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About KipKipFox

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  1. Haha, no she wasn't. They just didn't know how to approach me. It just got to me at the time. That was forever ago. I'm over it. The reason I bring it up is that I'm still having mild symptoms and I'm not sure why, since if the depression (which was triggered a couple years ago) was due to simply an event, and was situational, then what's up with emotional numbness? I highly doubt its clinical. I'm just unsure why. Also, I am not a sir.
  2. Hi there. 15F, no family history of mental illness, no trauma, I have ADD and aspergers if that makes anything any different. I was diagnosed with situational depression w/ self harm and suicidal thoughts and prescribed prozac when I was 12 after something as simple as a fallout with friends, starting out with coming out as gay to my best friend / crush and her pushing me away. It was also complicated by struggles with accepting my sexuality and struggling with my religion as well. It is stupid, I know. I won't go into detail but I'll just say I was in a lot of pain, however I don't like talking about it because I feel like I am trivializing people with real problems. Anyways, the situation was forever ago and I'm long over it. But I still have depression symptoms. Not as bad as they used to be, in fact my therapist says I'm improving a lot. But, for the past 2 years I've been stuck in this state of emotional numbness, feeling disconnected from myself, others, and the world; and time doesn't seem to be passing. I also still hate my guts. All for no particular reason. Is it because I've never let myself healthily recover from the original situational depression? Or because of how hard I ingrained a self-loathing and negative attitude in my mind? I'm not sure. I have no good reason to be depressed if it's not situational. Nothing else is wrong with my life. I just FEEL empty. Is this just a teenager thing? Why am I still depressed if the event that triggered it has been resolved? I just want to find a reason why. Any insight would be great.
  3. Because it is trivial. It is a non-life changing event that everyone goes through at one point and first sone reason I got suicidal over it. I'm better now but looking back I am just ashamed. And to HigherPurpose, thanks.
  4. I know. Im at a very good point in my life right now, I'm just kinda caught up in my self blame, haha. I'm pathetic.
  5. I'm diagnosed with situational depression and I wonder if it is because I am emotionally immature and mentally weak? I got it as a preteen so I guess I can't blame myself, but if I still have residual symptoms of depression when the event that triggered the situational depression was a trivial one and one I don't even care about anymore, does that mean I am a weak person? A lot of people even say that situational depression is mild / less severe compared to other forms of depression, or it isn't considered as a real thing at all, which makes me feel worse because I feel like I was just overdramatic or ungrateful for my good circumstances. Once again, the depression is situational, not clinical. So I can't blame it on biology or trauma. I know I talk about this a lot but I wonder if me having reactive depression means I am immature or otherwise.
  6. Self-pity can be a part of depression, but how does one know the difference between depression that includes self-pity and just self-pity?
  7. KipKipFox

    Feeling like a fraud

    After reading your past posts, what the doctors said to you seems really unempathetic to me. You claim to have a family history of this and and been struggling with it since you were a kid, you are clearly in a lot of pain and I'm sorry people aren't taking you seriously. Depression is emotional as it is physical, and sometimes when you are depressed you can still manage to do things, but you're still hurting inside. Especially with dysthmia. I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time.
  8. KipKipFox

    Feeling like a fraud

    I feel like a fraud a lot. I had a mild feeling of this since I got depressed, although it's been more intense lately since I've gotten better and more introspective. I feel like I actually have a good reason to feel like a fraud. It doesn't run in my family. I have no history of trauma. According to my therapist it isn't even an illness in my case, yet he still claims I'm actually depressed (not sure what he means by that then if it isnt clinical) And the event that triggered my "depression" is an ordinary event that could make anyone sad, for me it just lasted longer. I was 11-12 at the time and it was very painful but I look back at it and feel pathetic because it isn't something that bothers me at all to this day, yet I still have lingering symptoms simply by conditioning my mind to beat myself up and avoid feeling emotions all the time. I also didn't have a lot of physical symptoms to start with, and if I did they weren't that severe, so sometimes I wonder if I overexaggerated my symptoms to my doc to get a diagnosis and meds. I also had a lot of behaviors uncharacteristic of depressed people imo. My therapist says I'm not a fraud, and I've talked to him about it twice, but feeling like a fraud is what's been on my mind for months now, whatever he tells me.
  9. Obviously it is, but many people would argue that it isn't real depression because it is not caused by a chemical imbalance or trauma. After all, everyone gets deeply sad and down over situations like divorce, grief, relationship / social / work issues, job loss, and don't reach out for help for it. It's not something that is taken seriously, it seems, because it's caused by ordinary events and may or may not last shorter or have milder symptoms compared to other forms of depression. Is situational depression an actual form of major depressive disorder, or is it just another word for deep sadness?
  10. KipKipFox

    Is my depression my fault?

    I'm doing fine off the medication. I can function. I'm just doubting myself a lot. I will be better soon.
  11. KipKipFox

    Is my depression my fault?

    Thanks for replying guys. I don't like referring to depression as an emotion. It should only be used in reference to the disorder in my opinion, people using depression and deep sadness interchangeably imo is insulting to depression sufferers. I was not traumatized. I'm sorry, but I cannot see how the loss of a friendship is something traumatic. It is something everyone goes through, even children. I have been over that event for years now and most of the depressed mood itself has faded. It's just the numbness that sucks. I don't need to process any painful memories because I don't have any. I may have some painful emotions I need to process, though. Despair and self-hatred built up over the years from assigning self-blame and never allowing myself to be sad when bad things happened. Perhaps that is partially true. I will take what has been said to heart. I have already started self-compassion and working on reframing thoughts. As stated, things are a lot better. <3 I just feel like a fraud a lot, even though my therapist says I'm not. Thanks.
  12. KipKipFox

    I am fed up with school

    Well that sounds like a stressful situation. Have you reached out for help and got diagnosed?
  13. KipKipFox

    I am fed up with school

    These subjects are actually really important to learn. I get school can be draining and feel pointless when depressed, but it sounds like you just do not like doing work. What does this have to do with depression? Correct me if I'm wrong.
  14. KipKipFox

    I need to escape my life.

    There is always hope. Trust me. I know it feels lonely. You're making a good first step by reaching out. Try venting to a loved one, or find something. Don't let it take over you.