JessiesMom

Trying not to panic - but this has scared me quite a bit.

So - I took 100 mg of Zoloft 10 years ago for post partum depression. Three months back I decided that it was time to face the facts of my depression and get back on the medication. My doctor prescribed me to take 50 mg for a week and then 100 mg thereafter. Things were going well, until this past month when I starting having extreme trouble sleeping. The difficulty was mostly with falling asleep. I did some research and discovered that sleeplessness can be a side effect of Zoloft - so I had a solution. I was talking the medication in the evening - so I decided to start taking it in the morning. I skipped one evening dose and took my regular dose this morning. This was not a good idea. Over the course of the morning I was feeling increasingly out of it - the best way I can describe it is that my brain felt drunk - but my body was not. I decided that being at work was not a good idea - so I headed home at noon. The drunken feeling increased until I finally fell asleep and slept for 6 hours straight. According to a friend who is in the field - what I experienced sounded like serotonin syndrome - which essentially mean that I had too much serotonin in my brain. This whole thing has freaked me the hell out - and I am not sure how to proceed and how to deal with the emotions I am having. I have long accepted that I an screwed up - but I was hoping that the medication would help me to not be depressed and screwed up - but now I am scared to take the medication. I do not want what happened today to happen again. Anyway - the current plan is to go back to the 50 mg dosage until I can get in to see my doctor to avoid any withdrawl symptoms. Hopefully she will be able to give me some better advice - but with the other side effects from psycharic drugs we have had in my family (my father's heart rate was so lowered by his depokote and Zoloft that he collapsed and was unresponsive) - I am worried that my fear of possible side effects will overcome my fear of living with my depression. Arg!!!!!

That is a lot to be carrying - I can imagine that it is causing you anxiety. Do you have any grown ups you can trust that you could talk to? You sound like you are a lot like me - willing to sacrifice your own well being for the sake of a friend. I see this as a positive, but sometimes it can be trying. The reality is that unless you take care of yourself - eventally you will have nothing else to give. The other pitfall in your current situation is the effect another attempt by one of your friends will have on you if they "succeed" or even if they don't. There could be feelings of guilt either way.

Like Black Mirror - although in small doses. Currently watching Elementary and the usual documentaries. Looking forward to "I am the night" on tnt as I am just finishing the true crime book it is loosly based on and I am curious to see how they handle the material.

Man - that sound tough. The reality is that every person reacts differently to these kinds of drugs. That is why there are so many of them. Give it a little bit longer and if it is not getting better - try a different drug.

That is a tough one. It sounds to me like you were trying to be helpful. Hopefully this person's ego is strong enough to take it. Still, I believe that it is better to be honest.

Mine is my beautiful daughter getting a snuggle from Jessie the Dog. I chose it because it is the purest expression of love I have ever seen. And The Pink Princess (my daughter) is so full of life and sparkle - and I want more than anything else to help her keep that sparkle in this difficult world.

When my kids were little, I had to teach them about context. They would say something like, "Hey, why doesn't Patrick wear any pants?" I would say, "Context!" To which they would reply, "Oh, SpongeBob Square Pants." I will say the same thing to you - it is hard to understand what you are trying to get at because the context is lacking. From the other post of yours I say - I would guess that you told someone the truth and they got hurt. If I am wrong - take what you can from the following and leave what is not helpful. In general, I think that lies are toxic to relationships. Honesty can be hard and it can suck for the person hearing the truth. Especially if it shatters an illusion. For example - in the middle of a discussion with my husband - I made the mistake of asking him, "Do you trust me at all?" His response was, "No, I am not sure that I have the ability to trust." It was hurtful to hear that truth - but I am glad that he felt safe telling me the truth. The reality is that in relationships, we can only control ourselves - we cannot control the reactions of our partners in relationship. That is the difficult reality. If my above supposition is correct - you cannot control the reaction of the person you told the truth to - to your honesty. I believe that it is always better to tell the truth and deal with the consequences than to tell a lie - because the consequences of the lie are harder to bear.

Here is my thought - is doing good in the world important to you? Why did you take the job? The beginning of any job is difficult and this one sounds like a huge change for you. I would give it a bit of time and see if things get better, My job is pretty stressful and I am overworked a lot of the time - but I look at the people we help and it makes it worthwhile. I hope it gets better soon and if it does not - leave - there are other jobs.

Wow, that does sound scary. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that it is noting serious. ((hugs))

I agree with Beyond - it sounds like depression runs in your family and I would definetly see you doctor about it. My younger son (17 like you) was struggling in school and making friends for a lot of his life. He rarely communicated with us about what was going on inside. He just went to school and played on his computer. He saw two therapists over the course of ten years - and some progress seemed to be being made - but not enough to get him out of the depression hole. Then, about six months ago, I suggested to his primary care physician that an anti-depressant might help him. He went on prozac and we went into "wait and see" mode. I have seen significant improvement in the last few months, and so has he. His grades are improving, he is finally making progress on his Eagle Scout work and he is planning for his future. He has even started opening up and we are having some great conversations about his musical tastes (heavy metal, not my taste - but I will listen) and his plans for the future. A few weeks back, he said, "Mom, I think that my anti-depressant is actually working." I asked why and he indicated that his cripiling anxiety about going new places seemed to be ebbing. I am sorry that it sounds like your parents are rather overwhelmed with dealing with your brother's issues and are not giving you the support you need. Regarding the friends issue - I will give you the advice I gave my older son when he went to college and had trouble. You have not found your people there yet - but that does not mean you should stop looking, Are there any non-sports clubs at your school that you could check out? It does not mean you have to make a committment - but just go to a few meetings and see if there is anyone there that you can connect with.

Sounds like the medication is partially to blame - but I would also say that the major stressors of the computer crash and possible loss of data and the transition from being primarily a caregiver probably contributed. From what I am hearing, you are going from a situation where your time was filled with caring for your mom's needs to one where the only needs you have to worry about are your own. Please consider that this transition may not be the relief that you expected, and that may have contributed to your recent troubles. When I had little kids at home, their needs dominated my daily life. I looked forward to when both of them would be in school all day, and I would have time to myself (this was before the third child was born). When that blessed day actually arrived, I found myself experiencing more anxiety than I had expected. Not anxiety about my kids being in school - but anxiety caused by the fact that I did not know what to do with myself. All of a sudden the day stretched before me - and I needed to modivate myself to get things done. Compounding the problem was the fact that I had expected to feel freed, but what I really felt was a sense of the emptiness of time and the fact that the things that I had to fill it were not fulfilling (dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc.) Anyway - I am glad to hear that things are improving - hope it continues!

Welcome, I hope that you can find the support here that you need to open up a little. We are friendly and totally non-judgemental. I am familiar with the situation of living behind a mask of ok-ness and feeling all alone. You are not alone.

Benny Bear barely began begging.

So sorry to hear that you are struggling. This is a hard time of year for a lot of people - since the holidays are over and spring seems a world away - so you are definetly not alone. ((hugs))