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Pusheen's Achievements


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  1. I work with a person who made himself a little defcon scale with a sliding arrow to indicate his mood/anxiety levels for the day. I think it was made as a joke but I think it's a good idea. He's been at level 3 for several weeks...
  2. Pusheen

    I hate summer

    Alberta, Canada
  3. Pusheen

    I hate summer

    It's been hot as b*lls here too. BUT not as bad as Europe or parts of the States.
  4. Those are three really good articles! Thanks for posting. I like that they focus on the healing things you can do rather than "work out more" and "get back on the horse". Don't get me wrong, exercise does help but it's not the end all and be all.
  5. A small thing. I cleaned the cats litter boxes today. The cats were very happy and showed their appreciation by using them immediately!
  6. This. I've been finding it tough lately not to think about my former boyfriend and dwell on the reasons we broke up. It's going on a year since the breakup, and even though I know there were two people in the relationship, I can't help but feel that it was all my fault. He was my best friend, and losing that hurts more than losing a lover. I know what you're going through. It sucks, and the depression layered over top the grief makes it worse. I guess we can take some solace in knowing others are experiencing the same pain. Today it is rainy and grey and fall-like outside after a week of very hot weather. My mood is also rainy and grey. Two days left before returning to work from holidays. I may just sit this day out and sleep.
  7. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "I want to tell him that I'm just overwhelmed...". Maybe after things have cooled down, tell him that and try to get a dialogue going if possible. I don't know the specifics of your relationship but I do know from my experience that in the long run, not talking to your partner is worse than talking. Hopefully you guys can talk it out and he can see it's the depression that makes you overwhelmed and not him. **hugs from an internet stranger**
  8. This morning I feel overwhelmed and sad. Missing my ex and my old life. Life goes on and I get reluctantly dragged along behind it. Maybe I'll feel better after a proper meal, a walk, and a bath.
  9. I had a similar thing happen about a month ago with heart palpitations, chest tightness, dizziness, the whole bit. I panicked and went to the ER. Waited for 8 hours in the waiting room, and during that time I had no choice but to relax. Eventually the symptoms subsided. The ER doc did a heart trace and took a bunch of blood and could find nothing wrong with my heart. The conclusion was panic attack, which is something new and unusual for me. I looked at what I'd been doing during the day and the day before, and I'd been doing a bunch of running around, not getting enough sleep, and not eating because my appetite at that time was destroyed by the Abilify I was taking (a very low doseage to augment my AD). All of this, I believe, lead to the panic attack. I stopped the Abilify, got more rest, and forced myself to eat. Things have been better since then. Focussing on my breathing helps tremendously too, inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4, repeat. Hope you are doing better these days. Heart palpitations are super scary!
  10. I tapered off Effexor from 225mg over a span of 7 months. I had been taking it for 10-15 years so the doc and I decided a very slow taper would be best. I had a day or so of brain zaps and vision disturbances with each decrease. The worst was coming off the 18.75 to nothing. I had about a week of brain zaps and flu-like symptoms. I also had some gastro-intestinal issues which were very uncomfortable too. I was also taking Wellbutrin at the same time which did not seem to affect the withdrawal. Unfortunately I can't really comment on how I felt off the Effexor as I was prescribed Abilify right after, which increased my anxiety to the point I had to stop taking it. I've been put on Cymbalta which is very similar to Effexor. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will likely be taking anti-depressants the rest of my life and that the Effexor was actually doing not a bad job of taking care of my symptoms despite the side effects. But everyone is different, right? All the best to you in your journey. Let us know how it goes. You are not alone!
  11. Hi guys, thanks for your kind words and support. Reading what you've written makes me feel like I'm not alone in this battle. Looking back on what I've written, I can see now I've got a lot on my plate to deal with and that maybe I should scale backs my efforts, especially with starting to date again. Maybe when I feel better I will start that again, but for now it's probably not a good idea. @BeyondWeary I will look into EMDR therapy, thanks so much for the suggestion as I've not heard of this before. Hope everyone is doing well (or at least as well as possible!). Thanks again for your support.
  12. Hi everyone, I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. I am new to DF but not new to depression. I have struggled on and off with this disease since I was 15, I'm 42 now and had been taking Effexor as well as talk therapy. About a year ago, I was in a long term relationship which ultimately ended because my partner could not cope with my worsening depression and left. For the past year I've been on the referral list for a new psychiatrist and finally got an appointment for the first of October. I had one rapid assessment last fall that said my problem was Avoidant Personality Disorder and that antidepressants would not help, so was tapered off the Effexor but told to stay on Wellbutin. When the Effexor was done, in the absence of further advice by the consulting psychiatrist, I was put on a low dose age of Abilify by my gp and continued with the Wellbutrin. This increased my anxiety to the point of panic attacks so I stopped the Abilify after one month. I also lost my appetite and stopped eating. I had another assessment in July by a different doctor who put me on Cymbalta and recommended me for a CBT group therapy. I weathered the nausea and insomnia of the startup of Cymbalta. In the meantime, the anniversary for the breakup is looming, and I've been caught in a spiral of despair because I feel like I haven't been able to move past the breakup. I've tried to get back into dating but keep chickening out on dates, then getting really down on myself because I know I'm being avoidant. I have been crying constantly for the past few days and wondering if things are ever going to get better. I've been trying so hard to change the way I think with CBT books and meditation, and waiting for the pills to kick in. Today I feel so discouraged. I've been crying a lot lately, in the morning on the way to work, at work in the bathroom, on the way home, at home, with family and friends. Can somebody tell me things will get better?
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