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Atra

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  1. Like
    Atra got a reaction from watalife in epictetus' "Did You Ever?" Thread, Part 3   
    Yes. Someone once said that trauma is like the red sock in the washing that runs, and turns all the light colored clothes pink. But, it's hard to not just through everything into the same wash load and just hope it doesn't bleed (at least for me).
     
    Have you ever been too afraid to get out of bed, even to use the bathroom?
     
     
  2. Haha
    Atra got a reaction from Bbqdad in epictetus' "Create Your Own Minimal Poem For Today" Thread, Part Two   
    Intellectual chew toy
  3. Like
    Atra got a reaction from womanofthelight in Creativity When Depressed #3   
    We'll stop Fighting When You Start Listening 
     
    Depression doesn't care about what you got
    You could be a billionaire and it means squat
    And all those platitudes, attitudes 
    from family/peers?
    Is why I didn't get diagnosed 
    for so many years!
    Sweetheart, 
    I'm longing for some real talk - if you wanna
    But you say I'm toxic 
    on account of all "my drama"
    It's why you never
    got to hear about my trauma
    All you learned is that I 
    eat 
    more pills 
    than your grandma?
  4. Like
    Atra got a reaction from Floor2017 in Gratitude - Mention At Least Three Things You   
    🔸My mental wellness is self-driven and this feels empowering
    🔹I will be a student attending school again
    🔸I was wrong, so wrong, about my fate
    🔹I have more sources of emotional support in my life than ever
    🔸I can operate and make decisions from a perspective other than fear (sometimes) 🙈
  5. Like
    Atra got a reaction from Nightjar in What Are You Grateful For?   
    It's a priviledge to know so many individuals, in virtual and real space, who are living with chronic mental illness and who are intelligent, wise and kind. Is it weird that I can almost feel fortunate for my diagnoses, insofar as I might never have met any of you/them otherwise?
  6. Like
    Atra reacted to Nightjar in BBQ @ NIGHTJAR'S   
    Hey guys, everyone pile over to mine on the weekend for a BBQ. I will cut the grass in honour of your visit 😂
    Guys? Guys? Lol. What do you think we'd be like if we all got together? Would we talk to each other or hide out in individual rooms? 🤔
     
     
  7. Like
    Atra got a reaction from isaac s in Face it, all of us are alone   
    If what you mean is that this community could benefit from focusing on personal growth and change, I endorse that. And I believe this community can hold space for expression of feelings like isolation and abandonment. Those feelings represent the experience of many who seek a safe harbor here. 
  8. Like
    Atra got a reaction from juno_writes in Face it, all of us are alone   
    If what you mean is that this community could benefit from focusing on personal growth and change, I endorse that. And I believe this community can hold space for expression of feelings like isolation and abandonment. Those feelings represent the experience of many who seek a safe harbor here. 
  9. Like
    Atra got a reaction from nojoy in Face it, all of us are alone   
    If what you mean is that this community could benefit from focusing on personal growth and change, I endorse that. And I believe this community can hold space for expression of feelings like isolation and abandonment. Those feelings represent the experience of many who seek a safe harbor here. 
  10. Like
    Atra got a reaction from mrrd117711 in Hopefully the rest of my life doesn’t suck   
    Sounds exhausting. 
    I'm sorry to hear how overwhelmed you are. In your therapy sessions, do you talk about goals that are within your reach right now?
    Healing is hard work. I spent many years in hopeless depression, unsure that I was improving at all because I couldn't see how far I'd come. I found it a lot easier to appreciate my strides after falling down, backwards, and all over the place. I think you will too. 
  11. Like
    Atra got a reaction from sober4life in Face it, all of us are alone   
    If what you mean is that this community could benefit from focusing on personal growth and change, I endorse that. And I believe this community can hold space for expression of feelings like isolation and abandonment. Those feelings represent the experience of many who seek a safe harbor here. 
  12. Like
    Atra got a reaction from anon22ae in Abandonedalways' Questions! Thread Part 3   
    Living in a lovely city, that's so expensive to live in and I will never earn enough to feel secure but I can't leave it (yet/ever?) because of family.
     
    What is your preferred way of avoid your own feelings? Project them on others, deflect them with humor/by pretending you don't care, adopt the feelings of other people as if they were your own?
  13. Like
    Atra got a reaction from anon22ae in Abandonedalways' Questions! Thread Part 3   
    Yah - recovery from depression. Both times. 
     
    Got a favorite saying?
  14. Like
    Atra got a reaction from anon22ae in Abandonedalways' Questions! Thread Part 3   
    A disturbed individual. Thankfully it wasn't necessary. 
     
    Did you ever show up to an appointment on the wrong date?
  15. Like
    Atra got a reaction from anon22ae in Abandonedalways' Questions! Thread Part 3   
    I must've given the number of times I've thought about the future, the odds are some beliefs came to be true. I can’t think of one now. 
     
    Have you ever recognized a saying of yours when it was quoted back to you by somebody?
  16. Like
    Atra got a reaction from anon22ae in Abandonedalways' Questions! Thread Part 3   
    Parties 🥳 I remember those. Yes, I've played the fool, embarrassed myself at parties, gatherings. I wonder if anyone remembers those moments as vividly or as viscerally as I do. Probably not. 
     
    Were you ever so ashamed of something that you didn't think you could ever show yourself around people again?
  17. Like
    Atra got a reaction from Nightjar in Gratitude - Mention At Least Three Things You   
    A long walk when it's sunny and not too warm. 
    A friend who offers a kind word. 
    The will to roll out of bed when I just want to lay there. 
  18. Like
    Atra got a reaction from anon22ae in Share an Interesting (or not so interesting) Fact About Yourself   
    Sometimes I juice fruit. In my mouth. My method, which took years to develop, is the following: place one piece of cut fruit between cheek and teeth and then another piece of cut fruit in the same place on the opposite side of your mouth. Then, (and follow me closely here) place a fist against either cheek and slowly press with increasing pressure until fruit is squeezed against teeth and no juice remains.
    I'm very proud of this process. 
  19. Like
    Atra got a reaction from anon22ae in Share an Interesting (or not so interesting) Fact About Yourself   
    A coincidence, how at one time I was taking the very same antidepressant as my girlfriend's cat: fluoxetine. The cat was prescribed it because of aggressive behavior towards the other cats and because he peed on every wall in the apartment all the time.
    As it happened, I was not peeing on walls or being aggressive towards cats or anyone else. I had other problems. 
    My fluoxetine came in a pill but the cat would not eat pills so we got his at a compounding pharmacy as a liquid in tuna or salmon flavors.
    I felt envious of that cat, wishing that my antidepressant came in a flavored liquid. But fluoxetine is so bitter tasting, I'm not sure it can be masked by anything I'd want to eat. 
  20. Like
    Atra got a reaction from hocico in What Did You Do Today? #3   
    Ketamine infusion. My gear for creating a proper setting is sleep mask plus face mask (required), noise-cancelling headphones with my playlist and a scent-diffusing necklace.
    Add to that the gear they require (IV catheter, O2 saturation sensor, blood pressure cuff, EKG electrodes)--I got more cords coming in and out of me than a desktop computer!
    Robo-Atra 🤖
  21. Like
    Atra got a reaction from Nightjar in What Did You Do Today? #3   
    Ketamine infusion. My gear for creating a proper setting is sleep mask plus face mask (required), noise-cancelling headphones with my playlist and a scent-diffusing necklace.
    Add to that the gear they require (IV catheter, O2 saturation sensor, blood pressure cuff, EKG electrodes)--I got more cords coming in and out of me than a desktop computer!
    Robo-Atra 🤖
  22. Like
    Atra got a reaction from sober4life in What Did You Do Today? #3   
    Ketamine infusion. My gear for creating a proper setting is sleep mask plus face mask (required), noise-cancelling headphones with my playlist and a scent-diffusing necklace.
    Add to that the gear they require (IV catheter, O2 saturation sensor, blood pressure cuff, EKG electrodes)--I got more cords coming in and out of me than a desktop computer!
    Robo-Atra 🤖
  23. Like
    Atra reacted to Nightjar in What Did You Do Today? #3   
    I've just been packing again for a couple of hours. That's more than enough for me per day. Anyone ever packed a house in a day? I know some people do. How, I don't know. I guess just throwing everything in and hoping for the best 😳 My ocd won't allow any of that. 
    I went out this afternoon for extra strong tape and called into the corner shop for supplies. 
    I forced myself to relax this morning and it helped - a lot. Force relaxed and watched a film and then force meditated with a couple of yoga poses thrown in.
    Anxiety came way down this afternoon. Just had a little wobble before I started packing again this evening. 
    No amount of stuff is worth this anxiety. But I have to get it outta here whether I want it or not coz it's the rules. I'd love to have a lot less stuff. I'm getting there with it but I only have 4 days left. Paaaaaaniiiiiiiic.. Force relax. Paaaaniiiic. Force relax. Wax on. Wax off. 
    F*ck on. F*ck off 😂
     
  24. Like
    Atra reacted to sober4life in What Did You Do Today? #3   
    I finally was able to find flowers 4 hanging baskets.  Now will be the big test 8 days in a row of 80 degree weather.
  25. Like
    Atra reacted to Shevek in Starting again   
    Things have been like a roller coaster since February.  I thought an adjustment to my Cymbalta dosage had leveled me out, but a breakdown yesterday finally convinced me that it's time to try something new. I'm depressed but I'm also angry that I have to go through this. Some people get one depressive episode in their lives and never have to deal with it again. This is probably my fifth or sixth, which means there will almost certainly be more down the line and I'll having trouble feeling like I'll be able to treat them as effectively as I did last time. The health trigger that feeds my depression isn't going to go away and it's hard to see my way through this again.
     
    I'm starting TMS  therapy on the 16th. I'm not sure what to think about it, but I've heard anecdotal success stories from people I trust, so I'm going through with it. Luckily my insurance covers it and my employer is very understanding about the whole situation. I'm lucky in a lot of ways and it's frustrating that I can't feel that right now.
    I'm also debating a medication switch my doctor recommended--Cymbalta to Fetzima. I'm not sure if I should try a new medication right before I start the Fetzima because how will I know which is helping? On the other hand I'm desperate to get out of this hole and my instinct us to throw everything at it that I can. I don't want to feel like this anymore. 
    Not sure why I'm posting, but it helps some to write things down, and responses to my posts give me hope that I can get through this yet again. If you've read through all of this thanks.
     
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