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Beyondempty

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  1. oh i wish i could do it online that would be great. The prescriptions well i have one good thing about them they are free but the problem i have with them is some of the drugs that help me they won't prescribe because people have abused them.
  2. yes but for years i have been in psychiatry but for some reason since i moved to florida i can't get help. and jelly your comment was not helpful at all. I have been on meds for years but moving to florida that all stopped no psychiatrist wants to take my insurance. I have no money to pay period.
  3. i have been off of medications for some time now and i cant find a doctor in my area that takes my insurance, i feel like i am not even human in the usa because i am poor and can;t get treatment. My mind is so fragmented i cant think straight and i isolate myself, i don;t know how to talk to anyone anymore im to the breaking point. i don;t know what to do anymore
  4. Hello Addie, I totally understand, it seems that every few years they seem to change diagnosis names and such I was originally diagnosed with Major Depression, I have never been manic, years later I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 I have yet to make heads or tails of it. I also struggle with tractability and mild impulse control.
  5. Hello, I have been struggling with trying to make a decision on whether or not to try Ketamine infusions because they are very costly. I have Treatment Resistant Major Depression/PTSD/Anxiety/Social Anxiety and have had this for as long as I can remember. I am 50 years old now and have run the gamit of different medications, counseling, vagus nerve implant surgery, and sadly none of it has helped. I desperately want relief no I need relief. I currently moved to a rural area in Florida and have yet to see the doctor where I am located now because of several mistakes made by me or them. That being said I don't hold out hope for that anyway because it will be more of the same except now none of the doctors in Florida that I have seen will prescribe xanax and I have been on that for 25 years. So needless to say I am addicted. I am only on 1mg a day but the only reason I still have some "very little left" is because I was hording them when I lived in Virginia for the day I was going to end my life. But since I have moved to Florida and unable to find a doctor to prescribe it I have had to use what I have left and don't look forward to the day withdrawal comes that has me very scared. Back to the Ketamine treatment struggle I so want to do this as I have been researching and looking to find anything negative in regards to these infusions and I have yet to find anything but positive saying that it works which in itself is fantastic and I really want it to work but my financial situation does not lend itself to being able to afford this type of treatment because it is not covered by insurance and even if it was I only have medicaid because I am disabled and live on a very minuscule amount of money each month. How long does it last how many treatments will it take the dollar signs just keep adding up if it is a continual thing. So is this just a rich mans cure? sigh I am frustrated and don't know what to do, I will try it by charging my credit cards up but there is a limit there too what to do
  6. Thank you to everyone who has responded, to be honest I am tired and sick of everything, my house is a total wreck, there is so much to do that I am just not doing, my situation atm is this I live 45 min away from my parents ( who live with my brother and his adult children), my mom has dementia, my dad has afib and just got out of the hospital from getting a pacemaker put in. I am having to drive back and forth to cook dinner for them as apparently my brother or his 21 year old daughter cannot do or won't do because my dad can't lift his arm for a while and can't drive. I do not mind but I am struggling to understand why the people closest to them are not picking up the torch. Why my sister who lives 2 1/2 hours away who hardly visits came and stayed a week with them asked me to stay the night with my mom when dad was in the hospital so she could sleep in her trailer she takes everywhere, they basically put me on the spot by asking me to stay in front of my mom and dad, knowing that i don't feel comfortable around my brother or my sister much less staying with them and that I have meds and a dog that were at my house, but they insisted so I had to drive all the way home to get my meds and dog and drive all the way back to do this in huge storm that was going on at the same time. I don't understand why my sister who gets so mad or jealous at the fact that my mom is for some reason attached to me wouldn't take that opportunity to spend alone time with her. Plus while talking to my dad on the phone discussing the floor problems I am having offered for my brother to come look at it, I don't let anyone in my house much less my brother, and I told him that because I am embarrassed and ashamed of how i live.. I might be able to handle a stranger fixing it but not my brother who hates me anyway, so we said our goodbyes and he never knows how to hang up the phone so I end up hearing him say **** like he does every time he has to hear me try to make excuses to get out of being around my brother and sister. Ahg I don't want to keep going I don't want to keep living but I keep living so that I don't make my kids hurt or my parents. But that is the only reason I haven't ended my life
  7. Hello, I am not sure how to begin to introduce myself, I am 50 years old divorced mother of three grown children. I am the daughter of a marine colonel and a mother with dementia, I have one brother and one sister. I do not remember a time when I was not depressed to some degree or another. I have a feeling I was born this way. I have a long history of being sexually abused, emotionally abused, and rape multiple times. Not once did I ever see justice or even an attempt of getting justice because basically, I was told I was making it up, or farm girls get raped all the time they just get up and brush themselves off, other woman get over it why can't you.... I am the youngest of my parents children.. I have failed them, I have failed myself... I try to talk to them but I get you aren't trying hard enough you haven't tried exercise, you haven't tried blah blah blah. I have been to doctor after doctor, counselor after counselor. I have tried medication after medication none of them worked. I have had doctors that just don't listen, counselors that fall asleep on me, try to force religion on me. I have volunteered for medical research in hopes of relief getting a vagus nerve implant put in that shocked me every 5 minutes for thirty seconds. It didn't help... I had it removed after three years. I don't drink, I don't do illicit drugs, yet I get Biotched at because I am addicted to mountain dew, and xanax. Yes I know xanax is a drug but it is the only thing that helps me sleep. I am thinking of trying to get the ketamine infusion treatments but when i try to talk to my family about it all they can say well how are you going to pay for it, I have been told that once my parents die that I would be homeless, and no-one would help me... the only reason I have not already offed myself is so that I don't cause anyone else grief. But yet I feel that nobody gives a crap how full I am of grief so why should I care about theirs? Why should I try another treatment? Why am I just existing so that others are not inconvenienced. I am so sick of just going through the motions every single day. I am sick of being sick. I have had enough, people make excuses why they don't call but yet they expect me to keep on living this existence alone no one calls me. No one can fix this for me and I am out of reasons
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