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Atra last won the day on February 1

Atra had the most liked content!


About Atra

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    Silver Member

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    San Francisco, California
  • Interests
    Cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, podcasts, theater, opera, wine, food, crunchy-looking leaves on the sidewalk, walking, meditation, skepticism, travel.

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  1. Hi @Aizen, glad you found us. Taking time away from work? If the work stress and demands are contributing to the stress, anxiety and possibly depression you're experiencing. On the other hand, if being productive at work is crucial to your wellbeing/balance such as they ar now, what will replace that? You admitted you have trouble taking about problems you have (maybe asking for help, too)? I know exactly what you mean, it's the most difficult step towards getting better. And nobody but you can tell you you're ready, certainly took me years to get to that point. But as you've found us here and reached out maybe that signals something. One last bit. Getting help is crucial; these problems don't just go away on their own and thinking about them with the same thoughts won't fix them either. You dont have to fix this yourself, you dont need to come up with all the answers either. Is the idea of asking for help with these problems something you'd consider?
  2. Saw a movie with a friend. I also tried working on some poetry/lyrics that I began writing last year but I could only squeeze a few lines out before it got frustrating. So I began another creative undertaking: designing Instagram graphics about - yep, mental illness but not daily affirmations and gratitude glurge. Finished one - very simple and easy. But the next idea required several image editing apps. I wonder if I've overcomplicated what was meant to be just a creative outlet. 🙄
  3. The Dead Don't Die. A zombie-com movie. Quite an impressive cast (a whole bunch of recognizable names that I won't be pasting here) who I bought the ticket to see. The movie breaks the "4th wall" several times to make fun of the director, the script, the cast, the theme song, the whole zombie movie genre's meta narrative: rampant consumerism. Enjoyable.
  4. Went with mom to her semi-yearly oncology checkup, all clear. We went out to lunch, cajun. I visited a local bar to watch my friend play pool, she can shoot some stick. Watched GSW loose basketball playoffs, didn't bother me none I don't follow 🏀
  5. Harken: You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war? Zoe: Fought with a lot of people in the war. Harken: And your husband? Zoe: Fight with him sometimes, too. - Firefly
  6. Love that song. And I like the Michael Andrews/Gary Jules piano cover, it's depressingly beautiful. Another pianist named Jennifer Ann does a lovely instrumental version as well. Shakin' All Over - Johnny Kidd & the Pirates A classic 1960 British rock and roll song that's been stuck in my ear after I heard it on a movie soundtrack.
  7. Dark Phoenix (X-Men). Supposed to focus on the character of Jean Gray (Sansa Stark). No Hugh Jackman because apparently he's too old (even with makeup) to be in love with Sansa-Jean else it'd be creepy - said the director. The villian is the galaxy's most confused alien race who fixate but cant seem to come up with even one single halfway decent plan. Um hmm. Yeah. You dont need to see this one.
  8. Hi and welcome. I'm sorry it took a while to reply to your post, I'm glad to share what I know about habitual negative thoughts. I definitely do deal with those thoughts. My depression and anxiety are a dastardly duo, always picking random, sad thoughts about myself and telling me they are The Truth. But we are not our thoughts and we never were. Just because you think something doesn't mean it's so. Here are some ways anxiety and depression distort thoughts: Catastrophic thinking: seeing only the worst possible outcomes. Personalization: the belief that you're responsible for things that are outside your control. Emotional Reasoning: assuming that because you feel a certain way, that must be how things really are. To fight back, challenge these automatic thoughts. You did this when you gave a perfectly good reason why your boyfriend spends time alone that has nothing to do with how he feels about you. Sometimes writing these down helps to write them into the brain.
  9. Hi and welcome to the forums. Sorry to hear you've been having such a difficult time finding someone special. Many of us are as well, anxiety and depression make everything more difficult. What if you're acceptable just the way are? I dont have any advice for finding the right man for you. But I like the idea of reading a book about self-esteem, how to give yourself compassion, love and the nurturing that you deserve. It may be hard to practice kindness to oneself but maybe that's a better problem than trying to find somebody to show it to us.
  10. Hi. Welcome, good to have you here. I surely can't say why you're here but if you're struggling with mental illness symptoms then you knocked on the right door. Do you have anyone else you can unburden your anger and sadness and frustration to? If not, let it rip right here. Keeping a lid on those feelings creates intense pressure. Writing about emotions without thinking about them at the same time takes a little practice, takes a little time. But it does help.
  11. Hi and welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear your wife is struggling with severe symptoms of depression. She's welcome here and we would be glad of the opportunity to connect with her. As you're aware, depression is such an isolating illness. I was an end of life caregiver for a parent, I have some idea of what's going on with you and I want to address the problems you mentioned. Caregiver syndrome is a real condition. Search terms: caregiver fatigue | caregiver burnout | caregiver stress. Learn about the condition - and continue reading until you're no longer convinced that your health and wellness isn't a priority. You mentioned that you're suffering real pressure, feelings of resentment, not having a life to live, lethargic and depressed and feeling like a loser. My heart goes out to you, I understand how frustrating and demoralizing it can be when best efforts don't appear to improve the comdition of the loved one in our charge. And realizing that love is not enough. These feelings you mentioned are all early warning signs of caregiver fatigue which is very common when one's essential needs are deprived- but it's also reversible. Tackling it requires making your mental, physical health and spiritual a priority again. You said you're the sole carer, so what happens should you break down? So maybe there are lots of "yeah, but..." retorts to the idea that you matter, the "how" questions of maintaining balance and the "I'm fine I just need to..." posturing knocking around in your head. Doesn't matter right now. First, come to understand that your needs aren't being met and that everyone one of us breaks down before long when we're deprived of essential needs. Everyone. And because you mentioned connecting with other caregivers, I recommend the Caregivers Action Network they have resources for carers of spouses with depression. I'm wishing you some peace and luck as you begin a journey to help yourself so that you can continue to help your wife.
  12. It's so difficult for me to maintain passion for any project. I think I must spend equal time searching for inspiration as I do creating. I hope your the writing is pouring out of you.
  13. Atra


    Glad to hear your stomach disease has improved. What motivated you to read the bible and books on buddhism?
  14. I think it's commendable that you're honest and open about your feelings and hope you'll continue to express them. Reading this got me thinking how life is a very messy business. Did we have to learn so many lessons the painful way? If we avoided certain mistakes, would we just end up making the same ones some other way? I really don't know. I think acceptance is the way forward, at least until we invent a way to go back and undo events we already lived. Perhaps acceptance begins by admitting that we did the best we could with the knowledge and tools we possessed at the time? If that's true, we can speak to ourselves in a gentler way - even now, when we don't particulary feel like being gentle with ourselves.
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