RVCA, I am sorry you’re hurting. At some point, it is very, very important that you forgive yourself for this mistake you’ve made. You are human, therefore you are imperfect. Many of us have done things that we regret to our core, but that is part of our journey in life.
What’s important is to grow and learn from this and allow it to mold you into a healthier, more enlightened version of yourself. Look into what caused you to make this mistake as to be able to prevent being in this situation again. Be honest with yourself while being kind to yourself.
Hang in there!