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Atra last won the day on January 1

Atra had the most liked content!


About Atra

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    Gold Member
  • Birthday April 6

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    San Francisco, California
  • Interests
    Cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, podcasts, theater, opera, wine, food, crunchy-looking leaves on the sidewalk, walking, meditation, skepticism, travel, beading, poetry, support groups, pears.

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  1. Hi @Jay34 glad you found us. I'm sorry to hear about your long struggle with depression and the experience of a panic attack - both are awful and frightening. I think you'll find compassion and understanding here if you decide to continue sharing your feelings and thoughts. It might even feel good to offer what help you can to others in the community, as perspectives help to widen our field of vision. Thank you for the well-wishes, too.
  2. A huge wave of awfulness. I'm sorry to hear about your brother's wives and how every thing in your life is in upheaval, it sounds like too much to adapt to. Sometimes life seems to cut us off at the knees when we were just getting back on our feet.
  3. I cooked a quart of taco meat for use in taco salads all week. I'm critical of most restaurant taco salads - it ain't a salad IMO if lettuce is the only real veggie. At home, I make a healthy 5 veggie garden salad. And then I dump a ton of unhealthy tortilla chips and cheese on it and cover it all with salsa. 🤤
  4. I mostly agree. What I mean is, exercise certainly benefits everyone's physical and mental health. Yet for some exercise seems to be easier to adopt as a habit while others struggle to find any exercise that isn't so awfully tedious or grueling. Accessibility, creativity and ability aren't very consistent across people, either. It's a dicey undertaking to motivate another without having spent a day in their shoes - still worth the effort, perhaps.
  5. I see you're all on to me 😉. I'm admittedly reveling in a bit of schadenfreude, we can indulge in a self-satisfied smirk we deserve it. Maybe there's an interesting subtext to it - I'd like to hear your feedback whether you think the following is a load of crap or not. As people living mental illnesses, I feel we've arrived at a unique time when we can both give and maybe receive compassion and empathy like never before. Lots of people in our lives find themselves suffering from many of the symptoms I listed above who have never had to struggle with them before. If we will listen to their fears and nod and say "me too", could that lead to conversations that in turn strengthen our relationships? I dunno, is that imaginable? If you can bear with me a little bit longer. Could we be regarded as mentors, if we are the closest source of good information on ways to manage/cope with corona-related mental health crises? Your brow crinkles with doubt, no I'm not being ridiculous. Today at work I listened to a person who lives with OCD tell me they sing the chorus to a song while washing their hands, to know how long they've been at it. They've been doing this ritual for over 10 years. Now, they're teaching this suddenly useful skill to their entire family - because they all need to learn it. People in my life who've never known insomnia are gapsing with worry after three sleepless nights - and I'm a freakin' human library of techniques and tips on how to get to sleep. I'd like to know, do you believe the coping skills, techniques, distractions that you use everyday could help people live under the conditions of this pandemic? Or, do you feel inclined to let them fend for themselves? While I may think of this as empowering I'm actually not wildly optimistic about mental illness stigma vanishing overnight. The cruel and dismissive persons I know aren't going to suddenly hold me in high regard for my knowledge of 20 years fighting depression and anxiety. I'll protect myself by not allowing them the chance to disappoint me yet again. Plus I still need a lot of care, so I'll put the oxygen mask on my face first before trying to help others. And, I'll put up some boundaries for my own wellbeing: Oh what you're going through sounds awful, maybe you should talk to someone about it? I have the number of a counselor. No, you cannot have some of my medication. I get that you're suffering and I know you're able to seek help on your own.
  6. I went to the store to buy some ground meats from the butcher counter. Butcher: Hi. What can I get you? Me: Hi. Got any ground turkey breast? Butcher: We're completely out. People have been buying it up. Me: Why is that do you think? Butcher: I don't know. People have been buying it as soon as we set it out. It's like toilet paper, I guess. Me (loudly): You can use ground turkey for toilet paper?!? 🤣
  7. Got a 3.6 mile walk home. People mostly being mindful of distance whilst out in the air, allowing space to pass. @In2deep4me I notice and appreciate your encouragement of exercise and being responsible and safe outdoors. Reading how each of us is managing is helping me balance two opposite truths: trying to fully comply with shelter directives and needing to be outside and active for a position of the day. At the moment I can't exactly describe what is my synthesis of those two truths, the scale is kinda wobbly.
  8. To all the neurotypicals who never really got what living with a mental illness is like. Having a hard time adapting to life during a pandemic? 😬 Are you struggling to cope with unbearable debilitating anxiety? 🤯 Do you have intrusive, persistent thoughts that scare the crap out of you? 😭 Does the present situation distress you and our future prospects depress you? 😷 Are you afraid of going outside? Do you keep checking and rechecking yourself for possible contamination? 🧟‍♂️ Are you frightened of people, feeling unsafe near them? Having a hard time focusing on work? 👀 Are you feeling isolated and disconnected from others? 😰 Unable to enjoy the activities you used to? Problems sleeping? 🥺 Wishing this would all just go away? (Or, I dunno. Have you considered that maybe this is all in your head because tbh I don't see anything wrong with you. You're probably just making this up to get attention). 🙄 Welcome to our world.
  9. Today I met with the manager at work (online) to go over the reasons why I feel I was unfairly disciplined back in February. It wasn't a harsh punishment or anything, but still. I didnt throw a tantrum, I prepared and was organized. They listened. They agreed I have reason to feel this is unfair. They acknowledged my complaint. They even understand why I feel betrayed and disillusioned. Blah blah AtraBlah. The disciplinary measure remains in effect. I may bring it up again in therapy 🤔 but... it's time I start letting go of this. I DONT WANT TO. I have such a hard time with perceived injustices and I also don't want my morale to suck at work anymore. Gotta let go of hurt inflicted by others. So help me I know, it's so hard!
  10. This sandwich was not just delicious discovery, it was a sort of food awakening. There are yummy treats like this that I still haven't discovered so I must survive! Today I got emotional over a sandwich, I'm a nutjob you know. And although you didn't pick me, I'm on your team anyway! Smoked peppered turkey, spicy cranberry sauce, muenster, bacon, tomatoes, red onion, pickles, pickled jalapeno and spinach on dutch crunch.
  11. Just 1-2 miles walking each of the past 2 days. I'm kinda disappointed and I'm balancing that feeling with reality. We are to remain indoors mostly. Going out for a 1 mile walk for my mental health is still an effort worth acknowledging.
  12. Hello and welcome @Youneverknow7, glad you found us. I'm very sorry to know that the tag team of depression and anxiety have disrupted your life leaving you distressed. Perhaps our online support community can provide some understanding and compassion for you. We get what it's like. Some questions for you that I hope will launch a productive dialog. What are you currently doing to cope with the waves of emotion? What ways did you cope in the past that seem to have stopped working? What are your feelings about medication? Have you considered e-counseling as a way to access therapy you said you want, without the trouble of working in an office visit? Please let us know what questions you have about living with these conditions, we're here to help.
  13. I listen to Nightjar. 🗣️👂🙂 Being informed is important but If somebody wants to binge on news, I will say my piece: balance fascination with protecting mental health. Now and then, someone who believes news bingeing is "being responsible" or "prepared" tries to throw shade at me - and I won't abide that. This is my stance on consumption of coronavirus news, you do you: ✖️ I dont binge on virus news. Doesn't make me "one of them" - "the stupid", "the ostriches" and (somehow) "part of the problem". I'm balancing being informed with maintaining a healthy mind in my own way ✖️ "being informed" isn't the same thing as reading every scary outcome and sensational story ✖️ incessantly talking about catastrophic predictions is not "educating people", it's irresponsible. it is making others manage emotions you're struggling with
  14. Attended my support group meeting, our first one online. 23 people living with depression/biopolar/schizoaffective/BPD connected and it went very well. I am so pleased. This is another support community I rely on, and it appears it will endure.
  15. Me too, @JessiesMom. Sending you understanding and compassion. If they can "yeah, but..." all the hopeful things you've read or heard, then I think you can also "yeah, but..." their catastrophic thinking. When it becomes a tiresome game then I know it's time to enforce a boundary: "I get that you need to verbalize your concerns about what's to come and I have reached my limit for listening to them."
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