Stand_alone

Feeling good today. Went kayaking with a friend. My first time kayaking. A sealion swam by us. It was a nice day going to the beach. We had ice cream

I feel defeated at work, I accepted the fact I am slow. I'm tired of playing the numbers game and hoping Lady luck graces me good days. I feel I will not be good in anything. My anxiety won't go away and I feel I am not getting better. I keep staring the clock seeing defeat. Every Monday I dread going to work. I have moments I want to end my life to get it over with.

My weekend is ok. And so starts an endless cycle with work. I feel like because of work I started to become detached with people. Does this make me a bad person? I feel i am doing very well at work and my anxiety and depression is doing anything. With high anxiety I tend to not think and panic. I feel if this keeps up I will get fired. I hate that I have to be the person dealing with issues that other people screw up.

For the first time I unfriended someone on facebook. I only had it for about 5 years. We used to be besties but drifted apart and she became cold and neglectful. it is disrespectful to mistreat anyone just to appease others.

Mint mobile is byop. I am going to spend $5 for a trial to see if I like it. It uses tmobile towers. Potentially i could spend only 20 bucks /month.

Today I went on Amazon and bought a new phone. My iphone se is slow. I cant’t afford to buy a new iphone— always increasing by the hundreds. I decided to bail out of Virgin mobile. with an android, Virgin will increase my monthly $5 more. I’m gonna try mint mobile and see if it is a decent match for me.

Today at work I got another warning and had to sign again.i felt I had a nervous breakdown. I feel that I need to find a better job or position but in the company you have to have a good record to go to another position. I’m going to look online for another job.

I think work has made me care less about people. I honestly feel irritated dealing w/ callers from a particular country abroad. Just feel these people are rude in this country, and i'm taking the fall on my timed quota because clearly English is not their primary language. I can only blame greedy companies who outsourced jobs for cheaper pay on employees. whenever i hear this accent at work, i get irritated anticipating another botched out of seas client to put up with.

I had to sign a written for underperforming in timing. Minutes later I had to deal with a sobbing client for over an hour. Rip my progress this month. I was thinking during call of just applying for another job. I’m not sticking around to be underpaid. End of call, i get compliment by the client... yay...I get a starbucks card.

That’s why I don’t have much friends. I’m slow to make friends. I don’t trust well those who like to flirt or joke a lot if I don’t know them well.

Apologizing should be out of sincerity, if you it really is your fault. Saying sorry if it isn’t your fault will only embolden the receiver do have power over you. Some people apologize and really don’t mean it to get away with things. Apology can be a defensive reflex. My parents too don’t apologize. every time I am referred to as “You” after my name in a sentence.

I imagine saving and become an expatriate because being a retiree in the U.S with healthcare is crazy expensive

Honestly, Life is short. Best to enjoy life with fun and thrills. I feel my anxiety came from my mom. She is ultra anxious, and because of that, I was inhibited from getting to shop and more challenged trekking while traveling with her recently. She freaked out about getting pick pocketed. I ended up getting stuff stolen from the spa locker attendent, because she was impatient from waiting. i wanted to go hiking. It was stupid I got dragged in a tourist bus trap. i know things go wrong when I am rushed.

It feels like people like our parents who restrict us based on their own experience. We should remember we are not our parents. We are allowing to follow partly because of fear of consequences whatever they maybe. Lately, I want to do things out of the ordinary, and I am still young. This year I want to highlight the year with a bucket list fullfiled. If anyone objects, screw them.

Yeah that was mentioned too online about the dirty underwear. Rather funny that she went to such extreme to troll guys who would even watch her videos she posted on pornhub.