Hello, I'm in need of some help here. I need advice on how to handle my current living situation.
I'm an 18 year old male (U.S.), and I feel like I have any control over my life. I was the kid who never had the chance to socialize. My parents have never allowed me to be in public unsupervised save once (when I was 17) by necessity. (I was homeschooled).
It stems from the fact that my parents are religious extremists. I'm not sure how much detail this site would allow, but suffice to say they are fundamentalist Christians who are absurdly homophobic and transphobic, etc. They've always lorded their religion over me, using fear as a tactic. (Citing times when a non-Christian died a horrible death, etc).
When I was 15, my mother discovered I was in a homosexual relationship online and threatened to tell my father and/or **** me if I didn't cease homosexual activities, which I did. Fast forward three years or so to present, and they've shot down every opportunity that would give me any freedom from them:
-Driver's License: There'd be too much insurance cost because I'm under age.
-Job Between School Periods: I should enjoy the last periods of childhood freedom.
-U.S Military: Mom got angry that she wasted time setting up college when I insisted all along this was what I wanted. She replied that she thought I was "just venting" and threatened me with my father's aggressive reaction until I caved. (I'm a huge pushover and I'm pretty afraid of both my parents.)
That takes us to present day with college degrees. Couldn't take Psychology; it's too "liberal". I couldn't take certain classes because my father doesn't like the word "culture" or the classes were in a building named after a "liberal reporter". Yesterday I learned I can't go for Art because a teacher is non-binary.
This is what prompted this post. Yesterday my dad gave me a speech about how I should hate homosexuals, trans people, etc. He confirmed that in his youth he would hunt down gay people and "beat the fear of God into them." Besides that, he mostly didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but it's left me uncomfortable. I've been mildly afraid for my life for years, but it's at a high point right now. His face as he talked about these things was quite terrifying. I was shaking during the discussion, which he noticed. I hope he considers me to have given the appropriate reactions.
I've wanted for years to find the fastest way out of here (which my mother has detected and reacted confrontational about), but all my options are closing off. Now my father is saying I should learn animation at home, but it could be years before I can move out then, if ever. My mother is asking me about a new major and pushing for that. But what if the next one I choose is shot down? If I'm going to have to wait four years to get any income, I'd prefer it to be something I care about. But how can I get income and move to a healthier place if they shut down every avenue? Living here and trying to blend in has been a clear drain on my mental state, and I'm not sure I could even manage the extra stress of college courses, as finishing low pressure home high school was hard enough. Frankly, I don't know how much longer I can survive here or how many more setbacks I can handle.
Sorry for long post, but I wanted to give some context to my situation. Does anyone have suggestions as to how I should move forward? I'm currently drawing a blank after the recent setbacks.