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Whatsername1039

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Everything posted by Whatsername1039

  1. @morecoffee I've known this guy for years and he's never done something like this before, its completely out of character. You can get better, I dont expect him to stay depressed like this forever. I cant walk away from him when he's ill like this, it would just confirm his thoughts that no one really needs him or cares about him. I dont want to push him into becoming suicidal. Again, he's really not walking all over me. That would be if he was getting things he wanted from me like sex or affection but he's not. He backed off and just wants to be friends. I may not want to just be friends, but I love him and I'm not going to tell him "no **** you I wont be your friend, get lost" when he's clearly hurting. And I'm not moving out because I'm the main lease holder and neither one of us technically makes enough money on our own to afford this apartment, and ending the lease early costs $1000. And I dont want to have to move back in with my mom. So I'm just going to stay here and I'm going to try to give him his time to figure his out and be here as his friend.
  2. @lonelyforeigner Oh and yeah, I have found it upsetting that he'll see other people and not much of me. I've brought it up. That's when he says he's not always with someone, that he's alone sometimes. And I have noticed that he'll only see friends that don't know about what's going on and therefore won't talk about it. I think he's just trying to avoid it and take his mind off of it by seeing them. And seeing me, he can see the hurt I feel and it makes him feel bad. He's just running away from his problems instead of dealing with them
  3. @lonelyforeigner No, I dont pay his bills for him, but we do share our bills. We each pay half the rent, each pay half for the groceries, and one pays utilities and the other pays for the internet. Honestly, he's pretty much giving me money for things he hardly uses. And again, I do agree that depression doesnt excuse him from being unfaithful to me. He seems genuinely remorseful for having done that, too. I also don't know if I can really say he's even walking all over me. I'm upset because I miss having a romantic relationship with him and I miss the person he was before depression. But it's all me just asking him to try for me. All he's done is take a step back from me and our relationship because he finds it all overwhelming. He brought us down to just a friendship level which I'm having a really hard time with because I still love him deeply. So he'll talk to me like friends would and occasionally ask me to hang out, but in just a friendly way. He doesnt get anything from me, we don't kiss, we don't have sex anymore, we dont sleep in the same bed. We dont do anything friends wouldn't do. I'm just the one who's having a hard time just being friends. And he says he just wants me to be his friend right now because he can't be the person I want him to be right now.
  4. Also, forgive me for quoting the entire thing when I respond, I cannot get it to not do that. Anyway, I was also curious about something. I've never been in his place before, where you feel numb towards things you used to have a lot of feelings for. Its obvious that he's unable to feel love for me now because of it. But he does seem to feel emotion about something. Like today he told me about how a scene in a movie he watched got him all choked up. And he still gets excited about a new video game coming out or something. Can you really simultaneously feel numb to intense emotion like love but still cry during a movie or be excited about things?
  5. I don't know all the friends he says he's with. I do know he does go to see his best friend sometimes, but also that he hasn't told him anything is wrong. He likes to hang out with the people that dont know anything and wont try to talk to him about it. We have a mutual friend that he's also been avoiding because he knows what's going on and talked with him about it once. This friend also went through something very similar a few years ago and was trying to help. He let my boyfriend know that seeking help is what really helped him and he almost got him to want to. But now my boyfriend always avoids him and wont text him back because he doesnt want to talk about it. As for sleeping in his car, I wouldn't be horribly shocked if this is what he was doing most days. I can tell he hasn't been showering anywhere else. He always smells really bad now, he'll shower maybe once a week when he shows up at home. Other than that, he's not. If he were even with another woman I feel like he'd be showering.
  6. Okay so this is my first post... I'm not sure where to go. My boyfriend has become depressed recently. I'm not sure when it exactly it started for him, he hid it from me for a little while, hoping it would get better. We moved out together in April. We had been hoping to do that for over a year. All was well for a few weeks, but then he suddenly started becoming distant. He didn't come home for a couple nights, he'd never done something like that to me during our whole relationship. We got into a fight about it, I was so angry at him. I still hadn't realized what was really going on with him. For the next few days he was trying to make it better and I blew him off to continue being mad (which I regret so badly now). Then he started intermittently not showing up at night again. Then he came clean about how he'd been feeling. Told me he felt numb, couldn't feel anything for anything. Didnt know what he wanted. I tried helping him, being there for him. Sometimes he'd be home and seem okay, then he'd disappear again. Dispite all this, we still decided to go on a trip we had planned for my birthday. He put on a happy face but I could tell he was being weird the whole time. And he had been texting someone...a lot. The day we got home I looked at his texts on his apple watch while he was at the store. I found him texting a girl from his job. He had been telling her that he wasnt enjoying the trip with me and that he'd rather be at home....and that they should take that same trip sometime. And then I found texts between them describing a sexual encounter between them in detail. He came home then and I immediately asked him if he was cheating on me. He insisted that he and the girl never actually did anything physical and that the texts were only fantasies. He agreed that that still wasnt okay, but that's all it was. That he was being stupid, not thinking clearly. From that point, everything has spiraled downward. He told me he wants to take a break from us since he's unable to feel any emotions for me. He can't be who I want him to be. He says he just wants space and time to do his own thing. He said he doesnt mean for it to be permanent, he just doesnt know what he feels about anything right now. Now he's never home with me. He never comes home at night and he even stopped coming home in the morning before work. He'll show up maybe once a week to play video games but then he'll leave again. He says he's being seeing a couple friends, but other than that he'll just find somewhere alone to be and will sleep in his car. I brought up my anxiety that he's really been seeing the girl from his job, but hes extremely insistent that he's not. And he's had a very obvious lying voice lately and he wasnt using that voice. He seemed genuine. So I've been trying to leave him be. I don't ask him to come home anymore, I dont ask him where hes been. I'm trying to give him the space he wants. But on the occasions that he shows up at home, I end up crying because I miss him so bad. And I beg him to remember the relationship we used to have and to try seeking help for me, for us. And all he'll say is that he can't feel anything and he doesn't know what he wants. Or that he doesnt deserve anything nice. When I tell him I want him, he says I shouldnt. When I tell him I need him, he says i dont. He's convinced that no one really cares about him and no one really needs him in their life and that he's not special to anyone. Even as I'm crying my eyes out telling him how much I care about him and want him around. This is all completely tearing me apart. I'm falling apart. We have never been in a fight before this. We have always gotten along perfectly. We've always been each other's other halves, always obsessed with each other. I've never felt love for anyone the way I do for him. And I know the him that I know, the one that isnt depressed, loved me to death and never wanted to lose me. He was the most affectionate man I'd ever met. I know that man is still in there. And that if he would seek help, we could find that person again. He could recover. All of this has me feeling lower than I ever have. I haven't felt happy since this started. I feel completely unable to find the joy in anything. It feels like all the color in my life is gone. I'm just going through the motions, getting through each day. I look forward to nothing. I wish I was dead. I think something is wrong with me now. I know everyone would tell me to leave but I never could. I want nothing more than him. Leaving would do nothing for me. And I could never walk away anyway. So, I know that was long and theres pieces of the story still missing but; is it possible for him to figure himself out without medication? He's so stubborn, I don't think he'll ever decide to get treatment. He just wants to wait it out. Can he emerge from this on his own? Is there hope? I just want the man who still loves me to come back. And I know I can't force him to get help. I just wonder if its actually possible to come out of a depressive episode on your own.
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