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Siddharth Bhatnagar

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  1. Thank you all for your concern and loving words. I have started Meditation practice after which I feel good for sometime, but again I fall back into the same pattern. I just can't get over my past, I feel it's all my mistake and that I will suffer whole of my life because of my past. Everything was beautiful and easy and I feel I have ruined it and dont deserve anything good. I feel like crying but the tears dont come out. Its scary to be feeling this way. Why all the "I shouldn't have done that" phrases are coming in my mind? I hate myself, and I feel terrible. I want to feel normal like everyone else. These thoughts are eating away my life. I don't know how to feel normal. This is continuing from last 2 months, if this further continues I will forget the "normal feeling". Its not that I am not trying, I have joined Art of living program in which they teach meditation. Physical disability can be seen and understood. I am becoming mentally disabled. I don't want to be like this. It is going beyond my control. I just want to escape from these thoughts. How to be alright, How to be normal? It is becoming very difficult for me to cope up with the internal thoughts condemning me. When a person is effected by external circumstances, he blames that and moves on by recovering. But what to to when you are not able to live with yourself. I am emotionally weak, I am incapable of anything. All these thoughts are acting like a slow poison for me. Please let me know how to feel good about your own self. Please help. I know we can only help ourselves. But I don't seem to be succeeding in it. I am avraid I will become mad one day.
  2. I don't seem to have any motivation in my life to do simplest of things. I feel that in past 4-5 years I have ruined my life myself. I am unable to live with the messed up thoughts inside my head that haunts me and blame me for everything and anything. I am unable to cope up with this. It has started to show in my day to day life. I feel lithargic, drained out and no motivation at all. You can easily blame everything on external circumstances, but in my case I feel I am my own enemy and I hate myself for it. I dont have any enthusiasm in/for life. It's becoming unbearable living like this. Past, mistakes, regrets, things I should have done, things I shouldn't have done, unable to plan about the future, not living in the present, all these thoughts are dragging me back, ******* me from inside. I have become dead from inside.
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