, I made the mistake because it was just me in charge last week, boss was on vacay (again) and I knew I would have to handle it.  So I panicked, and when I panic, I feel like I have to take action. Right then.  I don't freeze up with anxiety. Instead, I feel like someone will die if I don't act or speak immediately.  I'm getting better about catching it, recognizing it, but I missed it last week.  So it sort of became a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Ironically enough. 

     
  21. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from Bulgakov for a blog entry, Medication; Celebrating New Year; Scar; Numbers; Scary Video; Incense; Changes; Confidence   
    I'm feeling much better right now. I'm surprised but assume it's only because of a medication I'm on now. I've also been taking the Cymbalta that was changed from Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is good, but it doesn't take away as much depression as Cymbalta. However, if I would have stayed with it and quit buying cigs, I would have been able to quit smoking. I know it. But I just didn't have the willpower. I know I can still quit. I don't have to have a medication to quit. I just need to be ready to give them up. If I'm not ready, and willing to quit buying them, it won't do any good. Just my thought on that.
    It's a new year. It just seems like yesterday that my niece was over and we were celebrating the new year of 2018. But now it's 2019. Wow! Mom, my dog and I celebrated 2019 last night. This is the first year since I was 15 that either my niece or nephew was not over to celebrate with us. Mom and I had a tiny bit of red wine, and I gave my dog a couple of licks of it, though I know it's not really good for her, but just that little bit I don't guess will hurt. Maybe I should have given her milk or sometimes she likes to have a bit of our Pepsi. My dog will be 10 years old in June!
    I just noticed a scar on my left hand. I guess the way the light is coming in the window made me to be able to see it. Maybe it was from when I burned myself. It must be, it's a circle. I had forgot about that one. I have so many scars from the past. But I'm glad they are the past. Mental turmoil causes bad scars for me, when I act upon the impulse. But I cannot and will not do it again. That last time WAS exactly that. The last time.
    Seeing my numbers again. YAY! I just saw 1:11. I see lots of numbers, usually and am glad to see them again. For a couple of days I didn't see them, and got more depressed... I need to see them for confirmation and reassurance. And The Universe always pulls through for me.
    I saw a video recently that I'm glad I saw. It was not something I can really talk about on here, because it was so graphic. But just to say, it's something I will no do to myself. I thought about it before, but I'm glad I saw the video to prove to myself that I'm better than I thought I was, and that doing that does not represent courage, but cowardice. I'm not a fan of blood, and just to say this: What I saw, I'm better than that. I will never try to do that again. I came close, but no. I will never even come close again. That's not me.
    I'm burning Egyptian Musk incense. My favorite of all. I bought it at 100 sticks for $5.00 online. I also bought China Musk, Patchouli and Opium (the incense is called Opium, it's not a drug). It was at buy 3 get one free. I couldn't pass it up, at $5.00 per 100 sticks! It smells heavenly. I like to mix them sometimes; I even have Sage, Apple Cinnamon, Lavender, Vanilla and others. I mix only the ones that smell similar. But Sage I can mix with a lot of them. Sage, to me, keeps the negative away.
    Okay, this New Year, I will be making changes in my life. Good changes. I've already started with losing 50 pounds last year. By the way, a note to myself, I have the Mind over Matter exercise and diet journal for 2019. I need to begin today filling it out. I don't want it to go to waste. It was $15.00!!
    I hope everyone is having a great New Year! Stay positive, hold your head up, throw your shoulders back, walk with confidence. Don't let others get to you. Don't let others bring you down. Be humbly confident! Always remember that though things could be better, they can always be worse. Live PRESENT. Don't let past regrets plague your mind, and do not worry about the future. The future can only be changed by what we do in the NOW, the PRESENT time. Make good choices. If you know it's bad for you, it's best not to do it. Remember you are loved, needed, and wanted. If not by anyone else, than by me, myself. Since I've been here, I've been so welcomed, cared about and liked more than any other forum I've been on. You all are worth a million dollars more than you think. A trillion! I love all of you. When depression or self-sabotaging thoughts come to you, remember that there is someone out there who thinks the world of you. If not by anyone else, than by me, myself.
    I love you guys. Have a wonderful New Year!
  22. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from Bulgakov for a blog entry, For Smiles, My Dog   
    This is my doggie daughter. Her name is Baby. But she likes to be called "BoBo" in front of the cats.
    I hope this picture of my doggie daughter brings many smiles to many faces this New Year. I love you guys.

  23. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from JD4010 for a blog entry, For Smiles, My Dog   
    This is my doggie daughter. Her name is Baby. But she likes to be called "BoBo" in front of the cats.
    I hope this picture of my doggie daughter brings many smiles to many faces this New Year. I love you guys.

  24. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting for a blog entry, For Smiles, My Dog   
    This is my doggie daughter. Her name is Baby. But she likes to be called "BoBo" in front of the cats.
    I hope this picture of my doggie daughter brings many smiles to many faces this New Year. I love you guys.

  25. Like
    Jamark8 got a reaction from Floor2017 for a blog entry, For Smiles, My Dog   
    This is my doggie daughter. Her name is Baby. But she likes to be called "BoBo" in front of the cats.
    I hope this picture of my doggie daughter brings many smiles to many faces this New Year. I love you guys.

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