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DialAForAlan

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Everything posted by DialAForAlan

  1. Why does missing my Matt hurt so much? I wish I could turn off my emotions and not feel much of anything like I usually do, but I think it's too late for that cause I've already started to cry. I know I need to sit with my emotions and let it hurt, too, but I wish I wasn't so embarrassed about it. I just...I want my Matt...
  2. Missing my Matt is hitting me in waves. One moment I'm fine (smiling and laughing and such like normal) and the next thing I know, I'm crying. Didn't help that somebody on a show I was watching made a Jeopardy joke, either. I'm sorry; I know how dumb this sounds.
  3. Frustrated. I want to put together a playlist of songs that remind me of Matt, but all the songs I could put into it wouldn't do him justice.
  4. Not me wanting Matt to lay his head in my lap and read aloud while I play with his hair. Nor is it me getting all flustered the more I think about it.
  5. I cried myself to sleep last night and I'm probably going to do the same tonight. Matt wasn't just anybody to me - he was and is, as I said earlier, the only reason I'm still alive. Oh, sure, I can continue to follow his life on Twitter, but it's not the same. My heart hurts...
  6. Devastated. Matt Amodio lost on Jeopardy last night and, even though I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, I didn't think it would be this painful. Watching him was the only thing keeping me alive and the little happiness I regained during his time on the show is now gone. I won't lie - I was (and still am) more than a little bit in love with him - to the point where I feel like I was dumped.
  7. As of today, I've loved Jane for an entire year (although it feels like much longer). No words in any language can describe the way I feel about her or the way her existence warms my heart. I...I want to love her forever, if I can, because this is the happiest I've been in a long, long time and it's all thanks to her.
  8. @sober4lifeI don't have it (thankfully) but the reason I struggle to watch her like that is cause I care for her so deeply. Deeply enough to be really affected when her character is struggling in some way.
  9. Honestly, as much as I love Criminal Minds, some of Jane’s episodes are too much for me to handle cause I can’t even bear to see her characters hurt in general. I know none of the things that happen are real and that she’s fine, but it still hurts like it would if it was. Is that weird?
  10. This is really dumb but dating scares me and not just because of the ongoing pandemic. I suffer from anxiety and it sometimes gives me a fatal case of verbal diarrhea. My biggest fear is that I'll meet a girl and have that happen to the point where I propose on the first date. And if that does happen, how do I recover from it?
  11. Yeah, but for me it's a constant thing. Even when I thought I was straight/bi, I still felt a lot more for the ones I couldn't have rather than the ones I could. Maybe I'm just not meant for a relationship.
  12. I think I might have gotten this whole "crush" thing backwards somehow cause the more unavailable the woman, the stronger the attraction I feel for them.
  13. Why do Jane's smallest actions always seem to be the most hypnotic? Honestly, she could blink and I'd melt.
  14. That awkward moment when you match with a girl who has the same first name as your ex. Aka what happened to me today. I don't know how to feel about this.
  15. I'm so soft for Jane that it's not funny. She makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and I just want to hold her tight and give some of that warmth back to her. She deserves it and then some.
  16. Sometimes I think I'm too picky about what I want in a future girlfriend even though I know I shouldn't settle for the first one who comes along. I just want to be loved the way I love and not have to question everything or feel like they'll leave as soon as they can.
  17. There's something so addictive about Jane looking vulnerable and I can't get enough of it.
  18. It's weird (and I don't know exactly how it would work) but I...I want to marry my Jane pillow.
  19. I think I'm unhealthily obsessed with my ex even though I cut her off awhile ago and have been burying myself into other things. She's still all I can think about and I'm so desperate to get her back it's not funny. I thought time was supposed to help with moving on, not make things worse, and I honestly don't know what to do.
  20. ...so I guess this is my life now - trying my best to drown my pain in copious amounts of Melissa Etheridge while fighting back tears.
  21. Lost, confused, and a bit helpless. Surely I'm not the only one who's ever spent most of their life wanting to be in a permanent relationship with a clone of themself...am I?
  22. ...well, I think it's truly hopeless now. My ex-girlfriend is engaged to her new partner. Am I a total witch for hoping it doesn't work out?
  23. ...do you know what the worst part of this is? Now that I can't get back together with my ex, she's the only one I want - to the point where I'm not really caring about anybody, even Jane, at the moment. Honestly, I think my heart might be broken beyond repair.
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