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About moodyjuniper

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  • Birthday January 1

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  1. Gushing with gratitude but can't express it the way I want to. Tired and sore. My feet are swollen. Hopeful, happy. I'm trying not to feel like I have to rush getting well. It's not like I'll wake up one morning and have no more little bugs in my body and be able to declare that they're all gone. This kind of thing stays. How much room it occupies and how much it darkens the space is what we have control over, I think. I'm grateful that I'm the kind of flower who thrives in light and climbs to find it. I've seen people wither for years without sunlight or the will to reach it. It's sad.
  2. I barely knew my name this morning after working an overnight double, but I didn't have an accident on the way home, even though I was a space cadet. I didn't take enough to eat last night. Who eats at 3 am? I was starving when I left work, so I ate a... greasy chicken biscuit. I didn't throw it up. 🙂 I won't eat anything that isn't crunchy and raw until dinner, but this is progress. My pants are a bit looser. One exam is going to be dropped in one of my classes, and thank God, because this week, I'll need it. I've been rolling around in this funk way too much for the last two weeks to be able to concentrate enough. I need to learn this material anyway, but I'll have to review it later. It's kind of important for future classes.
  3. I was just thinking the same thing. A conscience is a beautiful thing. It means you're not a monster, Natasha. I agree here, also, that talking to someone - the sooner and more often you can, the better - will really help to keep this weed from taking root too deeply for you for the long term. Anonymous hotline? You can start there. And stay there if you need to. You can even write it out before you call and read it, just to dip your toes in the water at first to show yourself that everything will be okay if you talk about it. I bet you could think of at least ten really amazing things you've done for someone. Might be healthy to try. 🙂
  4. I think Epictetus said it best. It could also be that your girlfriend easily feels smothered. I know I do. No one likes to be neglected, but I don't like feeling like someone's only meal in years, either. Does that make sense? Some people need more downtime or need time to recover from being overstimulated. My gut tells me that the best thing you can do is not to try too hard. You might want to make an appearance from a distance somehow, too, just to show her that you're still interested. But nothing that would make her feel pressured. Women don't complain about flowers. Cliche, but true. Good luck. 🙂
  5. The moon was beautiful last night. Work went really, really well yesterday. It usually does, but I met some good people. It makes me feel more hopeful. As much as I complain about my roommates, I'm so lucky to be here. I know this, I just don't have anywhere else to put my frustration.
  6. I'll be glad when this week is over. Two exams that I'm not even close to being ready for. Or at least feel that way. I've been ruminating and daydreaming too much for the last two weeks and losing too much time to this garbage. Amused. I met a woman last night who's basically me when I'm 80. I can actually imagine living that long now. Six months ago, I couldn't see past today. I wish I weren't so busy, but it'll be worth it in the long run.
  7. Ever tried to brainwash yourself with music? Move away from the black hole, Juniper. Delicate - Taylor Swift Slow Hands - Niall Horan
  8. Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray. - Rumi
  9. A bit encouraged. I made it all the way to midnight yesterday without vomiting. I think I did it then only because stress had built during the day, and it needed an outlet. Yoga. Next time, do yoga. Or stop being lazy and buy the punching bag.
  10. If you have a chance, search for "Worlds Cutest Frog - Desert Rain Frog" on YouTube. You're welcome. 🐸
  11. I got a 99 on my research paper! Yay! I missed a point because I forgot to include journal volume numbers in the reference section. Easy enough to fix on my presentation. My grants came through for the summer. Work is cracking down on people who are late all the time. Thank God. My father would swat me if I did that kind of thing. The rain stopped.
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