Jumping reacted to Soarsie18 for a blog entry, Just a little pick me up
List of things that I'm grateful for today
1. My bed
3. My cat
4. My education
5. My Dad
6. My Mum
7. My Nan
8. Comfy clothes
9. My friends
12. The Sun
13. The Sea
14. My Dog
14. Fluffy Socks
16. My Phone
17. My laptop (because it allows me to talk to you guys :))
18. Candles and perfume
19. My car
20. Kind strangers
22. My Health
23. My strength
24. My ability to evolve
27. Tv thriller dramas and documentaries
28. Sir David Attenborough and Noel fitzpatrick for inspiring me to be a vet
29. My sisters (for being my best friends)
30. Every person for being unique and interesting in their own way
* I hope you find something in this list that you can also be grateful for, or are able to think of your own things X
there are plenty more things that I could have added onto the list, but generally I am grateful to have these things in my life, it would be much harder to cope if i didn't X
Jumping reacted to MrMisery for a blog entry, Turning it around
I lost the fire in my heart many months ago.
I've been trying to get it back, to psych myself up and find the drive to keep on going and get to a better day.
I thought I had found some place of relative strength, and I became complacent.
I've got a million reasons why I'm too weak right now to take this fight. It doesn't matter, life isn't that empathetic.
We go back to basics, we take simple wins and build on them.
Rise in the am. Do your book work, workout, build on and maintain relationships. Let every step be as hard as it needs to be, but let every step taken be a direct attack upon my illness, and another victory.
Let's take this fight.
Jumping reacted to Rose Chavez for a blog entry, PAY ATTENTION YOU!!!
The KEY word was "WERE"!!!
It took reading over my last blog to realize the breakthrough I hadn't even noticed was accomplished!!! In describing my abusive mother and ex-husband, I wrote that they "WERE" my abusers. Not they "ARE" my abusers. I have worked so very hard on my mental health, to the point of dedication. I owe that to myself, to my child, to my husband, and to the one's who stuck around for me. Paying close attention to that singular and descriptive key word, brought a flood of emotion. If I have come this far, how much further can I go?!
The Stigma surrounding mental health is still prevalent. We are weirdos, outcasts, useless, and demented individuals. WRONG! Who in the ****ING **** wants to be "normal"?! Instead of being ushered into thinking we are burdens on society, I personally feel we should explore our illnesses and see ourselves as Non conformists! Sure I believe in God, but I also believe in the truth of science, ghosts, and aliens!!! I always wanted to have an alien and name him Frank and wrap him up like a burrito and take him everywhere. Does that make me a lunatic? No! It makes me imaginative and ****ing hilarious! Do I wear sunglasses indoors everywhere because my anxiety makes me terrified in public at times? YES! Does that make me a weirdo? NO! It makes me a ****ing rock star in my little world! In the world of mental illness, at the brink is a lot worse than a "normal's" at the brink so to speak. Why be ashamed? Let's wear it like a badge of honor thinking , NO SHARON, your bulls*** high heel breaking and ruining your night doesn't compare to my total meltdown in the grocery store last week simply because some old lady asked why I had so many tattoos!!! Not even close, I win!!! It has always entertained me that during a catastrophe the mentally ill, like myself, are as cool as a cucumber, but the simpilist of things can set us off like a rocket into Bulls***ville USA!!!
Try to be observant of what you are saying or writing about yourself, take notes, study it, memorize and work on it. Work on YOU! PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF!!!
Friends....YOU GOT THIS!!!
Jumping reacted to Rose Chavez for a blog entry, Coming Down From The Clouds
As most of you understand and relate to, having a mental illness or struggling with mental health, often times means a drastic variation in thought process and extreme emotional experiences. Reactions to life events may be quite unusual and even outlandish to those fortunate enough to never have the experience of a "broken brain". Although I no longer see my brain as broken but very unique. I do appreciate my brain but at times it is absolutely exhausting to live inside of me. After a week of turbulence, my personal journey of defeat landed safely on solid ground. Every attempt to improve my life, create happiness, and continue on my long road to recovery failed. This left me in a fury and with feelings of total inadequacy. Hysterical at times, I felt as though I was crashing. I had become so desperate and so disoriented that all routine functions ceased. An unfamiliar depression overwhelmed my senses. I didn't bathe, I wasn't leaving the house, and my behavior became erratic. I felt disgusting, useless, and tired.All this being said I thankfully restored myself with the assistance of medication and support. This is simple proof that with long term treatment and support someone like myself can not only survive but thrive. The gigantic brick wall that is the health care system will not keep me from the freedom from my illnesses that I seek. Instead of banging my head against it, I will choose gather every tool I need to climb over it. So I begin another week hopeful that I may stay firmly planted and hold steady. Strength is such a virtuous trait and I must continue to remind myself that I am strong.
Friends, I hope this week brings you strength and solitude. Always remember, YOU GOT THIS!!!
Jumping reacted to Rose Chavez for a blog entry, Fly Away
Lately I have spent countless, mindless, and imaginative hours with the idea of "Fly Away" somewhere. I have poured my eyes and heart over travel websites late into the night as my sleep has been totally disrupted. I am aching. I am aching throughout my body, mind and soul for something...ANYTHING to make me feel solid. I am aching for attention, comfort, and positivity. Change in my surroundings and routine, along with true rest feels like an absolute necessity right now. As selfish as this all sounds I know I am deserving of my wants and needs. Everyday caring for my husband's health and survival against addiction is exhausting. Fighting my challenging ex husband and his substitute for me concerning my young daughter is so overbearing it has taken a toll on not only my mental and emotional health but on my physical as well. I am at the end of the day a work in progress. I am a very damaged human being yet I try to the best of my abilities to remain true to myself. Everyday I put forth my authentic self whether good or bad, I acknowledge my many mistakes and flaws and I try harder. I work at my maintaining my mental illnesses and my sobriety. I need a break. A break from the reality that is my everyday life. A healthy distraction from the pain I suffer everyday both mentally and physically. However this excursion will not occur. It stays hidden in the walls within me.
Yesterday, I escaped my usual existence for a few hours only to be met with a replay of everything that has worked against me over the years. I had a very long drawn out session with a psychologist I had never met which triggered me on every level. By the end every old wound was ripped open and exposed to the infection trauma inflicts. As I recovered at home my beloved parakeet passed away in my hands.I am overwhelmed with so many mournful emotions and am truly grieving this loss of beauty and innocence. This among my husband walking lengths in front of me and completely ignoring me in the pouring rain this morning. He had an appointment with his specialist and treated me as if I was just some person and not his partner in life and love. I am traumatized, I feel broken, I want love right now. Whether it is love from a person, love from a beach, love from a peaceful sleep in a hotel, or a book alone in the woods.
I just need a break.
I just need a break
I just need a break.