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Everything posted by Bulgakov

  1. This one's old as dirt, but one of my favorites if you've never heard it. Guy goes to the doctor, and the doctor tells him he's only got a week to live. The guy tells the doc he can't pay his bill, and the doctor gives him an extra six months. Two more, all three told by Henny in the movie, "Goodfellas." "I take my wife everywhere, but she always finds her way back." "Our anniversary was coming up, and I asked my wife what she wanted. She said she wanted to go somewhere she'd never gone before. I told her, how about the kitchen?" Bulga by Henny Youngman, "king of the one-liners"
  2. Given that this is the "Post Anything" thread, so just to stand up and stretch for moment: I was in my forties before I realized that "marsydotesanddoseydotesandlittlelambsydivey" was anything more than a fun, alliterative, nonsense rhyme. I was satisfied that it was fun, and didn't dream there was a meaning to it. Funny how a brain can become satisfied with a conclusion and stop looking for alternatives, as in--if there are some out there like I was: "Mares eat oats and doe(s) eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you?" crazy stuff All feel better. Find one thing interesting, diverting, in your life today. best, Bulga
  3. Hi Psychman, That's an interesting question. I had a blind friend. He was a tenured prof in Psych at Cal State University Fresno. He was perhaps the smartest man I've ever known. He had a book published called "The Psychology of Blindness"--out of print now. I have a copy not ten feet from me. I spent a lot of time with him. He taught me the correct way to move with him, how to use a clock to tell him where what edibles were located on a plate when we went out to eat. What are you using to read this text? Dragon Naturally Speaking? or another. I hope you've included intelligence in your inventory, though it's a fickle trait and can fall on either side of the fence. With respect, I don't think you can do exactly what you'd like with your balancing. You may be overthinking and spending too much time in your own head. I do that a lot. I'm 70, mainly a recluse, and like you I think so much I'm not sure what the hell is up and what down. My friend found a lot beautiful in the world. Especially reading. Your analytical approach may be playing you false. You sound like a decent person. And that's a very admirable trait. My thoughts are with you. Bulga
  4. Ebay, fees and all, is the best alternative to buying or building a business. All you need to know to start is there. 2 things--figure how to take a clear focused pic of your item. Bad photo, no sale or little money. (Check pixel dimensions you need) Find out where to put your item under "categories". Find some items just like yours and see what they are selling for. NOT what is being asked. One the left of the scree of items is a spot that says "show sold only." Find that, push it, then see what items like your are really going for. Use those prices as your guide or you'll waste a lot of time thinking you're going to get rich by "asking" what other are. Just follow beginner directions to create first item, it's all automated. Good Luck
  5. Tough, Don't want to dampen your spirit. It probably means she doesn't want to hang with someone she doesn't know. It's nothing for you to take personal though, because it's not. It's always been that way, and times are scarier today. Any group or organization or club that fits your life would help. Women are so finicky, they like to be talked to and get to know someone, for the most part, until they'll accept a date. If you're going to keep hitting on cute cashiers, expect a low batting average. Doesn't mean it's creepy to try. (Please no response to "finicky", being ironic) Buga
  6. Maybe you could ask them if they would consider playing shuffleboard, that's what I ask them, or bingo, or just staring at a spot on the wall together. Bulga
  7. Hi Tough, I'm with Floor. You have to swing to get a hit. As floor says though, maybe a better start is exchanging phone numbers or social media. If you're going to ask right off, include that you could meet in a public place for coffee or a coke. Also, let someone near her at the register see you, wave at them, do something to assure your maybe date they will be safe. I've done it, it doesn't work often, but it does. Then, have something to say, or a couple. Bulgakov
  8. Hi JD, Sorry you are feeling this. All of us here are feeling things we can't quite get clear of. I've got the same problem for 8 years, so maybe time will heal, but I'm running out of time--just age. My original medical doc, called it "repetitive thought syndrome" which is like calling an ice cream cone and ice cream come, but it makes the point. All I have ever been able to do to help myself is take my Pro, and stay busy. I don't see it as a failure. You had a very life fulfilling break. Does seem you have to pay for them though. You can never assume what has happened in a case like that. Have you tried to contact anyone who might have information on what happened? Maybe knowing would help. your friend, Bulgakov
  9. Hi Nirah, Hope things are easing up for you. My experience with counseling hasn't been extensive, but on and off for lots of years. How effective they may be depends of course on you, and them. Like some docs, some counselors whatever their rank, are just punching clock. They have a script they've been following for years, and they conclude a session by declaring you're making headway. Others listen, and if you--or anyone--can be honest with themselves, then they can be invaluable. Generally, those provided by government health services are clock punchers, and they check off some boxes saying you have had no recent thoughts of hurting yourself or others, etc. My last was a "TV" psychiatrist, and I met her once, onscreen live from her kitchen. Then she quit the job, doubtless because the local agencies don't have the funds to keep credentialed professionals. For me, it's like ads for the friendlier service you'll receive from "X" bank or chain fast food: it just depends on the individual. You need to be able to find one that is compatible with you, and you need to be ready to move on if you find that, for you, help has not been coming. Again, for me, my experiences have not been productive. I've gotten equal or better council from my doctor, or a fellow sufferer in the waiting room. I appreciate others have had much better results, and think that the more extreme your problems, the more immediate and needed advice can be offered. Good luck. Bulgakov
  10. Hi X, That is a lot of stuff, and I'm sorry you have so much to deal with. Guns, fear, call him God? My opinion, given what you've detailed, is that you need to quietly put together a getaway plan for you and kids. best, Bulgakov
  11. Hi Akilah, Very brave and honest post on your part. Credit where it's due: modern people, homo sapiens sapiens first appeared in Africa, in areas where resources weren't that plentiful, so they had to be "resourceful," like nobody else. In the next 100,000 years or so, they populated the planet, one step at a time. Much bigger deal than monumental building, which was usually done to impress. If it weren't for Africans we'd still be hiding in the trees. They taught themselves how to live and function together, to specialize in tasking, and set the foundations for community and communication that enabled early "privileged" cultures like the Egyptians to build big burial crypts and create societies emphasizing class consciousness, haves and have nots. We could do with a lot more African spirit. Bulgakov
  12. Regret Girl, I'm 70, and in the same boat. I'm not a recluse, but close to it. One friend, a lady next door. I do know how you feel. So, I'm going to suggest something besides the normal here. You have a fine sense of writing. Your exposition is not overwrought, and it's crisp. At twenty five, you've plenty of time to develop. Try writing a journal. Go to the store, and look around you. Writing can be therapeutic; your writing shows clarity. Nothing to lose. Feel better, just because you can if only for moments. Bulgakov
  13. Hi Jbird, I hope you're feeling more like yourself. As already said, it's best now to see a professional. As described, your symptoms don't sound like classic symptoms of depression. I am no expert. I'm sure depressed people can feel the way you describe, but most often they are not the dominant feelings. You're disassociating, and I don't mean that clinically, only literally as you tell it. So, do see someone and see what's going on. As already offered, it may be something minor needing adjustment. best of luck
  14. "Perverted men will fantasy about women on they see in the stores and on the streets no matter what they wear." I notice a "sexy" woman on the street or on the screen, but don't necessarily fantasize about them. I think that makes me normal, not a "pervert." Just a Guy, Bulgakov (but, we're getting some off topic)
  15. Hi Thursday, Am glad to hear you went back to doc, and at least are having a better day today. So, consensus seems to be to keep going on Lexapro, for now. I'm always for trusting your body first, ahead of docs, but in fact, sometimes time is, as you say, the only way to unmuddy the waters. Keep plugging, and I'll be hoping you have more, less bad days. Yes, a very quick taper is like none at all. But I've been there, mainly with pain meds. Why taper when you don't have to be in pain? Ha, I've had some unpleasant days from that thinking. Been a while since I had control to taper correctly, but when I've done it, it is really the best. Ugh, don't look forward to your spinal surgery. I'm thinking fusion? Yes? Feel always better when possible. Always makes sense, ha. Bulgakov
  16. I'm right now making enchiladas. I've eaten them forever, but have been making them only a few months. I think I have an easy way I like now. Enchiladas are very easy, anyway. I use a "taco" dry packet flavoring, and add it to the hamburger. I like hamburger fine, though asada is fine if you want to make a roast and shred the beef. Anyway, it's a mess. I live in a small "Minnie Winnie" Winnebago, about twenty feet, including engine and cab. It's designed well, but it's like cooking in a phone booth. I cook them in a small, "mini" oven, so I'm using small tortillas to keep it all together. I use green enchilada sauce cause it's mild. The skin in my mouth is very thin because of cancer radiation treatment years ago, and though I like hot stuff, my mouth won't take it. That's what I'm cooking, and what I will be eating (I make a few packages for freezing and easier enchiladas later). Blugakov
  17. Hi GAJ,, Wish I had something smart to say. Like others, I can say I've been there, but misery doesn't really love company, it doesn't love anything. As existentialist Oscar K said, life doesn't come with a purpose--I understand others think otherwise. The good news in what you're saying, and I mean this respectfully, is that you're close to relaxing, just forgetting yourself. If medical issues will allow, once you throw in the towel, and don't exit--and you don't want to do that. I think we only have one shot--you may find something that catches your interest, and pursue that. If you can. That's all I have, and it's an interesting world--and I don't mean politics, etc.--and there is much of it that is worth looking at while you're here. So I hope you can get out of your own mind, and take a break. I'm watching golf. Doesn't sound like much, I'm not a golfer; it's amazing. Best to you, "wash and rinse," you said, and that was very good. Thanks for that. Bulgakov
  18. I do love the lightning rod allusion, thanks. I'm watching golf on TV, started the habit of watching the big tournaments 10 years ago. Half an hour ago, I saw Ricky Fowler muttering the "F" word after missing a two-foot putt. It's the only sport I know of where "blowing it" is a regular part of the game, no matter how good they may be. Reminds me of me. Bulgakov
  19. Thanks for replying Helen.
  20. "No one said it would be easy, but no one said it would be this hard." Cheryl Crow "Oh lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz. My friends all drive Porches; I must make amends." Janis Joplin (I saw her and Big Brother in their early prime, one of the best.) I don't know why I have to be the senior, senior here, ha. I'm 70. I think a lot of you have already said anything I might have said. All the comments are eloquent. I've had clinical depression before, but now get by on the standard depression, loneliness, TV. Gotta' love tv if you expect to distract yourself out of depression. I take Prozac now, and have taken others in the past. My stuff: father suicide, grown only child suicide. I gave it an honest shot about a year ago, and ended up checking into a lock down facility designed to rehab alcoholics. It was more medieval than medical. Jaw slowly falling apart from radiation for cancer eight years ago. Usually tied to pain meds also, though I can live uncomfortably without. Everyone is right on that as you age, the problems mount up. I'm afraid that's the regular road, nothing new there, but know everyone, like myself, will often take that personally. I don't know for sure how I keep going. I think it's mainly that I'm not dead, and find things that interest me while I'm waiting. For me, that's always been the saving grace. I try not to focus on myself, but if I do that too hard, it's self fulfilling. You really need to be some sort of honorably displaced Hindu/Buddhist sometimes. We are just one little person. That is not, I think, the whole tomato. My friends here are Nat1, and JD1040. Don't like to say usually, but I've been a writer for 40-odd years. Had stuff published in national mags, so writing is my main life along with TV and microwave popcorn. I'm working on an auto biography and notice that when on the pain meds, I notice less of my emotions and connections to the world. Empathy is hard in the information age. But that's my thing, and it helps to have a thing, not matter how insignificant it seems--as others have said so well. Thanks to all of you. If anyone is older than 70, please post. This is one heap I don't like to be on top of, (smilie). Take care all of you, and please find a way to forget about yourselves at times. It's kind of like a vacation. best, Bulgakov
  21. Hi Thursday, I am sorry. Sleep deprivation can be a serious situation. I am not sure this will go away. Have to tell a doc. Tell them what you just said. Get it all re-said about your depression symptoms, and reaction to antidepressants in general. Wish for you the best. Bulgakov
  22. No warning the night my mom died. She’d told me she had indigestion the night before, and I read later it could be one sign of a coming stroke. But hell, it could also have been a clear sign she had indigestion. So I grieved. I didn’t read an article or a book on it, and didn’t join any groups. Grieving is a cycle of remembering and forgetting. At first, if you pay attention to a TV show, or a rabbit on the roof, your mind slingshots back to grief and you feel ashamed of even enjoying life. But you begin to forget more as the days pass. If we couldn’t forget, and had to live with those unyielding first emotions, we’d all soon die after the death of a loved one. If you cleave to relentless sorrow, depression will prolong the grieving; if you focus on the social, the diversion, the rabbit on the roof, then likewise grieving stops as long as it's pushed away. Though harsh, that primary grief honors their life and your memories of them, but you accept forgetting, little at a time, day by day. You need to let that natural drift occur. Don’t worry dear griever, you never absolutely forget them because their life and passing is a part of who you are, and their memory will always revisit. That’s grieving. I wish you a return to this world hand in hand with the one you lost.
  23. Sabiflitch, you're too hard on yourself too young. It's normal. I'm 70. Just try to be fair, and consider all sides. Don't let your boy tell you about you. When you are my age, and done some real damage, you can throw in the towel. Which I have not. Bulgakov
  24. Never had a problem with Lexapro Thursday, but any change has it's hiccups. Responding to your "coming out of my skin," I do appreciate that. When, years ago treated for cancer I felt that way, and feel that way now. I told my pain doc the same and he said that wasn't very good diagnostic input, he like "nervousness", etc. But, hell, I feel like my insides are trying to move to the outside. Seems like a good description. Sorry you feel this. Bulgakov
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