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sandyb

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  1. I hate myself. I'm 17 and just about to start university. I should be happy and living my best life; instead I feel empty. Waking up everyday and going about my business feels like a chore. Most of the time I feel like the world would be better off with me dead and I do contemplate suicide from time to time. I feel alienated and like a stranger to my family and friends even though they're a pretty loving and supportive bunch. I've told some of my family members how I feel but I don't think they truly understand or want to understand the severity of the situation and explaining it to them seems unnecessary, especially since they have their own problems in life to deal with. I'm an introvert so social situations with strangers already make me anxious and uncomfortable, so I try my best to seem interested and polite in conversation. However, I feel like every effort to smile and laugh and enjoy life feels false. All I feel alternates between sadness, irritation and emptiness; and I never seem to run out of tears from all that spontaneous crying. I feel silly sometimes for feeling this way because many others are less privileged in life and seem to be coping; I don't have an excuse or a reason to feel this way. Counselling is not an option since my parents control my funds and I come from a culture where mental illness is a stigma. I just want to feel normal again.
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