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Atra

Gold Member
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Atra last won the day on June 6

Atra had the most liked content!

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About Atra

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    Gold Member

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    California
  • Interests
    Cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, podcasts, theater, opera, wine, food, crunchy-looking leaves on the sidewalk, walking, meditation, skepticism, travel, beading, poetry, support groups.

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  1. Thanks for sharing that bit of insight! I sometimes forget that anxiety is inside me, but it isn't me. It speaks in a very convincing voice! Anyways what your therapist told you reminds me of a song lyric that's been on my mind: "It was right here all along What you’re looking for is never gone" - Unconditional by Nick Mulvey
  2. Hey there. That's a lot to be dealing with on top of Covid and everything else. I'd be a little freaked out too. I really like this quote from your post! It's self-reflective, refreshingly insightful and it focuses on what you do have control over--your attitude towards these challenges. I want to help. Perhaps to start with, let's thank your anxiety by really give it some appreciation. It's trying to warn you of possible trouble, that's helpful. What if we tell it something like, "hey anxiety. Thank you for drawing my attention to the potential problems so that I didn't ignore them. It's nice to know we both care about my health and to that end, I want to draw your attention to my mental health. After a certain point, your alerts overwhelm me. How can I let you know when it becomes too much for me?" Hope that didn't seem too weird. I call it making friends with our feelings. 👌🏻😬🤗 Next, let's address the drug withdrawal concerns directly. I took Wellbutrin for a while. I didn't take Clonazepam but I was on a different benzodiazepine for a while. I did not notice any withdrawal effects when I gradually tapered off of them. None. Nobody rushes to the internet to write about how their experience coming off a med was nothing worth writing about. Let the logic of that sit along side your anxiety. Of course I have no idea how your body will respond when you discontinue the meds you're on. Your anxiety doesn't know either. I just want you to know that I followed my doc's directions and I was fine. Remember that you have some control over your attitude and that your beliefs have considerable influence on your feelings and thoughts. Whatever happens with the meds and pelvis, you're going to end up ok. Wishing you some peace.
  3. Keep pretending, I can't tell the difference anyways. And apart from your relentless self-condemnations (which we all do a little too often in our posts), you're a unique flavor here. But what do I know? I am merely a tiresome dullard with a keyboard and broadband.
  4. Unconditional - Nick Mulvey "A love song about consciousness", says the artist. So, there's that.
  5. Another week of being interviewed by med students, went pretty well. I did explain to these classes that when p-docs practice psychiatry mostly with their prescription pads, it typically feels impersonal and neglectful to suffering patients. Want you all to know I appreciate your encouragement to go ahead and drop that on them. Some classes received the message with nods of understanding while others were silent and thoughtful. "The healthcare system encourages 15-20 minute office visits. Think about the sort of doctor you wanna be."
  6. The sound tires make on wet road surfaces.
  7. Oh man sorry to hear it buddy did the specialist agree to a treatment? Your story about the nurse and doctor reminds me how broken the healthcare system is. That doc has an ethical responsibility to care for you, should not delegate the important task of building rapport to a nurse. The business of medical treatment is partly to blame for that. The system that doctor works in pressures him to spend less time, see more patients. Maybe you're right, I dont know. How would that criticism land coming from a patient? Perhaps they'll learn this when they observe and talk with working psychiatrists. I feel some compassion for students, maybe too much as I'm in school. I know the non-wealthy among these students will leave medical school in heavy debt, added pressure to center their practice around their prescription pad. I've been told some pdocs do counseling, love seeing patients for longer times and I have no idea how they sort out their financial matters. Getting an MD let alone a PhD is so expensive and time consuming.
  8. This week I've volunteered a couple of mornings to be interviewed by med school students interested in pursuing an MD in Psychiatry. It's an odd but interesting opportunity to help educate physicians-to-be. My role is to be as open as I'm comfortable being about my past and present, living with mental illness. And I get to crack jokes and tell stories and try not to seem like a crazy person. The students are all pretty awkward. They fall over themselves trying to be respectful of me, timid and nervous about triggering or unhinging or patronizing someone who has graciously volunteered to play patient. They also don't want to look stupid or unprofessional in front of their classmates or instructor. The resulting dynamics is weirdly empowering as they all have come to learn from me. Kinda bizarre yeah? For my part, I try to encourage their curiosity and validate their interest in mental health cause it needs more people. But today I realized, I don't have a lot of cool stories to tell about the role psychiatrists played in my recovery from MDD, apart from my participation in the Ketamine program. I certainly didn't wanna tell them my observation that, "many psychiatrists spend just 15 minutes with patients, they write scripts for and adjust meds and manage dozens of cases". I wondered if that might be somebody's dream job.
  9. "Psychic Judo" is a fantastic metaphor and a cool name for a philosophy. Thanks for sharing that.
  10. Hello and welcome. Glad you found us, would be interested to learn a little about you. What brought you to the forums and why now?
  11. The last evening working at my job. Feeling mixed emotions. Many coworkers reached out to me and it just felt awkward and cringy reading goodbyes over chat as none of us have been together in an office for five months. I'll try to keep in touch with some of them. It feels good to leave a job that doesn't have relevance in my future (and not be fired this time!). Demanded so much emotional labor but at the same time it was very fulfilling work. I think I did some good work there and now is a good time to selfcare and focus on school.
  12. I'm very sorry I can't imagine how painful the week has been. Wishing you some rest and comfort while you're grieving.
  13. I feel like there are few if any spaces left for me to be in that are low-stress. Avoidance, whether it is the healthy kind or not, ain't a feasible coping strategy. Not for me, anyways.
  14. Ate lunch outside. I'm not really enjoying myself at a table on the sidewalk. Automobile traffic is loud and annoying but a change from my dreary apartment. Walked 5 miles. Visited mom, her depression is worsening so I researched therapists and found several she might be keen on working with (if they're accepting new clients). Met with a friend online. Finish my first paper for school. It's fine.
  15. non-consensual pt 1 Occupying all my empty spaces Touching me in all my private places Don't recognize you When you wear so many faces Just as well... cause seeing is deceiving I can hide myself from everyone but you How can I be the man I dreamed I might be? When you've taken all you took from me?
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