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About myblue

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  • Birthday 07/04/2000

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  1. myblue


    I know this sounds silly, but I need a friend.
  2. I applied to a job. I know that's not that big of a deal, but I always have a hard time finding something that would suit me. I look at the descriptions and get scared that I won't be able to do simple tasks for whatever reason. Writing cover letters feel like a battle of my self-esteem. But it felt so good to submit it.
  3. These past few weeks have been rough. I was hoping that I could make it a habit to come here to help me cope, but my mind was clouded and I completely forgot. I'm dealing with loneliness, to say the least. I feel like my social anxiety often costs me my opportunities of getting a job that I really need right now. I can do so many things, I just can't seem to get past the interview process. I went to the hospital for my anxiety last week, and I'm trying my hardest not to be trouble to those around me. I feel like that's making my anxiety worse. I feel like the toughest part of dealing with anxiety and depression is worrying about being too much for people. I never want to be too much. I'm really shy, but deep down inside I feel clingy and needy and attached to those close to me. I'm afraid to speak my mind all the time. I'm known for holding back, but during the times I do decide to be open, anxiety takes over. I wish it was so easy to be open with my thoughts and feelings, and that it didn't come with extreme guilt afterwards. It's hard to face harsh realities and realize that it's time to let go of certain things. Well, not really let go, but maybe not hold on as tight. I'm glad you're busy and have more friends now. You seem happier. I feel selfish wishing I had more time, or wishing things could be like how they used to. Maybe I give others too much of my time. I always tell myself that I won't make myself so available anymore, yet I still end up doing it because I feel like I should. I just wish you were here, and I feel so scared when I'm dealing with depression and anxiety because I don't want to chase anyone away. It's so hard to hide it.
  4. I'm feeling better than yesterday. I have this sense of hope that seemed to be missing all week. Whenever I'm feeling this way, I'm afraid that something is going to ruin it, but I'd rather just live in the moment and enjoy what's in front of me while it's here.
  5. I'm feeling a mixture of all kinds of things. I've been lonely all week because the person I care about the most seems to be too busy for me. I'm battling between being "understanding", and acknowledging the fact that I have feelings too. It hurts because I always put so much effort to make time for others, but no one seems to do the same. I feel guilty for even needing this. I thought today would be better, but again, I'm left all alone. Maybe it's my fault for being lonely. I have a headache from crying and from feeling all these emotions, but then I came across this forum, and I'm happy to be able to focus my mind on something other than what has been occupying me all week.
  6. Hi my name is Cam. I just turned 18 last month. I suffer from anxiety/depression/social anxiety disorder. I have been bullied most of my life, and I've always just wanted a friend, even if it's just one. I love to listen to others and be there for them because I know how terrible it is to be alone, so if you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to say hi lol. I'm really shy and I have a fear of bothering people. I find that helping people tends to make me feel better too. Anyway, hello lol
  7. I used to withdraw in times when I should be reaching out to people the most. It's not that I wanted to push people away, I was just afraid to be real with my emotions because I was raised believing that I have to supposedly be "strong", and to my dad, that means not being open with your emotions or admitting that something is wrong. I was afraid of how others would treat me, or if they'd leave me. I learned to be open because that's what I'd want from someone else. My gf is also battling things of her own, and I always put my feelings aside for her. She tends to withdraw, so I can kind of relate to how you are feeling most likely. I don't know if withdrawing has to do with gender, maybe it does, but I just happened to be in a relationship where it's the other way around, and that cold feeling is so painful. I hope that he talks to you soon. You're amazing for the amount of support you give.
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