too_broken_to_belong

thank you 🥰

I'm sorry if this thread already exists. (please lock/delete if it does) But I thought it could be good to have one thread where we can talk about this particular OCD. I developed it it about 5/6 years ago. I never sought help, as I have other mental illnesses, for way many years before, and the thought of having to deal with yet another on on 'the list' was too much. I'd tried to deal with it on my own, and I can to an extent lessen it. But at times at still overwhelms me. But I made the first step yesterday by telling a health care professional about it, so I'm awaiting what comes next. My main OCD concerns are germs, sicknesses, harsh chemicals, basically anything that would make me physically ill, therefore making me obsessively clean things. I think it's because I already suffer severe depression, and anxiety. The thought of be physically sick on top of that is too much, I already feel bad enough most days. But it took over and became yet another mental illness that consumes me. So yeah, anyone want to discuss?

Hopeful. For the first time in years.

strange

Erasure - Always

I feel strange. My dreams are vivid again, they seem so real. It makes my 'real' life seem odd, as if it could be not real, it's hard to tell the difference.

Happy, I got concert tickets, for my favourite band, Rammstein. I'm so looking forward to seeing them live again.

Thank you. Yes, animals have a pureness to them, I'm not sure how to explain it, but it's a straightforwardness of their existence, and somehow in that they bring true happiness, even the little hamsters I've had in the past have had that. No matter how much they bit me 🤣 Thank you xxxx I've had him back since noon, it was almost unbelievable he was back with me, his sweet face, waggy tail, and exuberance! I never thought I'd see him again. And yes I still have my illness, that takes over my every day, but he is now my hope, even more-so than before, that maybe when you think there is no hope, that there could well be, and I guess the whole thing could be a metaphor for mental illness. To try to be as strong as you can, as there may be a slither of light amongst the darkness. Yes, I am also sorry that we have to suffer this disease of the mind, that contorts everything into to something else. And makes living so hard. I wish you the best (and anyone else reading this) x

Hi, @LonelyHiker thank you for your reply, I'm getting my dog back tomorrow, I talked to my Mum, and she is going to help me with money until I get back on track financially. And I spoke to the shelter I gave him to (I didn't want to just sell him, and give him to anyone, as he has problems, and I know the shelter are very particular about who they go to) and they said I could have him back. I can't tell you how happy I am. Obviously it's not going to fix my depression & other problems, I will still have these, probably all my life. But this has made me think, sometimes you do get a second chance, even when you think things have gone past repair. x

ok goodbye

i've reached the end

Not sure why I'm writing this, maybe it's because I want to document how I feel in an anonymous environment, idk. Anyways, I'm 31 (32 in July), I've have had depression since I was in my early teens (diagnosed when I was 19), have had anxiety, (which sets off paranoia) since I was in my mid 20s, self harmed on and off since I was 15. I've truly struggled these last 3 years, worse than ever, frequently wondered why bother, but last Tuesday I had to give up my dog for financial reasons, and it's destroyed anything that was left of 'me'. There is nothing in me anymore, just misery & pain. No hope. Things will never be better. It will always be this. and I've had therapies, meds. pretty much all that's going, never helped. I think I wasn't meant for this world. I don't belong here.

rose wine

lost

I didn't mean to belittle those with physical illnesses, sorry if it seemed like that, I'm aware that there are physical illnesses that people don't understand x