Stand_alone

I feel deep anger and pain again. It happens whenever I see this person who has hurt me and is stalking me. It is not avoidable in the online community. I wish it will go away. In a game when you can attack players, I am not allowed to in this group. I have a credo of attack anyone but friends who are in another group.

I am glad the site is back. Quite a scare. I think this my be the first post for me this year. As the very few know, I had a roller coaster ride dealing with an ex friend. Even to the point, I am getting stalked online. I blocked/ deleted her. I have assessed a lot from how I have been treated, and people matter the most to me. I value my time with those I have reciprocated relationships with, and support me. I am healing.

Only like the holidays for no work. I have to put up with family re-union tomorrow. Honestly, I have to put up with people in my family I don't do well with. I think it's wrong for someone to talk negatively about you in family gatherings. Especially big time jocks.

Christmas is a commercialized geared on mass spending. The 2nd Thanksgiving. Honestly, I am only spending on my immediate family and, a few people to show how much I appreciate them. Honestly, I am not spending on my cousins(except 1, ppl forget or don't bother that the 24 is his birthday) and aunts and uncles. I don't have money to spend on so many ppl. I even opted on this Secret Santa at work. Point of this holiday is about giving out of appreciation and kindness. Some think to much of what gift they are expecting.

Can't sleep

I think it is for the best. You have the right to cry. You seem to be young as you are in school. There will be someone who will love you more and will accept your faults as you will love and accept them. Marry someone who is committed.

I agree. Honestly, it should be my parents I should move away from. They can get toxic. I hear politics every morning. Right, now in a growing city gentrified at every region by greedy tech companies like Google and Apple, it is getting harder to live my own. It is becoming like SF. When I am living on my own what I want first is a pet dog.

From another post, I have to deal with the family reunion. People prying of what you are up to. I am not close to anyone. It's no fun I can't even get drunk because sometimes I get thrown as the driver. I use to like Christmas when I was a kid but it feels more of an obligation when grew older. My family decided not to decorate in the house.

Dec 24, the usual family Christmas party. Relatives congregated along with the relatives in law, hosted by my uncle. How do you do with the annual event? People prying. I think my cousin's husband is a d**k. Last time , I saw them he commented like like I am dressed up for church. I was wearing pants and sweater. They are from Vegas and like to drink.

I feel burnt out dealing with shitty people at work. I have crappy situations where you are taught then have to figure the rest. I don't know how to answer if it is beyond my department. Honestly, I feel the worst are rich people who are over entitled to get what they want, and they threaten you if they don't like how things are dealt.

I went to a Meet-UP at a Christmas event. I met nice people and had pizza. The Christmas event was not that well spectacular. The Christmas tree was a giant version of Charlie Brown's skinny tree. When lit up, it was over covered with white light bulbs. Not enough branches. Standing at the center, I was deafened by a kids choir singing their hearts off. Many people made squirmed faces.

I read today is Travel Tuesday. Typically Tuesday has always been the cheapest day to book and travel.

I wonder if there are Runs for even about mental awareness. There has always been Runs for X cancers. It seems the public don't take mental health seriously. Typically, most people want to talked about it or even associate with people who have a mental illness.

I feel some news is very depressing. Like reading about the expected annual income to live comfortably and life expectancy has dropped. Frankly, it feels unmotivating, and I feel I should live life as much I can then **** myself when I reached a certain age.

I still have this sense of loneliness. Mainly not having someone to talk to as a close friend or significant other. I had lunch with a friend yesterday but he is a flirt. Nice company, not a good choice to be in a relationship. I heard from him ppl from where we use to work. Some moved on doing ok, while others are not. I always feel something is wrong with me, most comes from my fear and insecurities. I have high anxiety. Tomorrow I am looking forward to see a friend who just came from her trip with her husband. I like hearing about the world.