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Atra

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  1. Like
    Atra reacted to Soarsie18 in Properly letting go   
    Thats the chat I need to have with myself now @Atra
    It's painful. I don't want to let go because I feel like thats giving up in itself. But something has to change because I can't carry on living like this. 
  2. Like
    Atra got a reaction from nojoy in Properly letting go   
    You can be strong woman and sometimes feel like surrendering; the synthesis of these two seemingly opposite truths can be viewed as conflict but also seen as a balance. Like a scale  ⚖️ sometimes one side is just heavier than the other. Balance isn't a finish line we can cross, it's not an achievement it's maintenance. 
    Living in the present can be awfully hard and I believe harder still for we who wrestle with depression. If we're not ruminating about the past we're worrying about the future. I feel for you because I understand what it is like to be unable to let go. The times I've been able to let go, I sort of had a little chat with myself: Okay. You can't change what has happened. You can't control what will happen. You can control this present moment, so, for how much longer do you feel it is necessary to suffer - another hour? A day? A week? Pain, loss, change is unavoidable. Suffering over it is avoidable. 
  3. Like
    Atra got a reaction from Soarsie18 in Properly letting go   
    You can be strong woman and sometimes feel like surrendering; the synthesis of these two seemingly opposite truths can be viewed as conflict but also seen as a balance. Like a scale  ⚖️ sometimes one side is just heavier than the other. Balance isn't a finish line we can cross, it's not an achievement it's maintenance. 
    Living in the present can be awfully hard and I believe harder still for we who wrestle with depression. If we're not ruminating about the past we're worrying about the future. I feel for you because I understand what it is like to be unable to let go. The times I've been able to let go, I sort of had a little chat with myself: Okay. You can't change what has happened. You can't control what will happen. You can control this present moment, so, for how much longer do you feel it is necessary to suffer - another hour? A day? A week? Pain, loss, change is unavoidable. Suffering over it is avoidable. 
  4. Thanks
    Atra reacted to Wanderer42 in Boring   
    I just am curious about spiritual stuff. Also a bunch of coincidences happened and I got a messiah complex.
  5. Thanks
    Atra got a reaction from Jamark8 in My absence; More LOA studies; Vision Boards;   
    Welcome back and I hope you're feeling a little better than you were before. 
  6. Like
    Atra got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting in Writing....   
    It's so difficult for me to maintain passion for any project. I think I must spend equal time searching for inspiration as I do creating. 
    I hope your the writing is pouring out of you.
  7. Like
    Atra reacted to Ratvan in Not sure how to feel   
    Thank you but it is okay. I was more annoyed at the reaction from the NHS staff for the lack of reaction on my part.
    The plus side is that I don't really have to change all that much as I already undertake most of the things they recommend for dealing with Cancer and Phlebotomy. Although I could become more tired and snappy after my bloodletting sessions...
    I've let my brother know that he may want to get tested for this as well, I lost both my Grandparents to this Christmas 2017 and i'm fairly sure that it was the straw that broke my mother's strength and caused her suicide at the same time (more or less)
    I'm just really struggling with how to tell people without them changing their opinions or attitudes towards me.
    I have another meeting in a few weeks time where we will discuss whether or not I am eligible for Chemo Therapy and if i want to receive treatment, leaning towards no chemo at the moment. I remember seeing my family go through it and I really want to avoid it if i can.
    The plus side is that even though Polycythemia Vera is curable the symptoms are treatable, however over time there is a chance (mine is 90%) that it may progress into a more serious condition such as myelofibrosis or even acute leukemia. Also under my GP's direction I have been told that I am still ok to fight in June. I will have to have an X Ray to check on my spleen after the fight but nothing more
    Fantastic
  8. Like
    Atra reacted to Soarsie18 in I want to be content when I die   
    Thanks, I was hoping that this story would inspire people, it inspired me when I watched it and put everything into perspective. I think the point that I was trying to make was that the little things which may seem important to us right now like getting good grades, a job and also material things that we've been conditioned to feel we need, will not be important to us in the long run. 
    We often neglect the things in life that are most important to us, and focus too much of our energy onto the little things that that are insignificant - like money, clothes, holidays. All those things are nice of course, but it's good to focus your attention on the things that are closest to your heart like friends, family and passion. Those are the things that really make your life richer, and we should be forever grateful to the people that make our lives just a bit better. 
    So although your life situation may not be perfect in the present moment, there is always something or someone to be grateful for.
    For me this past year I've felt as though i've lost everything - I lost my place in uni, I've lost all my friends who have gone off to uni in a different city, I've lost half my family over an argument, and i've dropped out of school - basically cutting me off from any social interaction. 
    For a while I was so focused on all of these aspects of my life that had gone wrong, and it was preventing me from getting better. Through therapy I changed my perspective to look for the positives - like my loving parents, my nan, and my therapist who were by my side throughout it all.
  9. Like
    Atra got a reaction from Soarsie18 in I want to be content when I die   
    That's an inspiring story, thank you for sharing it and also your reaction to it. That's a wonderful take-away 
    I agree. At some point in life, our focus shifts from kicking in the doors that limit access to what we want and on to protecting what we already have. Certainly, this applies to material things like property, income, savings and to that which we cherish, like our children or family. I think it also applies to misery. There's a comfort in that, as well. Whatever is familiar to us, our brains will write in heavy ink so it often becomes harder to make dramatic changes later in life. 
    It requires a little self-compassion once we realize how difficult it is to rewire how we think and the habits we've formed, most of us are biologically at a disadvantage in doing so once we're adults and it's made more arduous by mental illness. Yet, inspiration is always a great motivator if our hearts are open to it - as yours clearly is.
  10. Like
    Atra got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting in Trying to update my progress....   
    And that's impressive to me! In my experience, lifestyle changes require many months to stick and even then, life happens and forces us to readjust. 
    I hope you can be patient with yourself, not get too hung up on results and try to keep the self-berating to a minimum (I know that last bit is hard for me.)
  11. Like
    Atra reacted to 20YearsandCounting in Trying to update my progress....   
    LOL, Atra, if only you knew... I've been trying to be consistent about this since January; it's taken me this long.
  12. Like
    Atra got a reaction from 20YearsandCounting in Trying to update my progress....   
    I admire your consistency. 
  13. Like
    Atra got a reaction from nhaar in Update   
    I'm glad you're doing better - improved mood and functionality. The cruise might have been a little challenging, sounds like you managed it very well. 
  14. Sad
    Atra got a reaction from JD4010 in R Stands for Regret   
    I wish she would've treated you better my friend. 
  15. Like
    Atra got a reaction from JD4010 in Fifth Ketamine Infusion – 7/18/2017, 69mg, 1:45pm Part 2   
    Thanks @JD4010 I appreciate the comment. Recalling these experiences back into mind will encourage the reprogramming of my depression-addled brain, I hope. 
  16. Thanks
    Atra reacted to JD4010 in Fifth Ketamine Infusion – 7/18/2017, 69mg, 1:45pm Part 2   
    Absolutely fascinating. Thank you. Your writing conveys the dimensions of the experiences very well.
  17. Like
    Atra reacted to Jamark8 in Mistakes   
    Thank you :)

    Ahh, I did let it get to me the first week. But after that, I noticed I was being given messages on how to let it all go and not focus on the problem, but focus on my comeback and how I can be stronger.. as with every issue that I may face.

    I appreciate you reading all this. :) It makes me feel comforted knowing someone read it. :)
  18. Thanks
    Atra got a reaction from Jamark8 in Mistakes   
    Welcome back. So sorry to hear you in distress about the reporting incident. It doesn't sound like a catastrophe and I hope you won't let intrusive thoughts magnify it into one. 
  19. Like
    Atra got a reaction from JD4010 in R Stands for Regret   
    I get why she might feel hurt about you keeping your relationships separated but I've done similar with my partners and family members when I wasn't ready to be bombarded with questions I didn't yet have answers for. 
    Should you take responsibility for her feelings? I'm not so sure. My thoughts on this are partly influenced by a podcast I listened to just this afternoon. Why do we think our partners should bear the responsibility for our own difficult emotions? "You caused me to feel this way" suggests that "me" has no ability to regulate their emotions and this shouldn't be assumed.
    Nor should it be assumed that any difficulty in a relationship must be one or the other's fault. Seems to me that many difficulties are caused when neither can accept the other for who they are.
    And finally, in this story @JD4010 ran outside to take the phone call even though he doesn't like talking on the phone in public (sorry for the 3rd person language). Could she have held that image in mind so as to enjoy the following warmer emotions: validation, specialness, how my man dropped everything he was doing when I randomly rang him up?
    If viewed like that, it seems like a choice to focus on the one behavior that made her feel bad. 
    I'm on team JD but I won't take the whip in hand or chain hands to pillars because it's not always your fault. 
  20. Like
    Atra got a reaction from JD4010 in 2019   
    If you don't wish to think it's rudeness or insensitivity, there are other possibilities. Perhaps something distressing happened in your friend's life over the holidays. Something perhaps too disturbing or too shameful to share with you or another friend at this time which explains the erratic behavior. Or she's embarrassed and can't seem to figure out how to make a repair with you. All guesses, of course. 
    Will you reach out to her, do you think?
  21. Like
    Atra got a reaction from JD4010 in 2019   
    Hi. People can be so cruel without effort and I wonder sometimes whether it's known that being decent doesn't actually require tremendous effort.
    It says something rather sad about your friend that she couldn't be bothered to arrange to receive gifts. Though the compassionate person in me wonders if she couldn't manage it due to feeling shame at being unable to reciprocate.
    Sorry your 2019 began with this sad and disappointing example. 
  22. Like
    Atra got a reaction from Bulgakov in 2019   
    Hi. People can be so cruel without effort and I wonder sometimes whether it's known that being decent doesn't actually require tremendous effort.
    It says something rather sad about your friend that she couldn't be bothered to arrange to receive gifts. Though the compassionate person in me wonders if she couldn't manage it due to feeling shame at being unable to reciprocate.
    Sorry your 2019 began with this sad and disappointing example. 
  23. Thanks
    Atra got a reaction from allalone6 in 2019   
    Hi. People can be so cruel without effort and I wonder sometimes whether it's known that being decent doesn't actually require tremendous effort.
    It says something rather sad about your friend that she couldn't be bothered to arrange to receive gifts. Though the compassionate person in me wonders if she couldn't manage it due to feeling shame at being unable to reciprocate.
    Sorry your 2019 began with this sad and disappointing example. 
  24. Like
    Atra reacted to Floor2017 in December 31   
    Wow, I’m impressed with the both 
    of you for being able to travel
    away from your home land.  
    It’s been a roller coaster for me 
    as well but I managed to hold 
    down five jobs this year and all 
    of them involved working with a lot 
    of people and having to be in
    charge of these people to make 
    sure that the work at hand was 
    accomplished in a good setting.
     I watched two of my three kids 
    finish college in Agriculture
    Engineering and Nursing
    Practitioner and the other twin
    will finish in Marketing and 
    Communication in May of 2019.
    It been a good year overall.
  25. Like
    Atra got a reaction from Floor2017 in December 31   
    That's an impressive amount of travel! How were you able to manage symptoms during the time away? I'm seldom at my best when travelling. It's sleeping in different beds, waking up in the mornings and having to make it places at designated times and dealing with family who become stressed out. I'm curious how you coped, that is if travel is at all difficult given your illness. 
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