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MellyB

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  1. Hi Raine1! I had anxiety, depression, and God knows what else when I was in high school. It was very hard for me. I was super self conscious and had a terrible time in crowds. I tried meds and unfortunately I had a bad psychiatrist who did nothing for me except prescribe meds. (btw if you are taking any meds maybe check the side effects-sometimes they cause worse symptoms and you may need to try different ones) I skipped a lot of school and never went to college because I was too afraid...until a couple years ago I started taking a couple classes online. Im hoping to do more as soon as life calms down a bit for us. The anxiety controlled most of my decisions for most of my life until I got to a point where I just couldn't allow it to anymore and I reached out for help. Thankfully there was a church in my town that offered free counseling cause Lord knows I was broke and couldn't afford it. I found it very helpful to have someone to go to to help keep me on the right path throughout the process of letting go of the anxiety. I hear ya about the procrastination thing. That has been me too. but again with the accountability from the counseling (and now my husband) is great :-). It would be awesome if you were able to get your thoughts down on paper! Now a days theres voice recording on cell phones etc so you wouldn't even have to write. (maybe some day they will be able to just record our thoughts! )Just do as much as you can as often as you can. It would be awful to lose some good thoughts or a great story or idea. Sometimes I get overwhelmed cause I see too many details all at once which causes me to procrastinate, but for me I have to make the picture smaller and take it one step at a time. Also I have learned that I can be a bit intuitive to the environment I'm in. Sometimes when I start feeling anxious or upset I have to step back and ask myself (or because of my faith I pray and ask God about why). Sometimes I just have to excuse myself and go to the bathroom and pray-or for you maybe just take a breather. I can do a lot of things now that I couldn't do before (except for loud crowded parties-im too much of an introvert for that!). Some of the anxiety I experienced may have been hereditary, but some of it I believe was learned. I mean, my mother reacted certain ways in certain situations, so probably I learned to do the same? Being around my husband and more out going/social people has really helped me learn to do some things differently. Sorry this is longer than expected, but I wanted to share one more experience with you. One time I was at women's group at my church and I had to leave early cause I couldn't stop crying. Im not a crier, but I think I had some emotions that just needed to come out-it was just at not the most convenient time. I'm glad you were able to share with us more about who you are than just the anxiety. You have some great qualities. One thing that I feel is important is to not define yourself by how you feel. You are not the anxiety or whatever is going on in your head. You are you and there is so much more to you than that. Anyways, peace and prayers that you find the right answers for your journey
  2. Hi Emily! Many people struggle with depression, but if someone isn't willing to get the help they need you may want to think twice about whether or not the relationship is really the right one for you. Relationships don't have to involve fighting all the time. You deserve more than trying to get someone to give you the attention you need. I know you guys may have started out great, which most relationships do, but many times after a while the facade will change. If you are the one to constantly reach out are you actually enabling him and allowing him to continue on this path to treating you this way? You deserve to have someone treat you with respect and put you first. Ive struggled with depression(as well as many of my family members) in my life and maybe its not the same as your boyfriends, but I feel that Ive known how to treat others. Depression is not an excuse for bad behavior. I think in our society today we don't realize how connected we become to someone when we are intimate and share so much with a person. Theres an old saying that if you love something let it go and if they come back it was meant to be? You have so much to live for. Live. Peace and prayers
  3. Hi Michelle! So glad you reached out to us! It takes a lot of courage to share your feelings, even anonymously. I'm glad you are going to see your therapist. I have struggled with anxiety/depression most of my life and still see a counselor whenever I need to. Theres no shame in that. Sometimes I even just message someone I can trust that I need prayer cause I'm having a bad day. I always struggled with the side effects of meds so I have chosen the natural route for me-diet and exercise. Some meds can make your symptoms worse. In my life I felt that the psychiatrist my parents sent me to as a child only wanted to prescribe drugs for every feeling instead of realizing that there were reasons why I was feeling the way I was and helping me learn how to deal with them. Prozac was one of the drugs I was given. At one point in high school along with the prozac I was given pills for sleeping and pills for anxiety. Meds have helped many of my family members. I think its Lexapro that my mom takes-just a small dose. She was on a higher dose that made her want to just lie on the couch. Anxiety meds are supposed to calm you down and can actually make you very tired. Diet and exercise are great, but I couldn't do it without my faith. Cognitive therapy may be helpful along with the meds? ADD I believe doesn't have to be a disorder. Many people with add have great giftings and sometimes I believe we have to work with ourselves instead of against ourselves. Sometimes that means learning and doing things differently than the "box" people. God bless you and I'm praying for you
  4. I'm very sorry for your situation. I know its very hard when you've already given your heart to someone to go through this and even think about being with someone else, but I can't help but think about what you could be missing. Maybe if you just stopped initiating any kind of contact could help? Theres the old saying "if you love someone/something set it free if it comes back it was meant to be". I think you should set yourself free. You need to be free to enjoy your life and focus on school/career. You have a future and a hope. Don't let anything or anyone hold you back. If in the process of you living your life he happens to come back then great. If you happen to meet someone else, well... Another thing-if he's depressed you can't heal him. No one can-only he has the power to reach out for help. We all have our flaws and there are many people out there who suffer with depression. It doesn't make anyone a bad person, but the difference in whether you are in a relationship with someone with any problem is whether they are willing to get the help they need or not-other wise it really can be frustrating and unhealthy for you or any children you could possibly bring into the situation in the future. I'm praying for you Hugs
  5. I'm so glad your going to see a counselor. I think your counselor will be able to help you sort this out. If your step mom is the problem your counselor can help you identify that, find ways to deal with that in healthy ways, build your self esteem and also make plans for your future. I don't know if it would work in your situation, but maybe at some point having your dad or step mom come to a session? Sometimes a counselor can also help shed some light so your parents can better understand what you are going through. If they aren't treating you right, they need to know that. If they aren't listening to you, maybe they will listen to a counselor? Peace and Prayers
  6. I had a step mom and I hated her. I hated that my dad had started a new life with her and her kids. It can be really hard to adjust to having a new parent. It sounds like you've been hurt very deeply and have some wounds that need healing. Do you have a counselor or anyone you feel comfortable with to talk to? Sounds like there may be some issues on both sides. I don't like it that you are afraid of your step mother. No child should be afraid of their parent. Living with parents can be challenging, and the older you get even with learning to follow all the rules perfectly, its still a challenge. I think it would be very difficult for me to live with mine even at my age. I remember feeling nit-picked by my parents. As far as changing and starting over goes, there are new mercies every morning. I messed up a lot in my life, but with my faith I was able to get back on track. I used to be so full of anger, but I've been able to find peace and love. No matter what your childhood has been like, you have a bright future and so much to look forward to. Do you have any plans for college or work?
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