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Bandit34

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  1. Hi Markinthedark! It definitely helps to write everything out and give it some fresh air instead of letting is rattle around in my head. It also allows me to see the whole picture instead of fragments bouncing around in my head. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. It is very much appreciated.
  2. BeyondWeary - thank you for your kind words. I hope you're right about not feeling alone. Does this forum really help people? I saw this one forum where someone is just giving up. Its almost like this is just too overwhelming. I have a good therapist right now who is trying her best to help me work through my issues. I don't believe in meds for own personal reasons. I haven't heard of EMDR therapy so maybe that is something to check out. Thank you again
  3. Now I have never been the jealous type and this is feeling of insecurity has been causing friction. My guy is close to his ex - he was with her for a significant time and only been with me for 2 years. It still peeves me to this day when I see him talking to her via phone/instant message/snap or whatever other social media forums out there. It has thrown my insecurities in my face and doesn't help my depression that is already nearly drowning me in emptiness and sadness. I feel like he turns to her because I'm so unemotionally attached which I've been seeking treatment for. Yes, we have talked about it and it doesn't seem to help, he just keeps telling me I am being unfair. Holidays are coming up and I know they are going to want to see one another. Am i really overreacting? Is this really just more of my depressions symptoms spiraling out of control and causing me to become more unattached to people and things. Am I giving myself a reason to give up on this relationship (when everything else is really good) Am I just pushing people away? This is really bothering me and my counselor's advice to talk to him about it isn't helping. *** is wrong with me.
  4. Good evening - I'm very new with this and grasping at straws to find people who have either been in my shoes or understand what I'm going through. I had a happy childhood and wish I knew exactly where I went wrong. Drugs and alcohol became my friends when struggling with what I call "my dark period" it kept me numb from feeling my depression full on. I've been in counseling for the past year and for a while it felt like it was working - it really did. Lately I have been backsliding and the coping skills that I was taught are no longer working. This is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend, who is a great person, but can only help so much. Work was my safe haven until the family company sold and I've been thrown into a huge corporation. People's negative attitudes seem to be affecting me more than they ever have and it's no longer a safe haven. I feel like I am standing at the edge of this dark hole that is threatening to swallow me whole. I get irritated and angry very easily and no longer want to be around people. I've ended all friendships and social interactions, most nights are spent on the couch with the tv on, but nothing registering. Crying seems like it happens every day though I try to hide it. I feel numb and empty to any thought, feeling, or interaction. I have things I must do this weekend and I have no desire to move from my bed. Does anyone know of new avenues or coping skills I can turn too? I feel as though I am at a lost. I feel hopeless and alone.
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