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About JessiesMom

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  • Birthday 11/09/1974

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    how things fit together - or don't

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  1. JessiesMom

    My daughter

    I would guess that it is a combination of hormones and relational violence. Girls at that age tend to be pretty mean - and the effect om the victim's psyche can be devestating. Teachers have a hard time seeing it and an even harder time dealing with it. Have you talked to her about friendship issues? If not, I would. Be accepting of what she tells you and dont dismiss it. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but small things can hurt a lot. You might want to check out "Queen bees and wanna bes." It is a great book on this topic.
  2. JessiesMom

    A sad breakthrough

    Thanks all for the kind words. This is hardly the first time that something like this has happened. Me and my siblings have been trying to talk to her about her behavior for years - to no avail. A few examples: -One cold Sunday morning when we were visiting, I had just strapped my infant daughter into her car seat to head off to church when I saw the unmistakable sight of my dog bolting down the driveway. She has a tendency to run, so, knowing that there were several adults in the house and my mother was right behind me - I headed down the driveway to retreive her. My Mom followed in her car, called once out the car window to the dog - and then left to go to church. After about 20 minutes of chasing the dog through the deep snow to no avail I thought, "Wait, she would not have left Elise in the car, would she?" I rushed back to the house to discover that she had done just that and not alerted anyone in the house about the situation. No harm was done - but my husband told her in no uncertain terms that this was not acceptable. -My 70 year old father went to the doctor's office this summer for a persistent cold. They admitted him at once to the hospital due to double pnemonia. She did not visit. -When I was pregnant with my third child, I was visiting her summer cabin. I was quite depressed and was having a hard time doing anything except sleeping. One night at dinner, she complained that I was not spending enough time with her. I said, "Mom, I am so depressed that I can hardly get out of bed." To which she replied, "Well, you think it is hard - you have no idea how hard it is to be me." I do not mean to make her sound like a monster - she is hardly that. However, she is not a nuturing mother and I need to accept that. I get along quite well with my father, so for his sake, I will not cut off the relationship. I will just not longer expect her to be something that she is clearly incapable of being.
  3. I have felt that some of the stigma about mental illness has begun to wane over the past few decades. As more and more people begin taking medication for mental illness and people who suffer from severe mental illness have increasingly been able to be a larger part of society. However....... Every time one of these terrible mass shooting takes place here (in the United States) - I hear the same narative. This is not a gun problem....it is a mental illness problem. This makes it seem as though people with mental illness are actually more dangerous than guns. I worry that it will increase fear in the general public of people with mental illness. This could take us back into the bad old days when people do not seek treatment due to the stigma. I wonder if these mass shooting are actually caused by mental illness - but rather if the increase in mass shootings and the increase is diagnosable mental illnesses to not have the same cause - social isolation and lack of supportive community. Thoughts?
  4. JessiesMom

    first post

    I have totally been there. I initially went on medication after my daughter was born. I had fought the idea that I might be suffering from depression. I identified my melencholia with my identity - basically I figured that I was just a complainer and I needed to adjust my attitude. In addition, bi-polar disorder runs strongly in my family - and I was terrified that the medication would cause me to go manic. I took the medication for a few years - and then I convinced myself that the depression has just been post-partum and due to the fact that I had a lot of stressors in my life at the time. So I stopped taking it. I went quite a while off medication - until I finally realized that the depression was back with a vengance. What finally convinced me that the medication was not just a crutch was when I realized that depression has a lot in common with my husband high-blood pressure. It is a real medication condition and needs treatment. It is not situational or all in my head. If I would get on my husband's case for not taking his blood pressure medication - why do I not think of my depression meds the same way? Anyway - welcome!
  5. I took sertraline for the same reason you mentioned (post partum). I have just started taking it again and several members of my family take it as well. The honest truth is that you should take it at the time of day that works best for you. Some people experience sleepiness - in which case, taking it a bedtime might be best. Some people feel energized - so in that case morning would be best. I started by taking it in the morning, but it made me really sleepy (and insomnia is a major issue for me) - so I changed to taking it in the evening. Listen to your body. Resting heart rate can also be a factor. My Dad takes Zoloft and an anti-psychotic for his bi-polar disorder. He took both pills, both generic, first thing in the morning. Both pills have a side effect of reducing heart rate and in the height of his disorder, he would bicycle 100 miles on a weekend and think nothing of it. In other words, his resting heart rate was low to begin with. Taking the drugs at the same time, in the morning when your resting heart rate is the lowest was not working for him and resulted in a trip to the ER. I am not a doctor - but my advice would be to listen to your body and trust your instincts. As long as you take it at about the same time everyday - you will be fine. 25 mg is a pretty low dose - I am currently taking 100
  6. Sounds like your body just took some time to adjust to the medication in your system. In my experience, we are all different and there is no telling how a particular medication will react with your system. When I went on birth control pills, I had a 3 day migraine. My doctor told me, "We usually ask people to take a medication for 3 months to see if side effects stop." I was like, screw this - I would rather be pregnant than this - lol. If the side effects have worked themselves out - I am glad to hear it. If not - maybe try switching the time you take the medication - especially if you are taking a generic. There can be dosing issues with generic pills.
  7. JessiesMom

    Being Ugly

    You are a worthwhile person who is deserving of good things in your life. Never stop believing that. I have met people in my life in all shapes and sizes - and they are all beautiful on their own ways. Can you start by getting out a little each day?
  8. JessiesMom

    A sad breakthrough

    So, it is my birthday on Friday. My mother called me on Monday to invite me to lunch with her and my sister on Thursday at like noon. I said it sounded good. Tuesday - a co-worker asked me to go to am important meeting on Thursday (at noom, of course) to back her up on some important issues. I am committed to my job and the mission of the organization I work for (we do home repairs and modifications for low income homeowners). I decided that I needed to go to the meeting, so I called my sister to see of we could push the lunch back to 1:30. No problem, she says. So I call my Mom and have the same conversation. She hems and haws, but agrees that it will work. Cut to today, which in many ways was a day from hell work-wise.I call my sister to make final plans, only to discover thaty mother has decided that 1:30 is too late for lunch and we will just have to do it another day. Typical. She is upset because my Dad lost his bid for the city council....did not sleep well....blah, blah, blah. The worst bit is that she did not even bother to call me and let me know. It is not that I do not have sympathy for her stuff - but I am always expected to put family first and put on a good face and be on my best behavior. Nope - I am done allowing her to walk all over me. She will never be able to be the mother that I deserve - and I will just have to greive that fact and find my own support that I can rely on.
  9. JessiesMom

    not drinking for foreseeable future

    One day at a time....it is wonderful that you have started on a healthier path.
  10. Did you get a flu vaccine at the same time you got your perscription? I recently started back on setraline - and had similiar side effects to the ones your describe on the first day, but the ear thing feels like something else to me. If you are really worried, call your doctor. He/She will know the side effects of the medication - and be able to give you better advice than I can here.
  11. I was talking to my sister this morning and she said something that made me think. She was talking about our brother and how he has found a group of friends who are like family to him. She said it made her feel jelous, because she was not a part of that. Almost immediatly she said, "I know I should feel happy for him...." I realized that I do this sometimes, and I am fairly certain it is not a good thing. I believe that, sometimes, emotions like that can really tell us something about ourselves - and maybe point the way to something we need to deal with. Here are some examples I have worked out about myself: 1) I feel jeleous when someone else is praised - because I did not receive the praise I needed as a child. 2) I have fear of abandonment - because I could never rely on my parents to meet my emotional needs. 3) I have fear of being cast out from the group - because of the bullying I experienced in elementary school. Coming to these realizations has not cured me of the feelings, but when I remind myself of the reasons I feel that way - and that the feeling has little to so with the actual situation I am in at the moment - it can rob the feeling of it's power and help me to move forward. Is it something about our culture that causes us to try to deny, and feel shame about, the negative feelings that the damage from our past sometimes causes us to feel?
  12. I have been there. One of my friends is sometimes distant and sometimes overly biting. It took me a while to put all the pieces together, but eventually I realized that his change in mood had nothing to do with something I did. As a matter of fact, it had nothing to do with me at all. He had other difficult things going on in his life, and the changes I saw were just the result of that. So, when I start to worry that I had done something wrong, I remind myself that it had nothing to do with me. Who knows, it might be a similar situation. Another of my friends recently stopped playing an MMO that we have played together for years. We still see each other all the time, but I had to work through some grief around the fact that the game was, for the time being at least, no longer something that we had in common. The one thing I can say for certain is that you are not a waste of space. Far from it.
  13. JessiesMom

    Who the hell am I?

    Sort of - but I am in a place right now where I am questioning if those are really things that define me - or if they are things that fall under the catagory of "people pleasing." I think that the behavior is so entreanched that I am having difficulty determining which is which.
  14. JessiesMom

    Who the hell am I?

    Somewhere along the line I picked up the idea that people only are interested in me as long as I mirror something back to them. So I try my best to be what people want me to be, but where does that leave me. I worry that there is nothing to me besides an empty shell waiting to be filled. When I was young, it was all about pleasing my parents. Then I got married and tried to be the perfect wife and mother. Now what? Who am I really? Or am I anything at all?
  15. JessiesMom

    I can't stop being mad at my dad.

    I would guess that your dad has spent years making you guess what he is thinking, guess what he wants and training you to unconsciously pick up on his non-verbal cues. But, since he is your Dad, you have the desire for him to approve of you and love you. I was raised my a mother who has her own problems, so I get it. ((Hugs))