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Blog Comments posted by Bulgakov

  1. Hi NJ,

    You mentioned "chair yoga."  It reminded me of a couple of Utubes I've watched lately.  The ones I've watched have been "selfies" but backed up a few feet from the subject.  There are a number of short vids that show the film maker, sitting in a high- backed chair.  Then they proceed to crawl/climb under the chair, over the back or side of the chair, then back into the seat, sitting up.  None of their body parts can touch the floor as they perform this feat.  They are something to see, and I think you could get a good workout trying them, if you are under thirty years of age, fit, and had some time to with no other use for. 

    I'm glad to hear you are having some good days, and thanks for posting that.  I sometimes fall asleep while at my dining table , ha.  It's on a "slide out" platform in my small trailer, so it sits maybe a foot above the floor, and I'm afraid I'm going to wake up while hitting the floor some A.M.  I should set up my tripod, and create a selfie of me falling asleep, then waking up.  That one I could do.


  2. Just now, Depressedgurl007 said:

    These questions are just something to help me look at any small silver linings in my life. I hate how life is up and down. I know life is up n down and I wish I can exit it cos I can’t stand the down period. But since I can’t this is my small tiny effort to try to live I guess.

    No it's me apologizing DG.  I shouldn't offer advice if I can't phrase it any better than I did.  You questions are fine, and if they help you in any way, they are perfect, and you don't need "better" ones--geesh!  I wish you the best in finding happiness, and I wish me luck in paying more attention to what I'm saying.


  3. Don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing but I always try my best to meet other people’s demands even if I don’t like doing it, but if it makes them happy I’m happy too.


    Sorry DG, but that's a bad thing.  Maybe you already know that.  Pick a small goal, something that will eventually add to your own sense of worth and value.  Make sure it's something you will be able to pursue and finish.  Then pick another one.  Don't start another until you've finished one.  If one is really not possible, then, move to the next, and make sure it's doable.  Try to make some better, or more concrete, questions to ask yourself than what you've been using. 

    Think of a single improvement that would increase your happiness and awareness, and gently but steadfastly move yourself in that direction.  You're young, and appear to be bright, so I wish you the best with some new goals, or goal.  I won't preach at you again, and I'll be hoping life improves for you.  I will give you ahhhh . . . three years on starting a new direction.  Ready, set, go, ha.

    Later Bulga

  4. Hi Jeff D.,

    Sorry to hear you're having more than your share of problems.  A little over a year ago, about this time, I had to assign myself to a hospital stay, mental hospital that is.  Most of the people in the same hospital were there to dry out, that is, they were all recovering alcoholics.  One of the guys I met the night I arrived often found himself in the same situation you're in.  He was in claims adjusting for heavy farm equipment for a big company, John Deere I think.  So he was often working out of town.  Left in a town, at 5 p.m., he struggled to stay out of the bar.  You don't know anyone, nothing to do, depression visits.  He was most worried that he would end up in the same situation, and do the same things.  When he expressed it, it was like he simply couldn't trust himself, but had no one but himself to turn to in those times. 

    It's one of the not-so-funny ironies of depression that we have to struggle so hard just to keep it all level, just to stay on an even keel.  My mom used to say when it came to relationships, you simply shouldn't have to try that hard to keep them together.  If every day is a struggle just to maintain, then you should think in another direction because that shouldn't be required, or we all should, was her point to me.  Unfortunately, the same goes for dealing with depression, only you're the only one involved in the "relationship."  It shouldn't be that every day is a struggle just to get through, but that's the nature of the disease.  I do know that for the fellow I met, it boiled down to the very immediate problem of resisting happy hour.  If you can keep that extra burden off for a time, then you don't risk muddying everything up with alcohol.  So I just wish I had an easy answer for you.  I can only offer a hard answer that my pal had to answer for himself.  As a cancer patient years earlier, the dictum had been, "Slay only one dragon at a time," referring mostly to the deluge of side effects that would come with the treatment.  I think same here, and I wish you the best in keeping things steady until your mind can relax a bit, and the daily battle can be less complex.  It can happen.



  5. Right on Floor!  One of my good habits is getting out of bed the moment I wake.  I may only move to the small dining table, but it moves me toward making coffee, visiting the bathroom, and sitting upright.  It's easier then, for me, to start to do something.


  6. It's what I'd do JD, go outside to converse on the cell, especially in a book store, and I wouldn't invite my daughter or anyone else to accompany outside to listen to the conversation. 

    I wish I had a pill for you buddy, or some wise words that would help.  I think you've watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."

    It sounds like you need erasure, more that closure; same for me on some snippets of memories. 

    Keep on Truckin',  Bulgakov

  7. Great description Ratvan, and the before and after pics along with your stories make it go like a TV nature series.  Tell me if you will, what fish takes the least amount of environmental setup?  I'm a fulltime RV/travel trailer guy with no room--my trailer is only 23 feet.  What is the hardiest fish, and what would be a minimal setup to provide adequately for a fish.  Do fish get lonely?  Would I have to keep two fish to expect a fish to be satisfied? 

    thanks, Bulgakov

  8. good for you twenty!  It's a dogfight to write a book.  Like your walking, it takes discipline.  Two tips:  have a general idea, even if only in you mind, where your story will go, or end up.  And, have an idea of what you are going to write about the next time you sit down.  Don't get up until you have that idea of what comes immediately next.  It'll save you  a lot of time.  I've been writing for 45 years.


  9. Hi Nhaar,

    I'm glad to hear your newest doc seems to be a fit for you.  It sounds like both you and the doc feel that an in-house stay would be a good move for you right now.  You've said that it's urgent that you get a change, and I hope whatever decision you make will get you moving in a positive direction. 

    I also get that you're looking for immediate relief right now, and that ECT is what works.  There''s not a lot of new information on the current regimen for ECT.  Aside from atypical loss of memory, usually temporary, there seems to be no alarming incidence of short or long term ill effects.  There are exceptions as you're aware.  I get that urgency is the treatment plan today.  Have you any direction for therapy beyond the repeated ECT?  I wish I could help you there. 

    I don't know the rules in your homeland.  In the U.S., in my state anyway, a person who voluntarily checks themselves in, can, in emergencies, check themselves out if they are willing to sign a paper saying they are leaving without the blessing of the attending doctors.  Is it the same there?  I did this once, from a regular hospital, and was glad the option was there. 

    Regardless, it's good to know you are making your own moves towards help, and I hope you soon get a break from the ride you've been on for a time.

    best, Bulgakov

  10. Hi Ratvan,

    Thanks for the reassurance.  My father and my only child, a man in his early forties, both took an early exit.  I've outlived them both by quite a distance now--not a contest; and can only add that time moves very quickly; there is no need to rush. 

    I visited my dad when I was 20 or so, fifty years ago.  I'd not seen him at that time since I was 7.  I popped into Omaha out of the blue, and he made every effort to do what he thought he should do.  He enrolled me in the University of Nebraska, but I never went. 

    My mom had always said she knew he had a problem.  By then he'd graduated from simple schizophrenia to full blown paranoid schizo.  I left, and a year later was called back for his funeral.  My dad had a problem; your dad has a problem.  Please don't expect people with problems to respond reasonably, and don't find a way to blame yourself for his inability to react in a normal fashion. 

    Best to you, Bulgakov

  11. Hi Ratvan,

    Thanks for the update, and for your perspective on fish in need.  People here will sometimes emphasize the importance of having a hobby--me included--as a way to fight depression.  What you're doing is a good example of a hobby as a reason to get out of bed.  But, it's more than a hobby, isn't it. 

    "I seem like me again. I can think clearly, probably because I need to act and not consider myself or my feelings. Whatever works eh?"  Maybe more than what works Ratvan, maybe it's what it is.   It takes more than crossword puzzles, gaming--though gaming can consume you--or pocket knife collecting.  You've found something important to you, and to the world.  Part of you goes in, and part of them goes back to you, so that's the kind of "hobby" that's called for.   To care for something real seems to be part of the trick, maybe.  Maybe the result defines what will work for you, or anyone.  It gets you up and going, and your thoughts go to something other than yourself..  

    For me, I get to share a bit of your care, your enthusiasm, about fish with names.  It's a great and useful thing to be doing. 

    best, Bulgakov

  12. Hi Twenty,

    Good luck with your plans.  I think programs like this often work.  The first thing I think when I hear a person say they're "Just going to quit eating," is that they are going to gain weight.  "I'm going to live in the gym, starting tomorrow," and tomorrow never shows up. 

    Much better the way you're thinking.  Any way takes discipline or hell, I'd be doing some of it.  It's "weaning off" whether opioids or food, and the idea is to make changes small and gradual, so your head and your body don't object.  It often works and I know you'll will be able to do it.

    best, Bulgakov

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