Stand_alone

I went to a new class today and met people. I met w/ a friend from my old job. I sincerely said to him I appreciated to him for hanging out w/ me. I really needed a hug from a friend. I am trying to deal w/ ppl how have hurt me one step at a time. i wish a hypnotist could make me forget.

My work where I am now... better than the last job but not great. I'm in a job where it feels like i have deal w/ clients and have to deal w/ other people's shit. i realized some people i get are always angry ppl and will treat you like dirt. There are many times I deal with situations it is well out of control and people want a solution to what they want when really i can't do anything. I feel that is where the job is draining, and i feel I can do better with my life than this. No one want to work in a place where the same issues are about cleaning someone's mess. I know i am not a happy person. I am lonely and most of the days i feel friendless no one i can just talk to and laugh with. Thinking about it makes me sad. I feel I will die with no one to go to my funeral. i imagine if i were to die, it will be a nice place . die like a rock star scenario.

Total crap. No one responds to my forum so. No one seems to care here. Even worse today. I got pickpocketed off $40 bucks today in Cuzco. Nothing got accomplished. I did not even buy a hat for my brother. I think my money got stolen because I didnt have time for myself to take care of my money but get rushed again. So this trip is turning to hell as in Murphy’s law.

I always know that when I get anxiety, it leads me to forgetfulness and carelessness. I am currently on vacation with my mom. I learned that a trip that requires hiking at high elevation makes mom not the best person to travel with. Anyway, whenever traveling, my mom is, at her most, the queen of worry. After 2 rounds of Machu Picchu ( due to my mom not listening to site ranger),we rushed to nearby hot spring. While I was in the restroom changing, I hear my mom calling me several times and telling me to hurry up. I didnt secure my watch well in my bag. When we finished, in 15 minutes, I had to rush again to change, and the same scenario happened. I noticed one in the train, my brother’s hat and my watch is not with me. I know the watch was in my bag, but I think the guy didn't return the hat in locker. I feel so bad about it. I felt in the back of my head before changing, something bad would happen, I ended up getting influenced to be rushed instead. I want this to stop. I hate the fact I have to buy something I once owned again.

I know what you mean of those types of people who expect how people should behave based on gender. Recently it made me think of that nurse who is not credited for breaking the world record in a marathon for not wearing those archaic lady nurse outfit. Scrubs and pants is the norm today! My whole life I’ve I am expected to act and do things women suppose to do. I don’t like heels and dresses, and I don’t like cooking. In fact I had a recent issue w/ my dad that I walked out. He believes women can never be president. And my brother used to make fat jokes. Even called our mom fat. He shut up when our mom slimmed down while he became me obese and had a high blood pressure attack while in his low 20s. He is a loser, living off of family and spends his life on computer, food, and D&D. That’s karma. best advice is stay away or walk away from people who look down and have expectations on you. Love yourself.

I am still in a mental loop, trying to break off of this misery. I am tired my whole life always being told what to do. Surrounded by a negative family who all they do is complain about anything like a broken record. Sometimes I want to just die and let this end. I feel I am a failure in life.

I still feel lonely. I met a new person at class yesterday. The recent shooting is 20 mins from where I live. Too much hate in this world.

I have developed trust issues online

It’s true, we all want attention. To many of us this is a source of help when we can’t find any in real life. I am in my 30s and trying to make real friends. I still deal every day the best i can with my depression and anxiety.

Today I am doing ok. I had my class and I get 3 days off next week. I think I want to spend some days to myself.

I wont be sleeping for a while. I reserved all the travel necessities for my trip next month. I’m am very anxious my supervisor did not approve the days I have requested off. I got an e-mail that I am starting training and the last day of training is the day i request to have pto. I’m worried i may have wasted money.

I wish I can do that but there is a time average to meet on calls and a random in-call testing, which will deduct pts for dead time.

Back to work after my 2 days off. I hope to not get another nervous break down that is becoming more daily. I decided not to take crap from clients anymore and will drop them from calls if they become obnoxious and rude.

Today at work I had a nervous breakdown. I wanted to walk out of work. I feel so stressed trying to reach the time quota. Right now I feel pissed of that someone at home took my shoe polish. People keepp saying I am nice but i feel ppl take advantage of that as someone to step on

I got a share on fb and decided to donate at the gofundme site for behavior violence research.