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Everything posted by Stand_alone

  1. Hey Ryo. Your story does not sound off. I play online and don't watch streamers. Streamers are influencers. Of course, if they are that popular, viewers will give them donations. In a game I have played for years, I have heard, witnessed, and encountered those types of people. There are people who will do and say anything to please. Popularity and reputation means everything to them. Infatuated viewers are spellbound by influencers and will believe what they say. I have encountered someone who I did became friends with, but later realized she is not a genuine person. A matter of fact, she even streams, and is like as you described. Yes, what your are going through is shitty because you did invest much time on her and fantasized it would go somewhere. It took you a while to realize her lack of interest towards you. Now that you continue to not see her streams is a good sign in your mental recovery. Such tough memories in the past can still sting, but your are well off without her. Forget her. You will eventually find a better gal in your life and have a strong happy relationship with.
  2. I feel deep anger and pain again. It happens whenever I see this person who has hurt me and is stalking me. It is not avoidable in the online community. I wish it will go away. In a game when you can attack players, I am not allowed to in this group. I have a credo of attack anyone but friends who are in another group.
  3. I am glad the site is back. Quite a scare. I think this my be the first post for me this year. As the very few know, I had a roller coaster ride dealing with an ex friend. Even to the point, I am getting stalked online. I blocked/ deleted her. I have assessed a lot from how I have been treated, and people matter the most to me. I value my time with those I have reciprocated relationships with, and support me. I am healing.
  4. Only like the holidays for no work. I have to put up with family re-union tomorrow. Honestly, I have to put up with people in my family I don't do well with. I think it's wrong for someone to talk negatively about you in family gatherings. Especially big time jocks.
  5. Christmas is a commercialized geared on mass spending. The 2nd Thanksgiving. Honestly, I am only spending on my immediate family and, a few people to show how much I appreciate them. Honestly, I am not spending on my cousins(except 1, ppl forget or don't bother that the 24 is his birthday) and aunts and uncles. I don't have money to spend on so many ppl. I even opted on this Secret Santa at work. Point of this holiday is about giving out of appreciation and kindness. Some think to much of what gift they are expecting.
  6. I think it is for the best. You have the right to cry. You seem to be young as you are in school. There will be someone who will love you more and will accept your faults as you will love and accept them. Marry someone who is committed.
  7. I agree. Honestly, it should be my parents I should move away from. They can get toxic. I hear politics every morning. Right, now in a growing city gentrified at every region by greedy tech companies like Google and Apple, it is getting harder to live my own. It is becoming like SF. When I am living on my own what I want first is a pet dog.
  8. From another post, I have to deal with the family reunion. People prying of what you are up to. I am not close to anyone. It's no fun I can't even get drunk because sometimes I get thrown as the driver. I use to like Christmas when I was a kid but it feels more of an obligation when grew older. My family decided not to decorate in the house.
  9. Dec 24, the usual family Christmas party. Relatives congregated along with the relatives in law, hosted by my uncle. How do you do with the annual event? People prying. I think my cousin's husband is a d**k. Last time , I saw them he commented like like I am dressed up for church. I was wearing pants and sweater. They are from Vegas and like to drink.
  10. I feel burnt out dealing with shitty people at work. I have crappy situations where you are taught then have to figure the rest. I don't know how to answer if it is beyond my department. Honestly, I feel the worst are rich people who are over entitled to get what they want, and they threaten you if they don't like how things are dealt.
  11. I went to a Meet-UP at a Christmas event. I met nice people and had pizza. The Christmas event was not that well spectacular. The Christmas tree was a giant version of Charlie Brown's skinny tree. When lit up, it was over covered with white light bulbs. Not enough branches. Standing at the center, I was deafened by a kids choir singing their hearts off. Many people made squirmed faces.
  12. I read today is Travel Tuesday. Typically Tuesday has always been the cheapest day to book and travel.
  13. I wonder if there are Runs for even about mental awareness. There has always been Runs for X cancers. It seems the public don't take mental health seriously. Typically, most people want to talked about it or even associate with people who have a mental illness.
  14. I feel some news is very depressing. Like reading about the expected annual income to live comfortably and life expectancy has dropped. Frankly, it feels unmotivating, and I feel I should live life as much I can then **** myself when I reached a certain age.
  15. I still have this sense of loneliness. Mainly not having someone to talk to as a close friend or significant other. I had lunch with a friend yesterday but he is a flirt. Nice company, not a good choice to be in a relationship. I heard from him ppl from where we use to work. Some moved on doing ok, while others are not. I always feel something is wrong with me, most comes from my fear and insecurities. I have high anxiety. Tomorrow I am looking forward to see a friend who just came from her trip with her husband. I like hearing about the world.
  16. A year of my life goes by. A number to add. I am now 35. To many, I look 10 yrs ago. Lately, I have been avoiding Facebook. I still have that sense of underachieving . Ppl happy , many like to show off their kids and fur kids. I do not possess neither. I have come to terms of what I do not have and have not achieved. I can only looked at what I have accomplished whether big or small. I have certain goals in my life I want to accomplish. I have yet to cross of places in my bucket list. Lately, I have been spending time with friends individually. I still tend to get overwhelmed when there are many. There is still the looming sense of hopelessness. The possibility of worst things that can happen.
  17. Feeling good today. Went kayaking with a friend. My first time kayaking. A sealion swam by us. It was a nice day going to the beach. We had ice cream
  18. I feel defeated at work, I accepted the fact I am slow. I'm tired of playing the numbers game and hoping Lady luck graces me good days. I feel I will not be good in anything. My anxiety won't go away and I feel I am not getting better. I keep staring the clock seeing defeat. Every Monday I dread going to work. I have moments I want to end my life to get it over with.
  19. My weekend is ok. And so starts an endless cycle with work. I feel like because of work I started to become detached with people. Does this make me a bad person? I feel i am doing very well at work and my anxiety and depression is doing anything. With high anxiety I tend to not think and panic. I feel if this keeps up I will get fired. I hate that I have to be the person dealing with issues that other people screw up.
  20. For the first time I unfriended someone on facebook. I only had it for about 5 years. We used to be besties but drifted apart and she became cold and neglectful. it is disrespectful to mistreat anyone just to appease others.
  21. Mint mobile is byop. I am going to spend $5 for a trial to see if I like it. It uses tmobile towers. Potentially i could spend only 20 bucks /month.
  22. Today I went on Amazon and bought a new phone. My iphone se is slow. I cant’t afford to buy a new iphone— always increasing by the hundreds. I decided to bail out of Virgin mobile. with an android, Virgin will increase my monthly $5 more. I’m gonna try mint mobile and see if it is a decent match for me.
  23. Today at work I got another warning and had to sign again.i felt I had a nervous breakdown. I feel that I need to find a better job or position but in the company you have to have a good record to go to another position. I’m going to look online for another job.
  24. I think work has made me care less about people. I honestly feel irritated dealing w/ callers from a particular country abroad. Just feel these people are rude in this country, and i'm taking the fall on my timed quota because clearly English is not their primary language. I can only blame greedy companies who outsourced jobs for cheaper pay on employees. whenever i hear this accent at work, i get irritated anticipating another botched out of seas client to put up with.
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