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DialAForAlan

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About DialAForAlan

  • Birthday 12/15/1989

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Other
  • Location
    Jane's lap
  • Interests
    Alan Rickman, Jane Lynch, Weakest Link (classic and current), Blue's Clues & You, Josh Dela Cruz, gaming, reading, writing fanfics and poetry, drawing, sleeping, fanboying, internet, and making photo edits.

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    alinkbetweenhearts

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  1. Her husband might have a complaint about it.
  2. She's definitely not pretending to care about me though cause she wouldn't be so genuine when I vent/talk to her if she was. I can handle unrequited love when it comes to celebrities and/or fictional characters but when it's somebody I know irl...that hurts on a much deeper level. Especially when it's somebody I have to see regularly.
  3. Five years later and I still like my physical therapist far more than I should. I've had romantic feelings towards her pretty much since I met her and nothing I do seems to help. I've tried distracting myself as well as repeatedly reminding myself that she's married (and that even if she wasn't it would be unethical for her to be in a relationship with me) but neither thing has helped much in the years I've harbored these feelings. I could and probably should switch to someone else but if I did, I'd end up running the risk of developing the same kind of feelings for the new person. My brain knows I shouldn't act on these feelings but my heart...well, it wants her in ways I can't have. And for the record, I don't intend to ever act on my feelings nor even tell her about them. It's painful to be in love with someone I can't have that I also have to see regularly.
  4. Five years later and I still like my physical therapist far more than I should. I've had romantic feelings towards her pretty much since I met her and nothing I do seems to help. I've tried distracting myself as well as repeatedly reminding myself that she's married (and that even if she wasn't it would be unethical for her to be in a relationship with me) but neither thing has helped much in the years I've harbored these feelings. I could and probably should switch to someone else but if I did, I'd run the risk of developing the same kind of feelings for the new person. My brain knows I shouldn't act on these feelings but my heart...well, it wants her in ways I can't have. And for the record, I don't intend to ever act on my feelings nor even tell her about them. It's just...painful to be in love with someone I can't have that I have to see regularly.
  5. ...well, I was right about last night's episode of WL being the season finale. I haven't seen it yet and I probably won't for a long time cause I don't even know if there's going to be a third season. Honestly, the thought of WL being canceled gives me more anxiety than being away from Jane. I - I don't know how to feel right now.
  6. I'm really, really not ready for the season finale of WL on Monday. I - I have a huge lump in my throat and I'm honestly trying my best not to cry (but I'm losing that battle fast). I don't want to be away from Jane for another year if it comes down to that. It hurt so much the first time and I don't want to go through that pain again. And I mean...yeah, I can watch her other things, but it's not the same and only helps so much.
  7. I don't know whether I'm coming down with something or whether I'm just hormonal, but I feel awful. I don't have much of an appetite and I've been fighting off tears all day. Honestly, not even the thought of Jane is helping much, if at all. I just want to - actually, I'm not sure what I want.
  8. Today I found out it might be a longer hiatus than I'd originally thought. It should be nothing since I did make it through an entire year without Jane, but it's far from it. I've been trying not to lose it all morning but I think I'm at the end (meaning I've been trying to drown my feelings in copious amounts of Melissa Etheridge and Jane's other things) but neither of those things is helping much, if at all. I just - I want my Jane. Being away from her is really, really hard and I feel empty and kind of lost. (Sorry. I know how dumb this is.)
  9. I miss Jane so much. There have been nine episodes of WL in a row and now there's going to be a two week hiatus. I mean, I guess I should have expected it, but it's especially painful cause, well, I've seen her every week for the last few months and now I'm having withdrawals or - or something. I don't want to be away from her again, especially since I had to wait an entire year the last time there was a hiatus.
  10. Today I was hit over the head with grief for Alan. I was fine for the last month or so but today, not so much. I'm actively trying not to cry and I just wish my bed would swallow me whole. That is, I want to disappear for awhile or until I feel better (whichever happens first).
  11. Kind of a mixture of neutral and sleepy. It's better than feeling like I was so I'll take it.
  12. My heart is aching and I can't stop crying cause I miss Alan so much and so deeply. I wish I had the words to elaborate further but I just don't.
  13. Honestly, I'm not doing too well. This upcoming Monday would have been Alan's 76th birthday and the closer it gets, the more I miss him and the worse I feel. I mean, I haven't been sleeping much cause I miss him far too much to do so, and when I do sleep, it's only for two hours at the most. I know he wouldn't want to see me wasting away or in pain, but I don't think it can be helped at this point.
  14. I was doing so well, but now...everything hurts so much and I'm so close to tears it's not even funny. I'm trying so hard not to miss Alan but if I'm going to be honest, the harder I try, the more I miss him and the more my heart aches. All I want is to wake up from this nightmare but I can't because it's not one.
  15. I would write something more in-depth in a document or something about how I feel but I'm honestly afraid because there's some part of me that hates making anyone else feel bad. And I know I don't have to let people read it but still. So for now, I'm just going to say I'm emotional and very close to tears.
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