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FlashFlame23

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  1. Rant: Some days I just feel like I can't anymore. I can't deal with this. I messed up and almost stumbled on her news feed and I swear I saw a rumor about her. My fingers stung a bit because I punched the wall in anger because I want to be with her! Ugh! The stupid ****ing internet, and the stupid ****ing guys who get to be with her, **** life, I hate being afraid of going to bed because I know she's not there and trying to not think about her!
  2. I love that song too! Sometimes it helps get me through because if she's happy that's all I want.
  3. Thanks, I'm trying to keep my attitude on my CO positive. Yeah, I would never wish this feeling on anyone, and I'm pretty much just checking up on her and letting her talk about it, but honestly, it is a small crush, and nowhere even close to what I'm having and I thank god for that. I really hate the internet nowadays. I hate how people gush over my CO. I mean, it makes me feel a bit insecure because everyone wants to date her, but it also gives me hope. I'd be the one who without a second thought would hold her hair back as she threw up, because to me she's a person and not a object. If I was with her I'd be there when she's at her worst. And that gives me hope that maybe I could be with someone like her.
  4. I had a dream with my CO and I had never felt so happy. I picked her up in my arms, and kissed her neck, man, we were smiling so much. In the dream we actually also had an argument before we made up and went out for a date. I woke up feeling amazing, then I went to hang out with some friends and theeen....I realized the hole in my heart was still there, that lonely aching hole, and while it was filled for a little bit, now all of a sudden I felt alone in a huge crowd. The best I could do is ignore it, and I'm trying to, I know how hard it is.
  5. I can't stress enough how awesome this forum is. I was looking for help a few months back online and everyone thought I was some loner who didn't have a social life. I'm an athlete, I have many friends, I'm attractive, I have absolutely no problem with girls. If they met me, they would never assume I would be coming home longing for Scarlett, whom I can never have to fill the gap in my heart. I long to be the one to hold her hair back when she throws up, I'd protect her and take care of her, I would love her because she's so much more than her looks, and I wish I could heal any pain she has. I wish I could do all that. And this brings me to my point, these feelings are real. They are intense. I hope peeps here chat more with me, because I really like discussing this and letting out. No one in my life thankfully knows, only my sister knows I'm in love with my CO, we watched a movie with her a while back and I kept unintentionally smiling when my crush came, so it was kinda obvious. I obviously can't tell her what I'm going through, and my sis also has a celeb crush, and I've done everything in my power to make sure she doesn't get too attached and that she knows that celeb crushes are guidelines for real life romances. So every now and then I check up on her, and we discuss her celeb crush. She's completely fine and it's just a small crush, but I'm just making sure it doesn't spiral out of control like it did for me. I tell her the things I wish I could've heard while not making it a big deal at the same time. This very real feeling sometimes also just makes you feel weird, you know? I was in a room with friends and at the back of my mind I knew they'd all be weirded out if they knew what I was going through. I also haven't told my parents even though I've told them mostly everything that bothers me, but this one just...I'm pretty sure they'd laugh at first and then feel uncomfortable and be unsure how to deal with it. I casually mentioned it to a close friend, and he'd say I'd get over it. Which honestly never helps anyone get through anything, it kinda gets on my nerves when people say that as if the feeling you feel is irrelevant. And then I casually mentioned I was hoping to find someone like her, I was desperate deep down then for someone to tell me it was alright and my friend's a sweetheart, how was he supposed to know? Anyway he told me that I probably wouldn't find someone like her exactly, and in the process kinda put a nail in my heart un-intentionally. My mentor, bless her heart, told me EXACTLY what I needed to hear and saved me a lot of baggage. My mentor doesn't know the situation exactly, but she says knowing what you want 'physically' and 'traits you like' are NOT shallow, and that being a little bit picky and choosy is good when it comes to wanting a serious romance. She told me your partner should be the most beautiful person inside and OUT, because you should look at another person and think that no one would compare to your lover. I'm not making dating a priority but that's honestly that's how I'd feel if my CO was my SO and why I'll only consider serious dating if I meet someone like my CO. And I dgaf if people think I'm limiting my dating pool because of that, I don't care at this point because I REFUSE finding someone who's only going to be 2nd best every time.
  6. Guys, I have no clue how old some of you are. But I want a message of hope in case it's not too late. We can find someone who's like our CO and who makes us go: ''Pffff. My SO is hotter and so much better on the inside.'' I know this is SO ****ING HARD. I'm probably the youngest here so I don't have much experience but I'm keeping hope. I saw a girl who looks EXACTLY like a celebrity and has a great heart. My point is, there are people out there that are exactly like your CO and have a inner side that is beautiful and that will love you. I know what attracts me physically and personality wise and I will use that to find a girl in my life! Call me a hopeless optimist, but that's all I can be right now.
  7. I can kinda relate. I can relate to loathing my CO's exes and the actors who've kissed her. It makes me feel like , like...I'm watching the love of my life not being with me. I can't even look her up, I accidentally saw a photo of her and it just...Hurts so much. I like fantasizing about her, but at this point, it hurts too much to even think about her, I've tried lucid dreaming and I was hoping that would be a way to feel better. All I can say is that I hope I feel like this towards someone real, **** this. Someone who's like her but blows her out of the park. My favorite pics of my CO is when she's on the streets or at the gym without makeup. I guess it just makes me feel like she's a real person and that I can find a real person like her. Of course she's beautiful to me either way.
  8. I'm 16, yup. I'm glad to be around people who actually understand how real this feels. I've been trying to focus on the positive things, like how this crush helps me understand what traits I find attractive and stuff, and how rewarding it will feel to be with someone real I'm madly in love with (I'd be oh so appreciative, cause I know how having this unattainable crush feels). I've been telling myself essentially the same thing you said, and I do think I have a great shot finding true love! I could've dated in high school, but I'm waiting for college in Sweden. I'm just glad to just vent about my current feelings however to people who get what's going on with me.
  9. Hey, so I created this account for the sole purpose of venting out my situation after three years of thinking I'm nuts. I'm in love with this celebrity who plays this character that I absolutely am in love with. She's imperfect, but to me, she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen inside and out. I always had a crush on her for three years starting since I was 13 which was pretty normal for me back then, but recently the last few months since February it's gotten so much more intense. I keep imagining that I'm with her. That I can hold her, kiss her, love her, wake up to her. But then the fear that I can't be with that character, the fear I won't find someone like her. I mean, I woke up this morning, feeling numb and pretty much crying because I can never be with her. I''m not in love with the actress, but more of the character, but since the actress looks like the character and seeing her boyfriend by accident made me feel super sick, and then realizing she has a baby just hurt me, those are all things I would give anything to have with the character she plays. I keep telling myself: Dude, you'll find someone exactly like her, looks and personality wise! But, idk, it just hurts so much. She's a widely known celeb, and I hate that the whole world knows her and lusts after her, it just..Idk, it ****s me up. She's not mine but....I wish I could have a relationship with her, her imperfections and all. And the thought of her with other guys KILLS me. It hasn't ****ed up my day to day schedule. I still workout, am very healthy physically, and hasn't ruined my social life, I'm a well liked person, and I do have a lot of female friends. I hope I'll find someone like my celeb crush if not better.
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