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Viscious_cycle

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  1. Today (my birthday) was very very difficult. I stayed in bed all day....not good. Unfortunately though that is my coping mechanism Markinthedark aka ParagraphMark Thank you for your input and insight into things. Experience, as you get older, does carry some weight, that's for sure. I just wish I could learn from my not so great experiences MUCH faster than I do now DownNotOut, perhaps we should start a thread on worm-rescuing .... Is that a thing ? Well, we will make it a thing Thank you for your reply. I really must look into the volunteering. Thank you everyone for responding. You are all very warm and friendly. That means a lot.
  2. Epictetus, thank you for being so candid with your post. its funny because I have been hearing snippets here and there about people finding and having a purpose, and that it may help. i just recently volunteered with a friend of mine (she's a teacher) on a school trip for 4 days. i wasn't depressed much at all...I had a routine; and I think , in retrospect, the purpose that I had (helping to take care of the students) somehow helped me. I have spoken to my friend about volunteering in her class , but haven't done much more than talk about it. I'll try to look into it more. i love that you described the fact that you took baby steps ..... Putting a worm on the grass. I totally get it. I really do. Such seemingly little things can mean so much when one is in a state of depression. Many thanks again. JD4010, thank you for your reply. I'm sorry that you went down that rabbit hole. Funny how , on the outside , one would expect you to be so happy given your circumstances at the time. It just goes to show that what we think should make is happy, doesn't always. I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with such stress. I hope that you are able to find ways to cope. Thank you again
  3. Hi everyone. I decided to come here to find out if anyone else may have experienced what I'm feeling. I do have friends my age however they don't suffer from depression and I don't think they would truly understand how I'm feeling. I'm female and I will be turning 50 in a couple of days. I have 2 daughters (13 and 9) and I'm divorced. I haven't worked in about 2 years and I am only now getting out more. I am also suffering from self worth issues and dealing with a very difficult breakup. I'm on Prestiq and have been for about a year. I just feel as though my life is ... Well..... crappy . I mean, I'm not where a 50 year old is supposed to be. Jobless, depression, anxiety, no partner .... Certainly not where I would choose to be. I honestly didn't think that the big 5-0 would affect me like this but it is. I just feel myself sliding backwards. I just want to stay in my bed and not get out. Anyone else experienced this before ? Thank you for listening
  4. Caring2018 thank you so much for your message. You're very sweet. He's actually my boyfriend ( or was) . He's long distance so it makes things a bit difficult. I'm currently giving him some space, but at the same time letting him know and reminding him that I am here. He told me last week that he was planning on starting his medication. I haven't spoken to him since , so I'm not sure if he really did start. Prayers are helpful, thank you. I hope you are okay too
  5. Glad you came here to vent. And I'm sorry that you had to experience this First of all, you are NOT disgusting. I'm sure you are beautiful, inside and out I have the opposite problem, as I am on the bigger side and there are many men who don't like that. And you know what? That's okay ! I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and I'm sure some of the guys who see my profile would prefer someone of your size. Not everyone is going to like the same thing....and that's good I suspect I'm likely much older than you but as you get older , men's views of women change. The perfect 10 body isn't as important as someone who is loving and kind and caring. Don't get me wrong, physical chemistry is important but it can often come after you get to know the person. I'm sure you know that looks aren't everything. And while it's okay not to be someone's type, the manner in which he responded was hurtful and downright cruel in my opinion. You don't need him, nor his opinion. Its tough to hear that you have such negative thoughts about yourself and I wish I could help you. I hope that you have other people in your life, not just men, who can tell you how beautiful and wonderful you are. Please don't let the opinion of one , or two or three people get you even more down on yourself. It's really not worth it. Are you in therapy at all ?
  6. Sorry you are going through this Nicky Have you ever tried a Cognitive Behavioural therapist ?
  7. Keep posting ...keep posting .... Keep posting! That's a good thing. I may have missed this , but are you on medication or are you seeing a therapist? Also do you have anyone in your life that you can turn to for support ?
  8. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I have been in the exact same position . Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more specifically. I feel your pain , and it's terrible
  9. Many thanks again for your replies. He , by nature, is one who tends to withdraw, depression or not. I guess then his actions shouldn't be surprising. I should say also that we are in a long distance relationship and so seeing him in person, unfortunately, won't happen :( He is almost 50, as am I , and he has never been diagnosed with depression before. I suspect he has had it in the past when he has gone though some personal situations (before I met him) but again, never diagnosed. Sorry if I'm generalizing, but he's the "alpha male" type. He was never open to therapy and medication. This is all very new territory for him. I'm thankful though, that he has found himself in therapy. mmoose Yes, this is the first downward spiral I have seen. As I mentioned above, we are in a long distance relationship so I'm a bit limited as to what I can do. I check on him regularly to see how he is. He had fallen silent for a while, but did respond this evening. He is praying a lot which is good , but he hasn't mentioned starting the medication. I didn't want to push the issue so I didn't bring it up. I just reminded him that I am here for him when he needs me. I also suffer from depression and anxiety (I'm in a bit of a downward spiral myself actually) so I can relate to much of what he tells me , which I think brings him some level of comfort since no one really knows what he's going through. I also send him articles about depression, the stigma of anti-depressants etc, so that he knows he is not alone in his fight. mark250 Thank you for your input and for being so candid about yourself. I do tend to agree that most women area more comfortable with reaching out and talking to their friends, or a therapist etc. For most of us, it's in our nature :) He is the "alpha male", a police officer to boot, so admitting to and showing his true feelings is not something that is accepted or expected of him. I'm sure he'd be surprised to find out how many of his male police officer friends also suffer from depression. caring2018 Thank you for your prayers :) I will refer him here, or to sites similar to this. That may help him 'talk' if it's anonymous . And at the same time, see that other men also share his situation. I will try to find more articles specifically on men and depression. I think he has trouble with the labels "depression" "anti-depressants" etc. I believe it's hard for him to be put in that box so to speak. zenzang Thanks for your input. I don't disagree with you at all. In fact I know a friend of mine (female) who would likely take on the 'male' generalization of withdrawing. myblue Sounds to me like your girlfriend is very lucky to have you :) Kudos to you for going out of your way to be there for her. I am sure it's something she will always cherish you for . And I am so happy that you learned to be more open, that's a difficult thing to do. markinthedark Thank you for the Welcome :) As I just mentioned above, we are not in the same city. And our history has been on and off for 2 years, mostly because he will withdraw if he is upset etc. He's working on that but having used that as a coping mechanism for 30 odd years, it's going to take a lot of therapy and time to find methods to replace that. It's not healthy for him, nor is it for the person he's withdrawing from. I suffer from depression myself and while I too can withdraw, I guess I've never done it with him . So I suspect that, in my head, I expect him to do the same. Unrealistic and foolish I know. To dig deeper, I am probably afraid of losing him..... I really should be focusing more on myself right now, as I am going through some stuff of my own. I guess I just can't stand the thought of him being alone. What I mean is, he has no one to confide in. But he knows I am here for him . And you are right about pushing him away. I likely have in the past by trying too hard to have him communicate with me, when all he really wants and needs is to be alone.
  10. I know that not everyone deals with depression in the same way,just as there are varying degrees and types of depression. I suffer from depression myself . But, in general ,do males and females cope differently? My (ex now, I think? ) boyfriend has recently been diagnosed with mild depression. He was given a prescription, however he has yet to fill it. Even more recently however ,his depression has seemed to worsen. I have tried to help by talking to him , giving him advice , and just being there to listen , since I can relate to much of what he's going through. I tried to contact him and he didn't get back to me. I tried again and he responded saying that he just doesn't feel like talking much as of late because he feels so down, and assured me that it's not my fault. I haven't heard from him in three days. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but it is when we used to talk every day. He's functioning; going to work etc . I'm just not sure if I should be reaching out to see how he's doing or just give him some time. I believe at this point having a girlfriend is more of a burden to him on top of everything else. I'm trying not to take it personally , but it's hard. Would you say this this is not unusual? Any advice or input would be appreciated Thank you
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