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sad in grand Rapids

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  1. sad in grand Rapids

    Sever sleeping issues

    I've continued to have sleep issues and have an appointment with sleep specialists but have to wait till Oct 30. I think I must have sleep apnea because I'm able to sleep and only wake up once a night but I've even slept 12 hours and not felt rested. I'm so frustrated and feeling very depressed . I was all set to make changes but am hardly ever rested and as such cant do anything. I'm taking melatonin was apparently taking to much. Some good news is I've really cut back on drinking and herb. This has made me realize that the palpitations I was getting only happen when I do these things although only once ever 4 times or so. I've also lost more weight probably as a result of cutting down on those things. Unfortunately once I got all clear on my heart I haven't been eating very well. I'm eating less but still very poorly. I feel so frustrated I also keep putting of finding therapists as I've been to tired to do so. David
  2. sad in grand Rapids

    Sleep problems

    I haven't been sleeping well the last 2 weeks which makes it impossible to work on things I need to do. I called my doctor office talked to nurse and requested sleep study. I think I may have sleep apnea as often wake tired even when I sleep 10 hours as I did last night and woke with terrible head ache and feeling burnt out.also I did not consume and mind altering substances last night and am not hungover. I'm afraid I'm going to suffocate in my sleep like John candy. also in a sleep deprived state I accused my brother in law of stealing but in a cowardly way. I had my mom call my sister and she told her that I was afraid he had stolen from me but then I found what I thought was stolen and now I feel like a weenie. I Hate confrontation and avoid it like the plague. I let people push me around and never stand up for my self . To be fair my brother in law has taken things without asking before. David
  3. sad in grand Rapids

    Health anxiety

    I am going to build my self a life and going to stop putting off finding a therapist one that I feel comfortable being brutally honest with. I have so much bilt up feelings of profound sadness at the life I am leading. I'm going to be real when I try interacting with others it goes great.i can make any one laugh. Being alone is my real problem I'm someone who does very badly by my self and all I think about is needing love and wanting to fall In love again. I have to try because I cant go on with things the way they are. I just cant take the being alone anymore have no connections is an utterly empty life. So I'm going to do my best because I simply haven't been showing up for life. David
  4. sad in grand Rapids

    Health anxiety

    K Thanks for the support I'm okay at moment but keep having what if i have rare arrethmea that didn't show up on any ekg,48 hour halter,and echo. Premature ventricular contractions and premature atrial contractions did show up on halter with couplets but were very rare. Then in back of mind I bnb start thinking what if pvcs are sighns of ventricular fibrillation or ventricular tachycardia or what if pacs are sighns of atrial fibrillation. I know this isn't likely but I still can't help it. Then I think I need a stress echocardiogram which is only test they didn't do. It's just so hard to believe the palpitations caused by rare pvcs aren't serious when they are scary and sometimes hurt. David
  5. sad in grand Rapids

    Health anxiety

    Thanks I know you're right because once I found out that nothing wrong I didn't have even half of number of palpitations. Also I had been palpitations free for several days. Then having them out of nowhere really scared as I wasn't used to them anymore. Yes I schould use pulse ox but it's on my phone s8 has one bilt in to phone. I've started taking celexa and worried if taking celexa caused my paplations simce I also take seroquel and the pharmacy said r Cardiac complications rarely can happen with this combination very rare but have happened. I think it was only higher does. So I'm know scared to take celexa. I'm going to check online for interactions. David
  6. sad in grand Rapids

    Health anxiety

    I'm starting to realize that I waste several hours a day worrying about health concerns. Last night I had palpitations then used my pulse oxygen monitor which showed 91 percent oxygen which was probably caused by way o was sitting but I freaked out. Even though I have had echo and 48 which were normal with rare Premature ventricular contractions and rare premature ventricular contractions with normal sinus rhythm I'm still worried about it. The advice I give to others who have similar circumstances is you had it checked out stop worrying isn't something I'm able to do. The what if thinking is getting to me, such as what If I have ventricular fibrillation or atrial fibrillation. These type Arrhythmias especially the former can be life threatening. I know they probably didn't miss them and my symptoms do correspond with the pvcs and pacs that regestered on the 48 hour halter monitor. Furthermore my cardiologist isnt concerned about the the premature contractions so I shouldn't worry, but still I do worry. I do well until the palpitations happen then freak out. David
  7. sad in grand Rapids

    Palpitations 24x7 for 3 months

    I'm very sorry you having to go through this I know exactly how you feel as I have gone through something similar. I've had palpitations as well pac's and was on inderal as well.I see you have had a number of tests done Have you had and echo cardiogram and a halter test? (look at your heart rhythm on a portable ekg over a period of time usually 24 to 48 hours)to make sure nothing is wrong. If had. If you had them done and nothing is abnormal then is probably nothing dangerous about the palpitations. I went through this with palpitations and had both of those tests done. The results were normal with some pac's and pvcs which aren't serious. . That helped me out to know I'm fine and that knowledge has reduced my symptoms a lot. Many people have PVC and pacs. Premature ventricular contractions which is were your lower chambers of your heart beat out of rythem of your upper chambers of your heart. Also pac stands for premature atrial contractions which is a when parts of upper chamber beats out of sync with lower chambers. These are the most common type heart rythem disorders. If you have no underlying health problems with your heart and have had medical investigation in this and results dont indicated abnormalitys then you might have to accept this especially if your taking meds and still have symptoms. You need to relax as thinking about the palpitations only made my palpitations much worse. After I accepted them they have become only a couple times a day at most on average. Is the Inderal helping it did work for me but I cant tolerate it as it makes me unable to sleep as well as making depression much worse. I was tired and out of it most of time so my cardio recommended I stop pill and get tests done and if normal he would recommend I don't take anything. So I can't take beta blockers. Do you think your beta blockers might actually be causing symptoms such as fatigue and depression. Just asking because anxiety and depression can most definitely cause palpitations. You might try cognitive behavioral therapy for this because your expecting them to happen can cause them to happen based of my personal experience. Also since you have anxiety this would be great idea as its really helps anxiety. Also your symptoms especially hyper ventilation seem like symptoms of a panic/anxiety attack which are racing heart, chest pain ,hyper ventilation ,dizziness,extreme anxiety, numbness,tingling, and confusion. Also you might have nausea and vomiting. I have never had the latter two symptoms however. Also ask your doctor if you can try and other treatments. Also it would be a good idea at least couldn't hurt since you said your anxious and its obvious you're in a great deal of distress. That's just my opinion. Know this I've accepted these palpitations at least mostly. I'm also very depressed and anxious so if I can accept it anyone can since I also am a horrible hypochondriac and always have health worries. Unfortunately for me I'm already worried about something else health wise. Also stop looking up symptoms on Google and say no to DR. Google. I'm no expert this is just my opinion based on my experience. Also have you had a complete blood count comphesivey metabolic panel,thyroid tests,lipid panel. These access things like liver function, kidney function,thyroid function, and possibly heart health. These are routine physical exam blood tests. I really hope you feel better I'm know how miserable these things feel as it feels you could have heart attack at any moment which isnt really a real risk if you have all normal tests. So just know your not alone and your case definitely isn't hopeless. David
  8. sad in grand Rapids

    Trying anti depressant again

    Thanks I appreciate the support. I'm not really hearing voices just thinking very negative thoughts about my self. David
  9. sad in grand Rapids

    Feeling hopeless...

    I know how you feel hopeless as well. I don't have advice but know I know exactly how you feel. It sucks to always feel down. Wish I could be of more help than that but I don't have the answer. Hope you feel better David
  10. sad in grand Rapids

    Trying anti depressant again

    My doctor is subscribing me celexa which I have taken before. I'm hoping it will make feel enough improvement in mood that I will feel more up to changing my life. I hope the anti depressant will Give some motivation as I have plenty of energy when i sleep well. I don't sleep well a lot. Maybe insomnia is a big cause of my problems. I forgot to mention my sleeping troubles to my doctor but he probably wouldn't have given me anything. Taking sleeping pills is most likely to cause disorder sleep because as a result of being a sedative it will make you wake up feeling drugged or tired. Im trying Meltonin and I might start taking velaren pills with melatonin again which works but I've read it's not a good idea to mix melatonin with velaren root. I wrote this several times because Im scared people with think poorly of my choices that I'm making every day and i choose to do nothing. I'm just not even able to try. Hopefully the med helps but I've got my doubts. What I really need to do is find a therapist that I'm comfortable being emotionally with. I've found I need to get emotional to get better. I have a hard time taking about my emotions. I just dont have energy to call all those therapists and ask questions it seems like climbing mountain Everest which makes me realize that mentally that I'm quite un well. Maybe the real problem is depression along with social anxiety makes me think my friends would rather not here from that secretly they find me annoying and are just humoring me. This I know isn't true intellectualy true but its feels like its true. I have thoughts that make me want to cry because they are about my self and how I'm a gigantic loser who no one cares to here from. Its makes me so sad that I think these horrible things about my self when my friends keep telling me how funny smart and charming I am. The only problem is I don't believe them because of my negative self image. So I'm isolating and more isolated every day. I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable with people I don't know. Often times to a extent that involved paranoia that said people I encounter are thinkin what a loser I am. This is how messed up my head is. The anxiety and depression Is running the show and making decisions for me. I hope you all dont think that I'm completely out of my mind which I havent ruled out. Okay just kidding I'm not nuts it just feels like im out of control. I always feel out of control when I feel bad. I realize I have a need to be in control of how I feel. If I don't have control I feel out of control. That's some pretty heavy feelings right there that is. David
  11. sad in grand Rapids

    Cant change

    I'm embarrassed to tell the doctor exactly how I feel as have been lying when they ask if I'm depressed. So I'm going to ask for antidepressants, I think my depression is more about isolating than chemical imbalance. All they can do is give an anti depressant any way. I have list of therapists on my phone so I'm going to Google thier names and pic one. Also I get embarrassed very easily because I feel things much more deeply than most. This senstivy is a big cause of my problems. I just would die from embarrassment if I was completely honest. I have trouble talking about emotions with other guys. Thanks for all the support. David
  12. sad in grand Rapids

    Cant change

    Well I'm not going to check my self in to mental hospital. I'm going to try and find a better therapist than the one I was seeing. Part of my problem is I'm frequently sleep deprived as I have trouble falling asleep and wake easily so this makes me feel more depressed than I would be if I could sleep better. I'm seeing my primary doc on Monday so I'm going to ask for an antidepressant which I have taken before. I will also tell him I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm taking melatonin but still have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep as I always have to get up to use bathroom at night usually twice. David
  13. sad in grand Rapids

    Cant change

    I tried to edit other post when I accidentally posted an un complete post. I cant seem to change. I'm isolating big time and having crazy thoughts. I'm also been escaping reality almost constantly. I'm hardly ever present. Because I'm not comfortable in my own skin. I'm always trying to be something I'm not running from who I am. I lie about having tons of friends that I don't have. I lie about having played on basketball team in high school which I didn't. I lie about how I'm feeling all the time. I tell wild stories until i actually believe them. All this forms a narrative that isn't true. So I escape who I am even though my lies. I feel really confused a lot the time. Im also unble to stop my self from doing any of the things I do. I feel like just walking out my door and never coming back. Anyway I'm really down right now and this is the only place that I able to honest with other people. I'm wondering if it would help to check my self in to mental hospital. It's the only thing I can think of to do but I probably wont as it would mean telling work. Pluse wouldn't just be another form of escape. David
  14. sad in grand Rapids

    Need to change

    Well I want to thank everyone who has provided support here its been very helpful. Right now I know that change for me is an absolute necessity. I need to change my job I am ridiculous over qualified for my job. I wou
  15. sad in grand Rapids

    Chest pain again

    Everything is okay the results of test were normal. I might have p***** of the cardiologist when miss read report and may have suggested that he missed something but oh well. I found it better to annoy than worry later. So that makes me happy. I sure something was wrong because I would go months without vegetables and lived off frozen meals like pizza and lasagna so I thought my arteries were clogged from stuffing my face like a mad man for years. Thanks for the support and advice. Also to the question about beta blockers tried it cant stand them makes unable to sleep well but thanks for suggestion. I probably as primary care physician about calcium channel blockers that I heard could help. I don't think the palpitations are anxiety caused . I have them when I'm really relaxed. The beta blockers did stop the palpitations but they wiped me out and made my depression much much worse. Actually since I stopped the beta blockers I'm only a little depressed with no energy problems. But I still have the palpitations though out day and at some times they actually hurt a lot. I think I my heart is sentive to adrenalin. David