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moodyjuniper

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  1. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from hocico in Gratitude - Mention At Least Three Things You   
    I think my guardian angels heard me talking about them. I found another person with whom to cocoon myself.
    Loud music therapy in the car. I can feel some people's voices climb around inside before curling up to keep me warm.
  2. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from BeyondWeary in Has Anyone Ever Felt God's Presence?   
    Shortly after my father died, I was driving home one afternoon, and an eagle flew right over my windshield carrying a frog in its claws.
    Pretty much every time I open a textbook now. The material I'm studying is stunning and amazing. (It's science.)
    Now and then, when I think about the last two years and what transpired... trauma... I never thought I'd say this, but I felt like the garbage I waded through when I was a child prepared me to handle that experience. Not that either of those experiences are alright, but... Knowing how to read a room probably saved my life and made the situation more bearable for me, because I was able to slowly work my way into a role that was less traumatic.
  3. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from hocico in What would you like to buy   
    I don't have any jewelry. I ordered a ring for myself. I used to wear a ring on my wedding finger to keep men away after my ex and I split up. (I'm not the only one who does this.)  I'm doing it again. It's beautiful. Copper with a raw peridot stone. I'm thinking of it like committing to myself, to taking care of myself and pulling myself out of my ex's net and the losses I experienced.
    ❤️ 
  4. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from Rattler6 in Gratitude - Mention At Least Three Things You   
    I haven't ruminated about my lab partner in days. She's just a drop in the bucket. 🙂 
    Work went well last night. I was able to sit quite a bit after the first few hours, so the pain didn't bother me so much. Less pain this morning, too.
    I'm familiar with most of the people coming today for brunch.
    I've decided to delay my application for the school program by one semester to give me more time to study for the entrance exam and work a lot to save money so I can move sooner. And apply to three more programs. One of them is bound to tolerate me. 🙂  I don't know why I get so nervous when I think about living on my own again. I did it before. I had a particularly good setup then, too, though, where I could walk pretty much anywhere and shopped with a friend on the rare occasion that I needed more than my legs and two groceries bags. Maybe it's PTSD. I also made more money then. That'll improve next year.
  5. Thanks
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from Rattler6 in Please Don't Do That   
    When I say "Good morning. How did you sleep?" please don't respond by rattling off a list of chores. I just woke up.
    When people give you loads of chocolate and sweets for a holiday, please don't leave them all over the counter and right beside the bulimic's spot at the table.
  6. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from MargotMontage in Gratitude - Mention At Least Three Things You   
    I haven't ruminated about my lab partner in days. She's just a drop in the bucket. 🙂 
    Work went well last night. I was able to sit quite a bit after the first few hours, so the pain didn't bother me so much. Less pain this morning, too.
    I'm familiar with most of the people coming today for brunch.
    I've decided to delay my application for the school program by one semester to give me more time to study for the entrance exam and work a lot to save money so I can move sooner. And apply to three more programs. One of them is bound to tolerate me. 🙂  I don't know why I get so nervous when I think about living on my own again. I did it before. I had a particularly good setup then, too, though, where I could walk pretty much anywhere and shopped with a friend on the rare occasion that I needed more than my legs and two groceries bags. Maybe it's PTSD. I also made more money then. That'll improve next year.
  7. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from MargotMontage in Gratitude - Mention At Least Three Things You   
    I only have two labs left. One of my lab partners has become annoying again. Not just annoying, but triggering. As @sober4life would say, I'm a monster magnet. I love the work, but I should have listened to my intuition early in the semester and moved to a different table. Nothing I've tried has worked on her. I guess I should have talked more about this. I clam up when I don't want something to be true, I think. I may never see her again, and she's at least a year and a half ahead in the program. We're not likely to have another class together. But now I know I need to turn off the empath even more. I already feel too spiky, but we do what we have to. At least I have this forum and therapy and a couple of friends with whom I can be real.
    My client makes me feel like I'm going in the right direction. He and his family really trust me, and apparently, he's been a lot less depressed since I've been working with him. It feels really, really good. I'm fighting through a lot of triggers with him. I think it's been good for me to a point. Free exposure therapy. Last night was no exception. We talk about history a lot, and I look things up on the Internet. Last night, it was Joan of Arc. Something that happened with my ex. Another long day in the sun. I had heat exhaustion and couldn't escort him to a fireworks show that night, because I was nauseated and dizzy. So, I was Joan of Arc for a couple of weeks after that. That was actually during the better part of our relationship, when I was still completely delusional about my circumstances. Somehow he made me feel proud of myself for being able to endure so much hostility.
    Love. 🙂 
     
  8. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from LonelyHiker in *Favorite Quotes* 8-]]   
    And after waiting, fighting patiently on my knees, all the other stuff tired itself out first, not me. And in its wake appeared the touch and call of a different breed. One who set to get me wise, got me there, and then got me. -Fiona Apple (Oh, Sailor)
     
  9. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from LonelyHiker in *Favorite Quotes* 8-]]   
    Forgive them even if they are not sorry.
  10. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from LonelyHiker in *Favorite Quotes* 8-]]   
    And the air outside so soft is saying everything...
    Though the air speaks of all we'll never be
    It won't trouble me.
    - Toad the Wet Sprocket
     
    Eventually, maybe.
  11. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from LonelyHiker in *Favorite Quotes* 8-]]   
    Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray. - Rumi
  12. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from LonelyHiker in *Favorite Quotes* 8-]]   
    In life you will meet two kinds of people. Ones who build you up, and ones who tear you down. But in the end, you will thank them both.
  13. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from LonelyHiker in *Favorite Quotes* 8-]]   
    "Maybe everyone out there is a liar. And maybe the whole world is stupid, and ignorant. But I'd rather be in it. Id' rather be ****ing in it, than down here with you."
    - Girl, Interrupted
  14. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from AloneGuy in Please Don't Do That   
    When I say "Good morning. How did you sleep?" please don't respond by rattling off a list of chores. I just woke up.
    When people give you loads of chocolate and sweets for a holiday, please don't leave them all over the counter and right beside the bulimic's spot at the table.
  15. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from Atra in The Post Anything Thread #3   
    The day I called in to work, my roommate and I were having lunch together. I told her about missing my old apartment and how I walked to the grocery store and that carrying two reusable bags of groceries each time was good exercise. She told me she'd give me a few reusable bags when I move out. This is why I ran away with catastrophe in my mind. This happens often enough regarding my living situation, but not usually with anything else*. Obviously, this is the thing that scares me the most currently. 
    There are ways to feel better about it, more secure, and I'm taking steps to do so. Thinking back over the last year, nothing that I've been afraid of has actually come to pass. Bad things have happened, yes, but I've always found a solution just when I needed it. I'm working on finding a better job next year, made the decision to delay school by one semester, am reconnecting with a few family members in between semesters, slowly building up furniture and other basic apartment items (this stuff adds up- one plate here, one carrot peeler there, one shower curtain here...)
    Whenever I feel hopeless or scared, it helps to remind myself how far I've already come. I need to reach a point where, if everything around me fell away, I'd be able to reasonably sustain a roof over my head and not starve. 🙂 Not only is this important for everyone, but it's particularly important to me to regain that for myself after it was stolen from me. I need to take that back. I don't think I'll ever heal if I don't.
    *Okay, it does with my love life. But all of these things are gradually getting better.
  16. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from Atra in Please Don't Do That   
    Please slow down and stop talking to yourself that way.
  17. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from Atra in Please Don't Do That   
    When I say "Good morning. How did you sleep?" please don't respond by rattling off a list of chores. I just woke up.
    When people give you loads of chocolate and sweets for a holiday, please don't leave them all over the counter and right beside the bulimic's spot at the table.
  18. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from Laura123 in Faith without Religion   
    I don't know why, but I experience religion and spirituality much different than most. You're all so eloquent with words to describe these ideas. I'm a feeler. I'm nonverbal most of the time, a quiet person. I force myself to talk more than I want to because life is easier that way. I like the community the church provides, but in practice, I prefer to experience God, which is why I like meditation so much. I also struggle with the blood and guts part of Christianity, although I am Christian. I gravitate toward the positive and comforting parts.
    I'm reading Grace for the Moment by Max Lucado, and today's reading describes my experience of God perfectly.
    "She will have a son, and they will name him Immanuel, which means, 'God is with me.' (Matthew 1:23)
    The white space between Bible verses is fertile soil for questions. One can hardly read Scripture without whispering, 'I wonder...'
    'I wonder if Eve ever ate any more fruit.'
    'I wonder if Noah slept well during storms.'"
    🙂
    I like to think God is fun and has a sense of humor. I love the way the Bible repeats over and over, God is with you. God is with us...
  19. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from Nightjar in The Post Anything Thread #3   
    The day I called in to work, my roommate and I were having lunch together. I told her about missing my old apartment and how I walked to the grocery store and that carrying two reusable bags of groceries each time was good exercise. She told me she'd give me a few reusable bags when I move out. This is why I ran away with catastrophe in my mind. This happens often enough regarding my living situation, but not usually with anything else*. Obviously, this is the thing that scares me the most currently. 
    There are ways to feel better about it, more secure, and I'm taking steps to do so. Thinking back over the last year, nothing that I've been afraid of has actually come to pass. Bad things have happened, yes, but I've always found a solution just when I needed it. I'm working on finding a better job next year, made the decision to delay school by one semester, am reconnecting with a few family members in between semesters, slowly building up furniture and other basic apartment items (this stuff adds up- one plate here, one carrot peeler there, one shower curtain here...)
    Whenever I feel hopeless or scared, it helps to remind myself how far I've already come. I need to reach a point where, if everything around me fell away, I'd be able to reasonably sustain a roof over my head and not starve. 🙂 Not only is this important for everyone, but it's particularly important to me to regain that for myself after it was stolen from me. I need to take that back. I don't think I'll ever heal if I don't.
    *Okay, it does with my love life. But all of these things are gradually getting better.
  20. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from JD4010 in Gratitude - Mention At Least Three Things You   
    I can be more organized and cut my problems at home down by half or less, I'm sure. I can also remind my roommate that my footing isn't solid. I feel like she's sucking me into her wants like a vacuum, and I'm holding onto the door frame for dear life. Speaking of vacuums. For some reason, she's fixating on me right now. Probably because I'm home more. I need to change my schedule.
    I'm happy that I've learned some hard lessons about dealing with people. I used to be so naive. Now I know that people have to earn trust. 
    I've found a way to rearrange my schedule for the summer and the fall.
  21. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from BeyondWeary in Gratitude - Mention At Least Three Things You   
    I haven't ruminated about my lab partner in days. She's just a drop in the bucket. 🙂 
    Work went well last night. I was able to sit quite a bit after the first few hours, so the pain didn't bother me so much. Less pain this morning, too.
    I'm familiar with most of the people coming today for brunch.
    I've decided to delay my application for the school program by one semester to give me more time to study for the entrance exam and work a lot to save money so I can move sooner. And apply to three more programs. One of them is bound to tolerate me. 🙂  I don't know why I get so nervous when I think about living on my own again. I did it before. I had a particularly good setup then, too, though, where I could walk pretty much anywhere and shopped with a friend on the rare occasion that I needed more than my legs and two groceries bags. Maybe it's PTSD. I also made more money then. That'll improve next year.
  22. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from Maai in What Are You Listening To? #3   
    Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N Roses
    Need You Tonight - INXS
    I'll regret listening to these.
  23. Like
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from Maai in What Are You Listening To? #3   
    Angel - Sarah McLachlan
  24. Sad
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from nojoy in Please Don't Do That   
    Please don't make another woman live with these scars, daily reminders of you.
    For the rest of my life?
    Oh my God.
  25. Sad
    moodyjuniper got a reaction from MargotMontage in Please Don't Do That   
    Please don't make another woman live with these scars, daily reminders of you.
    For the rest of my life?
    Oh my God.
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